Progress thread for ne

[Sprat]

Progress thread for ne

Wow, that can disturb an evening of cable on the couch!

Ne/Neva Eva;1135763 wrote:
But you can be sure that I will be at the women's meeting in Ghent, downtown Norfolk, Virginia at 6pm, every Thursday that I can from this point forward.

Why don't you prepare little starter packs of bac for people at the meetings? Just a few pills in colored bags like on Halloween.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Spike the coffee?

Seriously though, this needs to get out a lot faster than it's doing at the moment. A lot of people are suffering a lot of harm that needn't be.

I'm having lunch with a friend of mine next week. He and I used to sit on the veranda (porch) and get drunk together, reading through The Orange Papers and crapping all over AA. Then a coke and booze bender put him hospital, and he ended up turning his life around with AA and is about 8 or 9 months free. Now he wants to know about baclofen. I'll obviously tell him everything, but his family are going to hunt me down and kill me if he suddenly starts drinking again!

I would tell this person about baclofen, on a one-to-one basis. Clearly she is trying everything. What can it hurt?

[Bminor]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1135763 wrote: Oh, this is rich.

I'm sitting on the couch minding my own business and someone calls me and asks, "Is this Ne?" (only she used my real name.)
"Did we meet in the meeting this morning?"
"Huh? No, I don't think so."
Then she goes on to describe red hair, etc... And I'm starting to get a little concerned that I was in a meeting I didn't know about. (joking. Not really.)
Then I realize she's talking about an AA meeting. I couldn't remember giving out my number at the last one I went to (in March.) But I'm the kind of woman who will give my number to strangers, so who knows.
Long story a little shorter, I'm on a list from a group from 6 years ago. This woman relapsed after 6 months sober and she's trying to find out why. Her sponsor told her she wasn't reaching out enough, and that she wasn't doing enough service work.

So this poor woman is calling strangers and telling them about the death of her daughter 11 years ago and the fact that her dog just died, and the memories, and she just wants to not "go out" again.

That is so sad that I was holding my breath while on the phone with her. And no. I did not tell her about baclofen. What was I to say that wouldn't add to her misery and confusion? But you can be sure that I will be at the women's meeting in Ghent, downtown Norfolk, Virginia at 6pm, every Thursday that I can from this point forward.

I wasn't sure, I've been debating all day. But now I know. The nonsense has to stop. Baclofen may not help everyone. It may not help lots of people. But it might help some others. I'm pretty damn sure calling strangers, from a list of drunks, is not going to keep that woman sober.

Gotta run! I need a shower. I've got a meeting to go to.
Take the pills, folks. They work.
Love,
Karen

That's just ridiculous on so many levels. Poor lady. I've never been to a real AA meeting, and I never intend too. I wouldn't be able to make it past step 2.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Good points, all. The person was an anonymous (ha!) phone call, bleep. She was looking for solace, not a different way out.
Sprat, :H My bac comes dear atm, though.

Bottom line is that I don't think I'd be a very good evangelist. I just want to represent. This is what happened at the meeting:

The first speaker is the one who determines the topic. This woman was struggling with berating herself. (I think of those voices as the tentacles of the demon-beast, herself. So I get it for sure.)

The next speaker did the last thing I expected. She said she loved AA, but thought that the program was set up to make people really hurt themselves. She pointed out that she thought she was a pretty decent person, and that her faults didn't make her alcoholic. Hallelujah, sister!
And on it went. Some defensiveness, some references to the fact that the 12 steps are the only program, and they are what they are. Some comments about how taking a personal moral inventory and admitting wrongs on a daily basis kept them free. But also, quite a few women referred to their disease. Not their moral shortcomings.

The really amazing thing, though, was that was simply a secondary theme. Almost everyone, in fact EVERYONE in that room, had support to offer, a story to share, solace to find and give. It was beautiful.

Bac was no picnic for me. I have been trying to suss out why I'm bummed out. :H (To be clear, I'm not depressed, not morose, still focused, still clear, still working hard with my eyes on my goals.)
I lost another job this week. My bac up for my bac ups. I don't really know why. I know they can't afford me. And maybe that was it. But it's become something else, now, that I have no control over.
With a little soul searching I realized that this, the third time in 3 months, can also be attributed to bac and/or sobriety. Before you get upset, I want to explain.
The first one is a job that I could do quite well drunk. I did it for 3 years. I was very well paid, it was a rare find, especially in this climate and with my qualifications.
I would have fired me long ago. BUT I got fired because I was taking bac, and drinking, and had become even more unreliable in some ways. Plus I think I was so out of it I was no longer capable of covering up my inconsistencies. OR, and this is a theme, too, I just stopped caring. My job was "beneath me" and I wanted out.
I quit the second job for that reason. Sort of. I was surrounded by alcoholics, the money wasn't there, it simply wasn't worth it. Literally.
The third job? Who knows. Only time will tell. I suspect it's a combination of their money woes and my newfound clarity--I am very goal oriented and driven these days, and I don't want to wait around for other people to get it together...

Get to the point, Ne!
Bac isn't for everyone.
If you're going to do it, especially if you have a lot to lose, do it sensibly. With a plan. With the goal completely clear in your mind. Mess with it at your peril, or with the risk that you will not find indifference. Take your doses on time, following a plan and don't mess with it. If the SEs become too much to bear, and you still want to find indifference, look to the booze, not the pills.

I would not trade this new life for anything. Not for financial security. Not for a job/marriage/the life of a loved one, maybe. There is NOTHING that could make me stop taking the medicine and go back to the way I was.

