Progress thread for ne

[spacebebe01]

Progress thread for ne

Oh and bye the way Ne I dont really feel deserving of any "well dones" on not drinking (but I like them anyway). All I did was went to see my pdoc, got meds for my bipolar and somehow stopped wanting to drink. How did that work? I havent got a clue but whatever it is I am so relieved for the drink to just be that, a bottle in the shop that I no longer have to buy, not a problem, not part of my life, not something I even think about much except when I come on here so it doesnt matter really what happened Im just happy it did.

[GeauxGirl]

Progress thread for ne

NE. I'm too new to bac to have any thoughts about your situation. I do know that your willingness to dialogue with me and many others has been of enormous benefit. And I believe that if you will counsel yourself with the same wisdom and thought, you will get through this difficult, bumpy part of the bac journey.

Take care and be kind to yourself. :l

GG

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

spacebebe01;1479054 wrote: Oh and bye the way Ne I dont really feel deserving of any "well dones" on not drinking (but I like them anyway). All I did was went to see my pdoc, got meds for my bipolar and somehow stopped wanting to drink. How did that work? I havent got a clue but whatever it is I am so relieved for the drink to just be that, a bottle in the shop that I no longer have to buy, not a problem, not part of my life, not something I even think about much except when I come on here so it doesnt matter really what happened Im just happy it did.
Holy mother of all good things, Space. You tried and tried and tried and tirelessly went through all manner of tribulations in order to find a solution. So I give absolutely no credit to the pdoc or really even the med. It was YOU who found both the right doc and the right med. So kudos and congratulations for finding a way out. We all have a whole load of stuff to deal with in the after...but it's the gettin' to the after that is the absolute hardest part. You're a hero, sister.

GeauxGirl;1479067 wrote: And I believe that if you will counsel yourself with the same wisdom and thought, you will get through this difficult, bumpy part of the bac journey.

Thanks, GG. If I took half of the suggestions I gave with any regularity (or did them in the first place!) I would be holier and healthier than I am, for sure. As it is, it's a good day when I remember to take the damn pills on time! Sad, but true. But I try and try and try. Just like everyone else. Some weeks are better than others, for sure. (I don't look at individual days. They can suck and then I'll beat myself up. Weeks is better. ) And yeah, being gentle with oneself is way up there on the priority list. I suck at that too. Ah well.

Today's turning into a good day. That's going to make the rest of the week that much better. It's why I so love writing things down here. And getting feedback.

Hope you're well!

[caro]

Progress thread for ne

Hi Ne,

I can totally relate to being able to give sensible advice, but somehow not apply the same advice to myself.

Glad your feeling a bit better.

Caro

[_serenity_]

Progress thread for ne

Here's my two cents:

There's definitely a time in which reducing the bac dose makes sense. Right now, with all you've got on your plate - making decisions on children vs no children, medical school vs nursing school, lots of anxious thoughts and moodiness - I'd posit that lowering the baclofen isn't the best idea right now. It seems to make the most sense to lower the dosage when the waters are relatively calm and you don't have so much going on.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

StuckinLA;1479009 wrote:
Sometimes the hardest thing to do when the work you have is in your head and in the books is to take time to get out and away from it. But even taking Goose for a nice, long walk would, I think, really help clear your head.
l
Thanks, Stuck. I honestly think the studying thing is a big part of it. I feel a bit like I'm back in Jan/Feb 2011--needing to get out of my head and into the big, wide world! And it started with long walks with the dog. And good music on the iPod.

caro;1479100 wrote:
I can totally relate to being able to give sensible advice, but somehow not apply the same advice to myself.

The biggest challenge I have is doing the things that I know make me feel good--exercise, nutrition and sleep. Not sure why that's true, but I think it's pretty universal.

_serenity_;1479220 wrote:
It seems to make the most sense to lower the dosage when the waters are relatively calm and you don't have so much going on.

Hi, Serenity! Thanks for stopping by! In a way I know you're right. But I don't think I like calm very much. I'm not trying to cultivate chaos, and I am seriously exhausted by kerfuffle, but I am not very comfortable without a challenge. I don't know if that's personality, ADD, or just normal-ish.
We're going to move very slowly about adoption. That doesn't feel particularly pressing, though it would mean unreal changes, obviously.
I realized that finishing the nursing program has to come before any decision about medical school. That's a huge relief. It means I don't have to make a decision about that before we make a decision about adoption.

What I've read here is all about getting back to the basics. I knew that, I guess, but didn't really plan anything around it. Meditation works for me to stay in the moment. I have to get off the chair and get some exercise in the outside. (I'm a mile from the beach! You'd think I'd be eager...) And today I've got to clean my study 'cause it looks like my mind--messy and unorganized.

