Progress thread for ne

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1111429 wrote: Watch out Otto (he's the bossman) you're on my list.

Go get him Ne. Fuck him up. Fuck him up good!

[missyabby1]

Progress thread for ne

Sorry DG........my knickers seem to be in a wad most of the time lately!

Missy xx

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Morning!
All well? I found my husband yesterday some time around 4pm. Not sure where he was...But suddenly looking back at me from the couch in front of the tv there he was!

Fingers crossed that Ed will be the only one that will have to deal with Otto.

For all the bravado, folks, I saw my world crashing. It was terrible, awful, horrendous. Could i handle it? yes. Did I want to? ohmygod, please have mercy, no.

Sadly (but happily?) it wasn't the bac. Every couple of years he goes of the rails. Something going on there, of course. It'll still be there when the booze is gone, maybe, and that, very happily, is on it's way out. Unless it's the disease manifesting? who the f knows. I'm no doctor.

He'll stay at 120/140 for a while, I suppose. (I waffled mightily yesterday. Should he? Shouldn't he? Is it the bac? Can I take the chance it might be? Then he reminded me of the last time. And the time before that. It's not the bac. Onward and upward with that. Disease has got to go. That's the goal.)

Hope it's a good day for all!
zoom zoom.
Ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

missyabby1;1111686 wrote: Sorry DG........my knickers seem to be in a wad most of the time lately!

Missy xx

It wadded up my knickers too, ftr. I'm just trying to sit below the waves. It doesn't come naturally.

[Doggygirl]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1111818 wrote: It wadded up my knickers too, ftr. I'm just trying to sit below the waves. It doesn't come naturally.

Then obviously I did not do a good job of asking my question objectively. For that I apologize.

DG

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Wow. I've missed too much to respond to anything at all. Any post of mine would seem superfluous in the face of everything that seems to happen here!

Just one thing really stood out - Ed's dosage. Whether he goes up or down, he needs to take it consistently. I've only skimmed through the last couple of pages, and it looks like you realise this, but it's the key to taking baclofen, I think. It's hard enough to take baclofen normally, if you hop around, you add huge levels of unnecessary complications.

It seems a lot of us decide to take baclofen during times of great personal stress. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe in an alcoholic's life, it's always a time of personal stress? Too trite? But a lot of us suddenly seem to go "Fuck. Of all the times to choose to take baclofen, why now...?"

Whatever the reasons, I hope you and Ed navigate safely through this.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Doggygirl;1111824 wrote: Then obviously I did not do a good job of asking my question objectively. For that I apologize.

My thought was that if I was getting my knicker's knotted over something that Doggygirl wrote then I was clearly reacting from a bad place... And needed to sit below the waves a bit and get a grip.
As we all know, because it's so clear over and over and over again, it's easy to misinterpret without the visual cues. I also know that what I write doesn't always reflect what I mean, exactly.
But thank you for the apology, unnecessary though it was. I hope you'll continue to hang around down here. :l

Ed went back to work yesterday and we're going to stay the course, for the moment.

Last Sun (8 days ago) Ed was at 160mg, drinking very little and had just the mundane stresses of a very high stress job.

My interpretation of the events that followed is that there was a perfect storm.

• He walked into a helluva different environment at work on Monday morning.
• He took a little less bac on Mon, and continued to take it erratically throughout the week. How much and how often we'll never know. (despite, grrr, my insistence that he get pill boxes and a schedule together... But I get that!)He started drinking again.He started suffering from SEs for the first time. Mainly the sleep related ones. Vivid, alarming dreams. Waking at all hours. Not really sleeping. Confusion and disorientation. Wobbliness.

Taking bac erratically may only be a part of the issue, frankly. I think it may have a lot to do with stress. A LOT to do with stress. I wonder if that's not a key to managing bac and wish we had a thread to discuss that that didn't have the word psychosomatic in it!
(Ig, where the hell are you my friend???)

The bottom line is that it isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened. (But if he keeps taking the pills, it WILL be the last time!) He feels very sure that it is NOT bac related, is totally clear about that actually. And you know what? He's probably right. He's had all of those SEs from drinking, for sure. The repercussions were much, much greater and could have been much worse. They were more readily explainable, though!

