Progress thread for ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Lol, Low.
My english is decidedly better than my dutch. I can manage a fairly convincing "Hola. Como estas? Muy bien, gracias" though.

I made a promise to myself that if I started posting I wouldn't turn around and delete them, even though they all make me feel like a fool. (I hate it when other people do it, and it always seems to be just when it gets interesting. Don't you think?) But that one is sorely testing my resolve.
The future of the relationship remains to be seen. But I reserve the right to tell you to f* off at some later date. Or a "so there" if we actually pull through this. Feel free to do the same if the situation calls for it.

Taking the damn pills. I believe. Do you think it'll help resolve my penchant for drama along with my fundamental disease? ha.

And thank you. sincerely. I'm always happy to entertain. back at you.

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

neva eva;1031853 wrote: decided not to go off the rails, ftr. Going to cook and eat this nastiness away for the moment.
And just got a text from husband. "I'm fine". ha. I'll take it.
xo

Cooking is a good distraction. I find it enjoyable, though it feels decidedly different without a glass of wine at my side.

Wish I knew how to fix your issue with the site not keeping you logged in. Aside from asking it to Remember you, I don't know what else you can do. I don't know if it could be a site issue (in which case maybe you can contact a mod. to see if they can help or point you in the right direction), or if it might be something with your computer. But if you're not having any issues with other sites, that probably isn't the case.

Glad you're not going to delete your expletive filled post. I've been known to throw around a shit or a fuck on occasion. Sometimes the situation just calls for it. Anybody who gets offended by it doesn't have to read it.

[ignominous]

Progress thread for ne

Good to see your letting it all hang out Nev.

Like the drama, more interesting than the TV we get here.

Hugs for the New Year

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Ig, you're watching Justin Beiber for god's sake. I'd hope my flair for drama was a bit more interesting. thanks and back at you.

Is, it's not the expletives. We're presumably grown ups. I'm not throwing the f-bomb around on Tigger's Tour. (Yikes. Imagine the consequences of that!!! The MWO server would probably come crashing to a halt from all the justifiable anger. Love tig.)
And I happen to really appreciate the word fuck. For all that it can be a cop out to real expression.
That said, I am going to have to amend/edit some of my posts.
I couldn't resist forwarding Moglor's most recent post to my husband. Hell, I might send it to everyone I know. (Within reason.) And if, at some point, he decides to use this option, well I'm sure you understand.

Not sure what to do with the wild mood swings. I'm fairly elated now, as well as dizzy and more spaced than usual. I'm not going to put it all down to the bac. This time. ha.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

At 200mg/day for 2 days this week, dipped down to 180mg yesterday. Which was a relief, honestly. The SEs are not insignificant, unless I compare them to how I used to feel. Glued to the couch and hopeless sums it up pretty well.
May punish myself and bump to 220 today and for the rest of the weekend. We'll see.
My new 'goal' is 240 over the next two weeks. Only based on the fact that the good doctor said it was 'important.' Although that's 4mg/kg. yowza. Though I'm not sure that there is a correlation myself. I'm also unconvinced that I wouldn't have hit my switch at 140mg/day if I'd been looking for it, ftr.

[Lowcountryman]

Progress thread for ne

Ne,

Reacting a lot on your posts, hope you don't mind. But there's always something that triggers me to post a message.

I recognize the 'punish-part' of your story. If you mean 'punish' in the way that you know what the possible SE's might be, but you still want to go up.

For me the SE's were somehow the proof of the pudding. Assurance that at least something was happening in my brains. The SE's can be very motivating in that manner.

As for the weight-correlation. I dunno either. Im 79kg and went up to 400mg/d. Somewhere along the way something happened. I don't know when.

I went for the 'happy-catholic'look or the 'peace-within'-look some have. Those people severely annoy me in real life, but I figured that they must be very happy en peaceful in their more or less self-created world of fairytales, in which there's only peace, joy and selffullfilness. Maybe I was being a little too amibitious there

Good luck with your going up!
Low

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I fear that this is going to be rather long. Lots to react to in my MWO world!
In order:
My dog seems to be doing okay, thank god. She?s the recipient of much of my anxiety. (I used to wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what I would do if she was hit by a car, or if we came across an off-leash attack dog. Really. These obsessive thoughts about doom and destruction are simply gone. Poof. Now I wake up and think, ?dammit. I need some more sleep!? Ha.)
She is also a lifeline to the world outside of these four walls. For all of the MWO community, and the love I feel here, and have for this place, I find this a pretty lonely journey. It?s very good for me to have to put the leash on and say hi to the neighbors on a good long walk. Especially now that I?m not scared. I used to feel panicky and jumpy simply walking the dog. Again, that?s just gone. All other things the same, I give the credit to baclofen. And that?s not to say I?m not still obsessing. Now I?m obsessing about MWO, the people on here, especially the ones in pain, and baclofen.