There is no way I can walk into an AA meeting and explain that the obsession is lifted. The craving is gone. I am actually and truly free. Some people can find it in the 12 steps. Some people find it on their own. Me? I got to take a medicine and become whole in 4 short harrowing months.
I count 4+ months on my ticker-tape of freedom. They would count less than 30 days. Only time will tell if bac is the panacea I think it is, the ticket to freedom, effortlessly (sort of) and without hoopla. Until then, I've got a bit to learn, and a job to get.
Oh. And most importantly, I'm going to represent. Be there. Offer support here. Find like minded people here, in my 3D world. Those things... Well, they don't keep me sober, but they help me in ways immeasurable.

(I wish I could count the number of people I know that have found indifference, or even just a measure of freedom from the obsession, that I know about and you all don't. But I can count twice as many who haven't made it.)

Gotta run! I've got to find my zoom-zoom, because my new life demands it. So I'm off to the gym, and that's just the beginning of my very demanding day. Good thing it's only 5am! My new life ROCKS, make no mistake.

Love you all. (Hiya lurkers. Love you too.)
Ne

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

ahh, the gym. i do miss my daniel craig and his rachel. reason enough to go back.

yeah, aa is tricky. i have no desire to go back there. but the fellowship is truly beautiful, i agree.

good luck w that job you're gonna get, ne, whatever it may be. could it be editing?

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

Thank you for that post, NE! You always know what I need to hear when I need to hear it! I shall refer to that one often!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Ha! Love you guys for posting. Thanks.

Bminor, we cross posted. What the heck are you doing up pre-dawn??? Yes. It's absurd. And so sad.

Rudy, one thing I did absolutely right was that I exercised almost the whole way through the bac journey. (That is when I could move off the couch, and when my balance was okay.) It felt really good to get bac there.

Taw, So SO glad you got something out of it. Me, too!

Reggie, I have a song. A new theme song. It moved me to joyful tears on my way to the gym. I can't for the life of me remember what it is. And no, I'm actually pretty chillax in my life, except behind the wheel. (Note to self: Work on that at some point.) But I do type like the speed of sound.

Btw, I've got my mojo bac. whew. The break was nice, but I really like the ... this.

Off to take grandma to lunch! Cheers, peeps!

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Exercise schmexercise. Rudy, reclaim your couch. I've been to gym a total of 6 times now in my life, 5 of them in the last couple of weeks, and I can say, with authority (for the first time ever) that it sucks. It doesn't get better, it doesn't feel better the more you do, it doesn't...

It's all a myth, this endorphin rush. This facade that it feels better the more you do, etc... It's a myth created by people who have spent so long in the gym, they no longer have any choice than to tell you how good it is.

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

aww, bleep. sorry you don't enjoy the fun! i for one do feel the high, and you know how i love those. besides, my gym is cheap and it's great for people watching.

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

...and coming on to celebrities.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

bleep;1136284 wrote: and I can say, with authority (for the first time ever) that it sucks. It doesn't get better, it doesn't feel better the more you do, it doesn't...
...
It's all a myth,

Ha! I could've said those exact words about baclofen! Come to think of it, I think I did...Until, well, you know, that whole indifference thing happened.

Just keep doing it, bleep. Figure out a way to enjoy it, in the moment, because if it's just plain onerous, and you're not *looking* for progress, you will simply miss it. And you'll give up. And that would be a waste of time and money, not to mention the heartache.

So get to the gym and find those muskles! Mrs. bleep will appreciate it, even if you don't.

(rubyd, the problem with celebrities at the gym is many fold, for me. There's the gawking factor, the intimidation factor, the lust factor--especially on the right amount of bac--and then there's the dismissive factor. Since we all know, for sure, that these people are paid ungodly sums of money to starve themselves, brutalize their bodies, and obsess about their looks. And we ALkies have that all wrapped up and more to boot! Who needs celebrities, when you've got writers! and lo0p!*)

Reg, I couldn't find where you mentioned it, but my AV is actually Siguourney Weaver, all decked out in ancient pre-transformer-gear, about to kick the beast's ass for once and for all. woop woop!
Still can't remember the dang song.
I'll be bac!
jttdp, peeps.

*yes, yes, I know. Lo0p is actually very healthy and eats ice cream and doesn't work out all the time, and is actually healthy. Still fun to pick on him.

[RedThread12]

Progress thread for ne

Hey, Ne: Great story about the phone call. IMO you did exactly the right thing. Parallel universes may have similarities, but that doesn't mean they intersect.

(Aside: I've been on an airplane or in an airport for 30 hours; listening to Brian Greene's, (the "string theory" guy) book, "The Hidden Universe." After one listen, all I can say is, if this is supposed to be an explanation, whoever hid it did a really, really good job!)

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

hey nev, i am totally tongue-in-cheek w all that celebrity crap. i don't care one whoot, and i don't gawk. i'm discreet w my peaks. not at all meaning to sound defensive -but i know that i am, can't figure out a way to cushie this up- just stating ftr, lest anyone think i read tabloids or have a secret side to me that i'm not sharing. (now how would that be POSSIBLE w all of the posting i do here?!)

bleep, maybe you do already, but i recommend music to get you up and at 'em at the gym. i could NEVER do what i do there without it. take ne's advice: try again. you'll catch on to the buzz everyone talks about.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

I'm not giving up just yet. I've decided to just do it, whether it's fun or not. I seem to have an amazing capacity to put my body through abuse in it's various guises, so this is just one more form. Or so I tell myself.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I'll find the song. You're a goose.

Bac for the rest of you later.