Progress thread for ne

[missyabby1]

Progress thread for ne

Ne, and others, sorry re my inappropriate post last night (re Tracey........God knows where that came from! ) I'm afraid Friday nights, irish coffees and my laptop are a lethal combination! Paranoia reigns free!

Anyhow didn't really want to blot my copybook again....so the laptop stays at work from now on. Have my appt next Thursday at the clinic so hoping can restart the road to sobriety with a new med regime and give myself a kick up the butt to keep it going!

Have a great weekend all, it is a beautiful sunny morning here and time to have a shower and get to the doggie park!

Missy xx

[RedThread12]

Progress thread for ne

Oh, Ne, you really shouldn't get me started:H:H I enjoy it so much! Anusara yoga comes from a teacher named John Friend, who was also a student of my primary teacher. I studied with her, and continue to study, in the Iyengar tradition. John took some of the incredibly brilliant principles of B.K.S. Iyengar's lifetime of work (he's 95-96 and still teaching in India) and developed his own style from there. His work is good. I have no idea about his teacher's or his teacher's training. In the Iyengar tradition (and I just returned tonight from a week in NYC taking 3-4 hours of classes a day), it takes years to become certified as a teacher. I've been studying, teaching, practicing since 1990 and I'm still learning incredible things through my own body. It's not an easy technique, but it's powerful and empowering.

Re Bikram, I'm happy you like it, Isolde. I've decided to take the position that any yoga that anyone gets benefit from is good. But inside I have to bite my tongue re Bikram. He actually tried to patent his series of poses - hahahahaha - these poses are from a tradition of thousands of years - who does he think he is??? - that he does in a heated room so you sweat a lot and can stretch a lot further and hurt yourself a lot more. JUST MO!

Re your experience in "svasana," Ne, the end of the class when you practice drawing your senses inward and letting go of activity . . . there's a vast continuum of states of consciousness and relaxation that most of us never experience. It's either awake and full-on or tired, off, and headed into unconsciousness (sleep). Sleep is a good thing if it's needed, of course. Never worry about falling asleep. But there are some very interesting states of deep relaxation and full consciousness that reveal a lot. That's ultimately what svansana is for - to extend the continuum of relaxation along with awareness.

A good teacher doesn't necessarily have to be "sweet." Iyengar tradition is known to be very demanding. But any good teacher should make you feel safe, guide you competently about how to do the postures (the Anusara thing with all the spirals and such made me feel confused instead of grounded), and know how to lead you into deeper and deeper states of strength, flexibility, concentration and the far reaches of alertness with relaxation - without hurting yourself or giving you the throw off - "if this hurts, don't do it," or "only do what feels comfortable for you." You need proper instruction to do things well and push your comfort level safely.

If you can afford Anusara yoga you can afford Iyengar yoga or any teacher in any tradition that makes you feel more at ease just to be in a class with him/her. PM me with questions. I know too much about this stuff. Maybe it will all go in my book someday . . . "Hanging Onto the Grass to Keep From Falling Off the Earth."

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Well, now I know whose brain to pick (uch: really not a nice metaphor) regarding yoga.

I'll have to send you a line as soon as I get my head around what you have posted (which means more research, of course, and formulation of questions.)

It sounds amazing, mind-blowing and body-glowing. I knew I was attracted to it for a reason.

And, sorry, I'm yoga ignorant -- what does B.K.S. refer to?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

REDT! Is in the house!
Thanks for your insight! I already dropped the class. But you made me rethink the decision. Except wait! No. it was the right decision. I keep making those despite myself! I want to study with other people that want to study from a teacher who lives and breaths the practice and principles. Not principals. So. Yay! Gonna look for that teacher. The universe will provide! (btw, when're you coming to my part of the world, 'cause you're IT sister. xo)

There's a really cool study about hot yoga that points out that it takes more exertion/effort/willingness to get the body (mind) from cold to hot than it does just starting out hot. Bottom line? You may sweat more, but your muscles aren't working as hard in hot yoga. Though it sounds pretty incredible and I'm not ruling it out. I just want to start with someone who is into aged (very aged) Indian teachers and profound exploration. ya' know?

