New here and starting Topa and with a question

[StuckinLA]

I don't remember the name of the online pharmacy - I think Goldpharma stopped selling pretty much everything and they were the only one I used. You could try them though. Otherwise River was always good, I hear.

Not much going on for me. Got out of town to house sit for the weekend. I stayed an extra couple days while the girl went home to go back to work. Nearly lost the damned cat I am watching, but after a day-long ordeal managed to find him and get him back inside. Drinking last night and tonight since I'm by myself, but otherwise was AF for the last 2 weeks and probably going to try to get back to that when I get home tomorrow. It's just really nice to sit out on the deck by myself and look at the lake or the stars with a drink.

Anyway, still no news on the job front. Or at least not anything permanent. I might have a week-long thing at a summer camp for high school students, maybe, and I might have some freelance work writing test questions this fall. Not a lot of money either way. But it would keep me afloat. Writing is difficult as always, and I need to finish this f**king book soon so I can try to sell it. Oh well.

Hope everyone is doing well.

[houtx770]

Hey all - I tried to post a post the other day, but it went poof as soon as I sent. Please don't start on me!

Sunny - glad alls well w/ you & the NAL & AB! You are so diligent. DZ - hope the aniversary trip is cool and you two connect again. Meggie - YAY summer!! 'nuff said! Stuck - the house-sitting gig sounds wonderful & hope all continues to go well. Full-time job hopefully in your future. That's so stressful! I have a gut-feeling everything will be ok!

My summer school gig ended last Wednesday 7/1 and it's been sooooooooo fine. I turned 62 on Sunday and have been grooving every day! My HI got back together with his former, younger gf and it's been a mental trip trying to get beyond that. Not easy. We've played golf several times since she entered the picture in mid-May...it wasn't easy, but I wanted to keep him in my life. I don't know why. He makes me laugh. Hard to explain. UGH I'm such a nice, cool person!!!!!! REALLY!!! It killed me for awhile, but I'm over it pretty much. UGH - just trying to enjoy my vacation and focus on my golf game as a stress-reliever. Made a couple of trips to Dallas to see family & played golf w/ my former college bf...ehhh. It'll be ok - I'm just so impatient!!

Not much else really - a few stories, but I lose these posts too frequently so will hit the send button & hope for the best. Hope alls well w/ everyone!

xxxooo

[DizzyBee]

Hello all

I'm doing OK, taking a few days off drinking to break the cycle and also to make sure that all the things I've put on hold until 'tomorrow' finally gets done. The first day is always a bit shaky but I have to do a refresher course in Microsoft Office 2010 the next two days so there is no room for drinking.

Bruges was nice, I did drink too much but at least we had a really nice room so I had all excuse in the world not to want to go out and explore every day. We did have some really nice food though at a nearby Bistro and got to take some really pretty pictures of all the medieval buildings and canals.

Happy Birthday, Houtx! It sounds that you're still having fun despite the men being a-holes. You enjoy some well-deserved time off.

As do you Meggie, and everyone else who hasn't had a holiday in a while. You should try River Pharmacy, it's the only one I know with a really good reputation. Try and fit in some fun activities for the holidays and scatter them throughout so that you have something nice to do every week, even if its going to the movies or having a manicure.

Holding thumbs for you on the work-front, Stuck. I know the feeling as I've been job-hunting for a year now but at least I've been doing some freelancing from home and recently some temp work, it keeps your skills sharp.

Not sure if the anxiety is worse now because of more drinking over a long period of time or whether my meds have something to do with it. I also get terrible nightmares and 'night terrors' at night if I detox too quickly. I'm taking Seroquel, so although this helps me sleep, I think it exasperates morning anxiety. Maybe I should try the extended release version.

Hugs to all,
Dx

[houtx770]

I'm curious about the whole "anxiety" thing. I often have this feeling of foreboding, like something bad is going to happen...anxious about the unknown...pretty much daily for a long time. I try to "change channels" in my head, but I really struggle with it. Is that the tip of the iceberg of what some of you suffer from? I don't really get depressed, but I do feel really ehhhhh, iffy, bad, scared of the unknown ALOT. I can't put my finger on it, but I HATE it - hello vodka. Right??

