Progress thread for ne

[seeking_serenity]

Progress thread for ne

NE--I know you haven't been posting because of your computer probs, but I miss your updates. I hope that all is going wonderful in the NE household. :h

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

taw, friend, don't let anything scare you off! too much in store for you!

Edit: Much of this post is incorrect. I will edit it throughout.
That said, this is likely to be a depressing post.
I was much inspired by Reggie's post, and by the video otter posted (again). The decision to be made is long over-due, the addiction has to go. I've committed to AFreedom.
Recap of the last week:
Monday, 3 beers, not sure how much bac. 280-340. Vomited, though.
Tuesday, dunno whatever it was, the SEs were miserable. (not much booze, ftr. Can't drink much even when I want to).
Wednesday, no booze, 300mg/bac
Thursday, 1 beer, 280/mg bac?
Friday, effortlessly no AL, 320/mg bac
Saturday, 300mg/bac no beer, but with effort around the witching hour
Today. 40mg in. haven't decided if I'm going to take 280 or 300 today. No booze today for sure.
All this with my best effort, absolute best, to stay the course evenly and on a schedule. I check and recheck the pill baggies. Thank goodness for them. I didn't remember taking my 5pm dose yesterday and couldn't find the baggie. I almost gave up and went to fish 60mg more out of the pill bottle when I fortuitously found the empty baggie. EDIT: I didn't take the 60mg at 5pm. The empty bag I found was from the day before. I went to bed having taken no more than 240mg for the day. When at previous levels I was taking between 280mg/day and 320mg/day.

I feel terrible. Really, really terrible. My body aches. I almost passed out several times when I got up at 3am. Light shows, muscle twitches. Panic and despair. Ongoing obsessive thoughts about MWO. The mood swings are very profound. I started out yesterday with 'yeehaw' and within hours I was mired in profound depression. EDIT: Is this due to major fluctuations in baclofen ingestion? Drinking profoundly less? An underlying comorbidity? Time will tell.

Fickle's post about women taking bac reminds me what I've wondered for months. There are not really any accounts of pre-menopausal women who hit the switch. I can't think of one other than Birdy and she's been missing around here for months. And she had a terrible time of it, too. EDIT: Not sure this has any merit.

I'm mortified by this thread. Don't even want to bump it again. But I need you guys still and am apparently not done with it, still.
I'll clean it up soon, when I'm not feeling quite so despondent about my own contributions, or lack of them, to this forum.
The good news is that I'll probably be on top of the world in a few short hours. Or maybe not.
Truth is, I'm just confused in general. This is really, really lousy.
I have no choice at this point but to keep taking the pills. So I will. But 280mg/day seems to be what my body allows me to take and so I'll probably do that today.
Certainly no more than that this week. I have arranged a long weekend starting on Friday, to help stabilize this, hopefully. Though lack of structure certainly seems to contribute to weirder than normal sleeping patterns. Just as it contributed to drinking more than my maintenance level.
I think this post is all over the place and I should probably wait to send it, but it's where I am...

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

neva, good to hear from you again.

I think your terrible time is coming from you erratic dosing. Try a pick a number, any number, high or low, 280 sounds good, and consistently take that for a couple of days. I reckon that once your baclofen evens out, so will you. At the moment you are having 20% hops in either direction, with large numbers, it will definitely be playing havoc with your poor brain!

Your determination in the face of what I know is a shitty place to be is incredible. And heartwarming. We're all thinking of you.

[Guest]

Progress thread for ne

bleep;1055066 wrote: neva, good to hear from you again.

I think your terrible time is coming from you erratic dosing. Try a pick a number, any number, high or low, 280 sounds good, and consistently take that for a couple of days. I reckon that once your baclofen evens out, so will you. At the moment you are having 20% hops in either direction, with large numbers, it will definitely be playing havoc with your poor brain!

Your determination in the face of what I know is a shitty place to be is incredible. And heartwarming. We're all thinking of you.

Bleep

Neva said exactly the same thing herself to me last week, before saying I was unstable and to not bother her.

