Sobriety. Whatever that is.

[ignominous]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

Ig2 Frankly this muthafucka ignoramus is questioning my brand of life and has the mistaken belief he can call me out on it and survive.

Ig3 He's allowed to air his fucked up views on life as much as you are

[Topsy-Turvy-Tracy]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

That sounds uncomfortable but, you're right, it wasn't a tragedy. Live and learn. I've spent half my life putting my foot in my mouth and the other half trying to get it back out.

[Topsy-Turvy-Tracy]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

He will survive, Ig2. You are out numbered.

[Isolde]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

ignominous;993330 wrote: BTW on a purely positive aside and to make a contribution to the feel good nature of this site. I fixed my computer arm by mousing with my left arm. A little uncoordinated to begin with but now adequate and I've also improved my ambidextrous skills which can only be for the good. Particularly if I have my right arm amputated someday. And easier than learning 'speech recognition'

Howdy. I haven't been on since Saturday morning. Did some partying on Sat. night (at which I had only half a drink!) and then spent Sunday carving up some pumpkins and recovering. So just checking in now quickly at work and wanted to respond to your newfound ambidextrousness, Ig. I also am a righty who mouses with my left (well, at work anyway). My right wrist had been starting to hurt some, and afraid of carpal tunnel, I switched my mouse over to my left hand. It was REALLY friggin weird at first, but after about a week, I god pretty good with it. And now I'm a pro!

Sometimes I'll just switch it up and do things with my left hand that I'd normally do with my right. I even tried to teach myself to write with my left, but that was almost impossibly hard. Supposedly the right side of your body is connected w/the left side of your brain and vice versa. As the right side of the brain is supposedly the "creative" side, I thought that using my left hand would activate it more. I didn't stick w/the lefty writing long enough to really put that to the test though.

Anyway, just some quick ramblings before heading home for the day. I'll check in later and read up on what all else I missed!

[ignominous]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

Howdy you

Nice party, good to know there's still some familiar recovering to do!?

The brain resists changes to its existing pathways, good to know that we can still control our brains. Oxymoron?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

sshhhh. It's quiet in here. Maybe some time for reflection?

[Isolde]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

ignominous;994607 wrote: Howdy you

Nice party, good to know there's still some familiar recovering to do!?

The brain resists changes to its existing pathways, good to know that we can still control our brains. Oxymoron?

Well, the recovery part came from a very late night coupled with a drug other than alcohol. Oddly enough, I only seem to have the addiction issue with legal drugs. Ok, just alcohol. :H I'm not trading one for the other, it's something I've done off and on, on occasion, always well spaced out and in very respectful moderation.

Learning something new will also create new neural pathways in our brains. Especially things like a new language or a musical instrument. Too bad we stop going to school when we're young (especially because creating new neural pathways helps protect us from things like Alzheimers). I think it's harder to create time and motivation to learn mentally demanding things on our own when we're older and have so much more responsibility and demands on our time. I always said that if I ever won the lottery and was able to quit my job, I'd just take random classes at the local college just for the heck of it. Anyway, I'm rambling....

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

I've got nothing, sort of.

I'm still on a measly piddling 30mg/day. I am genuinely happy for others that have titrated up, however they've done it, and found some measure of success. At the same time it makes me angry and for some reason ashamed that I can't and won't. But all do respect to full on titration, I've got a life to lead. I had some sort of, albeit unreasonable, balance before I decided that This. Was. It. All or nothing. If I can't get sober and comfortable about it... (I've been locked in the 'I'm still sober' closet for 5 years since last rehab. Drinking the whole time, more or less.)

The manageable thing makes me feel like a fraud when I sit in AA meetings. (that and the belief in the disease/not a spiritual malady.) And the unmanageability of my life since titrating up on bac in June makes me feel like a fraud here.


Today I found out that the doctor's appt. I didn't make it to last week was bumped until the 3rd week in Nov. sigh. I take heart in the fact that the studies that some of the less-appreciated studies that have been done were aimed at cessation of craving as low as 30/day, and that if I stay the course perhaps elimination is still in the picture.
The good news is that I haven't had a full blown panic attack in a week. (The one I almost had in DC on Saturday was due to the fact that I was being smushed flat by a bunch of other rally-ers. Glad we were all being so reasonable! )
There was some relevance to this little ditty based on previous posts but I've lost it.
Completely unrelated, I also wonder if there isn't something to the whole oxygen thing? Tingling palms, clenching muscles, apnea, panic attacks, the sleeping thing in general. I refuse to pretend I can read the medical stuff without glomming on to whatever makes sense in the moment, so I wonder if any of you with more knowledge has a thought?
(Sorry, ig, hijacking again.)

