Progress thread for ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I'm so glad to have read this post.

I haven't decided yet whether or not to do TSM or traditional naltrexone treatment, the way it's prescribed in the US. (My pDoc prescribes it for daily use, not for TSM.)

I figure I don't have to decide right away, since I'm drinking daily. I will just take it an hour before I drink. Period. In the meantime, I'll titrate up on baclofen. I just can't get where I want and need to be quickly enough, especially if I have to go up above 300mg. And frankly, I don't want to do that again if I can avoid it.

Thanks for stopping by UKB. xx

[Rusty]

Ne, I think the world of you and I know you're struggling, and what I'm going to say may really hurt you and please know, it is not my intention at all. I am SO fond of you...but you can't rely solely on Baclofen and/or NAL to get you sober and keep you there...or even keep you sober for a few days at a time. You have to really WANT it enough so that you CHANGE your behavior, you change your delay habits, you change your daily routine. As I have mentioned before, Baclofen helped greatly with my anxiety, and at a very low dosage, and I know I am lucky in that way. But what made the most difference for me was changing my daily routine and my habits, AND the attitude that I "deserved" those drinks after a very long day. I DESERVED to be healthy..and not this fat, bloated, pathetic businesswoman. I was a serial relapser and always in denial, always making excuses for my drinking...blah, blah, blah. But I knew I had to do SOMETHING!!! I knew that the "cocktail hour" was my witching hour, so I changed my morning exercise routine to early evening, so that by the time I got home after busting my butt at the gym, I didn't care about eating or drinking...I just wanted to take a shower and go to bed.

Weekends were the toughest for me, but that's when I went to my gym/spa, and worked out in the early evening and then sat in the hot tub until I pruned. I made sure that I had plans for every hour of the weekend days so there was no lag time to get drunk. Is here a place where you can volunteer, like a homeless shelter, a women's shelter, or someplace where you are NEEDED and LOVED, and you can replace AL's false love with a real feeling of giving to others? I volunteer quite a bit and I LOVE it. The people I work with are so poor but they always have a positive attitude and so appreciate me. They make me grateful for my life but they teach me a lot about humility and how there's no time to wallow in self-pity. I admire their strength and the willingness to move forward with their lives. Volunteering looks good on a resume, too. :-)

NE, is it possible for you to just not drink for a day or two?? I KNOW, I KNOW how hard it is, but I really think if you can just have a couple of days to get the alcohol out of your system, you will feel a whole lot better. You HAVE to now, don't you? You want a career in the health care field and drinking 8-10 beers per night will absolutely derail your dreams and your goals.

These are just my thoughts and I hope I haven't upset you. I don't want our friendship to be in jeopardy.

Sending warm thoughts and love your way,

Rusty

[Baclofenman]

What an excellent post Rusty.....I seriously doubt Ne will be offended

[Baclofenman]

What an excellent post Rusty.....I seriously doubt Ne will be offended

I for one have filled my time with other things that have helped me greatly -

[Ne/Neva Eva]

That is an excellent post, Rusty. Thank you. I'll respond more in the morning.

I just realized that today is the 5 year anniversary of my first switch. :-/

May the next one not take the 4 months that the previous one did! Oy.

[YouKayBee]

I haven't decided yet whether or not to do TSM or traditional naltrexone treatment, the way it's prescribed in the US. (My pDoc prescribes it for daily use, not for TSM.)

I figure I don't have to decide right away, since I'm drinking daily. I will just take it an hour before I drink. Period. In the meantime, I'll titrate up on baclofen. I just can't get where I want and need to be quickly enough, especially if I have to go up above 300mg. And frankly, I don't want to do that again if I can avoid it.

Thanks for stopping by UKB. xx

No problem, my response however wasn't particularly about the nal.

I also don't think that filling time is necessarily the key. People kept telling me to keep busy, hell I already had oodles of interests. My humble opinion is that busy can patch over things, which may work for some.

No my response was about meds and your statement about never removing the anxiety.

I took that to mean you are still there underneath it.

My recent training had a different outlook on how people deal with life, a coping mechanism rather than illness. I don't dispute that meds can make a huge difference - look at me for example. I don't however believe that meds solve the underlying condition of simply being and understanding how you are.

I think I'm interested to know where and who is Ne, under the layers of meds.

[YouKayBee]

And I think I include alcohol in 'meds'.

[Mentium]

As Ne is aware I immediately felt better when I managed to stop drinking. I didn't think I could manage to but I was feeling pretty awful taking 140 mg and drinking every evening. During that spell I felt like I hit a mini rock bottom, which is what it has always taken for me to stop, take stock and get some sober time together.