But bac to Ne!
I had a pretty great day yesterday. (awesome even, )
Met with someone about a job. I asked for a good deal more money than I was making. (I'm only a little, okay very, nervous about this. But I am worth it, especially sober, and you can't get what you don't ask for...) I also found out about a connection that could lead to the next job. THAT is very exciting! and something I never could've done when drunk.

The highlight, though, happened in the academic counselor's office at the college. I couldn't get in to the writing class I wanted because of prerequisite requirements. I was looking for a way around this without submitting transcripts... Of course, because that's what I do! Special dispensation needed for Ne's. There should be a clause in all rule books imo, not so humble obviously. But I digress. again.
Anyway, the guy asked me why I wanted to take the class as it doesn't fit in with the plan. ( a plan? huh?) I told him it was my passion. He shrugged and made this funny little noise and turned toward his computer. My heart fell into my stomach with a thunk and I was preparing for the inevitable response that I was wasting my time and his!
When he turned bac around he said, "I put you in the class. You have to get a C or better..." I said, "really? REALLY?" He said, "It's your passion, right? You should take the class. Have a nice day!"

Then I came home and sang lovely ditties and rearranged the furniture and cleaned out the bookcase. Walked the Goose again and made yummy food, turned up the music, and did lots of other fun things.
Because today I go back to work. Just for a day, this week, but the next chapter begins today. and wooohooooo!

Hope it's a content-filled day full of contentment for you all. (We all need one of those every now and then.)
:l and :h
Ne
by the by, lots of people I'd like to get to this morning, and I'm not going to get to them because of that whole work thing. Summing it up is this:
Hiya! Newbies and lurkers.
Mog, an update please?
Chi and Ig where are you?
Sassy, jkttdp. You are ... awesome.
Z and E keep plugging away in the threads.
Mario, DG, Guitarista and the non-bac-ers, HI! Thanks for stopping by.
The rest of you people? love you!
peace out!

[redhead77]

Progress thread for ne

Hello!

So I'm texting you this morning asking you questions about the thread I'm reading and thought, hmmmm. Maybe I should ask on the thread? There's a thought. :H When did you start working again? I'm not going to respond to the text because I like to give your thread traffic. Right! Like your thread needs more traffic, but still. You deserve it. I am thrilled you got into your creative writing class. C or better? Lolololol! You got that one aced. I'm glad Ed is doing better Ne. I would be more inclined to think it's the severe chronic stress causing his symptoms than the bac. Or erratic dosing. I've been a little erratic in my dosing lately. I had a panic attack the other night because of it-me thinks.

Anyway, don't work too hard today. :l

[ignominious]

Progress thread for ne

Howdie Ne and woohoo, sounds like you're a busy girl. Poor ol' Ed's probably got his hands full keeping up with you atm, lets hope he only gets the good sexual SEs, just saying! I think one of the reasons we choose stressful times to get sober is because that's when we hit a bottom and get motivated enough to try a muscle relaxant as a cure! Give him a nod of encouragement from me. You could start a thread about stress affecting SEs, I'm sure the word psychosomatic wont come up :H

Fantastic news about getting on the writing course, where there's a will there's a way, right? :greatjob2: Now the only thing to be done is get some c grades and publish a best selling beach book, screen write a movie and collect the cash .... all the financial angst sorted! Good guy that academic counselor.

Got to say that I didn't get my boxers in a twist about DG's post ... well ftr don't wear any, got into that habit years ago, don't know why ...oops sorry TMI and I digress. Anyway I think its a very good point to make about how we look at al. Personally I don't want to live life constantly refusing (I would have written denying but I thought it might be ambiguous) myself pleasures. The baclofen switch made that a non sequitur, however equally important to me is that I'd rather live my life without relying on any drug if possible. Therefore I feel that while I have the bac to support me I also have the opportunity to do a lot of work on myself ... gasp .... aaaand I know that we switched baclophites don't all feel the same way about that.

I've been around Ne, maybe just not loud enough, lol.:H Still not finding life as exhilarating as you but feel like I am getting in touch with some of it at last. Big hug and :thanks: to all the peeps here at MWO. Love you Ne :l Ussum stuff.