I'd say I went through pretty much the same but on a lower dose, with a bit more booze and a less certain supportive life thrown in. Bac does funny things as we've all commented, and I suspect I have a fractured cocyxx as a result of my erratic bac/alcohol intake. Will find out about that tomorrow, but maybe I'll write some on my own thread about that one.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Shit, hope you are ok UK, will await your update...

Yup, this is a powerful drug we are taking, there's no doubt. These small, tasteless white tablets are capable of taking, as well as giving, and we need to be aware of that while we are using them.

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

nevaeva;1055050 wrote:
I feel terrible. Really, really terrible. The way only bac can make me feel. My body aches. I almost passed out several times when I got up at 3am. Light shows, muscle twitches. Panic and despair. Ongoing obsessive thoughts about MWO and semi-delusional thoughts. The mood swings are so profound they're frightening. I started out yesterday with 'yeehaw' and within hours I was mired in profound depression.

First of all, I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible! :l I have obsessive ongoing thoughts about everything lately. Dreams lately have been vivid and interesting, but last night they were all around vivid and wretched. Ugh.
And I'm with you on the mood swings. I had a few days this week where I felt absolutely fantastically euphoric and insanely grateful for the smallest things. I had a whole new thread started up in my head entitled "Bac Revelations", in which I was going to say that my choice to go up to 180 had paid off and I definitely felt that I have reswitched and how everything's all puppy dogs and rainbows now. But then Friday had me back to feeling anxious and rather down in the dumps. I had a whole laundry list of things I was going to get done since I had the day off, using all of my insane bac energy. But the day got away from me, and though I didn't stop all day, only got a few things done, and didn't have time to log on here, and certainly couldn't think about writing my new Bac Revelations thread anymore.

nevaeva;1055050 wrote:
Fickle's post about women taking bac reminds me what I've wondered for months. There are not really any accounts of pre-menopausal women who hit the switch. I can't think of one other than Birdy and she's been missing around here for months. And she had a terrible time of it, too.

I would wholeheartedly disagree with this, as I'm pre-menopausal and have hit the switch twice now. :H But yesterday was intensely emotionally stressful for me (though I held it together well), and I ended up having a beer with dinner. It didn't taste good, and I couldn't have stomached the idea of another. AND my desire has never been to be AF - but I can't go around shouting that I've hit the REAL switch this time now, can I? In any case, I reached my absolute limit with 180 and am back on 160 now and will continue going down.

I agree with bleep - you gotta pick a dose and stick with it! You've got the high tech baggie system now and everything!

Thinking of you as always Karen. As shitty of a week as you had, take a look at how amazingly far you've come. Just look at the recap and think about how absolutely unfathomable that would have been a couple of months ago! I know you're sick to death of the SEs (I effing know I am!), but your progress is undeniable. And you've got US to come and talk to and to support you!

KOKO and JKTTGDP! And lots more :ls.

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

oh gosh. I wrote a long answer to your latest post, Nev. And, of course, my post was groundbreaking, brilliant, and probably would have answered all your questions and solved most of the problems in the world today.

So I lost it... well, that's life.

My response, which was oh so organized (although not edited ) was divided into 3, or was it 4, parts.

Ok, so here goes the fast and furious version whilst hub and kids are otherwise occupied.

I think you need a better system on keeping track of your dosing and I have a system worked up over 17, now soon 18, months that works for me based very simply on alarms and a notebook. It might or might not work for you. Then again, probably others have better systems, and probably yours is better, anyway. We can take it up personally. (Of course my track record doesn't speak much for the efficacy of this system. But to take the doses regularly, that it works for.)

You are dosing up too fast, I think. More on that. Others have surely responded on that (sorry no time right now to read other posts).

Pre-menopausal... have wondered about this myself. But am pretty sure it's not related. I used it as an excuse for a long time, but looking back, there are definitely more examples (Henrietta comes to mind, but many more). I could add that as a question to Dr. L, but somehow doubt he will have an inkling about it. I don't think it holds water, though. Just personal opinion at this point. We can discuss.

Has anyone here checked in to thyroid issues? Gosh, more on that later.

I am really in a rush. Sorry. All the best Nev. I will try to come back later tonight.

