Progress thread for ne

[ik1966]

Progress thread for ne

you are a beautifull person better than he ever will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

You know as well as anyone: it's chemistry! You're just at the wrong dose. Go back up to 220. Enjoy the good parts of 220 for a while and then when you do drop down, do what I fekking told you to do and only DROP BY 10mg PER WEEK!

Ne/Neva Eva;1133828 wrote: Sometimes it just sucks to be me.

Seriously? I wish I was you ... well, just for brief periods ... in the shower perhaps.

Pull yourself together woman. Are you an American or an American't? Oorah! Up and at 'em. Zoom zoom. You've got shit to do and do it you will. Yeeha! ... or some such shit.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

beatle;1133862 wrote:
Do it and love yourself

Blimey, that's a bit racey Beatle. But yeah Ne, do what Beatle says and love yourself. Before you start, make sure you've got plenty of spare batteries.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Yeah. What the hell was I thinking? :H

I do wonder when I'm going to stop allowing my brother's presence to send me into a tailspin of regret and remorse and waaaaaaah, self-pity. But whatev. He's gone.

Six months ago Monday morning would find me dragging out of bed, into the shower, late, wondering if I my boss was going to smell booze on me and praying to EVERYTHING that I didn't drink that night.

My life fairly rocks now, warts and all.

Thanks, Beatle and Ik. I don't know if it is actually due to the bac (or the lac' o' bac) so I think I'll see how tonight goes. If I start blathering on again tomorrow, will you remind me again tomorrow?

(I was just waiting to respond bac until after I'd gotten a pep talk from Murphy. I thought it would make me laugh. I would've waited for bleep, too, but he's a very. busy. man. and all zoom-zoomy and stuff.) Speaking of which...

zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooom

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

Glad you are feeling better Ne!! You should be very proud of yourself! I am sure your brother does not have a fraction of heart and compassion that you have!

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1133922 wrote:
My life fairly rocks now, warts and all.
Damn right it rocks.

Sometimes I find it difficult to remember just how shit my previous life was. But when I do, damn this is living.

Ne/Neva Eva;1133922 wrote: zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooom

If Murph can get a little zoom on then Ne sure as hell can.

:h:l

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Well, everyone is supporting you, but nobody has met your brother. Maybe he really does kick ass? And is as good, if not better than you say?

pffffft. Take more baclofen Ne.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Dammit, I did it again - I was on a previous page of the thread, and thought that was the end of it, so I responded at that point, without seeing all these later posts.

I'm glad you sorted out your angst Ne.

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

thanks for the details, ne. i am constantly wondering if i'll be in this headspace forever, taking so many pills, just to avoid something that i think, on some level, i 'should' be able to lick on my own. fuckin brain! i'm right here with you on that one! (not that you think you should lick it on your own; you seem to have that problem-thinking ditched, correct me if i'm wrong.)

and right this minute, i'm also thinking that it sucks to be me. but this too shall pass.

zoom zoom, ne. i've got your bac.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Rudy, in that post to Ne there was a "fuck" a "suck" and 2 "licks/licking". I think you're giving off lesbian signals.

Just sayin'.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

It's about 2am your time Ne, so you should be up by now. How goes it today? Bac on trac?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

:H I'm guarding my sleep again, Murphy. Waking at 2am to start the day makes for a VERY long day!

I dropped down to 180mg for 3 days. When I was on the phone with a friend the night before last, she poured a glass of wine and sat on her porch for one of our extended chats. I was sitting on my lovely porch, an ice cold glass of seltzer on the table. I found myself really resenting her wine. I found myself REALLY wanting a glass of wine. I found myself wondering if I should get dressed and run to the store so I could share a glass of wine with her.

Needless to say, I'm taking 200mg again. Life is not without challenges, I'm still swamped, but taking bac isn't one of them. I'll stay here for the time being and reevaluate in another couple of weeks. Hopefully life will settle down a bit (as if!) and I'll be able to manage/monitor changes a little better.

bleep, I think it's fair to say that my brother is ... a lot of things, but most of you guys around here would like him a lot. I do, when I'm not resenting the hell out of him. It's my baggage, though, and I intend to deal with it.

Is it just me or have the meds threads become a bit racy recently? Racier than normal? *

Ed is doing really well. Remarkably well, actually. He's at 240mg, still taking .25mg xanax 2x/day, once in the morning, once before bed. I'm still not completely comfortable with this, but it has had a huge, positive impact on his ability to handle...Life. There hasn't been any abuse of it at all. It's been more than a month since his last PRN dose, too. He tells me his drinking is at an all time low (i have no idea!) and he feels good, if a little out of it sometimes.