[Evey]

Progress thread for ne

Ne, That's great to hear about the writing class! I'm sure somehow you can scrape enough work together to get a C. :H That instructor is sure in for one hell of a surprise! I know you probably metioned it, but are you taking summer classes or classes in the fall?

I hope that Ed feels better and that everything gets sorted out.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

GOOD morning, bac-ers, bac-ees and mwo-ers in general!

Hiya, evey! It's pretty darn exciting, isn't it?
Red, funny that whole thread vs. offline thing. In all honesty my thread often is so lacking in responses that I wonder why I do it and then I remember that it is like breathing for me. Necessary and a fact of life! It really helps when I hear, almost ALWAYS offline, that someone got something out of it.

Ig. Ig. You definitely weren't loud enough. I would see a glimpse, but kept waiting for the wise and funny you to show up around other places. Glad you're talking above a whisper. And can't believe you're using emoticons and lol so liberally. You must be feeling good! :H and love, love, love.

As to my own mood? Ha! Honestly I wonder occasionally if people might think I'm a bit manic. I used to wonder if I was. Truth be told, I'm just this damn cheery and optimistic and generally my glass really is pretty full... Sorry for your luck, peeps. My anxiety was definitely not in the general realm of social performance. Quite the opposite. obviously. Now with that gone, in general, oy vey, watch out world!

I spent the day yesterday in the realm of "I suckitude." Which is a lousy place to inhabit. I hate that world. Then I got accolades and encouragement where I was once again expecting recrimination and condemnation. sheesh. When will we learn, once and for all people, that our poor self-worth is self-created? Anyone know the Creed song, My Own Prison?
They now make a pill to help with that. :H It's a start, anyway. A good start. A head start.

Which reminds me that I was going to keep this short, really short, today. (yeah, right.) I had this thought, which imho, bears repeating over and over and over again:

If we stop thinking/feeling/behaving as though we are doing something wrong/illegal/crazy when we take our medicine we will go a long way toward legitimizing the fact that we are taking a medicine to combat our disease. A long way. Medicine. Disease. Treatment. Legitimate.

not just sayin.

Now bac to Ne.
I picked up my textbooks yesterday. omg. omg. omg. For all of the reasons you wouldn't expect. It turns out biology 101 is exactly that. It teaches photosynthesis. There is a section about Darwin and what Darwinism actually means. Which I am going to read today. If it in anyway, shape or form resembles the idiotic and nightmarish "debate" we have in this country about that I am going to drop the class and may just drop out of school and move to, I dunno, some place where voodoo is actually practiced and not hidden in some sort of bullshit legitimate agenda. But there I go again getting ahead of myself. BUT if it does, I swear on I am going to rage against the machine. BUT it probably doesn't and I'm preemptively getting my knickers in a knot.

To sum it up: I am doomed to a summer of boredom. (summer, not fall) Boredom is not my friend. Boredom leads to failure. Have I grown up enough in a few short months that I can actually do this the way it is meant to be done? From step one? I am not so sure folks. And a part of me, a BIG part, says fuck that.

If creative writing starts on a similar note, "This is punctuation. This is an adverb. They are your friends." I am truly doomed. Dear . What if it doesn't even cover adverbs? 'Cause frankly bio 101 doesn't seem to.

Oy vey. Who is a little full of themselves this morning? I'm going to get my ass kicked by biology. Who doesn't? I just didn't know it was going to be because it's...simple.

The novel/film option is not on the agenda, Ig. I'd be really happy with an essay. I'd also be really happy if my posts were not essays. I'm going to work on both things. For that reason I am going to try and "moderate" my mwo time. My already poor performance in responding to things may get worse. (Who knows, I've tried to do this before! and failed miserably! My eyes are more clearly on my goals though, so I think this time I might be able to do it.)