[Topsy-Turvy-Tracy]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

Neva, as you know, O2 has been a real issue for me. I think it's because there was a pre-existing condition that was disclosed when I started taking the balofen. I think that means it's time to address that condition, not time to abandon the baclofen. I haven't had the tingling palms or clenching muscles, but breathing at night is a real problem if I approach 90 mg per day. I do thinik that it sounds reasonable to me that a lack of O2 might explain those symptoms, but other things might too.

Sorry the rally wasn't fun. I was watching it on TV and asking myself if I would really want to be in that mass of people. I wouldn't, but I'm glad it happened.

Must go check election results. We have some scary stuff going on with ballot measures! If Stewart ran for president in 2012, do you think he could win (mute question since he would never run anyway)?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

Woke up this morning without a hangover after 10 hours of sleep. What a gift.
And with this thought: I hate it when I put on my retrospective rosy glasses. Life was manageable? Meaning what? I could drag my sorry ass out of bed and struggle through the day until I could begin drinking/smoking? Pshaw. Not a life. Regardless of what I was managing to do.
The rally was a BLAST! But it was overwhelming. And we didn't hear or see a thing. Still, nice to see so many people who just want to have a dialogue, not dogma, drama or punditry.
I would like to think Stewart would rather a politician handle the politics. I hesitate, on this beautiful morning, to find out what happened in Delaware.

Let me know how the appt goes with NP about apnea.

[ignominous]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

I also manage my life fairly well. Many people would envy my life style but some would say I've wasted my potential. I say it isn't the life I grew up expecting from myself. In many ways I'm now trying to bring my dreams/expectations and reality together.

In some ways I think I may have hit my switch but am just not man enough to finally say goodbye to my sure fire last refuge.

As usual I'm not sure if what I wrote makes sense or is a help to others but like bile in my system it seems better out than in.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

Dreams/expectations vs. reality.
Exactly. It's time.

That's not my understanding of the switch, Ig. That said, there are a lot of people who seem to be doing just fine without reaching complete indifference.
That said, if you think it's time to man up, then do it. (Says the woman who won't. Woman up that is.) Either way, no judgement. It's your journey. You get to decide how long to suffer, to what lengths you'll go to end it and when the the suffering is finally and completely at an end.
focus, friend.
:l

[ignominous]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

In many ways its time but in some its not. Its coming, I can feel it, just give it another week or year or so!

What's your understanding of the switch Ne?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

Yowza. I went searching through the threads looking for stuff about the switch. It's so contentious in here these days. I wonder if it always has been and it just hasn't been passed on?
Anyway. My understanding (and to be clear I have no first hand knowledge--don't want to be hypocritical) is that it's complete indifference toward alcohol. Like a lemon scone. Like getting out of work, walking by the liquor store and not realizing that one is not thinking about not drinking. It's just complete indifference. That said, there is a good argument and plenty of evidence that continuing to drink in an unhealthy way is an option. Or relapsing (?) after the switch (?) because of unresolved issues. And of course, who knows about the many that don't post or haven't continued to posted for whatever reason.

I'm putting my money on The Switch. I know it's perhaps hypocritical when I'm unwilling to go up past 30 at the moment. I'm trying to find a balance. Perhaps it doesn't exist and I've got to decide whether or not to throw in the towel or give up life as I know it. But if I can spend the next whatever of my life indifferent to the siren song? Hell, even if it's just a year or two. I've got to give it a good shot. And I've got some time, I hope.

I spent the day really dizzy, still am. There was no cessation of it. But I'm managing that finally. It's actually not that unpleasant when it's not completely freaking me out. The good doctor suggested that the SEs abate over time, with a slow titration.
The stakes are really high. At age 30, I didn't think I'd still be struggling with the beast at age 40. At age 35 I thought I'd thrown everything there was at the beast and that she was gone. This time, well, it's time. Even if it takes what feels like forever.
Which brings me back to the point, after much self-indulgent digression. You gotta do you, Ig. I try really hard not to pass judgement on people that continue to drink/half-ass it/find excuses/lash out/look for redemption in all the wrong places. I'm not very good at it. But I've done/do all of those things. I know that the only person that can do anything about anything is me. And I continue to sabotage myself in ways I often don't see for way too long. But eventually, with some insight and thought, lots of pain and contrariness, I've gotten better in many ways. I know you will too.
Stop fecking picking fights because you're bored and lonely. I get it. I do it too.

[ignominous]

Sobriety. Whatever that is.

Put the cape away Ne