Progress thread for ne

[TracyA]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1073570 wrote: But I did feel like I had tried everything and the beast was still with me.

I so relate to that. I did everything I knew how to do, most everything that was out there. And I couldn't even get a tenuous grip on the beast.

Now, the beast is like the final boss in a video game, and the sucker is going down!

Hope is good. So are your thoughts.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Thanks, Trace. Who's the cute kid?

Did you know that eggs explode when you've left them to boil to long and the water dries up in the pot? I just found that out. Distracted by the repartee on mywayout and the lovely people here, I left the eggs on. The water dried up. I heard a couple of rather loud pops. Ran to the kitchen to discover hard-boiled egg parts all over the place. Even on the ceiling. The ceiling is 12 feet high.

Good job, Ne.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Alt 070658562046 should get you a picture of an egg exploding, but it's not working for me. Must be a windows glitch.

What a cool piece of trivia, I'm going to try it, thanks!

[TracyA]

Progress thread for ne

?

That's what happened when it did the Alt 070658562046. It doesn't look like an exploding egg.

Ne, at least you weren't near the eggs when they went off.

The pic is of Xavier, my grandson.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

I must have a number wrong somewhere. That's clearly a picture of the egg on its side, just before detonation.

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

bleep;1073673 wrote: Alt 070658562046 should get you a picture of an egg exploding, but it's not working for me. Must be a windows glitch.

What a cool piece of trivia, I'm going to try it, thanks!
:H


TracyA;1073677 wrote:
The pic is of Xavier, my grandson.

I've always loved that name.

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

Egg exploding parallel = this is your brain on bac and AL. All over the ceiling. Glad you're renting, just let it stay there.

Reminds me of a funny time - I remember when I was a kid working at an ice cream store, I threw a scoop of sorbet straight up and it stuck to the ceiling, dripped on customers here and there, causing general employee hilarity and utter customer confusion (they didn't think to look up when their scalp felt funny), until it finally fell off in a giant green mess all over the floor and glass cases, a la Sybil in The Exorcist. I wonder if the customers ever figured out what that sticky stuff in their hair was. Ewww.

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1073570 wrote: Ah, lo0p, no worries. What you definitely don't remember is that I was a VERY annoying newbie. Totally neurotic. Totally paranoid. Totally enamored of you. (but that hasn't changed! :h) I kept posting, over and over again, that I couldn't take bac, the SEs were too onerous and I was too overwhelmed. I was convinced that the people around here had a secret that they weren't sharing about how to take it and when.
At some point I'll unearth some of the stuff I wrote as "research". Lordy, I was completely feckin' NUTS. I give myself credit (A LOT of credit, frankly) that I didn't give up. I was scared witless. The SEs were unbearable because I did it all wrong the first two times.

The research you did on the Consolidated Thread? Saved my life. As did your picture. And the fact that you friended me on FB. Made it real, when I thought it was all a lie. I posted once in the middle of heated kerfuffle about Dr. whatshisname and others that I wanted to meet you and thank you for saving my life. It's still true.
Love you, brother. You treated me with kid-gloves, and you know it. And now look at us!

All I remember is you apologizing for things that I don't remember you doing and wouldn't have cared if you did. Something about posting on MWO when you were drunk and it being deleted by the mods. #1 I never read the post. #2 I've had entire threads of mine deleted by the mods that I made when I was sober and #3 when I joined MWO I was drinking an average of 11-17 units a day and very easily could have written a post or two that was deleted by the mods. Hell, it might have happened and I could have no memory of it today! :nutso: I really don't think so but who the * knows? Certainly not me for sure.

When I read these pages I try my best to put my "demon filter" on, so that I can separate the real person from the disease. Then I read what they write and I decide who's actually saying it or just how much of it is the demon talking and how much is the real you. I might not be right all the time but me and that guy go waaaay back so I think I can spot him from pretty far away when I see him.

Ahhh...but we've come full circle now. I'm completely enamored and humbled by the sheer amount of energy, wisdom and time you are paying forward to people who really need it right now. Kinda feel like I passed a lil' torch off to you and you fuckin' ran...and ran...and ran...and ran. All can I see now is a trail of smoke. Damn Karen! :goodjob:

Talking to you on the phone made it real for me too. You were a very integral part in showing me the way to a door that I've opened now. I've gone in and I'm not looking back.

So yeah...Look at us now!!! :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Bruunhilde;1073974 wrote: Egg exploding parallel = this is your brain on bac and AL. All over the ceiling. It's not too far from the truth! :H I'd leave it, but it smells like boiled eggs, still. And just to clarify, my husband tells me the ceilings are only 10 feet high. I wanted to get it right just in case some brainiac around here figures the arc and distance of an exploding hard boiled egg and calls me on it. :H

Lo0p;1074404 wrote: Ahhh...but we've come full circle now. Kinda feel like I passed a lil' torch off to you ... All can I see now is a trail of smoke.

