Progress thread for ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I forgot...

Hope it's a happy and healthy 2014!
:happy:

This one's for Evan:

:nutso:

xo

[Colin]

Progress thread for ne

Some people might take issue with the bold-face stuff. What were you smoking Ne?

Ne/Neva Eva;1605644 wrote: Hiya, MWO peeps.

I noticed over the holiday that I got a bunch of emails and PM attempts shortly after Bill announced that Evan passed away. I'm really sorry I didn't return them at the time, though in retrospect that's probably a good thing.

I'm rather pissed off about the whole thing, to be perfectly honest. I've been waiting for that anger to light a fire under me and motivate me to do something with it, but it hasn't happened yet. It's just too fucking heart breaking to lose Evan, particularly in such a cliched and mundane manner.

I'm very glad that you are celebrating his life, and am touched by the thoughts left on the thread about it. I really hope there's some sort of afterlife, and that he's visiting from on high. I sincerely hope he doesn't stop in around here anytime soon. We didn't need anymore martyrs, Ev.

I have noticed that some people are suggesting that his death was a function of some sort of medical malpractice. I find that suggestion very disturbing. Evan sought medical help, then he disregarded it repeatedly. I don't want to rant, but if there's a lesson in this about anything, it's that we do not always know better and what we don't know (or don't want to accept) might actually kill more of us.

While I'm on that subject, I would also suggest that the continued insistence that we are guinea pigs, and that doctors will not participate in our recovery with baclofen, serves no purpose. It isn't true. The research, the facts, the truth is in. Baclofen works. Doctors around the country (United States and elsewhere) are becoming alert and aware of the fact. They will participate. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

If you don't want baclofen to be treated as a drug, or as a replacement drug, or as something less than completely legitimate, STOP TREATING IT LIKE THAT. Stop taking it in handfuls, and ending up in emergency rooms. Stop suggesting that it's okay to start with 60 mg and titrate up by gobs, simply because you didn't have side effects at a certain point. That's not how the medication works, it's not what it does, and guess what? It's not going to work for you if that's how you take it. (What a shock!)

Finally, when you're looking at research about this or any other medication, please for the love of good things, keep in mind that those studies are done with participants who are attempting to maintain abstinence. Abstinence! So taking a pill and heading to a bar or Vegas simply doesn't work. (Maybe Sinclair method Nal. Maybe. Not Neurontin/Gabapentin or baclofen.)

This place is full of bad juju for me at the moment. I'm actually actively wondering if it's more harmful than helpful for people who want to get sober. Pretty soon, people will have to start talking about SWIM and using different IP addresses in order to disseminate information about how to mix your own drugs. Fuck that. Did no one else notice the similarities between what happened to Bill P when he lost his ever-loving mind and what happened to Evan? The last half a dozen times I talked to him (Evan), he barely made sense. Like Bill P, at his worst, Evan felt he was heaven-sent to save us all. I won't go on, because I mean no disrespect to the memories other people have of Evan, or to Bill P because whatever...But goddammit. Enough. It was bad enough that there was a glorification of Levin, when anyone who knows him or talked to him for more than 3 minutes knows he was completely bat-shit nuts. He prescribed the doses that kept Evan going and it's not the first death I lay firmly at his doorstep.

Rant over. I am firmly aware that this little (tiny!) expression of my dismay and disgust will cost me the friendship of some people. Whatevs. I've got more to say on these subjects, and I'll say them all eventually.

If someone wants to start a group that focuses on actually getting better, on disseminating real information and not pseudobullshit, I'm in. I'll actually be cheerful about it. I have all the research that I sent to Evan for the other website. And more. I will also happily and cheerfully pass that and anything else I've got on to whatever comes next, and without reservation or hesitation or input. God knows we need something.

I'm fine. Sober. No pills. Winding down from a very hectic December and gearing up for a very demanding semester. I love some of you very much. I like some of you, too. I'll be back in touch eventually.

Cheers.
.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Colin;1605661 wrote: Some people might take issue with the bold-face stuff. What were you smoking Ne?

Colin, I deleted it because I am trying very hard not to infringe on the way people are grieving Evan's death. It does not surprise me at all that you would go to the trouble to create trouble. The people who would take issue with anything I've written are likely the people that keep me from being willing to participate in this forum. This (ironically) does not include you. While I find your humor distasteful, your lack of respect for women abhorrent and your responses to me in particular sophomoric and petty, I have seen you try to get sober and help others in good faith. So whatevs. It's not up to me to decide who is likable. Plus, you don't post bullshit. Well, other than your grudge against me. But again, whatever.

I stand by every word written there, including and especially the things you put in bold.

I am still smoking cigarettes, though I doubt that has any bearing on this discussion.

Hope it's a good year, Colin.

[redhead77]

Progress thread for ne

I don't know what to say to all of this. I don't know what's appropriate to talk about at this point. I think it all sucks. May I say that? I understand all that you've communicated here, Ne. I understand why you're angry or upset, whatever it is you're feeling. Maybe unsettled? Lots of stuff going on.

Happy New Year.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

redhead77;1605819 wrote: I don't know what to say to all of this. I don't know what's appropriate to talk about at this point. I think it all sucks. May I say that?
Me neither. I sure wish we could talk about all of it. It definitely sucks. Glad you said it.

redhead77;1605819 wrote: I understand all that you've communicated here, Ne. I understand why you're angry or upset, whatever it is you're feeling.
Thanks. Really.

redhead77;1605819 wrote: Maybe unsettled? Lots of stuff going on. .

