New here and starting Topa and with a question

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey y'all -
Wow, such good stuff going on!! I've been busy lately and just barely reading, much less able to post something substantial. I promise I will!! I can't tell you how happy it makes me, like Sunny, to see us all posting again in a flurry. So much we all have in common, things to say & comment on...very good & therapuetic!!

Busy days at school and things going on many evenings that I check in here late and just don't have the time or energy to get into much detail. Suffice to say, so glad to see many people posting & thanks for your support on my feeling chubby~!! LOL The Scottish guy is still holding my attention and thinks I am quite attractive and fine. We met up at bar last night that was full of over 50s types. I was SOOOOO happy to have found this place. Great band, dancing, lots of people...the kind of place I might go to solo one day "just to see". But I was amazed at the women...guess I've not been out as much as I thought.

This is Texas and there is lots of big har and boobs, y'all...but Oh. My. God. Too many overly made-up women 55+ & over w/ their boobs overflowing camisole tops, too tight jeans stretched over too big butts...I felt like...I dunno...the vision of reason!! LOL Scottish guy continues to think I am beautiful, and that's hard to ignore. He drinks a fair amount himself, so I am going to just take it as it goes.

Ok - more details later along with comments to all you good friends soon! Love you all!

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh, Houtx, coming to visit soon, 56 and have gained 20 lbs in the last 3 years. I want to come and hang out at that place with you. I also dress conservatively, wondering if I should wear my boots with my skinny jeans. Never had boobs until I gained weight and wouldn't have them hang out because I think I look fat.
However, it must be nice to have something that thinks you are special. Just think, 2 weeks until vacation.
There appears to be several that know about the English weather, is it that depressing. I am glad I am in northern Ny with all its snow. We get exercise and a snow day.
Sun are you originally from Europe.
I am getting into the holidays. I am bringing out decorations that haven't been out in years. My Christmas this year will be my first away from my childhood home. I know, weird, 55 years of Christmas's in the house my father built. Mom is now gone and we are establishing new traditions, not better but new.
I have a elf on the shelf in my classroom, my students are thrilled. A new tradition.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there - well, we are in for some really bad weather ! Had freezing rain today and are expecting snow most of the night. Should be fun tomorrow going to work.

Hey there BK - love to hear that about your dog cuddling with you - my Maggie used to do that and I still miss her - she KNEW how I felt all the time ! Even though we have dogs now, they are not the same .... enjoy your pup !!!

I had a small slice of Christmas cake when I got home from work - it has turned out really well this year - some years it does and some it doesn't - this year it is good !

And re Guinness being heavy and me never drinking five - well, i have to admit that I have done on way more than one occasion ! I think I was weaned on the stuff and it really doesn't affect me that much, more is the pity. How are you doing with your trying to be AF this week - I am so impressed that you can do that!

Oh Houtx - I am so pleased that things are going well for you right now - I did laugh at your description of the ladies at the place you were at. You really do worry too much about what you look like and I hope that you can see that now !!!! You must let us know how things progress!

Well, I need to shower and hairwash - then get to bed - just checking in.

love and hugs to all,

Sun XXX

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx- you crack me up! Your adventure to the over 50 bar actually sounds fabulous! I like the idea of women being to true to who they are even if it maybe a bit over the top. I am sure TX women have a hand up on that. How fun. I am glad to hear you are giving the Scottie guy a chance. I bet he is at least fun to listen too. Never worry about when & if you post- we love you and will always be here waiting impatiently to hear for you HA!

Meggie- I know how you feel about feeling fat. I am 45 ALMOST- and have struggled with my weight all my life although I am lucky that I am a runner now so that keeps my weight in check although I can't eat WHATEVER I want but I can indulge here and there and drink and keep a decent figure. I like being slim tho and lately I have not been as regimented with my eating so I am classifying myself as curvy instead of fat. You should too. My butt always expands first which I hate!
The holidays are tough for me because I love Christmasie type food- gingerbread & peppermint. Mmmm

Sun- my little dog is actually 4. She is just a little dog. She is a bit of a princess around the house too. You know how that goes. But she is my little best friend. She loves me no matter what.
I was thinking about your Guinness & have a friend who orders snakebites I guess it's Guinness with a shot of hard cider in it. I did try it once but don't remember if I liked it. I think it is so great that you have scaled down with your drinking and remain here to cheer us on. You are awesome. I want to be like you when I grow up HA!

