Progress thread for ne

[Molly78]

I'm a bit anxious about this too. Dropping 120mg in a day is unheard of on this forum. Hoping to hear from Ne today that all is well.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Yep. I agree ladies. That was a bit ridiculous on my part. I took 200mg yesterday. And I'll start titrating down by 20mg every 3 days or so.

For the record, the first time I titrated down, I went down by 20mg/MONTH.

And if I were new to baclofen, missing a half a dose would have REALLY messed me up. So please, newbies, do as I say and not as I do and be very conscientious about taking your baclofen at the same times and amounts every day.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

8 days and counting until I'm done with my nursing class. Just sayin'. Then y'all will have to address me as Nurse Ne the Bestest. (Actually, that's not true at all, it'll take a while to get my license. And once I get my license, I'm not sure I'll want anyone to know that I have a license 'cause that could get me into trouble. But that's not the point. The point is that in 8 days I will have finished something I set out to do. Holy hallelujah. Keep your fingers and toes and knees and whatever crossed that I do not fuck this up in the meantime. My family is throwing me a party! And after feeling really uncomfortable about it, I decided to embrace it and invite a whole bunch of people. Because why the hell not? Right?! So I better damn well graduate. Ya' know? That could be very, very embarrassing. And it wouldn't be the first time y'all. lol.

By the way, you're invited. Longest tangent ever?)

Speaking of which, shouldn't we be addressing Stuck as Dr. Stuck? Though that might confuse people.

[Lostinspace]

Eight more days until you’re (pretty much) Nurse Ne? That is so exciting!!! And I’m so glad to hear that you decided to embrace the party and invite a bunch of people. This is a huge accomplishment. You need to celebrate yourself for once

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Thanks, Lis! I am SO EXCITED!

I have been buying things to bring my house together so it looks complete. You know how it is, right? You put off doing stuff until right before you have company and then you suddenly hang all the pictures and decorate the mantle. So that's where I am.

I have very little work left to do for school, and I'm trying really hard (and mostly succeeding) not to procrastinate. Which is a whole new world in Ne-land, I can tell you.

Though I sent my last paper to Dr. Stuck for him to edit (he is kind enough to do that for me) and he was like, "Um, are you sure that YOU wrote this?" Lol. So needless to say, I have to start over on that one and it's due tomorrow. blech. I hate writing in the first person. Except on here, apparently. He told me to approach it as though I was writing here, so I suppose that's what I'll do.

I'm at a consistent 7-8 beers a night. Not great, but not terrible either. I don't know if I mentioned it above, but I'm going down 20mg every 3 days until I get to, maybe, 30mg. I want to see what life is like without baclofen. If my drinking dramatically increases during that time, then I'll have to go up. I'm not willing to jeopardize my life for this experiment.

I can tell you that I absolutely crave alcohol in a way I haven't in years and years. And it starts early. Like around noon or one. It's very disconcerting. No amount of food, chocolate, coffee, or even a benzo, curtails the craving. Fortunately I've been so busy that I usually put the first one off until the witching hour (of 4 or 5 pm) but I'm home all day today, straightening and writing that damn paper. I bet my first is earlier than I'd like.

By the way, I think this is rational. As I've mentioned before, I know the people outside of the meds threads will not see it that way, but what do you people IN the meds threads think? Is it stupid to start from scratch? Ameisen did it, but he was abstinent for the whole experiment... I honestly don't think I could abstain for more than a day or two. If that. I may try as I go down further...

Anyway, hope all is well out there.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

No. Probably just the opposite, Fredson. I do a lot of sitting because I'm studying or reading or writing.

When I'm busy, it's still there, but easier to resist. That said, I was so stressed and anxious after taking an exam yesterday around 4, and the craving so intense, that I bought some beer and drank one on the way home from school. So while I don't seem to be drinking more while I'm lowering my dose of baclofen, the craving is growing, growing, growing.