Yes, and yes.

redhead77;1605819 wrote: Happy New Year.

You, too, Red.

[Jazi's Mum]

Progress thread for ne

Gee, I was under the impression that free speech reigned here? I must be wrong. There are certain things that we all agreed when we signed up not to rattle on about: religion, politics, and we agreed not to be completely rude etc. or to swear excessively...but other than that we should be free to speak our truth.

But ranting and saying heartfelt things surely wasn't one of the things we can't do. I don't want to up-tick the drama but for heaven sakes I can't read anything into Neva's post that is offensive. It's all what she thinks, and some of it was instructive to me, a newbie.

Let's not shut people down because they say things we don't like, or don't agree with. Let's just reply stating what we believe. That makes for a much more interesting and informative forum than the hissy fits we sometimes see here. As I said, I'm new here. Some will be angry with me for sticking my nose among the "oldsters" who have been posting for a long time. - the hell with that. I'm going to speak my truth, and hopefully do it in a charitable way, and I expect others to do the same. If I am every unkind or out of line in a way that violates the agreement we ticked ok to, the moderators will take care of it. Other than that for heaven sake let's be adults!

Happy New Year.

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for ne

Jazi's Mum;1605877 wrote: There are certain things that we all agreed when we signed up not to rattle on about: we agreed not to swear excessively...

WE DID???? Oh, f**K!!

Happy New Years, everyone. May 2014 bring you all the very best that life has to offer and everything you wish for... even if that's sobriety.

[redhead77]

Progress thread for ne

Lol, Stuck! Happy New Year to you too! Jazi's Mum, I'm sorry if my post offended you. I don't think it offended Neva. She understands me; she knows me well. Neva, I have more to say about your response to me. Or maybe I can say it now. I think we can and should talk about certain things, and you are obviously free to voice whatever you want whenever, on your own thread. I guess I'm not ready to engage in certain conversations about some things right now. Some of it is muddy. Dr. Levin in my mind is certainly not. I mean, I'm crystal clear about the issues there.

Anyway, I know you recognized it too, and that's why you deleted it. You have strong feelings and needed to vent. Then realized the timing was wrong. It was Colin who brought it back up.

:l Truly hope you and Ed are having a wonderful evening!

Happy New Year to all!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Stuck, :H Well put.

RedH, You're right. I didn't find anything offensive in what you wrote.

JZ, welcome. Thanks for weighing in. You're right that some of this is ancient history. (Like the fact that whats-his-name quoted and posted the post that I deleted. He tends to try to irritate me. No worries, there. It's bad form, but not all of us are polite. ) In fact, no worries on my account. ( I am a little concerned that I'm not supposed to swear excessively, though.) Glad you've joined in and hope you find the success with baclofen that I did. I'm afraid it didn't make me particularly nice-ish, but I've always thought that virtue was overrated. A happy and healthy new year to you, too.

Reggie;1606161 wrote: Happy new everything to you Ne
Much love
Reg
Thanks for that honest post I agree with all of it .
You are the best poster here please Neva / Eva leave us
That would break me heart.

MORNING/EVENING REGGIE!

Thanks for the support. In a way I'm glad that someone decided to post it for me, even though it's not his right or responsibility. There are a couple of things I would clarify, but I don't have time today and may never get to it...pfffffft.

How is 2014? Mine just started and so far, so good.

Hope it's a Happy New Year everybody!
xx

[Jazi's Mum]

Progress thread for ne

What all this says to me is we are passionate people. We actually care deeply about important things. That's gotta be good.

I just thought about myself in this instance - I get a little ahead of myself when I post - I want to share my thoughts - but we have to remember our readers don't really know us, and can't see our faces nor hear our voices.

Peace to all. What a perfect day to clear away some of the cobwebs and start fresh?
JMum

[joanna_d]

Progress thread for ne

ehrr, should i feel sorry i missed all of this and start reading back?
i can relate to the fear of being misinterpreted. using media like forums, emails, etc. misinterpretation is easy.
it kinda prevents me from posting much nowadays. extremely self conscious. which is a waste, as it stands in my way of being there for others.

anyway. most important: HAPPY NEW YEAR to you Ne, and Stuck, and all you passionate (also he not so passionate!) wonderful (by that i mean everyone) people around here!

:l and :h

[gratitude]

Progress thread for ne

hi-ne,
how the hell are you my friend? just checking in and checking on you.
your life has gotten quite busy in sobriety,no? god our lives are different now. just givin' thanks for your health. i mostly lurk these days but i keep an extra watch on you.
hope the new year finds you happy and grateful. best to you and ed.
gratitude.

[whatever...]

Progress thread for ne

bump

[MissIndygo]

Progress thread for ne

I for one am very glad that Colin quoted your original post Ne. Great rant and very informative. Stop deleting your posts girl!! Very annoying.

You had something to say, you said it very well, and it made perfect sense to me. So good for you!

So thanks for posting it and then responding to your deleted post

[spiritwolf333]

Progress thread for ne

Hi Ne -I know you are on a "my way out" time out. However your positive comments and information are needed and appreciated. Hope your "time out" is short lasting. Just a thought.