New here and starting Topa and with a question

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks stuck. I do feel better now that I am on thyroid medication. I am just really tired and waiting to be able to be my usual ADHD. I need to get my classroom in order and other things in life. Thank you for caring.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ah hell. Was just trying to make it through the day without resorting to benzos, maybe not get completely drunk and taper off a bit, try again for an AF day tomorrow. But there's something about a road paved with good intentions leading somewhere unpleasant. I drank a little this morning when I got up, and that held me over until the afternoon. Then drank a few beers and went for a walk. That was ok. Came down to the bar planning on having 3 shots and 3 beers - just enough to close out my tab with a credit card - and planning to grab 2 tall beers to take home. But well, what can I say. Sitting at the bar 2 shots & beers in, and it just isn't working very well. I feel more shakey and anxious than I did before. One way or another, there will be some AF days coming up real soon. Wrote several paragraphs this morning, but I can't get much work done like this.

So Meggie, what all have you got to do for your classroom? I helped a friend of mine set up her 3rd grade room once, and it seemed like a lot. I'm not very organized generally though, so everything seems like a lot to me. I'm sure you'll get into it and be done before you know it. When do your classes start? Mine start the 25th but I have 2 days and an evening of orientation-type crap next week. Not looking forward to it.

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh, it takes several hours in class and out to get ready. Setting up the classroom, bulletin boards, putting out their books, lesson plans, name tags. I think it takes an average of 20 hours. We are not given any time to do this before our first day.
Stuck, what are benzos and what do they do for you? I have never drank in the morning or afternoons. I haven't had a drink outside the house for years. I only drink in the evenings at about 8.
I hope with the death of Robin Williams that there will be more compassion for we that drink and the demons that haunt us. I see many people angry with my friend for her illness.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Benzos = benzodiazapine, a class of prescription drugs including Valium, Xanax, and Ativan. They are basically the pill equivalent of alcohol. They calm you down (and work super well), and alleviate the effects of alcohol withdrawal. I am (I think) very careful with them because 1) I don't want them to stop working and 2) I don't want to get hooked on them under any circumstances. They are even worse than alcohol to try to get off of. Anyway, 1/2 of a pill is generally enough for me, and only once in a while when I feel a total panic attack coming on. I avoid them otherwise and almost never take them if I've been sober for any length of time.

That sucks they don't give you time to set up your room. My classroom this year is crap - it's the same crap room they use for all the classes in the honors program I'm teaching in - but at least there's nothing to set up. I'll have to set up my office a little bit though. God, I am so looking forward to having an office again this year. Just to get out of the house and have somewhere to work - I can't sit still and get comfortable in coffee shops, and they're too crowded anyway, and while I can get a surprising amount of work done at the bar it's not as productive as I need to be. The office is great, especially at night and on the weekends, and while I'll be sharing it with 3 or 4 other people, no one is around in the off hours. Ahhhh, bliss.

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So you teach high school or college courses. I have been in my room for about 12 hours and have a good start to it. I need to do some research on some ideas, I feel like I am in a rut. I need to do some new things.
I gather my office is my room. I love being in it and it is my bliss. You may have told us but are you a grad assistant and working on your doctoral degree? I gather I don't want to get into benzos.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

College. I teach college writing. And yes, I am a grad student working on a doctorate. And no, you don't want to get into benzos if you can avoid it.

Glad to hear your room is coming into form, and also that you feel comfortable there. That's super super important.

[spiritwolf333]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

StuckinLA;1693065 wrote: Ah hell. Was just trying to make it through the day without resorting to benzos, maybe not get completely drunk and taper off a bit, try again for an AF day tomorrow. But there's something about a road paved with good intentions leading somewhere unpleasant. I drank a little this morning when I got up, and that held me over until the afternoon. Then drank a few beers and went for a walk. That was ok. Came down to the bar planning on having 3 shots and 3 beers - just enough to close out my tab with a credit card - and planning to grab 2 tall beers to take home. But well, what can I say. Sitting at the bar 2 shots & beers in, and it just isn't working very well. I feel more shakey and anxious than I did before. One way or another, there will be some AF days coming up real soon. Wrote several paragraphs this morning, but I can't get much work done like this.

