New here and starting Topa and with a question

[StuckinLA]

Hey everybody.

Sunny, I don't mind her expecting me not to drink, I guess. I mean, just on the practical side I don't have any money. So if I drink it's all going on credit cards. And I don't have any job prospects yet, so very soon here she's going to have to support me, more or less. And she is willing to do that for a little while, but she certainly won't be supporting my drinking or even wanting to pay the rent for both of us if I'm drunk. So yeah, it's a little annoying that there's this 'rule' or whatever, but the drinking was really, really out of control anyway. So a break is a good thing even if it doesn't feel all that wonderful.

Anyway, that's about it here. Hope you're all having a good week.

[meggie]

Have you been able to not drink and not cheat? If so, I am proud of you. My daughter is looking for teaching jobs. Got to get her out of our state. It is gotten really bad. This week with the tests were a joke, the kids didn't work like they usually do. These test are crazy. I stayed home today because I didn't feel well. I wonder why.

[StuckinLA]

Sorry you're not feeling well today - but glad you got to have a day off from the tests. Been reading quite a bit about all that lately, some tens of thousands of parents have opted out nationwide. Good for them.

I was doing really well AF for a little over 2 weeks. I mean, not exactly 'well' but I was doing OK. I just get really down, and everything is so emotionally flat and I have zero sex drive when I'm not drinking. But overall I was all right. The girl went out of town for the weekend to visit her brother and brand-new baby nephew. On my way home from dropping her off at the airport, of course I picked up liquor. Drank a bit here and went out to the bar, and ended up actually getting pretty drunk pretty quickly, though I didn't eat dinner either.

Anyway, I'm taking advantage of her not being here, since the drinking won't bother her if she's not around it (and she doesn't necessarily need to know). And no - I haven't cheated either. Which, well, I don't know if it's because of any kind of new-found devotion/morality/maturity or just because I don't have the energy to go out and find somebody to cheat with... Either way, it's working out.

[houtx770]

Stuck - the fact you can just suddenly go AF for 2 weeks kills me. Of course if she goes away, you're going to indulge! I dunno what else to say. I'd do the same thing. Each of us has our own reality about our drinking and desires to moderate or quit. Not too many wanting to quit forever...definitely not me.

My "goals" are pretty simple: not to get blotto on school nights and try to keep it in cheek on the weekends. HAHAHAHA!!! I manage to stay ok on school nights, but I tend to stay up too late watching something on my Kindle Fire. I usually have a nightcap or 2...but thankfully there is no one here to make me feel guiltier than I already do!

Hope you had fun while the cat was away...no need to chase around and make things worse on other levels, right? Hope so - whatever. We all just need to be ok with the up & downs of being functioning alcoholics. YAY weekend!!

[sunshinedaisies]

Hi everyone - Meggie, no we are not downsizing - actually the new house is slightly bigger - but it is in a different neighbourhood and although it has a basement, is on one floor which hubs wants. SO sorry about the testing - it all sounds quite awful for all you teachers !

Stuck - glad that you aren't cheating - for whatever reason - it never bodes well for a relationship when one cheats! LOL Sorry about the drinking but as Houtx says, it amazes me that you can stop for 2 weeks ! Wish I could !! How long is the girl gone for ? How is the job search coming along ? Any specks on the horizon ? Fingers crossed for you xx

Houtx - so nice to see you posting regularly again - and I agree, no I do not want to quit forever - but I would like to be able to have AF nights - maybe stretches at a time - and am hoping that with the Nal I will get there. I know it will take time though! But I have that ....

Have a great weekend all of you, I am getting ready for work !

hugs, Sun xx

[meggie]

When I said cheating I meant cheating some drinks. I, like the other ladies would feel blessed if I could stop drinking for one night. That is why I asked because I would have to sneak. I have been drinking way more then my usual, I can even feel the weight gain and I have been gyming it.
I don't know maybe it is time to retire. I am having a hard time dealing. The kids are wild, but not bad, not like your kids houtx. They are sweet but are sick of the crap and so am I.
I went to talk to our local state senator. He doesn't get it, he thinks assessing teachers on test is fine. Also, 50 percent of testing is fine. The special ed teachers are dead and will be losing their jobs in 2 year. OUr governor had to take the bar 4 times.
So glad to see you all. Excited for your new house Sun. My daughter will be looking out of state for a job. We may follow her in a couple of years.