Murph, I'll make you a sandwich any time you want. And you don't even have to put out. You just have to promise to let Mrs. Murph take you home after you all are finished eating.
'cause I can't handle but so much laughter, and so much cutting-through-my-bull-shit-clarity at a time.

Restaurant work sucks, it turns out. I think I've decided that I want to figure out a way to go to school full time and not work at all. :H Right? Who doesn't. Here's the thing, though. I want it. It's possible, I think. That's the next order of business. (part of the reason is simple economics: I worked for almost 5 hours yesterday. I made $33. I don't work for $6/hr. Period. Who would if they had a choice. I don't even work for $6/hr if it averages out to $20/hr at the end of the month. $6/hr is a waste of the most valuable resource--time. I'd rather write on here or there and be $6/hr less rich. you know? I value myself enough at this point. yay!)

Missy, NO WORRIES. Take your laptop home. You need it. You shouldn't have to sit with that shit curled up in your brain working over time. It'll just fester there. I GET IT. And this is a safe place to bring it. I promise you that. I knew immediately and exactly what you were about when I read that post. Sadly, you might not read this one until Monday. That is such a bummer. I hope you took it home with you this weekend for a final hurrah.

Funnily enough, some spammer bumped a thread with whats-her-name on it this morning. I checked it out and saw her post and my heart dropped and I thought, "OH NO! here we go again!" But the truth is I'm not afraid. Not cowed. Not quiet anymore. And I think we have a pretty cohesive mostly functional little vibe going on. so no worries.

A day in the life of Ne-land goes something like this:

Thursday I took the full jump into the nursing program. Much more competitive and demanding than I thought. I have no interest in actually being a nurse, so I had to rethink this decision a couple of times, after the decision had been made already. Quandary and conundrum. Except it's the right one. Because I AM interested in understanding the science. Only you people would know how important and imperative that has become for me. I'm also interested in a career in medicine at the lower levels of the totem pole. The risk/reward ratio is perfect for where I am.

This led to a heart to heart with Ed. He's got to be in for the full monty, so to speak. He's got to support us and he's got to commit to staying put, right here, regardless of the job. OR he's got to be willing to live apart. Which he is unwilling to do, apparently. Which makes me smile. Cross another major life decision off, for a while anyway.

In the meantime, one of the workmen that my landlords give free access to our apartment stole an air conditioner. The response was couched in a way that really pissed me off, something that they do often. Which is dismiss our concerns, delegitimize the issue, and make it about us and our decisions. HA. silly wankers. They're lawyers, ftr. So you've got to make things VERY clear, apparently. And I did. And I found immediate resolution. Two years of battles with them, a boatload of bac and a bit of sobriety cuts through the bullshit very effectively.

Also on Thursday night at 930pm I found out that my parents are staying with us. They were do to arrive yesterday, but in true Riley-Fashion, the plans were changed at the last minute (again) and they didn't stay last night. This is no biggie, except I had scheduled pre-dawn yesterday for preparing my part in dinner for 10 because my extended family is coming for a visit. The extended family includes the ones that are fundamentalists. Educated people who don't actually believe in evolution. Who take the bible as literal. Who tried for a couple of decades to induct me into the cult.
Fortunately they've stopped that shit. Now they just accept that they won't see me in heaven. Thank goodness.
(my rabbi friend pointed out to me that perhaps the rapture DID happen, and all of the good people WERE taken, and all of the people that are left are the ones who weren't worthy. He pointed out that he and all of his friends are still here, but that a very kind and gentle old man died that day and he, the rabbi, was there to see him off... So perhaps it was all true and the guy that did the predicting is just an ass who couldn't get in. Like all the rest of us. The rabbi has a very good point, don't you think???)
Anyway, I love their company and had a great time with them last night and am looking forward to more of the same this weekend. BUT they've got to eat and the hostess doesn't know jack about food and I do, SO I was pretty busy. Add to that that the guest room is full of the crap that Ne doesn't need that Karen has accumulated over the last decade. Add to that that my dad is a pain to please. Add to that that we are down an AC and it's hot. Add to that the fact that I spent a good part of the day in counselor's offices predicting my future. And and and
I think I'm holding it together pretty damn well!