LOVE and hugs to all.
Ne
I still walk around with you on my shoulders all day long, ftr. And find you in my dreams. I used to think that was weird and pathetic, but I'm reading a book by a writer about writing and she does it, too! composes and responds and reacts to things in her head that she wants to write about. Maybe it's a writer-lovers thing? Or more likely, we all do it.
So don't be alarmed or self-conscious, newbies, about getting on here obsessively and waiting, waiting, waiting for the right place to jump in. Just jump. And don't wait three months to do it. That's a lot of build up. :H

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Otter, you should be bac from your holiday by now. Even by European standards, your holiday has been quite long enough.
I need you. Where the hell are you and what's going on? Progress report, please!
xo
Ne
also, Low. You're not that busy or that cool. Expect an email this morning.

hmmm. and much more. but zoom zoom.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Hey, where is our update?

$3 a bottle, which I saw you post elsewhere, just makes me realise how much I was being ripped off here!

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

I've been missing my daily Ne injection. Seriously.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Misinterpretation

Morning fellow bac-ers and mwo-ers!

I've been around here for 13 months despite what my little thingy says. I joined in April, 2010 after lurking for a month or so. I've changed my name twice, because I was THAT insecure about people liking me and fitting in. I was also pretty paranoid at first, because I've never done anything like this before. By pretty paranoid, I mean off the charts nervous and full of fear. I thought MWO was full of automatons who were going to sell me something, induct me into a cult that had me shaving my head and attached to my computer all day and night. (The latter, of course, is true! :H But it is by choice. The former? Not so much!!!)

As an example, I was convinced, for months that beatle didn't like me. That she was pointing out my many foibles and hypocrisies. And that is really LOL funny. The woman barely knew I existed, and wasn't even around much! Now I call her friend and can laugh at myself. But then? oy. Ask Ig, I told him all about it. I coveted her approval like no other. (Terryk, too, though he doesn't know it yet! )

Anyway, to the point, Ne! I've been in AA rooms where this kind of thing happened and someone older and wiser with more sobriety/clarity can suss it out and help navigate. (I've also witnessed barroom brawls with the same volatility of emotions at play, and very different results!)

It's even harder here, I think, where we're all cloaked in true anonymity and with nothing but our own interpretation of the written word to guide us. I hope I'll try a little harder to keep this in my mind going forward. I was very sensitive and prone to underming my own process by getting in a snit and not working it out, behind the scenes, where it mostly belongs.

Which brings me to this:
I miss you, Doggygirl, like I (would) miss a phantom limb. (I coveted her attention and friendship in a very different way because she not only has what I want, she shares it freely with no strings or agendas. All over everywhere. It's amazing.)

I should probably take that off the boards, but it's relevant this (my) morning in many other ways, too. (Is there trouble brewing here? I'm not sure! But let's suss it out if there is, and without any bruises, emotional or otherwise. Okay?)

As to Ne? I'm taking 220mg/day of bac, going up to 240mg tomorrow. (from a height of 340mg in Feb ftr.) I don't want the siren song to exist in my brain, even if it exists in my mind for a while... I've ALWAYS used AL for EVERYTHING. It's going to take time for brain and mind to heal. So onward and upward for me. (again) That said, I'm pretty sure that I'm over shooting the mark, but will wait to see what 240 brings and go from there. I'm not without SEs and they're very annoying!

Ed is at 120mg and has been for about a week. He's drinking a six-pack again and has visited the bar a couple of times for a shot and a couple of beers before he heads home. He has also smoked a couple of times. It's time for him to go up, which I am loathe to suggest given the stress he's under. But eyes on the goal, it sucks to see him in the grips of the beast and I couldn't care less about ANYTHING else in order to see him accomplish demolishing that evil-brain-chemical-demon. So onward and upward for him, too! Like everyone else here, he'll have to navigate the transition and manage the process.

We may very well extinguish the local area of bac between us! :H (not really, so not to worry.)

Hope it is, has been or will be a good Sunday for everybody!

Love, Ne
Shout out time!
Mog, with you in the struggle, my friend. I'll be stopping by soon.
Evey, Zephra and Windycity, I'm waiting for more!

Hang in! Hope! There is freedom from this! You won't believe it, literally! (I forget! Then I think about how I was 3 1/2 months ago! I can't remember who I was then. I don't ever want to forget from where/whence I've come!)