[sunshinedaisies]

Oh Meggie - you do not sound very happy at the moment - I am so sorry ..... I too am feeling down - the house thing is really worrying as we indeed close on the new one but ours hasn't sold yet. And I am so fed up with the AL - not getting drunk but having too many - lousy sleep and not feeling great - not a hangover exactly but close to it ! I decided this morning around 4.00 that I am going to take 1/4 of an AB today - I have GOT to get off the merry go round and until the Nal 'cures' me - which it IS going to, I need a day or two off from AL !!

Hope that you feel better today Meggie - good for you though going to the gym! I am walking on the treadmill each day which is good ....

Hugs, Sun xx

[meggie]

I think I am unhappy because I am allowing the alcohol to take control of my life. I am letting it get the best of me. My resolve turns around 7 oclock. I start drinking and then have drank too much. The teaching thing is something with my years of experience I can walk away from. I need to find something else to do. I too have good intentions for today. I am up early and going to make it a great day.
I would be scared also buying a house with the other not sold.

[StuckinLA]

Oh, well no I'm not cheating that way either. Though I did start drinking at the very earliest opportunity as soon as I dropped the girl off at the airport. Stopped at the grocery store and picked up bourbon and the fixings for Manhattans. That turned out to be quite expensive, actually, since I couldn't find bitters and so stopped at the liquor store, too, and they mark everything up outrageously. Anyway, so I drank loads Thursday night and then Friday night I took the train up to a friend's place in Pasadena and drank a ton, pissed the girl off royally over text messages, then talked with her yesterday and I think we cleared things up.

Her brother was in a car accident Friday morning, so she's really stressed about that - he got out of the hospital today, so her whole visit turned into hanging out at the hospital, which I'm sure sucked. She gets in late tonight, around 11:30, so I am staying completely sober to drive and pick her up. Which is good - I drank way too much yesterday and was throwing up in the bushes out front of my apartment and smoking cigarettes inside and generally just being a trainwreck, so I am actually looking forward to staying AF today and feeling better eventually.

I'm not sure how I manage to go for a couple weeks at a time without *that* much trouble. I guess booze just doesn't really work the way I like anymore. I get completely wasted every time I drink and then feel awful and start drinking again early the following day and then that spirals out of control really quickly. Believe me, I wish I could go back to being a (heavy) daily drinker but without starting in the early afternoon. But that doesn't seem to be the case these days, so it's easier to just quit and after the first few days of feeling crappy it starts to get better.

Hope you had a great day, Meggie. And you too, Sunny. Hugs.

[terryk]

*whoops, posted in the wrong thread*

[meggie]

Well, I know that feeling like crap feeling. I have felt it too much lately. Drank little last night and I am so tired. Also, I know I have gained back all that I have lost in weight lifting and working out. It is another day and a day to get healthy.
Indifference would be wonderful.

[DizzyBee]

Hi all

It’s good to see everyone’s been so active around here.

Except for me… but then I’m going for interviews, buying (or at least trying) to buy a house and I had to go to Liverpool last week to sort our hubby’s passport. It never rains, it pours, so the landlord is also coming by today for an inspection.

Not that I have that much to complain about. Drank too much at the weekend but take Antabuse during the week to help even things out. It’s also hubby’s birthday on Friday, so we’re going to Monkey World! It seemed fitting, LOL. No, just kidding, we both love chimps and apes and would like to see them. It’s close to the see, so we should have a relaxing weekend.

