Progress thread for ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

[img]576025_10150714194583129_1135053821_n.jpg[/img]

:H

Thanks. Ed and I tried it out. ICH LIEBE DICHE!!!



Two years and counting and I still don't know how to post an image, either. sheesh.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I want to update about where I am with baclofen in case I go off the wall! (kidding. sorta.)

I haven't been taking it regularly, or consistently, in probably close to a month. My maintenance dose has been 140mg since about February. Yesterday I took 100mg. In the last week I've varied it between 60mg (maybe?!) and 160mg.

None of it is premeditated, and frankly it freaks me out a little bit. I just forget! But I haven't suffered any ill effects, haven't found myself suddenly craving booze, and haven't really seen any difference in the things I've been struggling with. (Mainly inertia and lethargy and general malaise.)

I am going to have to titrate up to 140mg again, I think. I took 80mg in one dose yesterday at 8pm when I realized I hadn't taken any since the morning dose of 20mg at 5am. It made me a bit woozy! I had a similar experience last week when I took the full 140mg. Generally 80mg in one dose is not a big deal, or hasn't been for a loooong time. So I'm going to space it out a bit, take it every three hours, and use the ol' pill box.

Weird that it doesn't really seem to have any real repercussions, isn't it? I'd think I'd be really out of sorts from the different dosages. So I'm going to keep track for a little while, and post it here. And if it suddenly sounds like a good idea to buy a case of wine, we'll all know why. Though for the life of me, I believe that ship has sailed. I'm pretty sure that the only reason for me to take baclofen is unrelated to drinking alcoholically. I think that's done. Never the less, I will stay on it until my two year indifference anniversary in February 2013. No sense in taking chances...

[ifulovelife2]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1345104 wrote: Turns out he knows that I find the idea of eating meat so distasteful that I won't eat it unless it's pretty. Embarrassing but true. (What am I, a three year old that he has to disguise my food? :H)
Watch it or you might turn into one of those candy-assed, tofu-scoffing, vegetarian hippy types. God forbid!!!!:H

Ne/Neva Eva;1348262 wrote:

Weird that it doesn't really seem to have any real repercussions, isn't it?

Doesn't it? Are you sure?

Geez, I remember you berating me last year for experimenting too much with bac. Now look who's having fun with pharmaceuticals. Stop messing around and Just Keep Taking The God Damned Pills.

See, I do read your thread sometimes.:l

[ifulovelife2]

Progress thread for ne

BTW, you have overtaken MurphyX's thread for replies and you'll soon overtake him for views. And good job too: I hated that self-centered tosser and his sexist crap.

[ifulovelife2]

Progress thread for ne

Shit! I just realised it's been 17 months since you and I switched. Seventeen months since we drank against our will. You know what this means don't yer?:

Baclofen works baby!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I thought it meant we should have a toast.
Cheers! 17 months and 6 days. But who's counting?

I find it unconscionable that you don't read every word I write.

Nothing compares to Murphy. I wouldn't want to be compared to him, anyway.

The only candy ass hippies around here are the limey expat sheep lovers. (or is it goats?) They start out soft. A good dose of Americana should straighten that right out. And some steak.

I clearly need some practice...

I am pretty sure there haven't been any repercussions. That doesn't mean I'm sayin' it's not idiotic. As was my post about it this morning. It occurred to me that I have no base line to titrate from, much less to. I decided to just stick with 140mg. But then I forgot again and haven't taken any in the last, um, 12 hours. oops.
Must. Get. A. Schedule. and Pill Box. and listen to Ne!!! pfffffft

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I am crushed.

I just got the appraisal for the house we're buying. It appraised for only a few thousand more than what we're paying. (this is okay, I know. But it doesn't sit well.)

But here's the rub:
The house we quibbled over? The one that we decided we wouldn't pay the ONE THOUSAND dollars more that would have led to a settlement? It sold a week later for $4000 more than we were willing to pay.

And THIS is what really hurts:
Yesterday a house came on the market, a house directly across the street from the one I just mentioned. An amazing house. I can't even describe it, because it hurts. For a couple of thousand dollars more than the one we bought. It sold yesterday. Same day. That's how amazing that neighborhood is.

I had my heart set on the house we bought appraising for much more. That we could get in, and stay for a little while (3 years. 5 absolute maximum, but heaven forbid), make some improvements and get the hell out of the suburbs. I DO NOT DO SUBURBS. I do not do mid century brick ranch.

I gave into my fear that we would not find the right house in the right time frame and so I conceded and we bought the wrong house. The one neither of us really likes, but will do. Will do for what?

I will not give in to my mother fucking fear again. Never again. Because right now the only thing I want to do is get very, very drunk. I am so angry at myself. So disappointed. Fuck.

And this is the only place I can bring this because it would devastate my husband if he knew how I really felt, and it would really alarm everyone else.

Fucking mother fucker. There better be a fucking reason, a lesson at least, in this one.

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for ne

Merde.

There are plenty of people who'd offer all kinds of encouragement and ways to cheer up, to look at the bright side.