Low, I so appreciate your input. And your posts make me grin and lol. So thank you.

Yes, I meant punish in terms of the SEs. Also, each time I bump it's at times when I have a lot of free time. And by free time I mean lots of time to feed the beast. And I can drink a helluva lot more at times, on the bac as opposed to off of it.
So the SEs and the hangover go hand in hand.

I've never met a 'happy catholic.' Isn't that an oxymoron? Sort of like an 'optimistic Jew.' :H I'm sure I just angered a bunch of people... then again, my fondness for the word fuck should've put them off a couple of posts back. (Not a bigot in terms of religion, ftr. Except against fundamentalists. Special place in hell for them, too...One level up from the assholes who treat us with disdain. IMHO.)

I especially loved your post today on your thread. But I?ll respond over there after some thought.

So, my thoughts take me to the people I?ve met here at MWO. I decided a couple of weeks ago to just start reaching out to people past and present. Lots to think about from the responses I?ve received.
The general consensus from previous switch-ers is that MWO is depressing. Can you imagine? I find it inspiring and full of love. But one person said she was pursuing ?more normal pursuits.? YAY! Again, I can?t imagine. And can?t wait for the day. Go for it sister! (In general, I think people are successfully modding, ftr. But maybe that?s just the ones I?ve received correspondence from?)
And to the rest of us in the middle of this bac journey. Take heart! Bac may not be a panacea, and comes with it?s own set of burdens, for sure. But I swear it is working wonders in my life. For all that I?m still struggling with paranoia and mood swings and obsessiveness, this stuff is a miracle.
To the newbies: Order lots and lots of bac. Seriously. There are only a couple of people around here who use it prn. Atm, I can?t remember how they?re doing. But if you?re looking for a long-ish term solution, you?ll need quite a bit of it. I get 100 pills (2000mg) with each prescription. At current levels I?ll go through that in less than a week.
And seriously, figure out a way to keep track of how much you take, and when. I was all over the place at the lower levels. Now, even though I am remarkably consistent about when and how much I take, (which is remarkable. The only thing I used to care this much about was booze and nicotine) I still have trouble keeping track. And that?s with a week of pill boxes, and an up to date log.
Starting to twitch a little, and this is already ridiculously long?But one last thought: If you have any doubt about the pain and suffering this disease causes us, the victims, check out the posts in Just Starting Out. Not so long ago I was one of those people. I?m not anymore.
Love and hugs to all. KOKO.
(techie over in general helped me resolve my computer issue. Took all of 3 minutes. God, I love MWO.)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Currently at 240mg/day. Very grateful for my posts here, and my trusty bac notebook. This week I've jumped around from 180 to 240. Not so good. I'll stick to 240 and re-evaluate tomorrow.
Drank a bottle of wine yesterday, and I think I opened it around 2pm. Also had a nasty margarita at lunch. Not sure why I think this stuff is working in terms of AL, but it is. I'm just going to keep taking the pills!

[bleep69]

Progress thread for ne

Really helpful reading your posts Neva. Was surprised at how briefly the pills last, obvious now that I think about it, but I hadn't done the maths before. Going to have to reorder before I even start!

Someone said here (it might have been you, can't seem to find it) that bac cured them of anxiety they never even knew they had. I'm wondering if that might not be the case with me.

I also find it hard to believe that this place is depressing (i feel more hopeful than I can remember), but I suppose if you are not focused on booze anymore, there are better places to be.

I'm following your progress with much interest, keep on posting!

