New here and starting Topa and with a question

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I just came back from the dentist and cannot feel my face. Thanks, Novacaine. Do you know how hard it is to smoke a cigarette when YOU CANNOT FEEL YOUR FACE?

[Otter]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I went to the dentist when I was about 20 and had my wisdom teeth removed under general anaesthetic. I went home and took some pain killers and went to bed. I got up after a bit of a sleep and went to the toilet.

The next thing, I found myself in a very odd place. I was upside down with my legs up in the air and my head shoved up against something. My body was crunched up like I was being held in the cup of a big hand. I opened my eyes and everything was a pink blurr with a light shining at me from above. I had a painful feeling in the back of my head.

I figured I had died and I was in heaven.

After a few seconds had passed I tried to move and realized I was wedged into something and there was plastic all over me. Then I realized I had passed out and fallen backward into the bathtub and the shower curtain had come down on top of me. I had hit my head against the wall and was wedged into the bathtub.

:nutso:

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

StuckinLA;1642079 wrote: I just came back from the dentist and cannot feel my face. Thanks, Novacaine. Do you know how hard it is to smoke a cigarette when YOU CANNOT FEEL YOUR FACE?

LOL Stuck - join the club re the dentist - I went on Monday and had a wisdom tooth removed !! So yes, I am familiar with the numb face - but not smoking the cig - it is now two weeks since I had one ..... although I have been using an e-cig - one of the vape ones but didn't even think about trying to puff on it !

LOL Otter .... hope you were okay!!

Still feeling really good - it is wonderful when one has been feeling ill and then feels better !!!

hugs, sun XXX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi, all. Between the puppy, her biting, crazy behavior and not catching her fast enough for the bathroom, and dealing with the health of a friend. I am going crazy, I just want to find peace. I haven't been to the gym because I want to be home to take over the care of the pup. She bit my husband on the nose. He has started being mean to her. He thinks she is wild, I am not sure he even likes her. So frustrated with him but I am not the one dealing with her all day.
As for my friend, she is in a coma, all her organs are shut down. so sad. So what do I do but drink more. I should be terrified for myself. I know God is telling me this will be you if you don't stop.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all - More this weekend! Pollen and crap around here has been stopping me up and making me miserable during the night. Still...

Meggie - SOOOOO sorry about your friend! Tragic and so hard for you and those who loved & cared for her. I hope people don't stand around and talk about how bad a drunk she was on various occasions, the writing was on the wall, etcetcetc...UGH Who knows the conversations
might be

Please stand up for your friend with the "she lived her life out loud" theme. No one wants to go down as being an alcoholic loser.

And I'm going to cut this post short. Have been interrupted too much, etc.

Later!

[gumtree]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everyone,

Well first off, Topa stuff for the Topa thread. Had some luck with my insurance coverage! My doctor faxed in a new script to resolve the issue even though she couldn't fit me in to see her (meaning she did this without pay), and now I'm covered up to 200mg a day. So started back at 125mg yesterday....

Decided I will keep titrating up 25mg per week as the book suggests unless I have SE. I AM a bit worried that the memory issue could hit around exam time in two weeks.....so if I'm having any kind of dopey issues will stay steady with my dose until they resolve.

I have been feeling pretty sleepy the last couple of days, but I did in the end take half an antabuse on Wednesday afterall, and I think it affects me this way the first day or so. I decided I couldn't count on my willpower to go AF, and I really needed some back to back AF days since my drinking was increasing due to combined back pain and PMS - lethal combo.

Soooooo, this means no vino for me until Sunday. A dry Friday and Saturday. Should be interesting!!

I'm curious how the newer topa users are doing? any feedback or questions? I've been on Topa for 2 months now BTW.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all. Sorry to hear about your friend, Meggie. Stay strong - for yourself, of course.

And everybody else, keep on keeping on. Sun, so proud that you're still off the cigarettes!