And I'm calling it as at least a month since my last drunk. And want to start a discussion somewhere about what life is like post-indifference about To Drink OR Not To Drink. It's a non-issue in terms of drinking against one's will, when one is indifferent. The issue may be wrapped up in the question of, "What does it mean?" But that isn't really the crux of the matter, either.
Still, given some offline stuff and some of my own experiences I'm becoming more and more fascinated about what drinking means to us, alkies in general, bac'd out alkies in particular.
I know that for me the occasional beer isn't a big deal, in the present. It simply isn't. Can't explain it to someone who isn't there. But I'll try at some point, I suppose. Anyway, what I'm left with is, "well, why do it at all?" Which leads to, "well, why not?" Which leads to, "well, what if?" Which is a mind-fuck I don't have time for atm. so never mind! :H

Thanks for keeping the thread alive!
:l and :h
Ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

beatle! We can do yoga together!

And sheesh. You people do sleep in on Saturdays.

And ISOLDE! Help! I'm grinding my teeth again. Holistic approach? My jaw is killing me and my teeth are sensitive and my neck hurts. Go up? Go down? What?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Reg
Beatles hands across the water song

And also Boston all I want is my piece of pie song.

Heard them on way to work. Thought of you. Maybe. Someone can find and post. Zooooooom. Xo

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1121713 wrote:
And sheesh. You people do sleep in on Saturdays.
Not me, well, actually, it WAS sleeping in for me. I woke up around 7:30-ish and laid in bed for awhile. Had coffee, hit up the ghetto Wal-Mart down the street while it was still early (hence, before it had a chance to get TOO ghetto and crowded). Then hit up Target for what I couldn't find at Wal-Mart and actually had a great clothes shopping experience! Which NEVER EVER happens for me, you have no idea. So I'm psyched!

Ne/Neva Eva;1121713 wrote:
And ISOLDE! Help! I'm grinding my teeth again. Holistic approach? My jaw is killing me and my teeth are sensitive and my neck hurts. Go up? Go down? What?

Ugh, I totally feel for you. If the dose you're on is working for you, don't mess with it. First thing that I would try would be a magnesium supplement. It's hard to find one that has enough mgs that you don't have to take like 5 pills to get enough (I shoot for 750 - 1000mgs before going to bed). And then it helps if you get the chelated stuff, which is more expensive, etc. I recently picked up this stuff:
Ionic Fizz Magnesium Plus by Pure Essence Labs - JM-1019 - at The Vitamin Shoppe
which while it only has 300mgs of magnesium per serving, is supposed to be much more bio-available than the pills. So far it seems to be working out pretty well for me. And it tastes good!

If supplementing with magnesium doesn't work, then I suggest you just bite the bullet and go buy a mouth guard. You can pick them up at any drugstore. If you google "mouth guard" at CVS.com, they actually have a bunch. You'll still be clenching/grinding, but at least you'll save your teeth! I'm really bad about using mine, even when I'm clenching like a mofo.

Hope you find some relief! In the meantime, take Advil for the jaw/neck pain.

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

Murphyx;1120904 wrote: Oh Americans are very strange. Did we get the innuendo? It was a ton of bricks. As was the previous occasion when you wondered why people weren?t taking the piss out of them. And not to mention the earlier time when they were loving up to each other and cracking on about ?Oh I think you?re hot?, ?but I'm seeing a younger man and I see you?re in love? etc etc. Yes, I figured it out, but tactless as you think I may be, it simply would have been bad form to bring it up. When a chap is getting to know his new squeeze, it simply doesn?t do for a fellow to rib them about it. It?s up to them to break the news. Good form my dear, good form.


