Progress thread for ne

[PbarE]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1072317 wrote: Did you add your contact information to the list of doctors that supervise high dose bac? You don't have to put his/her name, just a note to have someone pm you if they are in your area, or something. I don't want to pressure, but think it's vitally important. again, just sayin'
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ctors+baclofen

Done. I'll ask him today if I can post name.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Dinner is indeed a strange addition to my diet as well. I used to love cooking it, but hardly ever bothered to eat it. Never did like drinking on a full stomach. Now, shock and horror, the meal get's devoured while the wineglass sits in the cupboard, unloved and dusty.

I'd be skeptical of reducing your dose further if you are fancying a piss-up. Hang around where you are for a while and see how it goes maybe? Doesn't really hurt to stay there for a bit longer.

[TracyA]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1072331 wrote: Then I realized that it wasn't demons. Just thoughts. No whirlwind. No escalation into horrific outcomes or absolute failures or hopelessness and despair.

What an amazing transformation. I love your posts, Ne.

[coalfire]

Progress thread for ne

Good for you. Here is a celebratory poem


I'm Not Afraid of the Dark

Oh, I'm not afraid of the darkness.
I don't mind an absence of light.
I can't say I'm scared of the sunset
or things that go "bump" in the night.

I've never been frightened of monsters
or tentacles under my bed.
Not skeletons, witches or goblins
or creatures come back from the dead.

I'm not at all worried of werewolves,
or even a vampire's bite.
I'm simply not scared of the darkness,
except when you turn off the light.
--Kenn Nesbitt

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

CF, love the poem. NE, love the light in your life. xxoo

[edostan]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1072331 wrote:
I woke last night around 1am very concerned. About the stuff going on in my life, but also about the thread started by Getting Serious. (very alarming, that. I feel terrible about it.) I started to turn on the light and chase away the demons. Then I realized that it wasn't demons. Just thoughts. No whirlwind. No escalation into horrific outcomes or absolute failures or hopelessness and despair.
I left the light off, thought a little about what I was going to do with my morning. Literally thought about how good the coffee was going to taste, and that was almost enough to get me out of bed!
I fell back into a dreamless, profound, restful slumber, and woke up at my normal time, eager for the coffee.
That's one of the many gifts I've received.
Thank you Dr. OA. And Dr. L. And bac and mwo.
I'm not scared of the dark anymore. Joy!
Love you all!
jkttp

That is awesome! :goodjob:

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1070850 wrote: REGGIE!
How do you erase a whole thread? AGAIN? poof! It's just gone?!?
You ARE a MWO ninja and I would like to know your secrets?
That said, QUIT DOING IT! That particular one, which you've posted, and erased(!) twice is a very important one. It's great to be encouraging and all, but new found sobriety is a whole new world. And I NEED that thread. SO, I'll pm you again. And humbly ask that you post it again.
Please.

I know I'm late to the game here, but I wanted to respond to this too. I had a very concise and well thought out response to that thread! And when I went to post it, MWO informed me that it was no more. No, I take that back. MWO didn't inform me of anything. I drove myself nuts for a little bit wondering what the hell had just happened, and then I figured it out. So yeah Reg, please listen to Karen on this! :thanks:

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

NE/Neva Eva;1072331 wrote:
I woke last night around 1am very concerned. About the stuff going on in my life, but also about the thread started by Getting Serious. (very alarming, that. I feel terrible about it.) I started to turn on the light and chase away the demons. Then I realized that it wasn't demons. Just thoughts. No whirlwind. No escalation into horrific outcomes or absolute failures or hopelessness and despair.
I left the light off, thought a little about what I was going to do with my morning. Literally thought about how good the coffee was going to taste, and that was almost enough to get me out of bed!
I fell back into a dreamless, profound, restful slumber, and woke up at my normal time, eager for the coffee.
That's one of the many gifts I've received.
Thank you Dr. OA. And Dr. L. And bac and mwo.
I'm not scared of the dark anymore. Joy!

:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

x

[redhead77]

Progress thread for ne

Aha!! I couldn't put together some pieces and I think it finally makes sense. Have a great day Ne!

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Red, I thought I had all the pieces in place until you posted that, now I'm confused.