Day 5 AF for me today. Not sleeping well and massive anxiety even this morning. Couldn't sit still, kept trying to tap my feet and that sort of jittery bullsh*t. Did work a little bit today, and cleaned and did laundry and got groceries. Now at midnight I've been trying to write for about the last hour or so, but oh yeah, just found out my exGF - the one I went to New Orleans with in December - is engaged. WTF. That kind of shot concentration right out of the water and I think I'm just going to roll over, put a pillow over my head, and try to sleep.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all. Sorry to hear about your friend, Meggie. Stay strong - for yourself, of course.

And everybody else, keep on keeping on. Sun, so proud that you're still off the cigarettes!

Day 5 AF for me today. Not sleeping well and massive anxiety even this morning. Couldn't sit still, kept trying to tap my feet and that sort of jittery bullsh*t. Did work a little bit today, and cleaned and did laundry and got groceries. Now at midnight I've been trying to write for about the last hour or so, but oh yeah, just found out my exGF - the one I went to New Orleans with in December - is engaged. WTF. That kind of shot concentration right out of the water and I think I'm just going to roll over, put a pillow over my head, and try to sleep.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WELL ! It seems that most of us are struggling one way or another ..... but then we wouldn't be here if we weren't.

Meggie - I understand how you are feeling - you would have thought seeing my friend die of Al related stuff 5 years ago would have been enough to stop me in my tracks - but we don't think we are as bad - or we think that we will stop - .....one day. So I do understand why it is all making you drink more - it is your escape. Pleasse see if you can find time for the gym - or something to help YOU telax, apart from the AL. the puppy is not helping either - it is very young to expect it to be housetrained - it will take a while yet and you and huibs have to decide if you have whatever it takes to deal with it - also is the biting actual biting - as in mean biting or is it just puppy mouthing and playing ....? Maybe you can take the pup to a trainer for some help?

Houtx - sorry about pollen and stuff - don't antihistamines help you? A friend of mine takes her Zyrtec at night instead of in the am. Anyway - how are things going apart from that?

Hey Stuck - go you on day 5 AF. That is wonderful. Sorry that you are feeling so upset about the exG getting engaged ? Why is that? Do you still have real feelings for her? What is happening with your current g'f and her maybe moving in? Hang in there with the AF and the ensuing anxiety - does it go away eventually?

And hi there Gum - that is great news about your doc prescribing the Topa - yes, just keep going with it - I did !! And go you for taking the AB even though you knew that you wouldn't be able to drink when you went out. THAT was very strong of you I think!

I have gone downhill since I had my wisdom tooth out - felt great the next day but then have felt steadily worse each day - at work yesterday had rolling nausea and cold sweats - it felt like the worlds worst hangover - but although I had had a couple, that was it !!! So yesterday I had none - to be honest the thought of AL made me feel sick! So I am going to take this opportunity to stop .... again. The smoking is fine, so I need to work on the AL ..... am going to try to eat better too - I have to get to feeling better soon !!!

And on that note, have to get going on my list of things to do !! Have a great weekend everyone,

hugs, sun XXX

[gumtree]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Happy Saturday all,

Sun, hope you are feeling better soon, what is going on, maybe an infection from the dental work?? That really sucks that you were feeling so great only to crash like this I hope you have time this weekend to rest and recoup. Rest is when we heal after all.

Houtx, looking forward to hearing more when you have time- re:dating etc.......you usually have so many stories!!

Stuck, I'd say you and your ex both moved on pretty fast, her with the engagement, and you with the new GF and plans with her move in this summer....but wow, just 3 months and she's engaged? Hard not to be affected, but you seem to already know it wouldn't have worked with her so am sure you'll rationally move past even if emotionally you're stuck in the mire of it a bit. It's always hard to let go of exes, even the ones we hate, irony of life.

Meggie, ditto on Sun's advice, is there any way you can get some help with the pup? Like someone to exercise or train her or doggy day care to wipe her out so she's less demanding? Then you'd have some time for you? I had a 6 month old puppy once that was wearing me down, so spent a bit of money to take him to a doggy day care. His playing all day wore him out, and then he was much more manageable.