XO

[jane27]

Hout,
A few different medications have given me a dark feeling. Topimax shares the #1 slot along with Avelox. Wellbutrin and Synthroid follow. The horrible sense of foreboding is a good description. Last time I was on Wellbutrin I felt big danger in the air- like terrorism things were going to happen. Going off the med always made the feeling go away. Not sure if this is helpful to you at all. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions. Jane

[medusa]

Hi there everyone :0

I don't know why its taken me so long to post but I really do need to reconnect with you folks.

Just been reading back over this page and want to say that I have terrible anxiety when not drinking, I don't know why that is but do know that whe I drink it does calm me a lot, that's one of the reasons wh I do it so maybe the anxiety was there all along but I never noticed it in the past days of daily drinking.

Dizzy I also take serequel, mine is prescribed by y pdoc, when I tried the extended release version I felt so tired all day s went back to the normal one. I don't notice any effect it has on my anxiety tho but have now been taking it for so long I find it impossible to sleep without it.

Ok I am just doing the tea now so will finish this post later.

Bye for now

space x

[medusa]

Sorry dint notice, Last time I tried to get onto the site I couldn't sign in so ended up opening a new one.

This is me, spacebebe xx

[meggie]

Miss you Space, what have you been doing with yourself. Well , I got the Nal like Sun, But Sun said I need to read the book first. It was like an act of God. It is state restricted and I can only get a 30 day supply and need a special script. The pharmacy didn't have it and had to order it. I have to go to the doctor every month. Frustrating, oh, well. Hpe all is going well, so nice to relax. I am moving my daughter to an apartment with her boyfriend. He has a full time job, she is still looking for a full time teaching gig. Hope she can but she should get out of town.
Happy birthday Houtx.

[DizzyBee]

Hi Space and everyone else

Nice to see a few faces here. I have to quit drinking again for a few days. The last two days were hectic as I was hungover and had two early morning interviews - probably one of the worst combinations ever. I hope I get one of the two temp jobs but can't do anything now but wait and see.

We went to our new house the weekend and that's partly why I was so hungover. We can't buy any furniture or a tv for it as builders will be taking it over for the next few months. We made some good plans but the empty house does increase our drinking as there isn't really anything to do.

Nice to see you, Space. I do think that Seroquel is fantastic for insomnia and I now actually take 3/4 of it at night and then the other 1/4 if I start feeling anxious. It takes a while to work but it's a lot better than nothing. So, how's life been? Hows your family? I was actually in Liverpool not too long ago but I didn't contact you as we haven't heard from you in a while. It was a sunny day and I can see how people can enjoy the vibey feel of the town centre on Summer's days. I did make the mistake of going into the Primark and nearly got trampled to death by the hordes looking for fashion on a shoe string.

Meggie, I can't quite figure out if you're taking the Nal now or not yet? I hope its not too much of a hassle.

Yeah, Houtx, I think you have the beginnings of anxiety with your feelings of foreboding. Remember that alcohol relaxes the central nervous system so 'withdrawal' is going to make you feel a bit more anxious than normal. Mine is just sometimes bad as my hands start shaking, which can be embarrassing in public. I've found that my mood is always worse for about three days because of PMS, it can feel overwhelming but its a great sense of relief when its over and I feel normal again.

Speak soon and hugs to all,
Dx

[StuckinLA]

Hi everyone. Space, so lovely to hear from you again - I hope things are going well.

Not much new here. Still looking for jobs and starting to dig around the bottom of the barrel to scrounge some work for the upcoming semester. I've been AF for about a week and a half again, so it looks like I'm doing all right staying abstinent for 2 weeks at a time or so, before drinking for a day or two. Well, I should say I drink anytime the girl is out of the house for a few days. Anyway, I could really use a drink, but staying strong mostly.