Hope it's a good day, everybody! xo

[joanna_d]

Progress thread for ne

jee Ne, i'm running being on everything here!

been reading through the lasts posts here and have to say i'm getting dizzy and agitated just by reading you (tendency to overrelate )
sounds like your attention is all over the place, whirling around you like a tornado. the kind that has all kinda things caught up in it to get hit by, like roof tops, furniture, kitchen stuff, hospital equipment, patients also.
there should be an eye in this storm...?

meditation is a great way to get in touch with the eye, but danger is that it's just one more thing added to your list of have-to-do's and then one more thing to beat yourself up with when not doing it.
there are other ways than sitting down with eyes closed to get in touch with the point that can observe everything whirl round you without being hit or caught. walking (or is it hiking?) is a good way. or brushing your teeth while paying close attention to what exactly it is your feeling when doing it (okay, this may be a silly example. i've found my own little rituals to do this. and no, they don't involve that kinda brushing). small things. attentive care!

can imagine wanting to go down on bac. but mind your senses will ya?! :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

It was definitely starting to feel like a tornado. I think that's why I posted, finally. It felt (feels?) like the wind is gathering it's strength and was (is?) about to tear everything asunder.

I'm working on paying more attention in some ways, and less attention in others. I started to take the Goose up to the beach this morning. Got dressed really warmly, got the dog and the iPod, walked out the door...into the rain. Oops. Hadn't noticed it was raining! *sigh* We walked around the block and now I'm going to take a bath 'cause I'm freezing.

Yep. Same page, sister. Thanks. :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I had a really great day yesterday. I went back to the basics. Found my pill boxes and organized a week's worth of pills.
I organized my schedule, ate, exercised and meditated for about ten minutes (each). Hey, I've gotta start somewhere, right?

It was a really good day. I did what I had to do. I felt good. I got good news. It seemed like a turn-around of sorts.

Today I woke up late, didn't have time for breakfast, let alone anything else self-productive, completely lost my temper with my family (and am not on speaking terms with an aunt, uncle, my mom and dad) related to my grandmother's care and health, and then the day got worse.

I think the point is, my anxiety (etc.) hasn't anything to do with baclofen (at least not directly) and has everything to do with managing my life/emotions/anxiety. Bummer. I was really hoping for a fix-from-a-pill. Panacea that baclofen is (for me) it doesn't make life simple or always lovely. Bummer again.

Here's hoping tomorrow is another day.
Cheers.

[Doggygirl]

Progress thread for ne

(((Ne)))

Good to see you. This might sound weird, but congrats on all the Big Life Decisions you are grappling with right now. Just think - it wasn't so long ago that a decision to get out of bed in the morning was beyond us some days, right?? Progress, not perfection.

DG

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

DG,

Great, great, great to have a hug from you. And right back at ya'. Hope you're well.

Yes. Thank goodness for lack of perfection as one of the goals...

And yeah. I don't clean my kitchen up every night after dinner anymore, but I distinctly remember the joy it brought to do just that, simply because it meant that I ate dinner and was sober at 8pm. Amazing to think what it was like then and what it's like now. My heart fills with gratitude at the reminder.

Thanks MWO friends. :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

hmmmm.

I woke up this morning (at 4am) on the carousel. It's the one with the same damn thoughts going around and around in the mind, quickly creating a maelstrom of negative thoughts and leading to a full blown obsession about something or things...

The culmination is a sense of hopelessness and despair indicating that the situation (or whatever) is unresolvable and somehow the general conclusion is that I am a completely worthless and ineffective human being. AKA the mindf*ck.

Oh, I recognize THAT kind of mental meltdown. It's the disease. I don't know if it started before or during my active alcoholism, but I know for absolute certainty that it's the unhealthy part of my brain (the chemical/physical part) that creates this maelstrom. It is what was completely removed when I got sober because of baclofen (that had never been addressed before with any other kind of sobriety). I also know I can't control it on my own.

I'm still not going to take more baclofen, though. I'm pretty committed to titrating down, slowly and methodically, and addressing what comes up in other ways, and with other meds, if need be. The reasons are many, but generally it's because baclofen isn't used to treat this yet and I am really exhausted/annoyed trying to navigate it all.

The only thing that will make me go up, immediately and quickly, is if I start craving or looking for a way out that includes some sort of unhealthy behavior. (Any of them, actually, from sex to rock and roll.)

Because I really wish there was someone who had been through this and kept a record of it for me to read, I'm going to do that I think. (Time permitting.) I'll try to keep it brief.

In the meantime, I've got to go exercise and meditate and take some meds. I don't want to, but I want a baseline of how/who I am with as little medication as possible, even more.

Hope it's a good day!

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

I don't understand what you are doing. You say you can't control it on your own, that baclofen helps you do this, and then in the next sentence that you are going down on baclofen. This despite actually saying that the disease seems to be waking up in your mind.

I'm confused. Are you questioning long term use? The fact that this hasn't been vindicated or recognised by the medical world is more of an indictment against the medical world than it is against baclofen, imho.

[tiptronic_ct]

Progress thread for ne

Bleep makes a good point.

Just take the damn pills and stop overthinking / analysing things.

[Hippyman]

Progress thread for ne

tiptronic_ct;1480980 wrote: Bleep makes a good point.

Just take the damn pills and stop overthinking / analysing things.

I'm in total agreement with Tip and Bleep. Take your BACOLFEN! It helps and you have said so time and time again yourself. Stop overthinking and take your BACLOFEN! :l