No idea. No one makes me sandwiches.:upset:

Aww, Murph!! :l

I would totally make you a sandwich.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1121668 wrote:
And I'm calling it as at least a month since my last drunk. And want to start a discussion somewhere about what life is like post-indifference about To Drink OR Not To Drink. It's a non-issue in terms of drinking against one's will, when one is indifferent. The issue may be wrapped up in the question of, "What does it mean?" But that isn't really the crux of the matter, either.
Still, given some offline stuff and some of my own experiences I'm becoming more and more fascinated about what drinking means to us, alkies in general, bac'd out alkies in particular.
I know that for me the occasional beer isn't a big deal, in the present. It simply isn't. Can't explain it to someone who isn't there. But I'll try at some point, I suppose. Anyway, what I'm left with is, "well, why do it at all?" Which leads to, "well, why not?" Which leads to, "well, what if?" Which is a mind-fuck I don't have time for atm. so never mind! :H

I'd be interested in that discussion too. Where do you want it? Here or on a separate thread.

p.s. why are you studying nursing if you don't intend to become a nurse?

pps I'll take you and Is up on the sandwich offers. :thanks: But what does "put out" mean?

[redhead77]

Progress thread for ne

Murphyx;1121853 wrote:

p.s. why are you studying nursing if you don't intend to become a nurse?

It seems I'm late to all the threads today. I'll write something after I thought I read something, and someone else has already responded with like questions...sigh. What happened to quiet Saturdays? I'm glad it's not quiet, but I do like to post on the weekends. I can write everything I want, and nobody answers for a while, so I feel like I don't have to keep rushing back to other threads. There you have it. Now, you know my tricks.

Ne, I didn't realize you didn't want to be a nurse. It can be a competitive process getting accepted (which shocks me because we have a serious shortage), that aside, once you're in, then what? You have to study many hours a day in class, and do clinical rotations. I think there's more to the process than most realize. They think it's just nursing school. The amount of time you need to contribute, makes having anything but a part time job, very difficult. What about after you're done? You'll have spent your time and energy studying for something you don't want to be. There are many kinds of nursing jobs (schools, public health, forensics, legal, ect.), but ultimately you are still a nurse. Unless, you are using it as some kind of stepping stone, I'm not sure if the energy is worth it. This is of course my very humble opinion, and I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds.

I love all this yoga discussion. I've never done yoga. I figured it didn't burn enough calories to use for my workout time. I see it has many other uses, and it burns loads of calories. It is something I'll have to look into.

I know this is very late. What happened to the bac tattoo idea? I meant to tell you, I loved the formula, and it is not long. Are you still going to do it?

Good luck with the fam. Did they all come and depart already? I would assume the parental units are gone, but how about the fundamentalists? I have some fundamentalist family members too. They drive me crazy. They do believe in evolution, however. They are educated, and said evolution doesn't go against the Bible. They do pray for my soul on a regular basis. Imagine? I am a Christian, and I don't need anyone to pray for my soul. I guess because I don't practice my religion like a freak, and push it on everyone, it's not good enough. Maybe the past drinking, drugging, smoking, and other rock star behavior, had something to do with it. I really don't think they know too much about that stuff. And I know Jesus understands. :H

I shouldn't have erased part of Murph's post. I too think the drinking while taking bac needs to be discussed...somewhere.

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

ne, i am dying to know, too, why you'd go to the trouble of studying nursing if you don't want to be a nurse. do describe your thoughts, as i'm sure they're good ones.

also, NO, you should not work for 6 bucks an hour. no way no how. time is precious.

redthread, my goodness, you are a serious yogi. you mention john friend, who was a long-ago ex's teacher. serious stuff! so much focus on positioning, if i remember correctly. a bit intimidating. but probably worth the attention. and iyengar, forget it! i have a friend who recently got her license (correct term? certificate?) in this, and my gosh, sounds more challenging than getting a doctorate in brain chemistry or something equally insanely particular and difficult. anyway, good for you for your dedication to your practice, and i'm sure you'll be a very helpful resourse for all of us seekers here on this thread.

great book title, by the way, redthread!

and who was it who said that if you want it, you suppose it's a done deal. i think that was you, ne. i agree! act as if. see it happening. these are the kinds of things my mother tells me. aren't i lucky?!

