Progress thread for ne

[alexan]

Progress thread for ne

Doggygirl;1173694 wrote: Wow - thanks Pete, Greg, Murph, Red and all for your answers!!! My poor pea brain is runnin' on empty right now but I will definitely be back in the AM to take a fresh look, click the link, etc.

I took extra Tyrosine for a while not too long after I first quit drinking but I didn't like the way it made me feel. Sort of edgy or something. I LOOOOVED the way the MWO brand of GABA made me feel. I don't get that floaty feeling from it any more, but right after I quit drinking it was like a pleasant buzz almost.

Greg - I had never heard of anhedonia until one of my classes last week. Has yours improved with time on it's own?

Interesting stuff. I feel like a first grader among the college kids here.

Nighty night..and hi to Ne too!

DG

Why are people posting Generic questions in Ne's thread. Ne is not a generic God for all answers. Kindly start their own threads.

Ne, I'll deal with you later. I've had enough of your extra-over bearing authority which quite honestly is leading some forum newbies down.

All the best.

ps: And believe it or not, I know you thought you had that mighty power to put someone down... well I'm not that guy.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

alexan;1175235 wrote: Why are people posting Generic questions in Ne's thread. Ne is not a generic God for all answers. Kindly start their own threads.The post you quoted was a continuation of a discussion instigated by Ne. Obviously.

alexan;1175235 wrote: Ne, I'll deal with you later. I've had enough of your extra-over bearing authority which quite honestly is leading some forum newbies down.

Jokes don't always translate well in forums. I'll assume this was one such example.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

beatle;1174463 wrote: L-tryptophan is an essential amino acid and not a drug.

Aggghhhh You say "tomatoes" I say "tomatoes", hmmmm, that doesn't work so well in print. No, true Beatle, I take your point.

[alexan]

Progress thread for ne

Yes indeed. That discussion should be taken to a different post but unfortunately people keep posting in her thread.

No it was not a joke Murph. I have a lot of respect for all forum posters but putting people down is absolutely not cool especially those who are trying to come out of the water gasping for air.

I'm sorry but I've had enough of this fact that Ne (as much as she tries to police innocent requests around here to people that don't know much) puts people down for being different than the Gander.

and I'm also sorry that these days I come back and I see that it has all simply become some "bullying" establishment.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

hmmm. Let's just nip this little train (wreck) in the bud, shall we?

Sorry you feel that way, Alex. Sometimes I do, too.

I'll PM you my email addy, and my phone number* I suppose, because I've yet to see a healthy debate on the forum. Otherwise it might contribute to the perception that there is a lot of bullying around here. Ya' know?

Sincerely,
The Goose [which is my dog's name. Not just Goose, though we sometimes call her that of course. The Goose. Because she's silly. Get it? Silly Goose. Thing is, she's not so silly. She used to be a hot mess, freaked out about every little thing. Because her Mom, (that's me, silly I know) was a hot mess who freaked out about everything. Now, though, she's a pretty chill dog. Still freaks out at the sound of someone throwing out a fishing line (really!) and the sound of a nail gun sends her into a tizzy so extreme that we worry that she might harm herself trying to get away from it (really). But her Mom (that's me) has some vestiges of the old irrational fears, too. I'm working on it, but they linger. The beast doesn't really though, which is really the point. If there is a point to all of this.
Hope you got some sleep. ]

*maybe. We'll see how you feel in the morning. I mean the morning after the sun comes up. Not the morning as in post-midnight morning, since you've got to sleep sometime.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Sammi33;1174425 wrote: Hi ne,

I tried to pm you about this but it seems your are full, so i will have to go public!

I just wanted to thank you so much for you pm last week. I was really confused and you really cleared things upfor me and i am so glad you did. I fear i may not have kept reading and posting otherwise, and i find it so helpful and i am learning so much. I have been in a bad place for the last week and i have been reading and learning so much going back and reading peoples threads from the start etc and i am so grateful to you because without your pm i might not have kept coming back.
:thanks::l:h

Sammi x

Hey, Sam I Am! Thanks for the note. I found a lot of solace, comfort and wisdom here... I think it's really the only thing that got me through. Hope you're feeling better and will check in.