Luckily, and slightly to my surprise it stuck. It can be the hardest thing in the world to put the brakes on - Jesus I know that. But maybe if you can you can get started 'properly'.

As ever just trying to be helpful.

[Rusty]

Mentium-I agree with you. I felt instantly better when I stopped drinking. For me, drinking and BAC don't mix...and when I would overdo it, the hangovers would be horrendous!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

You guys are so wonderful. Thank you. I just had a 2 hour session with my therapist and need to decompress from it for a little while. Very intense stuff.

I can't wait to respond, though, because there is so much good and lovely here. Thank you truly.

Bacinabit...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Thanks, again, Rusty. It’s not as though I don’t know these things. It’s been years since I’ve been to rehab, but I walked away from that place with an understanding of the importance of eating regularly and sleeping on a schedule. The mid-day walks around the football-sized field also helped a great deal.

But putting it into practice right now when my time is my own and I literally don’t have a single deadline or anyone to answer to? It’s tough. Even tougher when there’s the self-induced malaise that comes along with drinking daily…

I can’t expect the healed ones to relate to this. I know it wasn’t long before I forgot how stuck active alcoholic drinking can make one! I also can’t expect the sick ones to believe there’s a way out with baclofen (or other medications) when I’m stuck in active alcoholism.

It’s a quandary, but one I expect will be over soon. I can see the end, it’s just too damn far away and I’m not known for my patience. At all, ever. Ha.

I got Nal from my pDoc today. And spent two hours with her (which I do almost every week). I completely understand what you’re getting at UKB. Anxiety is at the root of it. That is a chemical malfunction in my brain chemistry, but it’s also a “lifestyle” that I’ve adapted to over the many years I’ve been alive.

I am delving into things that are both painful and enlightening. She is by far the very best therapist I’ve ever had. We use lots of exercises and tools to get to the nitty gritty of things. (And no, it’s not delving into what happened during potty training and all that jazz.) I’m discovering the different layers of me. Fascinating and scary as hell sometimes. And yes, for all you skeptics out there, sometimes it is very woo-woo, hippy-dippy crazy. Which fits me just fine! ☺ We also worked on my resume for an hour, which was a HUGE help. Gawd I love that woman.

But anyway, back to the point. I can’t wait to quit drinking because I feel as though you guys are exactly right: it is sucking the life blood out of me.

And make no mistake, it is very, very motivating to make sure that when the new forum goes live (March 1!!!) that I’m not still drinking against my will. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll go live with it if I’m still actively drinking alcoholically. I’m not sure I could stand the hypocrisy. We’ll see.

Drank several beers and a bottle of cheap champagne yesterday because it was all that was around. I don’t mind telling you that this morning sucked. Oh, and keep in mind I still can’t get drunk, so it’s not even fun. I know you feel my pain, Dun.

Today is looking better. I’ll start the Nal tomorrow or Sunday. Since I’ll be with my parents on Saturday, I’m not sure I want to start it then. I probably won’t drink when I’m up there. So Sunday is more likely.

Thanks again, everyone. Can’t wait to get to where you are! xxoo

[Rusty]

Originally posted by Neva/Eva:

But putting it into practice right now when my time is my own and I literally don’t have a single deadline or anyone to answer to? It’s tough. Even tougher when there’s the self-induced malaise that comes along with drinking daily…I can’t expect the healed ones to relate to this.

Believe me, NE, I CAN relate to this....more than you know. I am a subcontractor and although I have very steady work, between 2007-2010,, due to the nature of my business, I had only 3 days of work in March all those years. What do you think I did all day since I didn't have a boss and no deadlines to me? I stayed home and got drunk almost every day. I wasted so much time! I could have organized my closets, taken online classes, focused on fitness, but did I? NO! Little did I know that the malaise I felt was self-induced...it was the AL that kept me in a fugue state of continuous sadness and despair. While I put on a happy face to my clients, I felt like I was rotting inside. When I had March off, and other times when I had clients cancel on me...I had WAYYYYY too much extra time on my hands, and it was my doom. To combat the temptation of drinking with no deadlines to meet, I created tasks for myself and imposed my own deadlines. It really did help.