Ne, your first ever post was just bumped in the Dr L thread. Did you see it?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

x

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1072998 wrote: If you care, check out who responded.

I don't even remember that. You must have been just plain devastated by my measly response :upset: : "Here." :H Still there must have been a damn good reason in my head to justify posting that...

Sorry Karen! :l

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Cool thread, the early one, my, how the times have changed. Pleased to see a "ftr" in the early posts!

What were you booted off for? Can't imagine what you have to say to get kicked from here!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Lo0p;1073119 wrote: You must have been just plain devastated by my measly response :upset: : "Here." :H Still there must have been a damn good reason in my head to justify posting that...Sorry:l

Ah, lo0p, no worries. What you definitely don't remember is that I was a VERY annoying newbie. Totally neurotic. Totally paranoid. Totally enamored of you. (but that hasn't changed! :h) I kept posting, over and over again, that I couldn't take bac, the SEs were too onerous and I was too overwhelmed. I was convinced that the people around here had a secret that they weren't sharing about how to take it and when.
At some point I'll unearth some of the stuff I wrote as "research". Lordy, I was completely feckin' NUTS. I give myself credit (A LOT of credit, frankly) that I didn't give up. I was scared witless. The SEs were unbearable because I did it all wrong the first two times.

The research you did on the Consolidated Thread? Saved my life. As did your picture. And the fact that you friended me on FB. Made it real, when I thought it was all a lie. I posted once in the middle of heated kerfuffle about Dr. whatshisname and others that I wanted to meet you and thank you for saving my life. It's still true.
Love you, brother. You treated me with kid-gloves, and you know it. And now look at us!

Bleep, I don't know if I really got booted. I was so scared and paranoid (really I can't emphasize that enough!) that I kept changing the settings on my computer and adding new virus protection and obsessively following people through the threads... While drunk, mostly. I kept trying to change my name/identity so no-one could track me down and force me to take bac or something!? (I'm in Virginia. If anyone wants to bring some bac and have a party, bring it on!!! ) At one point I sent an email to one of the moderators of the site begging to be let back on the site. I got a polite email in return that expressed confusion and concern. S/he couldn't find a problem. Turned out I was putting in the wrong username/password! ha!
All this while I carried on a normal, everyday life. Working, hanging out with friends, drinking with husband. MWO was my BIG secret. Whenever I was truly despairing I just had to return here and find someone that offered me hope. Or re-read Dr. OA's book. I couldn't let go of the hope. Even though I didn't believe it could be true.

I think maybe that's why I am so eager to jump in and welcome people, to help them navigate the site. I know that many lurkers are just like I was. drunk. despairing. desperate. disbelieving.
And some of us aren't that at all. They're more like you, bleep. And in some ways I was too. My life and drinking were well managed. I was loathe to give up the comfort of that. But I knew I was sick, you know? I really identified with that in Dr. OA's book. I wasn't at the end, in the gutter, so to speak. But I did feel like I had tried everything and the beast was still with me. I had everything else in place. Exercise, diet, friends, family, money, comfort, material things, work. All good. Yet I still had that burning-white-hot-need in my body/mind every afternoon. I fed the beast every night to the tune of a bottle and a half of wine. Rarely more, never less. I was living the life I wanted, but still living a lie.

I still have all of those things, by the way. Creature comforts, friends that are now clamoring for my attention, a job in which I am valued and valuable. My (cheap) wine habit has been replaced by the much less expensive and much less taxing bac-treatment.

The beast is but a scab I'm still picking at (thanks again Is, for that song) but that's all she is. Her tentacles have retracted from around my very cells.

Now, my friends, I'm mostly free.
Love you all enormously, outrageously, immeasurably and for time immemorial.
Ne
Going bac up on the bac, btw. From 200mg/day (kept forgetting to take the last 20mg) to 240mg yesterday and through tomorrow, then up to 260mg this weekend. I'm hearing the siren song of the beast again and I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL!

(this wasn't at all what I had planned for this morning's update. I really wish my thread was more like Bruun's or something. With recipes and pictures and woohooos. I guess I like my own thoughts more. Sorry for that, peeps! )