As to the L-tryp etc... I'm taking it and like it a lot. It seems to just help me keep things relatively level.
I've also started Wellbutrin with the aim of giving up the evil weed (cigs) but am titrating up on that very slowly. From what I remember it gives me weird dreams, insomnia and some other unpleasant SEs, so I'm being cautious. :H

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1175296 wrote:
I've also started Wellbutrin with the aim of giving up the evil weed (cigs) but am titrating up on that very slowly. From what I remember it gives me weird dreams, insomnia and some other unpleasant SEs, so I'm being cautious. :H

Did it also give you the ...errrr ... pleasant side effect last time?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I logged on this morning to contribute a selfish little mini-me rant. I'm not saying I'm not going there, but right in the middle of mentally composing it I started to think about all these good things in my life. I figure I'll start there and then move on to more fun (for me) things...

Last weekend I threw a surprise party for my aunt's 60th birthday. It went so smoothly, so orderly, that I can't even really make it interesting fodder for reading. There was one monumental crisis: The balloon place closed before my balloon-car-pool arrived to get them. I ordered a hundred more balloons to be picked up down the street. The carpool arrived, everyone chipped in to tie the balloons off, and they finally arrived about 15 minutes before guests showed up. See? Boring.
Here's the kicker, though: At the end of the night, I was sitting with my uncle and he said all these flattering things and then told me that he was so glad that he knows me and that I was in his life.
This is the same uncle who offered me a job, much to his regret, several years ago. Same uncle who stopped trying to reach out after he showed up at my house, very worried because I hadn't answered the phone for days. I was too drunk and ashamed to open the front door. Picture it. Dogs going mad, uncle hollering, me cowering in a dark house trying to pretend I wasn't home. Car in the driveway gave it away and I finally just said, "I'm drunk. I won't open the door. Go away." And he did.
Now? Wow.
There's more.
I spent about 8 years in and out of college. I always started off doing really well, but by the end of any given semester I was struggling to finish. Every single semester. I've failed out of more schools than many have the opportunity to go to!
I finished the summer semester on the dean's list. The fall is shaping up the same way. I got the highest grade in the class on an exam in Anatomy and Physiology last week. I'm a social science kinda chick, so I'm particularly pleased about that one. And still a bit amazed, to tell the truth. (also, and sorry to digress, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and told that I should avoid things that required memorization or hard fact. Such bull shit. Be ware the diagnoses, peeps. Be very, very wary when someone tells you there is something wrong with you.)
There's more! But I won't bore you or continue to brag. Trust me when I tell you that my life is so completely different, so profoundly changed, that it's unrecognizable. And I'm still me. A little nutty, fraught with foibles, all of my character flaws right here, easy to see. So far I haven't had to do a damn thing to make myself a "better person" in order to be well, and do well. (Not that I'm not trying, people. Really. I am. Sort of.)

When I was titrating up I thought I might be doing something incredibly stupid by taking these little pills. I never imagined that I would have the obsession completely removed. All I wanted, literally, was to get rid of the white hot poker in my belly that made my morning resolution to go without just for today to be removed.
I also thought I wasn't going to make it through to the goal. The SEs were horrific. They affected every aspect of my life. Every system in my body was, at one time or another, altered by bac. I was scared almost all of the time. But I'd made friends here, and they helped to keep me focused on the goal. I read a lot about bac, and about the disease, and about the other options as well. I was pretty sure, in my heart of hearts, that they simply don't work very well. I prayed (if you can call it that) that this would be my way out, once and for all.

It is and will continue to be. Which brings me to my mini-me rant. The following quote, which I removed from another thread and is related to the French study beginning at the end of the year, makes me a little crazy.

e>Cassander;1169366 wrote:
Jean-Pierre Couteron, president of the Federation Addiction which includes players alcoholism and addiction, this test is "welcome" because it will sharpen the profile of patients for whom the drug may be beneficial. "The evidence available are encouraging, but be aware that baclofen does not work for everyone," said he. And remember that there are of other means to fight against this disease , therapies such as group or community, like Alcoholics Anonymous, or cessation strategies practiced in conventional hospitals. "The care of a sick alcohol is always global, both medical, psychological and social, confirms Professor Jaury. The drug is only a crutch, although it may prove to be a very good stand. "
Here's what I'd like to say to Mr. Couteron:
Dear sir:
The strategies you mention don't work. I'm confused as to why you and other physicians and specialists continue to prescribe them as treatment when they are largely ineffective.
The care of any sick person is global. That statement is not just true for the alcoholic or addict. It is true for the cancer patient, the diabetes patient, the person with allergies, migraine sufferers and on and on. It is a universal truth, I think, for anyone with anything more serious than a headache. I am sure you know this. I would humbly ask that you couch your thoughts in such a way that they don't imply that we, my people, are different than other people with other diseases.
On that same note, I am going to assume that the use of the word "crutch" was a poor translation. I simply cannot imagine that a physician, particularly one who understands how painful it is to suffer from a debilitating, here-to-fore incurable disease, would use that word to describe a medication that has helped so many.