[Rusty]

Progress thread for ne

Bleep,

I was the one who said BAC cured me of the anxiety I never knew I had and the weird thing is....I travel all over the world and for some reason, I forgot to pack my BAC in my bag before leaving for an overnight trip in November, and I'll tell you what....the day I was without it....I felt ornery and irritable...and that has not happened since I've been on it. By my nature, I am my father's daughter and I have a very short fuse, and I KNOW I am an impatient person who needs to work on this....and BAC keeps my emotions on a much more even keel.

Neva....you lovable goofball. I am a happy practicing Catholic, and you didn't offend me, you made me laugh. Today, I'm going to either Heathen Redemption or Naughty Nymphos Covenant, but I haven't decided which yet.:H

This site and this thread IS addicting and I find myself losing track of time....like right now...I realize that I have spent the better part of an hour and a half on MWO and I'm way behind on my workout, so I better get going.

Neva, I'll PM you later this afternoon.

Bye for now...but I'll be back (think Arnold Schwarzenegger)

Neva, I just wanted to add one thought on modding. Maybe I posted this previously, so I hope I'm not boring you....when I first saw an addiction therapist, she said those people who are successful modding are those people whose problem drinking has been 5 years or less. This is my situation. My drinking didn't become daily and problematic until 2006. Like I've said before....so much of it is just HABIT. Sooo sorry to hear about your husband getting drunk. That has to be so tough. I'm very lucky because I am not around anyone who has a drinking problem. I don't think I would have the patience to deal with it...I really don't. Good for you. You're so loyal. :-). Also, one of my relatives was married to a lifelong alcoholic, and I asked him why (he's in his 80s now) he would get her a beer first thing in the morning...and he said, it's so much easier to be an enabler, then you're not starting the day with a fight.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I hope you choose the Nympho's Covenant. And um, where do I sign up for that? And um, do we meet in a meadow and drink and dance and fornicate? You can always be redeemed tomorrow. As long as you don't die tonight you'll be able to get in to heaven. Right? hmmmm, ne, those could be the attitudes that got you here in the first place. just sayin'. lol.
Funny about the anxiety thing. This was in my first post:

neva eva;1021567 wrote: High-strung and skittish are two fairly accurate adjectives. I don’t know exactly when that changed, but things that used to send me into a heart-racing, face-flushing tizzy just don’t faze me. For all the years of therapy and AA and introspection and self-help books, I never knew I was prone to anxiety. And now it’s gone. Amazing.

Love right back at you Rusty.
I'll be around.
Bleep, no worries, I'll keep posting. Can't barely help myself. It's kind of embarrassing. Glad you responded re. pming you. I'd forgotten completely. ha. Hope you got the numbers. Thanks, though it's still inconceivable that people actually read this. but I get it.
Stick close. God, I hope you get the script.
edit: deep thoughts Rusty. My drinking career is a helluva lot longer than 5 years and way more problematic. I have no interest in modding. But who knows? I'm done predicting the future.
I'll reflect on the enabling/drinking thing between my next bac dose and profound slumber (about 30 seconds apart, atm.) And then again after my nap. Thanks. Have a good workout!

[Lowcountryman]

Progress thread for ne

Rusty,

Call me naive but I actually googled: Naughty Nympho's Convenant I'll skip the Heathen Redemption though. Could we maybe car-pool or something? Since all men are created equal, there should be a seat available for a liberal progressive Dutch guy?
chrs! Low

[Lowcountryman]

Progress thread for ne

I see Neva would like to join in too! That would be nice.

Neva I'll send you a pm these days. Nothing to do with Bac btw

[Rusty]

Progress thread for ne

Hello Again,

Have not gotten my fat *ss to the gym yet. Good thing, though...my painter is here and he would like to be paid....phew...he got here just in time.

Low...absolutely you can join our club. We like diversity:H

Neva- Yup, I forgot about your first post and how Bac took away your anxiety. I think Isolde is already a member of your club. I think my heightened libido is because I was reading over past threads and I saw Lo0p's transformation to 12-pack Abs. Loopster, where are you? Come out come out wherever you are.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Oh, I know! It's like MWO porn! :shocked: :H
Honestly, I do think that it really helped me that he put his picture up. Made the whole thing seem real at a time when I couldn't be sure what was truth and what was in my very busy mind.
And the transformation is inspiring. Something to achieve, while sobriety happens!
I'm still a lo0p groupie. sigh.
And you're such a flirt, lo0p! :groupluv: I suspect he's around, but like others gone before, there is more to life than MWO. Eventually.