I don't call myself "healed" because I have been sober for a good while...I am free of the chains of addiction, but I do not take sobriety for granted. Sundays have ALWAYS been bad for me...I find them horrendously depressing for some reason, and sadness/anger/boredom are feelings I have to avoid because they were triggers for my drinking. I make sure I have PLANS with people or on my own that I absolutely want to keep on Sundays, and this keeps the AL beast from thinking he can sneak back into my life. I dirty danced with AL for way too long, and I have to be on my guard. I just don't want to take any chances. I know you know this, NE, I just want you to know that I am here for you and I'll try to help you all I can.:hug:

On a side note, I am delighted that you had a great meeting with you therapist and that she helped you with your resume!:sohappy::congratulatory:

[SKendall]

I agree with Rusty. I know for certain that the "fugue" state denies us from making and completing deadlines and functioning at a higher level. The emotional functioning runs parallel to the physical issues. Drinking with meds that should be helping you aren't going to be helpful if copious amounts of alcohol are still being consumed.

I wish you the best Ne.

[TimberTim]

Hey all! I know, it's been several months since I have been here. I am excited to see the new site that NE is putting together!!!
Like some of the recent posts, I have not had much work the last few months. And of course instead of making better use of my time I spent most of it drinking. I wasn't taking my meds either. I would listen to my own excuses to not take my Nal or bac, and convinced myself that beer was a better way to go. Idiot!
I found my self justifying drinking earlier as the weeks went by. First it was not until 3pm; then 2pm; then 1pm. You know how this goes, right? Idiot!
Rusty, I wish I had read your posts before, because it's the exact thing I was going through (consultant with not enough work).
After a couple of day-long drinking binges last weekend, thank God my wife said something. She made me take a step back and take stock of what I was doing.

So, I'm back on the Naltrexone and baclofen. Actually, I haven't taken both before, but I need to get out of this drinking rut.

I was taking Nal for about 6 months, but I didn't think it was working. I was still drinking 4-6 beers every night. In retrospect, that was better than the 8-12 I have been consuming in the recent months.

Yesterday I had 4 beers and today I had 3. Honestly, that's all I could drink! So, YES, idiot, this shit does work.

And then there's Super Bowl Sunday! Fortunately, I'll be with people who don't have this damned addiction problem. And I'll have taken my meds. I know I'll want to drink, but I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to keep it to a few drinks (based on the last couple days drinking pattern. I'm okay with that.

And now that I'm back on MWO, I have you guys for additional support. Thanks so much! I need the support! Hang in there NE! You have been there for me before! I'll do my best to do the same for you!

By the way, I started on the bac yesterday by taking 40mgs and went up to 60mgs today. I absolutely hate these SE's (can't sleep). I know, I probably took to much, but I never have been patient with the titration. On the other hand, if I hadn't taken 60 mgs, I'd probably be sleeping and not have signed in to this forum! How's that for a silver lining?
Take care!

[YouKayBee]

Hey all! I know, it's been several months since I have been here. I am excited to see the new site that NE is putting together!!!
Like some of the recent posts, I have not had much work the last few months. And of course instead of making better use of my time I spent most of it drinking. I wasn't taking my meds either. I would listen to my own excuses to not take my Nal or bac, and convinced myself that beer was a better way to go. Idiot!
I found my self justifying drinking earlier as the weeks went by. First it was not until 3pm; then 2pm; then 1pm. You know how this goes, right? Idiot!
Rusty, I wish I had read your posts before, because it's the exact thing I was going through (consultant with not enough work).
After a couple of day-long drinking binges last weekend, thank God my wife said something. She made me take a step back and take stock of what I was doing.

So, I'm back on the Naltrexone and baclofen. Actually, I haven't taken both before, but I need to get out of this drinking rut.

I was taking Nal for about 6 months, but I didn't think it was working. I was still drinking 4-6 beers every night. In retrospect, that was better than the 8-12 I have been consuming in the recent months.

Yesterday I had 4 beers and today I had 3. Honestly, that's all I could drink! So, YES, idiot, this shit does work.

And then there's Super Bowl Sunday! Fortunately, I'll be with people who don't have this damned addiction problem. And I'll have taken my meds. I know I'll want to drink, but I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to keep it to a few drinks (based on the last couple days drinking pattern. I'm okay with that.

And now that I'm back on MWO, I have you guys for additional support. Thanks so much! I need the support! Hang in there NE! You have been there for me before! I'll do my best to do the same for you!

By the way, I started on the bac yesterday by taking 40mgs and went up to 60mgs today. I absolutely hate these SE's (can't sleep). I know, I probably took to much, but I never have been patient with the titration. On the other hand, if I hadn't taken 60 mgs, I'd probably be sleeping and not have signed in to this forum! How's that for a silver lining?
Take care!

Hey Timber

Yes this isn't uncommon, many people half their alcohol intake using Nal then think it's not working, and or don't take the next step which is either carrying on with TSM, or taking some active steps to reduce it further. Just a few changes and realisation, can be enough to push intake down further.

One of my sayings is that Nal (and I also include bac and all meds in this), cannot stop you from putting glass to mouth.