and blah, blah, blah. (ftr, if I were to write a letter it wouldn't sound anything like that...)

Finally (maybe, :H) if you're here and you're taking bac and you're suffering, just keep taking the damn pills. I don't really care that you feel like your eyeballs aren't working (they might not be, but they will resume normalcy soon.) It doesn't matter that you can't sleep. (You will.) Vomiting? Oy. I'm sorry. That one sucks. Suck it up.

Why? Because last night Eric and I went on a late night walk. (sober at 11! That's news, even after all these months!) And we talked about the fact that we get to start now. It's kind of a shame that we're 20 years into adulthood, but it is what it is. I feel as though I've woken up after a very long coma. "HELLO WORLD! Look at you! Here I come!!!"
I've been sober before. I have never, not once, had the burden of the beast completely removed. It's gone now. Life starts right ...HERE... WOOOOHOOOOOO! :H:H
That's why.
As always, sorry for the tome.
Much love. Hope it is, was or will be a good Wednesday for you peeps.

[missyabby1]

Progress thread for ne

Hey Ne, we all miss your, so real and empathic posts here...well I do anyways. They really gave us some sort of hope.....you know. The real soul of this site. Can you come back and give us all an update as to how you are doing? We all hung on to your honesty. Life in a post. The story of one of us. You still up to let us all know how yu doing? I am sure I speak for all of us who wished you the best at every turn.

[terryk]

Progress thread for ne

Hey Ne, who do I gotta blow to get you to reply to my emails?

-tk

[RedThread12]

Progress thread for ne

Oh my. 12 days since anyone has posted on Ne's page?!? Can't let THAT continue. So I'll pretend it's my thread, just for now, okay Ne :l?

I've been mostly absent from MWO all summer. Not that I've ever been a daily poster, but I've been taking baclofen since Oct. '09 and have seen, read and participated in some pretty breath-taking stories and events that have taken place over time.

I've been away because 1) I was in Thailand at a 5 week meditation course which blew my mind. That meant 5 weeks of no alcohol. I've been (and continue now) to be highly successful moderator with baclofen. But dropping it for 5 weeks plus due to total disinterest, was without a ripple. I reduced my baclofen dosage to 80 mg/day while I was in the course. Smooth, easy. I have determined (duhh . . . ) that if I meditate regularly it modulates my inherent anxiety and alcohol has no place. Part of my long story is that I was completely AF for 10 years when I was serious about meditation and never had a clue that I am an alcoholic.

When I left the course and neglected to meditate daily, I began to subtly feel the "tightness," just a wee bit of anxiety, returning. I upped my baclofen to 120 mg/day and that is where I am today.

The 2nd reason I have been away from MWO is that my mother is bizarrely and incredibly ill, so since my return from Thailand I have had more demand to do and be, remain present and keep moving, than at any time I can remember in my 55 years. The incredible blessing is that baclofen allows me to do this.

I still can't drink more than a glass or two of wine, and it doesn't give me the "relief" feeling it used to. But there has been an evening or two when everything was just SO MUCH that sitting down and having a quiet glass of wine with my mother has seemed incredibly sane.

I am amazed at my capacity to manage all of the things that are in my life . . . way more than this, but you're eyes are probably glazing by now so I'll just keep living the rest. I TOTALLY contribute this to baclofen, and, of course, to the gracious way my life has insisted that I learn to "train my mind" (meditation) or lose it :H

Ne has told me that she and Murph are utilizing some of the meditation tools I have sent or suggested. Tell me more, Karen, if you will. How do you use them and how do they help? I have lots of material that I would be honored to share with anyone who might find it helpful. If someone could figure out a format in which to do that?