No editing.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I think I've got the flu.
:upset:
I'm tired and achey and cold from the inside, and have a fever. hmmmm.
Would explain a lot, wouldn't it? (Thank goodness I have benadryl AND ibuprofen in the arsenal! :H)

I also ate next to nothing yesterday. Also bad form.
When I woke up at 130am the upstairs neighbors were screaming at each other. It's a VERY old brick building, so you know it was a real kerfuffle if I can hear them. Makes me very sad, because I really like them both and they seem intent on getting drunk and doing that every now and then. Usually doesn't wake me. (Isolde, you're so on target with my emotional experience right now. Not bac, I don't think, in my case. Sobriety.)
I had lunch with my 84yo grandmother yesterday. That is always difficult for many reasons. Mainly because she tries so hard so that I'll visit again, and I have been VERY absent for the last year. :-( poor grandma.
So lots to fret over in the middle of the night.
AND when I woke up, I got out of bed to write an email to a different time zone. Bad form, again. I know better.

But yes, as I point out all the time, keeping track of the doses and being consistent makes it much easier for me. I included the week's schedule in order to give a frame of reference. I'd love to know your system, beatle.

(I have had every test known, within and without reason. All things are a go, ftr! Yay, body! you go girl!)
All THAT said, I put on my big girl britches, made a healthy breakfast, did a bunch of productive things and then took a hard nap.
See you l8r!
xo
ps. I'm sticking with the pre-menopausal thing. Too few women around here. Something doesn't add up.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Glad to see it's making such a positive difference so quickly!

Hmmm, I don't know about pre-menopausal thing. I think there's probably a bit of selection bias, and a small sample size thing at work. Saying that, nobody really knows wtf is going on, so maybe it's true.

It's all very confusing.

For whatever reason, dosage, the right britches, enough sleep, it's nice to see you happy neva.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Turns out I don't have the flu. What I did do is take much less bac the day before the meltdown/subsequent flu-ish symptoms than I had previously stated. Will clear that up tomorrow morning.

I am not finding enough time to respond to all of the things I've read in the last couple of days, but would like to shout out to taw, don't despair sister! Every time I've despaired because of SEs I've been encouraged to go up, and the result has been a decrease in SEs. I'm very glad that I listened, at least those times!

Also, I weighed in somewhere about topa, which I have no business doing since I have no experience with that, and now can't find the thread. OA is olivier ameisen. The book is The End of My Addiction p211/12. The studies can be found at JAMA 229(4) January 2008 and the NYT February 1, 2008.

I'm well. Hope you all are.
:l

[tiptronic_ct]

Progress thread for ne

neva eva;1055636 wrote: Turns out I don't have the flu. What I did do is take much less bac the day before the meltdown/subsequent flu-ish symptoms than I had previously stated. Will clear that up tomorrow morning.


I'm well. Hope you all are.
:l

NOT cool. We all need to take extremely good care. I know, I know... I'm also guilty as charged, but this is not a chance one can take at high doses and at a recently attained point of indifference.

Take care, OK? :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Thanks, Tip. I am. And bac on track, too.
hugs

[Guest]

Progress thread for ne

I once thought I had the flu and ordered in Tamiflu, a day later I realised it was simply a bad cold. How embarassing.

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

Hi Nev,

It's amazing how things can change overnight, isn't it? I feel awful today, I'm fending off the vomits minute by minute, because bac hangovers make vomiting much worse for me than regular hangovers. I actually feel my throat collapse and my guts seem to melt like plastic in a microwave. I have to stop this drinking on bac, at least at the almost 2 bottles of wine I had last night, it's killing me.

Seeing you recover your path and your perspective so quickly is an encouragement!

I know what you mean about so many posts and so little ability to respond (time or inability to type or think, etc). I find that I miss big chunks of stuff I feel I should be participating in. This board is very busy....

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

Hope you are both, NE and Bruun, are both feeling better!! Very familiar with the vomiting lately!

I feel like I am missing stuff....I spend so much time reading, I don't have time to respond, but I feel like you guys are my friends and I want to check up on you all!! So, if I am not responding, it does not mean I am not reading!!