I have an interview for a tutoring job this afternoon, and then will have a phone interview for an online job, also tutoring, in the next couple days. Need to rewrite all my job materials - cover letters and such - from last year and get ready to be on the market again. Also still slowly, slowly working on my own writing.

Hope things are good for everybody.

[meggie]

Stuck, you are amazing. So you have stopped drinking and are not doing anything. I wish I could just stop. I have the Nal but haven't done anything with it, because it is such a controlled substance I am afraid to use it.

[houtx770]

Hi all -
Space/Medusa - so good to hear from you! Update us on what is happening in your world. Hope you're not struggling too much with the anxiety. I'm glad you're back -

Meggie - too bad it's so hard getting NAL! I think I should try it again as well as it seems like it works on some of us in the long term after all. I had such high hopes that it would work as fast as it seems to with Sunny. Lots of discussion back in the day as to what kind of drinkers were successful with it over other kinds of drinkers. I'm a wino and a vodka drinker...and not as motivated right now as I was 5 yrs+ ago. I just muddle along...

Jane - thanks for the feedback! I think I do have semi-anxious feelings and probably my AL consumption is self-medicating that. I blame AL for everything but just am not motivated right now to go break apart those AB tablets & take them, nor order NAL...I'm not being monitored or judged by anyone at the moment, so enjoying my evening fog!

DZ - love your posts! Hope the house thing is resolved soon and you are situated and content again. Also hope you find a rewarding job. That's sooooooo hard!

Ditto with you, Stuck - I don't understand why you two qualified, brilliant, talented and gifted people are having so much trouble finding a job that is perfect for you! My fingers are crossed, my karma is channeling your way, etc - I know how frustrating and crazy you must feel looking and applying and interviewing...hope the best is yet to be!

If I left anyone out, I apologize. I've got 2 weeks left of freedom before I report back. I'm doing ok.
XXXOOO

[StuckinLA]

Don't sing too may praises too soon, anyone. I seem to make it a week or a week and a half before flying off the rails. Went out for drinks Wednesday, and that wasn't too bad, but then I got really drunk Thursday and that was a whole mess with the girl, then drunk again all day yesterday and was just sick as could be all night. The easy thing to blame is the drinking, of course, but I've drank all day plenty of times and not been sick like that. I couldn't keep anything down at all.

Well, anyway, just chilling today. This is the kind of weather where you just want to sit in the shade and drink cold beers all day, but alas that's not in the cards. Hope everyone is doing well.

[sunshinedaisies]

Just a swift post - I read a lot but rarely post on this site any more - just wanted to catch you all up on the Nal and TSM and me ! I have been having far more AF days than ever - in the past 8 days I have only had Guinness on two days! The Nal is working but Houtx - I do not consider it fast - I have been on it since January and I am still not 'cured' but am getting there slowly! I still cannot just stop at 2 .... and I get the worlds worst hangovers - they call them Nal-Overs - with taking the Nal. If I have five drinks I feel terrible the next day - that never used to happen. It is far easier to not drink - I am now able to do that without taking even a teeny bit of AB which is great for me. I will not consider myself cured until I can just have one or two - or until I just do not want to drink. today I just did not want to drink - didn't drink yesterday either so wasn't hung-over - just did not want a drink - really weird though but wonderful all at the same time!

lovely to see all the folk here - welcome back Space ! Weill try and get back and post a proper reply to you all -

hugs, sun xx

[houtx770]

There hasn't been a day that I can remember where I didn't want or need or think about a drink. I am not obsessed with that need or thought anymore either...except ok, I really am. Summer time and no obligations going on, today was house cleaning day, which usually involves (and did) a Bloody Mary or 2...I think about it. "Is it too early?? 4:00?? 3:30?? Going to play or to the DR, a vodka/tonic?? Gatorade & vodka?? etc" I really am an addict. But I manage. Always great to hear from everyone! I'm so sorry for the struggles and shit - UGH!!

XO