Progress thread for ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I love this place.
Thanks, gratitude. I like your input, and appreciate the irony of that given some of my drunken anti-AA rants on this very thread. Hope the ex wasn't an evil harpy that you still wish was rotting in one of Dante's infernos.
Shout out to one of my other favorite non-bac contributors, Doggygirl. You are brilliant!
Bruun, look for Doggygirl. She's supp and sober queen, imho.
Forgive the consolidation of shout outs here. It's the only place I can keep thoughts together!
Grommet, I think you've had your follow up? I'd love an update.
Mum, got your pm, and I'm SOOO thrilled. don't show her. Too intense! xoxo

Sere, I asked Is what she did to stay busy and she pointed out that she'd just moved. I thought, well, I moved 2 years ago but there is still a TON of stuff on that to-do list that I wasn't able to pull off. That keeps me busy! As do things like shaving my legs, doing the dishes, folding and actually putting away the laundry. Last night I washed the dog after she rolled in the mud. All of these things were things I could not accomplish 2 months ago. It is my baseline. Sad but true.

Murph, you still crack me up. A beer swilling, scam-baiting he-man who draws blood over minor traffic insults and is worried about his carbon footprint or wearing a blouse. (glad you explained that, google couldn't!) omg. That is a novel. xxoo

Newbies, I am so heartened (is that a word?) by you. First post syndrome is universal. Funny to me now how scary they are. (It's truly anonymous, you can say anything, and you can always change your username or block the site for a while if you feel really badly. All of which I've done!!!)
There aren't any cliques here. You just have to post. We'll respond. Happily and gratefully. If you feel left out, pm somebody. Everyone loves a good pm!

Bac and I are finally friends, I think. simpatico. on the same page, finally. I am knocking wood! (literally, just did it!) I accidentally took only 240mg yesterday. Didn't set my 11pm alarm, and I go to bed around 930pm these days! I slept for 7 hours, woke only once and thought, 'wow, these SEs suck.' and fell bac into a deep sleep. :H Not sure what that was about.

Final thought might get me in trouble, but I feel strongly about it.

DayByDay01;1065674 wrote: ... but it what my doc told me to do. Adding 10mg every week. That , according my doc (you know who he is) will help me with my SEs

HE'S WRONG! yep, I said it. Same doc. He was my lifeline and is my endless supply of bac. He is absolutely wrong about that. It exacerbates SEs. Look to the titration Dr. OA set out in his book. (adding 20mg every 3days) You may have to tweak that in order to work, especially if you're drinking. Drawing this process out may undermine the process. That last statement is the only one that is my humble opinion.
The rest is fact.

:ls and :h

EDIT: shout out to Sunnyv https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ory-47643.html

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

And the neva eva whirlwind descends...

:wow:

Completely agree about the titration bit. The rest I have to read a few more times to come to terms with!

Murph's summary is spot-on!

[LadyLush]

Progress thread for ne

Reggie,

They are and it's fun; makes the whole ride a bit easier. Neva, I LOVE your new avatar...how appropriate :thumbs:

Great day all!

Lady

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1065797 wrote:
Shout out to one of my other favorite non-bac contributors, Doggygirl. You are brilliant!

You have my shout in there. Doggy and I have been in this together since 2007 (she's just been much more successful) Doggygirl is top in show for me! (that is an expression, right?).

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1065797 wrote:
HE'S WRONG! yep, I said it. Same doc. He was my lifeline and is my endless supply of bac. He is absolutely wrong about that. It exacerbates SEs. Look to the titration Dr. OA set out in his book. (adding 20mg every 3days) You may have to tweak that in order to work, especially if you're drinking. Drawing this process out may undermine the process. That last statement is the only one that is my humble opinion.
The rest is fact.

I would like to address this quote as one, and separately at the same time. This is going to take me longer than I have time for, but I think it's important.

Ne/Neva Eva;1065797 wrote: Drawing this process out may undermine the process. That last statement is the only one that is my humble opinion.

Well, your opinion is based on your own and many other's very real experiences, so it really is more than an opinion.

Regardless, I can personally attest to the process being drawn out by taking a slow titration approach to minimize SEs. I am in my 19th month of baclofen now.

(ftr, I did not follow anyone's protocol, however. The Dr. being discussed here is certainly not guilty for my stupidity. I didn't even hear of him until halfway into my bac journey, and only contacted him a month ago.)

I will write more about this on my own thread and/or the titration thread after I hit the switch... well maybe on my own thread first, today, and then a revised one for the titration thread that didn't exist when I needed it :damn:. and fuck, too:H

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ead-48260.html

Yeah, it's been one fuck of a ride (and it still is). Hope some others can have a less long fuck of a ride than I had/am having.