I'm curious what it will be like when I'm done with the stress of finishing up this program and school in general. (8 days and counting.) I should be at about 140mg by then...

[_serenity_]

By the way, I think this is rational.

It's not. Going down to 30 mgs/day is not rational, it's not sane, it will do nothing to further your goals, and it reeks of self-sabotage. I get so upset reading these updates. You spent the better part of a year in a horrible depression after going down to 80. After a lot of work and a steady titration, you got your life back and your drinking within some semblance of control. Why in the fuck are you risking your newfound happiness by taking a nosedive in your bac use? You already know where that got you the last time. This is the definition of insanity and I worry that it is going to blow up in your face right when you are graduating and moving on. PLEASE don't do this to yourself. Going up and down is never a good strategy.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Yipes. I will give that more thought! Thanks.

[dundrinkn]

Well... I'm not sure what the value is in going down to 30mg. Especially if you're already feeling the craving so much more where you are. If you weren't drinking then I'd say go for it. But really, you already know what being at a lower dose is going to feel like. Like you need a fuckin' drink at noon! I don't think you want craving alcohol to take up that much space in your mind/life. So I say stay where you are for a while with Bac and alcohol. Maybe a week or so. Then head back up -- take it slow. Maybe try to limit alcohol content. Skip days. You know the drill. Feel what's different with each increase. Notice what you notice.

Very cool about becoming Nurse Ne. Bad ass!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I think this is one of those cases where you have to remember that we are all different.

For instance, Fredson, when you were taking all of those medications and drinking more than ever, you felt terrible. I, on the other hand, am taking similar medications and no longer feeling depressed, and despite my lowered dosage of baclofen, I am not drinking more. In fact, I'm more optimistic and eager than I have been for years. Antidepressants (including some of the ones you took) have changed my life for the better in ways I can't express. I wish they worked for everyone this well. Which is not to say it was easy to get here. I tried several different medications, at several different doses, to finally find a contented place. (A lot like baclofen, actually...)

It might not make sense to most of you for me to go down to such a low dose. I understand that, too. I think I have valid reasons for doing so. One of which is that we have never thought that baclofen in and of itself was an antidepressant. What effect does the baclofen have on my antidepressants and vice versa? (I am taking 3 antidepressants. Willingly and contentedly.)

Add to it the fact that the single biggest stressor in my life is about to be over in a matter of days. I want to find as low a dose as possible to hit a switch and maintain it. I'm thinking of this in terms of setting up all the tools and the scenario in order to come out with the most positive outcome.

I am also taking some other meds on a PRN basis that I won't talk about here. But I've taken one of those meds (for ADD) before, and I'm not sure that it works with baclofen. I wonder if the two just counteract each other? I'm not the first to suggest it, but I am the one with the most experience (at least on this board) with the two.

While 8 beers a night, or a bottle of wine, is an exorbitant amount, it isn't debilitating at the moment. The craving is just an old nemesis. Hasn't changed except that now I can identify it. Chocolate helps until I can get the real thing.

Finally, I am in the final throes of something I've been battling my entire life...That is finishing something I started. If I actually achieve turning in all of my work on time, getting the grades on time, and actually graduating, it will be the first time in my life. I'm 47. That's saying something. The meds, all of them, have helped me get here. (As have many other things, including your support, my family and my husband.)

I will have a brief respite before I actually become employed and it's during that time that I intend to mark my eyes on abstinence. The next goal is...illuminating. I feel like I'm on the right track for the next big change, and that doesn't happen very often. Mostly I hate change! But this one feels okay. Exciting. Something...But I don't know what.

(I'll eat my words if I'm still sitting on this same ol' brown couch in my study, chain smoking and posting on MWO in six months, I swear.) (That would suck, wouldn't it?)

In the meantime, my pdoc knows, we know what the antidote is, and I'm gonna be slow and steady about the whole thing.