As for me- I have great news. My AF days are always numbered but last night I had an urge so I took my Nal and only ended up having 4 (2 at dinner then I opened a bottle at home) and I almost had to choke down the last one- even dumping some back into the bottle. I would normally pour it down the sink but I was so proud that I had 3/4 of a bottle of wine left last night it was kind of like a trophy. Really unheard of for me. If a bottle is open I drink the sucker. Mr. Bk drank more than me last night. He usually tries to control me by the amount he drinks- I think he has finally figured out that it doesn't work & him just being himself is much more beneficial to me then him trying to control me. I am a wild card- good luck with that Mr.Bk and we have only been married for 15 yrs. I think he is starting to finally get it. HA!
I am feeling a but silly & crazy today. I think I am happy I did not get drunk last night & I am feeling that self love I am striving so hard build within myself.

I am so much to do today yet I could sit here all day and read and post. I have 4 loads of laundry on my couch staring at me... I wish my doggies folded laundry.

Much love to all-

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh BK - you sound so good - it is lovely to hear! I did laugh at your comment to me :H However, I am back up to the amount of Guinness that I have always drunk! The amount that I started here 'cos I was worried about ! So in that respect I am not doing so well. The comment about being like me when you grew up though - that is what made me laugh!

And yes - I have a little magnet on the fridge that says "Lord, help me become the person my dog thinks I am" - they love us unconditionally don't they? They think we are the bees knees !! I am so happy that you have yours - they really make a difference in our lives.

I had vaguely heard of a snakebite (drink) but would never drink anything with cider in it - got drunk on it when I was about 19 and the smell of it still turns my stomach!

I am so happy for you re the drinking and the feelings that you had with it - that is wonderful - maybe the Nal is kicking in? are the SE's going away now that you have been on it for a little while?

Our weather is the pits today - we started with freezing rain, then had snow ... and it is so cold! Tomorrow we get a respite then it starts again on Sunday! Got to love living in the Midwest!

Hope everyone else is doing well - I am looking forward to the weekend and have made my lists (I SO love lists!!).

Love and hugs, sun XXX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bk, when I was your age I was the best shape of my life. wow, I was a 6 and was working out like crazy, I was so impressed with my muscles. That was my addiction ten years ago before the drink. I then started to drink, I liked the working out addiction better. oh, well, I am here, and drinking.
Sun, still working on the positive, and loving life, however, as with you, I love the positive feeling that the drink gives me.
Off to watch Christmas movies.

[Funny Girl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - sounds like everyone is doing well. I've been working like crazy & finally the Medicare annual enrollment will end tomorrow, so things will slow. I still have a backlog of people I've put off who are individual insurance buyers, wondering about the new Affordable Care Act plans here, so I'll still have a ton of work, but not at this frenzied pace.

Some of you know I've had my house on the market, but it hasn't sold. Lost my buyer -tried to work an unconventional way to keep her till she could actually close on a loan, but it didn't work out. very depressing. I may take it off the market over the winter - I'm just SOOOO Tired. . . . . haven't had a normal year (whatever that is) since 2010. Maybe it's time to just take a break. Lost my dad in 2011, and most of that year was taken up with logistics around the event and my own grief. Took 2 months to bury him at Arlington cemetery, since there's a backlog (due to war, I guess) - at any rate, it prolonged everything & delayed me moving on. Got into 2012, and then found out that everyone thought I had cancer, but couldn't get a diagnosis . . . .took almost all year to get an actual diagnosis. during the uncertainty was when I made this dumb decision to move . . . . . Awful decision. . . . .

This year (2013) thought I'd be able to work on correcting this moving mistake in the spring, but then had a big flood in the basement here in May & it took 2 months to demolish damage & rebuild. . .. so - here I am.

Maybe I should just give myself a few months off in the winter to regroup & maybe make a plan to make more money . . .I don't know. Like many here, I have not stopped drinking - also disappointing. I am still managing to drink about 5 drinks every evening. It's over a number of hours, but still a bummer that I just don't NOT do it. Tried the topa again awhile ago & couldn't tolerate it. May try again now that my work season is slowing. I hate to do that stuff when I have to be sharp & "all there".

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. . . . .just feel I'm stuck in more ways than one .. . .need to figure out how to move ahead again. Guess I may just be tired.

Love the story Houtx told about the bar . . .what a hoot! keep the funny posts coming. I do enjoy reading them, even if I don't have time to post & mention it.

Sun - I know you all were pummeled with the awful weather - we were lucky & missed it - although it's horribly cold - I think it's supposed to be 3 degrees tomorrow when we wake up - Joy! Stay warm.