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

Oh beatle, I feel for you! I hope the Dr is able to help you move up faster! I'll be on your thread.

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

sorry, bruun, I didn't communicate well there. I just meant that Dr. L is not to blame for my slow titration. He has never been (and will never be) my doctor. I have only spoken to him for advice and insight -- just didn't want this to be seen as in conjunction with the views Neva shared in her post about him. The point is simply that too slow titration has not been good for me. But it's ALL my fault (except for that nobo

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Bruunhilde;1066086 wrote: Oh beatle, I feel for you! I hope the Dr is able to help you move up faster! I'll be on your thread.

sorry, bruun, I didn't communicate well at all there.

I just meant that Dr. L is not to blame for my slow titration. He has never been (and will never be) my doctor. I have only spoken to him for advice and insight very recently, and I just didn't want this to be seen as in conjunction with the views Neva shared in her post about him.

The point is simply that too slow titration has not been good for me. But it's ALL my fault (except for that nobody started a titration thread until now:upset:...:H)

And those "fucks" were not an expression of how I was/am feeling -- just trying to help recognize Neva in her choice of the word of the day

So fuck the last post!

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

and now really fuck because I lost the second part of that post I hadn't finished about the "absolutely wrong" titration. You have no idea how hard it is for me to write that worduch:

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

Yeah, fuck that last post! LOL

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1065797 wrote:
HE'S WRONG! yep, I said it. Same doc. He was my lifeline and is my endless supply of bac. He is absolutely wrong about that. It exacerbates SEs. Look to the titration Dr. OA set out in his book. (adding 20mg every 3days) You may have to tweak that in order to work, especially if you're drinking. Drawing this process out may undermine the process. That last statement is the only one that is my humble opinion.
The rest is fact.
:ls and :h
Karen/Ne

Ha! no, I didn't forget (though I wouldn't put it past me if I did).

I know this is your thread, Ne, but anyway, I don't think it is accurate to say "He is absolutely wrong" about titration and that is a "fact". Nor to assert that "It exacerbates SEs" as a fact, when this has not been proven -- just because the members who chose to contribute to the Titration thread have indicated as much. (https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ead-48260.html my favorite thread, Thank you tip and THANK YOU all posters for all the great, detailed responses and advice/opinion based on personal experiences!)

And I don't think it is accurate to say anyone's titration protocol is "correct", either (even if they are indeed the God of Baclofen -- and he hasn't even said that yet, as far as I can tell.)

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1065336 wrote: Didn't think you had an accent, ftr!
I didn't think either one of you had an accent

Ne/Neva Eva;1065797 wrote: It exacerbates SEs.

Hasn't someone around here been saying that for what seems like a very long time now? Or am I just...well yes, we know I'm crazy.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

You're right beatle. So are you lo0p. The truth lies somewhere in between.

I was wrong and I apologize for saying that one titration protocol was "wrong." Very irresponsible of me.

My concern is this: I (we) have given a great deal of weight and status to the opinions of one person. He has an MD behind his name, yes. He is willing to help us, which is HUGE. He prescribes for us, which makes him a hero in this struggle. (It's true.)

There is another doctor. Dr. OA. His titration was and is radically different. It has been many moons since we discussed the approach clearly printed in his book and in his research.

beatle and lo0p are the perfect examples of approaching this from opposite ends of the spectrum. One spent months titrating up erratically. The other spent a weekend taking baclofen as though it were candy. The best approach probably lies somewhere in between, of course. It's important to learn the lessons from you two. And I'm thankful that we don't have to follow your examples. However, those painful personal examples are very important for the rest of us. I am also grateful, Lo0p, that you have refrained from suggesting that the approach you took is a positive one. It might land a lot of people in dire circumstances. But I wholeheartedly agree with you, lo0p, finally. Too slow is just as bad as too fast.

I like redhead's approach. She wants to take bac, find indifference. But because she's in it for the long haul she knows that she has to tweak her protocol in order to reach the goal and still continue to function.

I also like Bruunhilde's approach. She can't take bac atm, and is going to look to taking care of the things that keep her from taking it so that if she decides to try again, she can.

I am also profoundly moved by Edostan's post this morning. The beast gives a mighty fight before she/he begins to lurk quietly in the background waiting to rear her ugly head. Healing crisis indeed. Thanks edo!

It is VITALLY important that we have this discussion/debate. I agree beatle, that the Titration Thread is not the place for it. That should be a sacred place for people to share what worked and why, and what they feel they could've done better. Newcomers can suss out what they will.

NEWBIES: If you're unsure, find someone, pm them and they'll answer. I promise. Or better yet, start a thread or post somewhere and we'll find you and we'll ALL answer. I promise.