Oh, yeah, brother. I'm on fire, and carrying a torch alright! Woohooo!
(The door you left ajar for me? That one led me to life and love. I hope behind your door you find the same. think you might.)


And this is why I logged on in the middle of my workday:

Ukblonde;1073494 wrote: Yes Bleep is funny, I used to think he was just being stupid but realised it's all in good humour.

That is the funniest thing I've read in days. And I'm full of funny at the moment. Love ya' bleep. never thought your humor was stupid, but that might just be a reflection of MY humor. (ukblonde, sounds like you're in a good place! Good for you, sister!)

? ? ? :H:H

Your daughter sounds cool, Tracy, that she named her son Xavier. I love it.
If I had a son he'd be named some version of Loop Levin Ameisen MWO. hmmm. Actually I do really love the name Olivier. Not so much Fred. And Evan will always be a pool boy, so that's off the table. Whatevah. Here I am wasting time...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

bleep;1074999 wrote: Please do!
Seethepony;1075003 wrote: Hey Neva, your avatar set fire to itself. (Is it Barbara Hepworth?)

I don't want to detract from Ringo's powerful message. I'll reply here where I'm safe!


I had to google B. Hepworth. Sadly, no, I'm not that deep! It's an image I found in a google search. It's one runner passing the torch to another. They're holding hands. It moves me immeasurably and is a reflection on something lo0p said on my thread.

To the point:
I have had a couple of experiences when I took too much bac. At lower and higher doses. On those occasions I felt an actual real switch. It was fleeting and soon returned to the normal slogging away at this problem when I returned to taking even amounts throughout the day.

When I stopped drinking on February 4th it was a decision, an easily made one, but a decision none-the-less. I have always felt that something was missing. What is missing is the absolute indifference. I've had glimpses of it, but it's gone now.

The current titration protocol I use is based on personal experiences, the guidance of one doctor, and some information I've received off the record that a neurologist suggests taking it more frequently. Also, otter has some compelling suggestions in support of this regimine.
However, many of us don't reach indifference. And neurologists don't treat addiction. And otter's research is a reflection of the way bac is used for many and sundried purposes. Most important? No one really knows!

Taking it throughout the day is common wisdom around here, and I would agree that it lessens the side effects to a certain extent. They're still there, though and onerous. I've been doing this for 7 months. It's time to try something new.

I have already considered changing my dosing so that I'm taking significantly less during the day so I can function well, and can take more just prior to the witching hour. I have long suspected that I need to give my brain a "jump" to avoid craving, especially since I'm no longer indifferent. Far from it. There are a couple of really compelling arguments for the one dose/high dose approach. I mostly know about them from private communications, but they've been alluded to here. Your well-documented experience, bleep, actually lends itself to the theory. I think you over-did-it that fateful week when you went really high. Resulting in a glimpse of indifference. I was there, with you, I'm sure you remember. But what you probably don't know is that I, too, saw signs of the end of your addiction that night. I was worried you were going to lose it, sure, but I knew you'd found the ... switch. But it was fleeting. So you have had to go back up the ladder. Ditto I-want-to-be-sober.
Lo0p you were right! You were right and I thought you were crazy and you are, , but you were absolutely right about what and how you take baclofen.
Today I'll still take some every 3 hours, I don't think my body could handle the intense withdrawal of 8 hours without since I've been at this for a good long while. But I'll store up enough to take more just prior to the witching hour. (Maybe take 20mg every 3 hours for a total of 80mg prior to witching hour, then take 120mg around 4pm, and 20mg twice more for a total of 240mg/day for this day. I've taken 100mg at one time before so it isn't too scary...)
If it works I'll move that dosage up by an hour or so every couple of days until I'm taking it just prior to bed.
I'm going to enlist the help of friends to supervise the dose if I need them. And I'll have my trusty printouts for doctors if all should go horribly awry. With explicit instructions to said friends about not withdrawing bac for any reason at all. And I'll be here!

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Hmmm. Interesting stuff, no doubt. I'll be watching with great interest! What you say makes sense.

If I was at all unhappy with my indifference I would try it, but I'm content where I am at the moment. Might try it anyway, just to see what it feels like! It's just me, alone in a hotel room, so might be perfect. Will certainly be interesting!

[missyabby1]

Progress thread for ne

Hey Karen,
Good luck with your new regime. Hope it all works out. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and support.

:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

x

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

x

[TracyA]

Progress thread for ne

Ne, good luck! You were saying to me in PM that we're missing something regarding hitting the switch. I think this may be it!

I know you will keep us posted, so I'm not going to ask.

Hugs to you, my friend.