I don't think I'll post here about this unless anything develops for me. And I don't think there are any newcomers left who haven't been scared off by the likes of me or the troll...

So. Hang in there. I am definitely doing just that, only better, I think. :hug:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Actually, I'm only 46. That was the single most important point of the post and I fucked it up, as usual. FORTY SIX, people. NOT 47.

just sayin

[Lostinspace]

Ne - I guess you're going through with your plan no matter what, so I really hope it turns out well for you. I just hope you’ll be smart about it and start going back up again at the first sign of your drinking escalating. You’ve come way too far to let alcohol rule your life again (or any more so than it already does) - especially when you know what the answer is. Take care of yourself :hug: And good luck with the last few days of school!

[Molly78]

Three antidepressants, 8 beers a night, baclofen , ADD meds, + others? Wow, that really is a potent combination. I'm amazed you can work & study effectively on all that, your brain chemistry must be a bit quite deranged I would have thought.

Well, best of luck with the last few days of your course, I hope you qualify. And yes, take care of yourself, because it doesn't sound as though you are doing that at the moment. Maybe the brief respite coming up will allow you to sit back & take stock before the world of work takes hold of you.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Three antidepressants, 8 beers a night, baclofen , ADD meds, + others? Wow, that really is a potent combination. I'm amazed you can work & study effectively on all that, your brain chemistry must be a bit quite deranged I would have thought.

Gee, Molly, I think you made my point about not wanting to post here about my experience! Thank you.

Far from being deranged, I'm actually feeling pretty darn good. Which would indicate (to me) that my brain chemistry is pretty well balanced at the moment. (With the exception of the fact that I am not actively treating my alcoholic drinking with baclofen...But that's a choice, and it's just for the month. I'll try to explain, though I doubt there are any who will take the time to understand.)

I am being productive, engaging in the world around me, keeping things in my home (relatively) straight and meeting my responsibilities. I'm on good relations with my husband, friends and my parents. I am also excelling in school. I still have good days and not-so-good days, of course, but nothing compared to what life used to be like.

My worst days now are akin to what my best days were like 4 months ago before I finally settled on a combination of antidepressants that work for me. My worst days now don't even compare to what it was like to drink alcoholically on a daily basis 5 years ago when I read Dr. Ameisen's book and found this place. That was an intolerable hell, even though I barely recognized it at the time. I just knew I was desperate to change my life, and I couldn't do that until I stopped drinking. Contentedly. I couldn't continue to do what I'd always done, which was attend AA, pray, take some meds or supplements, and do my best to white knuckle it across the finish line.

Baclofen changed all of that, of course. And that story is the one written here starting on page one of this thread.

The things you (and perhaps others) are insinuating or are possibly just confused about have to do with the decisions I'm making about baclofen and my drinking right now.

I thought I would just lay low for a while, seeing as there isn't really any activity going on here anyway, but perhaps, instead, I'll try to explain why I'm taking a bunch of medications, titrating down and continuing to drink. If nothing else, it will give me something to write about, and you all know how much I love that. right?

Peace out. Times a billion.

[dundrinkn]

I get it, I think. That you're trying to figure out the interactions with BAC and some of your other meds. See which ones are helpful, and which ones might not be (at least while on BAC) and then titrate back up and try and switch a lower dose so you aren't on an ungodly amount of medication. Is that about it?

If so, makes good sense to me. And as long as you're monitoring it with the help of you Pdoc, I say go for it. Thanks for making the effort to explain it. I wasn't clear why you were going down so low when you already were having increased cravings.

I'm at 1500mg of Gaba and 80 Bac. Not interested in alcohol in the slightest. Will keep going up to 1800 gaba and will also see about going down a bit on Bac (to 60 mg). My Pdoc will probably only prescribe higher gaba with a decrease in Bac (which it why she wanted to try the combo). Hoping the increase in Gaba and decrease in Bac will keep cravings at bay while getting rid of the nerve pain.