We are but the first generation of high-dose-bac-takers. I include all those that have been treated by Dr. OA and others for the last 7 years in this category. By the tenth generation there will be a protocol. Optimism suggests that even by the fifth we might. In the meantime, let's do what we can to help those coming behind in this, the first wave.
Thanks for helping me get clear in my own head about this.
xxoo

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Bac to the original program!

Ne/Neva Eva is out of the closet in my real world! uch:
I had a friend look at my computer last night to help me get to the bottom of some of the issues I'm having. One of which is that I can't log out from mywayout. I had to bring him here in order to show him the problem. He's doesn't really care about this and thinks I'm nuts, so I wasn't particularly worried. Until he asked if I was Neva Eva. OH MY GOD! My heart stopped. HE doesn't particularly care, but his girlfriend is one of my closest friends and SHE does. I don't really care if she reads this, (who has the time, anyway?) But the point is, I've got to be prepared to be fully outed because I'm most of the way out.
Shockingly, I'm okay with that. I have a disease that should not carry a stigma greater than those with diabetes (which is also often brought on by over-indulgence!) I am (was?) an alcoholic. It is was it is. I cringe to think about my loved ones finding me here, because they didn't know that I've been drinking lo these many years. But they didn't even take the time to read the damn book. So fuck 'em. They should know that I was fighting for my very life. And that there is very real science behind this treatment. (nod to otter, thanks, pal for your cogent points on the other threads.)

I've been procrastinating writing or even talking much about my husband. But people keep asking and I've got some hard truths to admit.
I suppose it may have sounded like I was bragging about the fact that I can pour him a beer, or sit next to him while he drinks it, without wanting to do it myself. It is actually true, which is fucking amazing.
But it sucks. I don't care if people drink. I harbor booze no ill will. Unless you have the same disease I have. THEN I HATE BOOZE AND I HATE IT THAT PEOPLE DRINK IT.
I live with a daily constant reminder of how badly I felt. How I smelled, what I looked like, what my living circumstances were.
He grinds his teeth. Wakes up with angst and anxiety. And yet he thinks he wants to be able to have a beer when he wants one. I am offering, by example and with support, freedom from the suffering.
But I'm completely clear that he is in the belly of the beast. It has swallowed him whole and every decision I make threatens its very existence. His real-self loves the fact that I am taking care of things (hooo-boy! Am I ever!) But those very accomplishments, not just the fact that I don't need/want to drink, are very threatening for the beast.
I know for a fact that I can't make him take the pills. I know that even if I did, if he doesn't decide to do it for himself he won't be able to get through the inconveniences. I also know a fundamental truth: My patience is limited. The beer takes up precious space in the refrigerator. His alcoholism takes up precious space in my psyche. It is not a threat to my sobriety, but it still sucks royally.

I want to be and stay married. He'll take the pills, I think, if I threaten to leave. I'm not ready for that, though. Financially, emotionally or physically. And again, I don't want to force his hand.
Forgive this digression:
I have a standing lunch date with my gay boyfriend every weekend. Last weekend I sat with him and told him that I was ready to move into the guest room, make a scene of sorts, force the issue a bit.
GBF reminded me that there was maybe a 5% chance that my husband and I were going to stay together. That pushing the envelope would benefit no-one and nothing. That my husband is a cautious man and reluctant to change. These traits actually balance out my naive, gung-ho, unbridled optimism. We are a good fit in many, many ways. We have always been drunk together, except for the time when we were both sober together in AA-recovery. (okay, to be honest, he was sober. I was not. But he didn't know that.) That was a lovely time. I liked him a lot.
GBF's insight broke my heart and I started crying in the greasy diner where we were scarfing down food that makes my heart shudder in pain. I decided that I would rather hold him in the middle of the night for as long as I can, if in the end we are going to go our seperate ways. And I would rather hold him if in the end we are going to be together for better or for worse until death does us part. Which is the only part of our vows that we borrowed from the traditional marriage ceremony. (rest assured, obeying was NOT in the vows! :H)
I think it's time to move into the guest room. I'm crying even now, but I think it might be time.
With respect for the fact that what I'm doing here, on this thread, is sharing information about what this journey is like for me...And with an understanding that many of us will face a struggle with interpersonal relationships as we go through this process...I don't think I really want to write or talk about this any time soon in any meaningful way. :upset:

:ls and :h

PS sober sister and boyfriend and GBF, if you're reading this, STOP NOW! It's none of your damn business and I'll tell you whatever you want to know. This is my/our sacred space and if you don't suffer from this or treat people like me, you have no place here. I write that with love and profound appreciation for all you've done to support me, which is astounding. I am very, very fortunate. I love you more than I love mywayout, which is saying something!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

hay zeus. That was loooong even for me. Sorry.