Stuck -you sound so very lucid and make so many great points and comments that I find it hard to believe that you are functioning so well drinking the way that you describe. Yes, I know, you are not promoting drinking as a solution to anything and you want to be af again.

I think that I have traveled a similar road to yours in the past and found it to be the purest form of hell a human can travel (of course, you already know this). Even though you have been quite the arsehole to me. just damn, you have so much freaking ability to help others, its amazing.

Whatever Stuck -I just hope you find your own and keep giving to others. I enjoy reading many of your posts and know that you are helping others. I would hate to see that disappear.

SW

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Nice to see you here Spirit wolf ..... I hope that you are being nice to Stuck when you say what you said - I couldn't quite decide ......

Sun

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question



No I'm sure Spirit was being nice. And he's absolutely right, I *have* been a complete ***hole to him in the past. We have our differences, he and I, but at the end of the day we are here for the same reason - to help others and to help ourselves, or, as Joe Connelly said in his novel Bringing Out the Dead, help others and you help yourself.

And it is nice to see you here, Spirit. I was just going to mention on the changing treatments thread that I hadn't seen you around in a while. Hope you're doing OK.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay - I had no idea one way or the other - I just saw him possibly attacking our Stuck - which is NOT ON !!!!!! But if you are okay with it Stuck then so am I. So I will step down - LOL

[spiritwolf333]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sunshinedaisies;1693928 wrote: Okay - I had no idea one way or the other - I just saw him possibly attacking our Stuck - which is NOT ON !!!!!! But if you are okay with it Stuck then so am I. So I will step down - LOL

Sun -please allow me to assure that I am not attacking Stuck. Yes we have had our differences and that's ok, but we both truly are both here for the same purpose -to help ourselves and to help others. And all that I have read and know about Stuck, he helps a lot of people and does not pretend to be something that he is is not. (Except when he is writing his fiction work -lol).

Thank you for your post.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

spiritwolf333;1693914 wrote: Whatever Stuck -I just hope you find your own and keep giving to others. I enjoy reading many of your posts and know that you are helping others. I would hate to see that disappear.

Nah, don't worry about that, I'm not going anywhere. I've heard from too many people on the threads and in PMs that the struggling threads are more helpful than the AF threads, and that my posts in particular are helpful. I know that sounds egotistical as f**K, and you've rightly called me out on being egotistical here in the past, Spirit, but if we're completely honest I know I'm a good writer, and I know I'm able to articulate my experience in a way that others identify with. So no, I am not advocating alcohol as a solution, and I'm not pretending to be something I'm not, but I will continue to post my experience whether it be drunk, sober, or on baclofen. And I will trust that what I say might be helpful to someone out there.

I am imagining that we'll no doubt have our spats again, Spirit, as that seems to be the nature of the beast. Maybe because I've had a few beers (I have, but I'm not drunk drunk), but I also would like for you to know that I respect you as a person and I respect your humanity, and I recognize that you're going through this same shit as I am and that makes you my brother. I do hope you're doing well out there. Take care.

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well, hello all. So happy to have another helping voice. I can use all the friends and help I can get. Spirit, I look forward to knowing you. I have found laughter in Houtx and Stuck's post and I have found a hugs from Sun.
I agree, we are all here to learn and give support. I, however, have been getting more then getting. But that may change as I continue to visit.

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well, guys, I am visiting but no one is here.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yeah, I was at a godforsaken teacher orientation Monday and yesterday, and trying to keep my drinking under control. It's not working very well, and I'm tired of the in-between where drinking increases my anxiety because I know I shouldn't be drinking. I can get to a point where everything's "fine" but it takes a while and the process sucks, and then the next day is just the whole thing over again. I need a break for a couple days or something.

Hope you're getting your room ready and everything's going OK, Meggie.