I had a BORING dry Friday night. Usually hubby and I chat about our week having a few drinks, and stay up later than usual, watch a movie maybe. I just couldn't do it without the wine, went to bed at 9 to end my misery... But slept amazingly well, and no hangover on a Saturday morning, which is a pleasant novelty. Now hubby and I are getting ready to go to the gym together (my idea). We haven't done this in over a year am sure. So progress maybe??

I've been gradually switching my topa dose from split am/pm to a full evening dose to avoid the daytime sluggishness. Yesterday had only 25mg in the am, and 100mg at 7pm. May be why I went to bed so early and slept like a log. Tonight will be trying the full 125mg dose at 7pm.

Another challenge tonight, out for dinner with the girls (this was supposed to be last night but got bumped to tonight). They'll be drinking wine for sure.....But I'm determined to wait until tomorrow night d/t my AB on Wednesday, plus I don't like to drink and drive even on a little bit while mixing topa and wine, maybe overly cautious, but that's just me.....

Have a great rest of weekend everyone. Try and do something that you like

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sunshinedaisies;1643012 wrote: Hey Stuck - go you on day 5 AF. That is wonderful. Sorry that you are feeling so upset about the exG getting engaged ? Why is that? Do you still have real feelings for her? What is happening with your current g'f and her maybe moving in? Hang in there with the AF and the ensuing anxiety - does it go away eventually?
Uh, yeah the anxiety and the sleeping do get better, eventually.

Not really upset about the ex getting engaged - she was married for the first year I was 'dating' her so not like it really matters. It's just a shock. Haven't talked with her much since Xmas and we aren't close anymore, really. Like I said, a shock is all.

gumtree;1643025 wrote: Stuck, I'd say you and your ex both moved on pretty fast, her with the engagement, and you with the new GF and plans with her move in this summer....but wow, just 3 months and she's engaged? Hard not to be affected, but you seem to already know it wouldn't have worked with her so am sure you'll rationally move past even if emotionally you're stuck in the mire of it a bit. It's always hard to let go of exes, even the ones we hate, irony of life.

We stopped dating about 4 years ago, and I've had 1 long-term girlfriend since (lasted 2 years almost, ended, jeez, I don't even remember when it ended, maybe 2 years ago now?). I just don't let go of *anything* easily. As far as moving quickly, well as of December she was sleeping with random dudes several nights a week and basically making a mess of herself and seriously unhappy about it. So going from that to engaged is pretty quick - but whatever, I hope it works out for her. I do think she should be happy, she deserves that much.

As for me, yeah the new girl's moving out here this summer, it looks like. I think it will be good. We had the talk about her moving, and she said that she's already decided that wherever I end up Fall of 2015 with a post-grad-school job, she wants to move there. So no sense stringing this along for another year and a half. May as well move in together now, since neither of us are getting any younger and if the relationship's going to fail it's best if it fails soon. Or, well, if it works out there's that too, and I'd hate to think about all the time wasted being apart.

I *do* like this girl. A lot. And she's very good for me and she seems to love me very much. I hate to sound all down on this, it's just that I've been feeling pretty emotionally flat (dead) for a long time now, and so don't trust my assessment of my own feelings. I don't even remember what 'love' or even the moth-to-the-flame passion I had with the ex feels like.

Fake it 'till you make it, right?

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank you everyone for the advice. Yes, Sun, I think I haven't been drinking as long, etc, etc. Talked with my counselor and she seems to think I should look at rehab in the summer. Has anyone ever tried it. I have been hiding my drinking from my husband and I know he knows. He will make a big deal about me going and it will be mean. I don't know why I stay with him.
As for my friend, no liver transplant to a drinker . Her liver is too bad for a family transplant. Wow, what are we doing to our bodies. I need to stop, it is eight pm and I am waiting to drink. I have quit for years. I say to myself, you have only been drinking since 2005 not even ten years. I always drank wine, quit for a year and half, then went to gin. quit in 2011 for a half year. Wow, soon it will be daily drinking of gin, no break. for 3.5 years.
What a thing I have done to myself. My counselor said this may be bigger then me. Is it,
Houtx, people are saying all those things that you are saying, she deserves it for drinking, she did it to herself. All those heartless things that could be said about us.
People are so mean, would they say all this about a diabetic that is fat and eats lots of sweets.
So frustrated. Thanks for listening.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Meggie. Hang in there, honey. My mom was like that, too. Wine in the evenings. Then gin. Then wine and gin. And gin all day on the weekends. I don't really remember how long it was really bad, but it was a while. Anyway she quit for 17 years and is drinking wine again now. I hate the 'journey' and 'process' words, but sometimes they feel kind of true.