Goodnight everyone!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

FG - hi there - good to see you. I am sorry that things are going so badly for you right now - but, you do have a roof over your head - even if it isn't the one that you really want - our temps are 8 degrees right now and I am SO grateful for my home ! I think your putting the 'trying to sell right now' on the back burner is a good idea - try again in the spring at a better time.

I also understand the drinking every day thing - I was thinking about trying L-Glut again - it really helped me when i tried it before. I am not sure how, but it does help! I found I just didn't want to drink when I took it but had to be religious about taking it. Have you tried it?

And rambling is good - sometimes that is how we see things that we didn't see before - at least you are trying to think about how to move ahead. Accept today for what it is and don't worry about tomorrow. I love the saying at the end of my post - about only being happy now. It is SO true !

Just come back and keep rambling - maybe BK or Dizzy or someone might have some better words of wisdom than me. We are a smart bunch here.

Hi there Meggie - good to hear from you too. Enjoy those Christmas movies - they are feel good things too! I LOVE "it's A Wonderful Life" - has to be my favourite of all time for Christmas movies!

Anyway I will be in and out this weekend, getting ready to take one of the dogs to the groomers .... then have to get some odds and ends for Christmas. Then I think I will tidy some cupboards! I always feel good after doing that - I think it is 'cos it gives me some sort of control feeling ! Ha ha ha

Have a great day everyone, Hugs, sun XX

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

"Lord, help me become the person my dog thinks I am" I am not sure how to do the cute little blue quotie thing so I just copied it.

Hi all!
What is going on??

Sun- that is the funniest thing I have heard for awhile. I may use it as my tag line. So cute.
I haven't checked the weather in your neck of the woods- how are you holding up? It's been super cold to me anyway here. I have been making out to run but ooooooooo chilly.
How was your weekend?

Meggie- you scared me. I am sooooo hoping my exercise addiction kicks back in. I have started gain a few pounds back. I am a dessert kinda gal and the holiday baking is one of my favorite things to do. I like being a size 6 myself but have ventured back up to 8-10. I was doing so well but like I said it is mostly my eating that gets me. Well and the beer. If I stay away from sugar usually I can get away with my binge drinking although obviously I know it's not good. I cannot however quit drinking and eat sweets. Funny how we try things just in case.

Hi Fun- sounds like you are going thru a lot right now. I think 5 drinks over period of time is actually good but you have to be where you are comfortable. I used to be like that then my husband & started really having some issues so I started getting flat out drunk. Now we are dealing with those issues and I am reverting back to a more stable drinker. Hope to hear more on how you are soon.

I love Christmas time - this year anyway:disco: gotta love the disco HA!

I had a decent weekend with my progress on Nal. I had 4 drinks TH, 8-10 drinks F, 3.5 S- I am happy with that. I will shoot for an AF week but I feel I may end drinking. My goal for this week and weekend is to stay under 6 drinks when and if I do drink.
Take care all!:l

[Is_there_any_hope ?]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

For some reason the topic on this thread have switched quite long time ago from Topamax/ Topiramate discussion as a proven med to fight AL addiction (my own past experience) into a purely off topic type of social thread

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there - GAH ! I have been having internet trouble - don't you just HATE that? I have finally sorted it though (obviously - LOL). but there is that underlying moment of panic that you won't be able to fix it !!

ANYWAY - it is fixed and I am good! I shall try to catch up on my e-mails and other stuff now.

BK - to do the quote thing - all you do is click on the "quote" at the bottom of the post that you want to quote from - it comes up in a new window that you then write your post in ! if you don't want the whole post, the only way that I know of to just do some of it is to delete what you don't want - making sure that you leave the 'quote ' bit and the words that say that ... if you follow .... LOL !!

Yes, I LOVE that saying about the dog - I think someone bought it for me ages ago. But it is SO true. I had my Maggie at the time and we were joined at the hip. As she got older and then got sick, I wouldn't even go away anywhere in case it exacerbated her illness .....

The weather here was positively balmy today - highs of 30 - which is amazing from what it has been. It has been in the teens (low) in the mornings - and when it is windy, it is even worse! But we haven't had any more snow or ice which is good.

I never had an exercise addiction - but like the sounds of both of you, am fairly slim. Plus my work these days keeps me very strong and fit ! So I do not need to exercise additionally thank goodness.

Good for you BK with having a plan for the drinking .... and it sounds as if it is beginning to work. I think as long as we are aware of it, then that is a great step to take ..... anything and everything helps!