And, of course, just as there are many paths out of alcoholism and addiction, there are many paths of contemplation, meditation, and as the Dalai Lama says, "cultivating positive thoughts instead of destructive thoughts." The course I just took was called "Cultivating Emotional Balance." The Dalai Lama asked a western scientist whose life work has been to study emotions (ever see "Lie To Me" on Fox TV?) and a Buddhist scholar to collaborate and create a course that is completely non-secular - taking all Buddhist references away and utilizing Ekman's scientific work in order to help everyone . . . well, Cultivate Emotional Balance. He insists that that - emotional balance - is the natural state of our nature and our neurons.

I've been following this stuff for so long I see and feel - at this precise intersection of time and space - that I am witnessing and part of an amazing coming together of western science and eastern wisdom that is breaking down paradigms about the nature of being a being AND getting validation from western science about possibilities that we tend to lose sight of when we not only can't see the forest, we're pretty much smashed into the tree, battered and bruised.

I loved Bluto's metaphor of barfing out the window, then getting sober and having it all come back in. If anyone had ever hinted how huge, demanding, unpredictable, mystical, magical and totally relentless life is, I might have declined!! But here it is. And I am SO grateful that this forum took me to baclofen and freedom from the horror that I used to wake up to each time my eyes opened.

For all you you newcomers, re-comers, considerers, and do-ers, do exactly as Ne says, JKTTDP. I don't remember which spiritual teacher it was who said this, but it's exactly true: "The great way is easy for she who has no preferences."

I'm not there, so I jkktdp, take each day in the best way I can, which is sometimes not so pretty, and remain grateful that I'm not passed out on my couch about to wake up to the horror of craving alcohol.

There. You are now back on page one, Ne. Hi-jack successful. Thanks for all your time and attention to help keep those in need moving in a positive direction. MWO, and all the contributors, is certainly a piece of the magic

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

RT, I'd love to see you start up a thread in Holistic Healing on meditation...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I was pouting.
Now you've gone and ruined it. :H

Missy, my friend, for the love of all things, I wish you'd give this a try. More on that later.

Terry, O.M.G. look who's talking. and um, hmmm. A ... ? I'm deleting that as soon as I know you've seen it. Actually I can't even write it. (it wasn't naughty, it was kinda mean.) I have been meaning to ask you (and everyone else) if it's not the HDB but the M.D.??? omg. Last time I checked with Tip he was still sane, and Lo0p is as sane as he ever was, and they've both been at it for a while...

Redthread... Kabat-Zinn has a suggestion (maybe even a rule?) about not talking about meditation if one is new to it. It means, I suppose, that one is not practicing it if one is running off at the mouth about it. That would be true in my case. I love it and am going to rejoin the gym I quit so I can practice yoga there, too. I'm sporadic, but it doesn't seem to be one of those things that one must be hard on oneself about. Thank fuck for that. I'd be screwed. Got enough about which I'm demanding perfection. Ya' know? :H:H And sister, I'm really glad that you can share whatever you need to with your mom. And be in a place to be okay with the craziness.

When I posted, and subsequently deleted my post, this morning, I felt very...alone. Plus it wasn't right. I'll try again tomorrow.
Bac(k) to the books for me. Nothing less than perfection is acceptable there.
Much love.
xo

[redhead77]

Progress thread for ne

terryk;1180471 wrote: Hey Ne, who do I gotta blow to get you to reply to my emails?

-tk

You could try Murphy. :H It's nice to see your thread Ne.

[gratitude]

Progress thread for ne

ne,
I miss you and your posts. come on girl, get it together will ya! you owe me my daily ne fix. I'm addicted and I'm starting to get the shakes.
I'm wondering also if the emperor has no clothes? maybe the md should read e.g.o. instead? starting to read like a Greek drama.
red, thanks for the resurrection of ne. I guess that makes you a god of sorts.
how about starting a meditation thread in the meds section? I think it qualifies.
I just finished (again) a book on zen buddism that rocks. its called "hardcore zen" by an ex punk turned japanese monster moviemaker turned zen priest. no whispery, hushed toned, mystic bullshit in this one. just hardcore reality zen. which i find to be a lot more honest. but that's just me and my bullshit,right. check it out you guys if you can. rock on. grat.