i'm now unable to access my yahoo email, so if anybody has emailed me or is waiting to hear from me privately, i apologize, no can read or do for now. and boy do i feel like somehow it's my fault, those 17k unread msgs' fault, that i may have lost some very important documents that i may need for my divorce. like the shithead response my ex made when i offered to subdivide my property and give him what he built on it. but i'll rise above whatever crap he dishes, email evidence or not, right?!

woo hoo. i'm tired. going to sleep spent but pretty sober. things are getting better. happy sunday all.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Morning, folks.
Murph, the thread will wait for a while. At least from my end. I've still got to follow up on the info in the consolidated bac thread that Terryk put up. (not the article. that annoys me. The science.)

You'll have to google the term, my friend.

Isolde, I actually have magnesium in the cabinet! I bought an inordinate amount of supps to supplement the bac ride, in this last go. Then I decided not to take anything but bac. :H (and I don't take ibuprofen! lol, again. It may interfere with bac, for a select few, and I'm not chancing it. Don't take tylenol, because it's a devil's brew for drunks. So aspirin is it. lol, again and again.)
I pulled out the mag, and the recommended amount was as you said, 50mg or whatever. I couldn't take more than 3, even after you suggested it! (I haven't done due diligence. While I TOTALLY respect and admire and know that you have, I can't go on just that. Even now. ha!) It may have helped, though, and I'll take A LOT more tonight. Thanks, sister!

Redthread is actually a yogi. Really, for real. When she visits me, here or there, I read it repeatedly and try and glean everything I can from her. :h She suggested Jon Kabat-Zinn whose book I apparently ordered some time ago, based on a previous post, and am now reading. Really, really good stuff. I will find a place to study yoga in June.

The idea of thinking of what will be as a foregone conclusion comes from the book, Conversations with God. PbarE recommended it to me. It's a good one, but I'm wary of it because it's become a cult of sorts. And the guy channeled God. But lots to be gleaned there, too.

Nursing? oy. Truth is it's a weak plan. I studied and analyzed lots of information about jobs when trying to figure out how to support my writing habit. LOTS of info. Medicine is a no-brainer.
I also am annoyed and confounded and put out about the fact that I had to learn all of this stuff on my own (about bac) and don't really understand it. That is a major driving force. Probably the deciding factor. I want a better understanding of bodies and minds and chemicals and health.
With an associates degree in nursing I can do a lot of things. (i think?) I have ZERO interest in being a nurse the way that you are, RedH. I don't have it in me. The dedication, commitment, doctors for crying-out-loud. ugh. I have nothing but bounds of respect for nurses, way more than any other medical professional period.

I'm a care-giver by nature, and I know that there are lots of options when I have the open door of even an associates degree in nursing. Without some medical knowledge I can't do ANYTHING worthwhile in medicine. Plus, I want to understand. I have, because I'm luckier than I ever thought possible, (and I'm clear and focused) the opportunity to learn something that is very important to me. From the ground up.

Which is the final reason. I defined myself when I was 14yo. Hippy-feminist-writer, etc... I eschewed science and scientists. It was the culture and the climate and based, frankly, on the fact that girls didn't do science. Turns out I was selling myself short. I have a fine analytical mind, I think, maybe. I think there is nothing I'm unwilling to try to learn now. SO. I owe it to my grown up self to stop being defined by my 14yo version of the future. (hay-zeus was I way, way off the mark. Thank all that matters.) Who knows? Really, who knows? I may love it. I may find someone who will help guide me to the place I will find fulfillment. (that's my guess.) But ya'll, I didn't take biology in high school. I got special permission to opt out of it and took physics instead. Puhlease. How idiotic is that? And I had to convince a bevy of adults in order to do it. I was that persuasive. Such bullshit, now that I look bac on it. I LOVE science. Who knew?
And perhaps Human Anatomy and Physiology, my first required course, which I'll take in the fall, will kick my ass. I'm open to changing my mind. I do it all the time! And Ed has learned to deal with it, so...
And he's going to support us. And I'm going to work it out, somehow, that I don't have to work very much. 'cause THAT I know I can make happen. Hell, I've barely worked for the last year. We have more money now than we did 6 months ago. Seriously. Bac works in strange and mysterious ways. It rights what ails me. I hope I'm not Algernon.