DIZZY - where are you and how are you ? SPACE, come back ...... we are worried about you. Please just pop in and say hi ? Both of you .......

Off to sort e-mails and other stuff.

love and hugs to all,

Sun XXX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

BK - to do the quote thing - all you do is click on the "quote" at the bottom of the post that you want to quote from - it comes up in a new window that you then write your post in ! if you don't want the whole post, the only way that I know of to just do some of it is to delete what you don't want - making sure that you leave the 'quote ' bit and the words that say that ... if you follow .... LOL !!s

Cool, always wondered how that worked. There must be a way to highlight and quote the small amount. I just wanted to see if it works.
Sun, if there is an addiction, be it smoking, exercise, or drinking, I find it. I wish I would get back to the exercise part. What do you do that gives you such a workout?
I had the most excellent counseling session. I thought she would ask about drinking, how much the same thing, guilt, guilt.
I have been researching PTSD and asked if she thought I had it. She asked questions and believes that I do. I excited because she is going to have me work with a therapist that deals with my fears related to the PTSD.
I pray I get to the place that you are Sun. I am trying so hard to make a life of peace for myself. I am so tired I can't tell if it is because of my session.
Good night to all. Sun, watching your weather, terrible.

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ok, discovered something interesting

Yes BK, I have a cat called Max, Maxamaui for long. He is most adorable but in Cape Town. He is a big ginger glutton that likes to hunt but when I pick him up (like a baby) he just melts into my arms and purrs. He was a rescue and I got him at 6 weeks so he 'suckled' on me during the night the first 3 months.

People say cats don't care but this little buster sure did after my 6 month absence. For a month (I was back home for 6 months due to visa issues), he followed me around like he was afraid I might disappear. He also suckled on my clothes whenever I was lying down. I miss him to bits but don't think he'll fit in the UK. He has hunted rabbits and other pets so I'm not sure. Also like me, he loves the sun. I think it may be better off with my brother on the semi-farm.

So for those of you lacking energy, I've discovered vitamin D3 5000 ig gel caps. It definitely lifts the mood and gives energy, but I now sometimes get insomnia, so I guess I should cut down. Worth a try though if you lack energy in winter.

Hugs to all.

D

XXX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Loving the posts - too much to comment on here & now...Promise I will in the next few days. Everyone seems to be doing relatively well & that's good! I am hoping my last date with Scottish guy was this past weekend. He drank way more than I did at his company Cmas party - I drove us home to my place & he slept in my son's room. Next morning, we discovered his car had been towed!! UGH - just a brief summary of how annoying it all was -

Happy Cmas season to everyone - loving it! And wondering where Space is!!

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi ladies!

Meggie~ thank you for the info on the quote dealio. It seems we are very similiar in our addictive nature. I think counseling is the best thing for us because I think we use alcohol as a coping mech or numbing factor. I would be very interested to hear more about what you learn of PSTD. I agree with you that worrying about our weight can be something for later after we beat the drink but I am an extremest unfortunately... got be going full blast with my hair on fire.

Dizzy~ good to see you. I am glad you have a fur friend there to be with you. I may have to try your D3. I am experiencing some tireness after taking the Nal. You sound a bit better. How are you feeling?

Sun~ you are just that "sunshine" and mark such a positive attitude here. I love that you have become so comfortable with who you are. It makes me believe that its in my very near future.

As for me~ I was not planning to drink yesterday but I got my hair done yesterday and it took an extra long time because she couldn't quite the color right so I ended up with a glass of wine there and then met up with some friends afterward. I didn't eat so that was not good. I kept my intake around 6 but felt drunk quickly because of not eating. I feel a little queasy today. I wish I could stay in bed all day and watch movies. Something I must keep in check.
I was thinking about what my function was and I remember looking into the mirror at the salon thinking about how ugly and old I thought I looked. Obviously some old wounds that I need to deal with because I'm a pretty ok person and NO ONE is ugly. I am trying to rewire old negative thoughts I have toward myself but sometimes its just plain hard.
I am getting better about not beating the crap out of myself for drinking. But sometimes when I look in the mirror I guess I just don't like what I see. When I look into my kids eyes... I see something completely different. I love what I see reflect back to me from them.
I am feeling scared today that I will never beat my addictive nature. I think it is natural to feel this way and am going to accept it, feel it and hoping it will get better. I am just finishing up my monthly which lends emotions to my state. I hate that.

I haven't eaten much today so I am going to try eating something and try to pull myself out of my little funk.

:l:l:l