Me? I say be really, really pissed off for a minute. Sounds like a bunch of things just added up to a whole lot of fucked. But of course there are reasons, or ways of looking that will present reasons.

Like 3 years is a good amount of time to be in the suburbs, where there are fewer distractions, even though you don't like the burbs. Or this really is the right house, because you'll be ready to leave and move on in 3 years. Maybe you won't be as invested in improvements to the house and will be able to focus on other things.

Or maybe I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Point is there's always what-ifs. Just so happened these what-ifs came so soon after making this decision, instead of next year, or the year after, or 2 months before you're moving out of this house and you'd just be laughing about the whole thing.

So if I were you, I'd get really mad, really depressed, and really drunk. But even I know how that ends up working out.

Either way, let's keep talking it out.

And I'm sorry, for what it's worth. This really does suck.

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for ne

Whoa. I'm not drunk yet. Did I imagine a post out of thin air or did it disappear?

[baclofan]

Progress thread for ne

yup...real estate sucks

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I often wonder how it is that people get here, to the meds threads on MWO.

My baclofen journey really started about three years ago when I was 39. A friend of mine, at the age of 38, died suddenly of a massive heart attack. (On Valentine's Day. With his wife, the cardiologist, sitting across the breakfast table from him. Go figure.)
I woke up to the fact that I was overweight, and still a drunk, and a year from being 40. Figuring that I could beat the beast with nutrition and exercise, I went to the gym and started eating really well. I was absolutely determined to wake up on my 40th birthday sober and happy about it. It didn't work.
We had dinner in a very exclusive, outrageously expensive, top-ten-in-the-world restaurant. I looked hot in my size-tiny dress and 4 inch heels! Until I tripped on the way to the bathroom. And nothing caps off an evening better than quibbling about the bill. My parents had secretly made arrangements to pay it. They didn't know, though, that I drank. There wasn't going to be any way to explain the extra $400 or so we spent on booze, and so there was absolutely no way I could allow that to happen. Having dealt with this situation (in a way) many times, the restaurant had a policy that the gift was to be honored, over the objection of the patron. A kerfuffle ensued and the maitre d' got involved. I was thoroughly intimidated, but could not give in. The greatest lie, my biggest shame, was at stake!

I started year 40 the same way I'd started most of the rest of them. Humiliated and hungover.

I decided then to embark on a plan to create my own recovery program by combining all of the things that made sense from all of the ones that I'd tried. I started at the library, where I checked out every book they had on alcoholism and recovery (14 of them!) I also ordered all of the highly rated ones on Amazon.

I was seven books in when I picked up The End of My Addiction by Dr. Ameisen. (The paperback is Heal Thyself.)

That was in January 2010.

Time for me to start the day!

Hope it's a good one for you all too.

[baclofan]

Progress thread for ne

'Drinking against will'...?

Hi Ne,

Reading your posts I've noticed a fairly common phrase related to that so called-illusive "switch"..."no longer drinking against will"?...
..Pardon my ignorance but if you could collaborate a bit...

The reason I'm asking...I've never ever drank against my will, anytime I have was because I was willing to do so

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for ne

Pardon me if it always seems like I'm hijacking threads by talking about my own experience, but it's really the only way I know how to respond. That is, I say what's up with me, and then hope it resonates.

Anyway, I imagine "against one's will" is similar to the countless early afternoons I've had, so hungover I was barely standing, holding myself upright in the shower, and telling myself--quite literally, out loud--I can't do this again. I have to stop this. And finding myself, only a few hours later as the sun finally starts sinking, walking to the liquor store and buying another fifth.

Then feeling pretty good after 3 or 4 drinks, and thinking this is fine, there are no problems here. Until the next day in the shower.

In response to NE:

I found bac because I remembered, quite randomly, that I'd read an article in the Guardian back in 2006 or so about OA. I remembered this in the middle of my last bender, did a little research, and brought it to my doc. I've said elsewhere that she didn't even engage with the idea, just simply dismissed it as though I hadn't even brought it up.

I have no idea how I found MWO, or the first pills I bought online. That was all in a blackout the night of seeing my doc. I thought I'd messed it up, as I didn't have any confirmation emails or anything, couldn't find anything on my credit cards. When I came home from the hospital the pills were in my mailbox. 29 days later when I started taking them I came back to MWO, again, with no recollection of how I found it.

I lucked out, in other words, and my heart breaks a bit when I think about those who don't have my same luck.

[baclofan]

Progress thread for ne

StuckinLA;1350404 wrote: I imagine "against one's will" is similar to the countless early afternoons I've had, so hungover I was barely standing, holding myself upright in the shower, and telling myself--quite literally, out loud--I can't do this again. I have to stop this. And finding myself, only a few hours later as the sun finally starts sinking, walking to the liquor store and buying another fifth.

Semantics, semantics...no will while taking shower...'only a few hours later as the sun finally starts sinking'...so is the will ?

So I'd assume the moment you drank it wasn't against your will anymore...

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for ne

You are absolutely correct, baclofan, every time I put AL to my lips it was because I wanted to. I'll leave it to NE to define her terms, if she so chooses.