My story/diary by Ignominous

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Can't find the beginning of the next day so I will post what I've got which is titled Sun cont.

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Sun 13th cont.

Would have drunk more if it was in the house. I had the desire to become oblivious. Previously I would have sent the maid down to the liquor store but I had Baclofen which acts in a similar way to alcohol right?

So I took another tab (it was after 12 so I'm going to include these in tomorrows dose)

I then thought I would take 2 more. Then forgot I had taken another 2, therefor took 2 more! By then I was numb to the world and passed out. Woke up 2 hours later having pissed the bed big time.

Couldn't get back to sleep so decided that today I shall only take 120mg including last nights "lets get things moving" dose.

Decided to up to 130mg. As of 3 o'clock this morning only had 50 mg to take for the rest of the day.

By the way when I woke up this morning the side effects were altogether rather uncomfortable.

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Mon 14th Sept
130mg
AF

Slept 12 -2 and then 3 - 6.30. Good sleep.

Probs with wife, I want to keep quite but can't help opening my mouth. Seeing things in a different light at the moment and want to articulate - therefor fight.
Give it time.

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Tues 15th
140 mg
1/2 bottle 1 beer

Pissed as a fart and not very pleased with myself so to an extra baclofen

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Wed 15th Sept
130 mg
2 beers

Had 2 beers after work. Didn't really want them, just my pig headed, contrary nature. Had my daughter with me so that gave me an excuse to stop.

Didn't want to continue to drink when I got home, feeling to buzzy.

Really? Not addictive? I've had worse drugs that I've bought illegally.

13 pills I had to get through. Ended up taking 6 of them in the evening after 6pm.
Next morning I just couldn't face them.

Contacted B4A

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

I realise there are two Log posts dated the 16th. I wrote down my thoughts as they ocurred on whatever piece of paper was at hand. I didn't date them until I came to post them here. Forgive.

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Log cont.
Thurs 16th Sept
130mg
2 whiskeys 4 beers
Very strong effects. Contacted MWO. Started to push people's buttons.
Slept two lots of 2 hours.

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Log cont.

Fri 17th Sept
130 mg
4 beers

Less fucked up but still very strong SEs. Hope the dwindle soon. Getting a bit tedious.
Recieved email from Dr Phil.

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Log cont.
Sat 18th Sept

Can't find any record

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Log cont.
Sun 19th Sept
130 mg
8 beers

Felt not so bad today.

Started bac when I got up at 6 o'clock (30mg). Loaded it (kept taking it sporadically) until 12 o'clock. I work, interact with people between 3 - 5.

Slept fairly well last night.

Thank god the SEs are dying away.

Only thing is: I could get used to bac + alcohol. Nice mellow buzz.

Went to a local bar with my wife. The manager mentioned something about me being especially thoughtful to my wife. I told my wife that if he could see it so quickly why couldn't she.

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Log cont,
Mon 20th Sept
130mg
AF

Didn't have my usual routine with work so didn't have the perfect "arsenic" hour. Told my wife that I thought I wanted a drink but didn't fancy something as strong as whiskey.

She told me that I had a couple of cans of strong brew that I bought a few days ago. Beer .......... that's going to hit the spot .......... but then I didn't even want that. Very strange, and even more strange that there is alcohol that has been in the house for a few days. The half life of booze in this house has gone from 2 hours to 72 hours!




Log cont.
Tues 21st Sept
130mg
1/4 bot

Gave a glass of whiskey to a friend who joined me for 10 mins. Mistake, I thought. Had a whiskey to makeup for the shortfall when I got home. Poured another glass. Couldn't finish it. Poured it down the sink. What a waste. Amazing!!

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Log cont.
Wed 22nd Sept
130mg
1/4 bot

Very few SEs apart from somnolent and constipation.
Taking cream of magnesia like peanuts to try and get some movement since yesterday
Slept 2 x 2.5 hour stints



Log cont.
Thurs 23rd Sept
140mg
1/4 bot 1 glass of whiskey
Some small success with the bowels. Ha!
5am 40mg
9am 40mg
1.30 20mg
8pm 20mg
10pm 20mg

[Cinders]

My story/diary by Ignominous

Ignonimous,

I just wanted to chime in about the wife thing. I am female but I don't think that really matters.

I believe our significant others have learned to deal with us in a certain way. When we are drunk, they know exactly how to deal with us. We have given them lots of practice.

She simply does not know how to deal with you sober.

Give her time, too. You need time sober and she needs time to learn how to deal with you sober.

I have the same issue with my husband of 35+ years. He is very loving after one of my binges. When I have been sober for a while, he gets cranky.

I know he thinks he wants me to be sober but at the same time, I think it scares him.

I don't blame him for that.

Give her time. Be kind.

I am glad you are posting your results and I truly hope that Baclofen gets you out of the madness of alcoholism.

At the same time, just like your wife, you are going to have to figure out how to live sober. You haven't done it before. Me either.

Cindi

[ignominous]

My story/diary by Ignominous

The way I look at it is: I am kind, I am a good person, another persona (me) trapped her into marrying me. I robbed her of her youth, she can never get that back (I think she was a willing accomplice).

Never the less I still took that from her and now I'm in a position where I'm thinking maybe it wasn't meant to be. I 'm only ranting at the moment but I'm ripe for some advice. If there's anybody out there who can point me in the right direction to heal my child I will do the rest, if I can.

[Sunnyvalenting]

My story/diary by Ignominous

I am encouraged by your response to the baclofen. It looks as tho it is working well for you so far.
With respect the wife I counsel some serious patience. I suggest you see how you and she feel after a long period of abstinence or drinking control. You are still in process right now. Let a bit of dust settle if you can and don't jump to any conclusions you don't have to.
All the best,
Sunny