Sun, I can feel your pain with the house. Although we’re first time buyers, it’s still a real pain getting things in place. It’s been a month now and we’re still in negotiations about how much he should fix before we’re willing to sign. The seller is also a friend of the estate agent, which is NOT helping.

Stuck, I understand what you’re saying about her supporting you for a while as long as you don’t drink but unfortunately also know the repercussions of what happens if you stop drinking because of someone else. I know full well the YAY feeling when the person finally leaves and you can have a drunken weekend. Not that my husband does it, but my brother used to, and hubby’s also starting to get annoyed with me sometimes, although he has his own drunken episodes. Why do you mention cheating, is it something that crossed your mind lately? Not judging, just curious.

Meggie, sorry the school is giving you so much grief. I also get lots of down moments and anxiety because of alcohol and wish that over-drinking was not my reality! Oh, and the weight gain sucks the most.

Hi Houtx, glad to know you’re still ‘functioning’ and having fun. I can stop with Antabuse, but I know we have talked about this before

Well, it was nice catching up. I hope you all have a great day.

Hugs,
D

[sunshinedaisies]

Hey Dizzy - good to see you again. I too have been taking AB for the past couple of days - I really needed to have some AF time. I only take 1/4 of a tab - enough that I would not drink on it but not enough to affect me with SE's - which it still does with even that small amount but I needed to do something. I know the Nal will work eventually - but it is taking time so will take AB as and when needed in the meantime.

The house thing is so scary - ours has not sold yet and we close on the new one this week! I understand the thing about how much the seller will do - we ended up taking a lump sum of money to offset what needed doing and feel comfortable about it. The things that need doing are mainly cosmetic so is no biggie really.

Stuck - sorry to hear about the drinking - it is such a wicked cycle isn't it ? You used to have no trouble stopping when you wanted to - why not give that another go? sorry about the girls brother too -that can't help! And yes AL changed how you feel the longer you drink I think - I know even before I started the Nal, it didn't make me feel the same.

Meggie - I cannot remember if we have ever talked about it but have you ever thought about trying Antabuse - just to give you a break from the AL ? It is almost a relief that you CANNOT drink - the decision is taken from you .... and I for one, find it easy once I have taken it - I do not have cravings and as long as I take the darn thing, find it easy !! It is just making me take it that can be hard!

hugs, Sun xx

[StuckinLA]

Not much going on here. Just wanted to jump in and clarify something that Dizzy asked about 'cheating.'

Somebody - I think maybe Meggie - asked me if I was 'cheating'. She meant if I was sneaking drinks behind the girl's back without telling her while I was AF for a couple weeks. I thought she meant 'cheating' like sleep with other people. I'm not, doing either. I almost always cheat, but this time I don't even really feel like dealing with trying to sleep with anyone new, even if I didn't have a GF. Though of course it crosses my mind every so often.

Not cheating with drinks, either. If I'm going to drink I don't try to hide it - I doubt I'd be able to hide it effectively in the first place, but more than that it would just be one more thing she could hold against me or use to 'prove' that I'm an out of control alkie.

Hope everybody's doing well.

[houtx770]

Hey y'all -
Meggie - Gawd these days are awful!! I'm trying to figure out every psychological trick I can to "hang in there". HA! Kids are AWFUL - I understand your drinking, we all do. It's just what we do ... but hope you find a happy medium, gf. Don't beat yourself up too much. Just try to deal with it without guilt or outrageous goals. One damn day at a time. Seriously

Stuck - again, so impressed you can go huge amounts of time AF. It sucks being addicted. We are all so fucking intelligent yet addicted - get drunk, hate ourselves, etc. I compare myself to friends, family & colleagues who are overweight... food addicts. It's not the same, but there are so many addictive aspects of our personalities. Fat people, drunk people...it all sucks. Wish there WAS a magic pill

Sunny - don't know about the house search. I applaud you taking AB at the same time you're doing NAL. GO girl!! So impressed at your resolve and devotion to NAL. You will probably be one of the ones it works for - hope so!!

It is now late and I need to get to bed. Hugs to all -

XO