Have you thought about out-patient rehab? It's mostly classes and meetings, from what I know of it, and you're home at night and you can work I think. I looked at it a while back, but when you check yourself out of a hospital detox AMA you're not eligible anymore. Something about being 'noncompliant'.

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I will ask my counselor about it. Do they make you do detox before? How old is your Mom and how long has she been drinking again? I am reaching out for help with a counselor, my doctor and have been honest about my drinking which may kill any chances for life insurance.
just got off facebook with a cousin, she was in rehab and left because her young son wasn't dealing with it. You thnk your family was functional and you find out about all sorts of sexual abuse. I am blown away.

[gumtree]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Meggie,

I think in-patient rehab depends on the program you go to (they're not all created equal), personal motivation, and the support you have from friends and family. For me it was a fantastic experience six years ago - it really really helped.

I was highly motivated though, and my spouse and family were supportive (eventually). What led up to it was my hubby giving me an ultimatum to get my drinking under control. He didn't want me to quit, since he enjoyed drinking with me, but he wanted the nasty side of it gone and the hiding and lying to stop. Easier said then done right?

At first I tried the out-patient stuff, evenings and classes like Stuck said so I could still work. They convinced me I needed to quit, not just cut down. My family, friends and husband all thought that was an overreaction. huh. but anyhow, I really thought I should quit - even if only for a year - but couldn't manage it with out-patient. Would go to a group, then on my way home stop to buy wine. doh. I would string some AF days together, gritting my teeth, sometimes would manage a whole week, and then slip again. This went on for six months.

So eventually they suggested I go for in-patient, since out-patient wasn't enough for me. I felt like a failure, and in-patient scared the crap out of me. But I went for it. One of the best decisions I've ever made. I went for a 4 week program where I stayed overnight during the week and was home on weekends. There was an 8 week stretch of out-patient counselling leading up to this 4 week program where I had to stay sober or get kicked off the list. And they did urine tests to make sure you were clean during this 8 week time.

My quit date back then was the latest I could keep drinking to not get a positive on my first urine test. Believe me I did some googling on that lol!! I needed that enforcement though, nothing else would work for me back then, and no one, not the counselors or doctors ever suggested antabuse back then. So for 3 months, once a week, I had to pee in a cup. Humiliating, but effective.

The actual inpatient stuff was intense. Lots of counseling, one-on-one and group. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, meditation etc. Gentle exercise, good food to up your nutrition. Plus it was in the country. I went for a run every morning to help with my crazy anxiety.

But imagine, no cooking to do, no cleaning, no job, no dog duty, no husband. Just your brain to work on. Honestly, it was like a holiday for me. And I came back feeling pretty in control. Not perfect, but I had a plan, and support. Some people there who weren't functioning alcoholics saw it as a "jail" since they weren't used to doing much in their normal lives', and we had a loaded schedule - but those of us who had jobs and families and homes to maintain saw it as a break, an escape from all of that pressure.

I'm in Canada - so I didn't have to pay - I hear these places can be thousands. Is it covered by your insurance? It did suck to have on my medical record honestly - as in I couldn't get life insurance for our home. But seriously, what's more important, life insurance, or our life?? And I didn't want my work to know about it, so took a semester off from teaching (that's what I was doing back then) - took a another job that allowed for flexibility. Wasn't easy fitting it in, but it was worth it!!

sorry for the novel, just thought I'd give you a positive view xo