My fundamentalist relatives are such lovely people. Scientists all. Seriously. My uncle runs a department encompassing several hospitals and overseeing the cogs and wheels that make it all run! My aunt is also in medicine. My cousins are a nurse and a lawyer. Their husbands are techies, one of whom works for a high and mighty in DC. And they don't believe in evolution. At least they didn't about a decade ago, and then we all decided to just table any further discussions about science and religion and politics and points of view. And just love and be loved. Wonders never cease, it worked!

Ed is on 160mg and is not doing well. He's promised to take direct and immediate action if it all goes haywire again. I've suggested going up to 180mg rather than down to 140mg, if he can swing a couple of days off this week. If not, he'll have to stick to 140mg for a good long while. He's starting to look haunted again, and THAT is not okay. It's fascinating to me, that his reaction to one level is so DRAMATICALLY different. Weird and an important thing to remember in our own journeys. I can see it and recognize it immediately. Can you?

I've had confirmation that another person has found indifference, someone who is not on MWO. Lo0p introduced her to bac and to me. She followed Dr. L's titration, to the tee. Dealt with some pretty serious SEs, with some pretty serious consequences, plowed through, and found freedom. Cue the chorus, folks. There is another saved among us! (And stay the course! jkttdp!!!)

Congrats, Lo0p. First me. Now her. You, my dear friend, have earned a very special place in the universe. :l (not to mention the other chick whose world you have rocked! I seriously hope you'll name a pet after Ne. Or at least a favorite plant.) (and we still don't agree, ftr, on most things bac-related! :H doesn't seem to matter, just so long as people keep taking the pills!)
Time to whip up some yummy food for my favorite parents! And walk the dog and do the homework etc...

Oops. one more thing. nevermind. I can't believe anyone actually reads these novels... It'll wait!
xxoo!
Ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

A very humble thank you for all of your thoughts. Seriously. If you haven't figured it out by now, MWO and my friends here have helped me immeasurably. It's unbelievable and I will forever be grateful. It's not just about bac. It's about the fact that I can pick up the phone and call someone to talk further about nursing.
And the books and recommendations and collected knowledge and HUMOR/humour that we have at our fingertips with a search engine. (albeit a poorly functioning one.)
I owe you all more than I can repay, so I'll pay it forward!
Love,
Karen

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

thanks for the tip about tylenol.

loved conversations with god. yeah, definitely bacame cultish, but how great is that, in a way?! at least the messages in there have the potential to make people better people.

happy sunday all!

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1122119 wrote: ...

Without some medical knowledge I can't do ANYTHING worthwhile in medicine. Plus, I want to understand.

...

Ed is on 160mg and is not doing well. He's promised to take direct and immediate action if it all goes haywire again. I've suggested going up to 180mg rather than down to 140mg, if he can swing a couple of days off this week. If not, he'll have to stick to 140mg for a good long while. He's starting to look haunted again, and THAT is not okay.

...

Hmmm. I'm not sure I agree with the first bit. We have discussed it before, and I remember agreeing with you, but seeing it in print makes me wonder... Nobody will take a nursing degree as a qualification sufficient to rock the medical profession to it's core. Ameisen is as qualified as they come, and it's not helped him!

What you have now is specific knowledge about a specific condition, and that's enough, imo, seeing that the rest of the world is being so bloody slow on the uptake here. You can beef up your understanding in this area without needing to study the whole human! If I have misunderstood your motives, then this post is entirely wrong, and I apologise.

As regards Ed's titration - are you not being too conservative? Perhaps your knowledge of baclofen and the titration process is actually counterproductive here?! If Ed came to the forum, and said he looked haunted, I can't see you advising him to stay at 140mg's for a long while? While I understand you want to spare the guy any hurt, is that possible? Eyes on the goal! Remember how you stayed on the lower levels for ages, to ill effect.

To be fair, you suggest 180mg's as a first choice. I agree 100%, I am just surprised at your second choice - jkttdp!