He thinks he's there, but I'm not so convinced. Onward and upward!

I have resigned myself to a less than perfect score in my writing class. Perfectionism is a fatal flaw, too. My eyes fall off the goal every now and then, but I'm firmly focused atm. Get it done, get it in, and get on with it! Something I never could accomplish in my many previous attempts at school. (Plus my scores in the other classes are, ahem, good. That helps!) I credit bac and sobriety with the progress. It's not just sobriety, because bac is the only medicine I've ever taken that keeps the depression at bay when I'm sober.

You can't imagine the difference. I sat with Ed to have a serious discussion about our serious financial woes yesterday. A couple of hours later he told me that he found it incredibly ironic that I keep my seltzer bottle in the same place I used to keep my wine bottle. (Underneath the living room table, next to the couch, within arms reach of my usual perch. It's a long way to the refrigerator!!!) I hadn't even thought about it! How much fun is that?

I'm not updating regularly because there's really not that much to offer! I'm here. I'm sober. I'm so thrilled about it I can't do it justice in words no matter how many I use! *

The SEs, Rubydee and taw, they become a non-issue. With each passing week my body/brain/mind become more "normal." For better or for worse!
(I haven't worked out in forever, I'm eating tons of junk, especially carbs and carbonated beverages with all the bad stuff in it, I'm stressing over small stuff... This means I'm feeling not-so-thin, lethargic, out of sorts, constipated--ugh--and stressed over silly things.) All in a day, right?

I've got a day without deadlines planned, so I'm off to the gym and to make menus for the rest of the week. The things I did before that made me feel good and mitigated the yuck-factor of life. Yay!

Add to that that I'll take the opportunity to get further ahead in my course work, which is something I NEVER would've done before. Come to think of it, I've been awake for a couple of hours. 6 months ago I would've been planning my first drink of the day, for sure. (I tried not to drink before noon on a day off. Thank goodness for brunch! Brunch didn't count! I often ate/drank brunch on my days off.)

Peace out, peeps! Keep taking your medicine. It works. It's worth it!

Love,
Ne

*EDIT: I also might be a bit humorless atm. What're you gonna do? Murphy is the only one I know that can turn the funny on and off like a spigot.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

I?m glad you went bac up on the bac. You need to be higher at the mo. If 200 doesn?t cut it go back to 220! Why not?

Terrific news about Ed, he seems close.

Is it just me or have the meds threads become a bit racy recently? Racier than normal? *I can?t believe you said that when just a couple of sentences previously you talked about being starkers on your porch:
I found myself wondering if I should get dressed and run to the store so I could share a glass of wine with her.

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

So glad you are bac on track, Ne! And feeling better! I cannot wait for the zoom zoom to hit me!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Oh, this is rich.

I'm sitting on the couch minding my own business and someone calls me and asks, "Is this Ne?" (only she used my real name.)
"Did we meet in the meeting this morning?"
"Huh? No, I don't think so."
Then she goes on to describe red hair, etc... And I'm starting to get a little concerned that I was in a meeting I didn't know about. (joking. Not really.)
Then I realize she's talking about an AA meeting. I couldn't remember giving out my number at the last one I went to (in March.) But I'm the kind of woman who will give my number to strangers, so who knows.
Long story a little shorter, I'm on a list from a group from 6 years ago. This woman relapsed after 6 months sober and she's trying to find out why. Her sponsor told her she wasn't reaching out enough, and that she wasn't doing enough service work.

So this poor woman is calling strangers and telling them about the death of her daughter 11 years ago and the fact that her dog just died, and the memories, and she just wants to not "go out" again.

That is so sad that I was holding my breath while on the phone with her. And no. I did not tell her about baclofen. What was I to say that wouldn't add to her misery and confusion? But you can be sure that I will be at the women's meeting in Ghent, downtown Norfolk, Virginia at 6pm, every Thursday that I can from this point forward.

I wasn't sure, I've been debating all day. But now I know. The nonsense has to stop. Baclofen may not help everyone. It may not help lots of people. But it might help some others. I'm pretty damn sure calling strangers, from a list of drunks, is not going to keep that woman sober.

Gotta run! I need a shower. I've got a meeting to go to.
Take the pills, folks. They work.
Love,
Karen