Progress thread for ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

beatle, what redthread said. I'd add: Some things are unbelievably inexpensive. Like a generic drug that saves countless lives. And a doctor or two that offers a book, medical advice and hope to countless people for a very small price, but at considerable personal cost.
redthread, epb is a force to be reckoned with, I think. I'm looking forward to his next post!

I've just returned from taking the blood tests for my physical, after white-knuckling it and resisting the coffee singing it's sweet siren song. Which these days is louder than booze! I am looking forward to the results, and imagine that even my high cholesterol is down! (Despite following a lo0p-ish high-protein-lots-of-red-meat-diet in recent weeks. )

I'm going up to 260mg today, after a week at 240. That's 4.33mg/kg. I'm nervous, but very excited. I've got a confession: In addition to the good doctor's beautiful words now taped to my mirror, I have a hand written note, "I will be indifferent to alcohol by xx/xx/2011." I'm not telling what the date is until I get there.

While perusing old threads looking for answers for someone, I ran across one of my first posts here on MWO. I had been lurking at that point for a couple of months, and had tried and failed once already with bac-treatment.

research;890740 wrote: Once again I am so grateful for all of the people who continue to put detailed information up about their experience with Baclofen. I am scared witless by the process and still can't believe I'm taking a pill from some island country no-one's ever heard of in the hopes that it's a silver bullet. Are you kidding me? and relying on the kindness of anonymous strangers to reassure me that my husband isn't going to find me dead from this stuff--or worse that I'm going to have my arms go leaden while I'm driving small kids around.
This is real, right?
I also have this gnawing fear that I'm risking my life/limbs and central nervous system (!) because I'm lazy, haven't done the work, explored the pain, lived in the moment, meditated enough... blah, blah, blah. I'm thoroughly indoctrinated into the whole addiction-therapy process and can't help but wonder, have I done enough???
And yet, I've changed my life dramatically over the last year and a half. Lazy? I don't think so! Half-assed? Not me. And for God's sake I've been in therapy on and off since I was 14, shortly after I started drinking, I might add. And AA, well, don't get me started. (Though, I agree with Ameisen that there is a lot to be gleaned from a spiritual growth program. Still, I've been in a room wondering if I was going to be that freakin' miserable when I finally get sober.)
So, thank you all. I have hope that this is real. (Right?)
And I've got to know, what does one do when one's limbs don't work? Am I going to end up in a suicidal puddle as described on bac4alcoholism website? Am I destroying the brain cells I've got left? I know I'm being dramatic, but I'm a girl who doesn't take more than the occasional ibuprofen because I want my liver to outlive me and I'm already making it hard for that to happen. We are all guinea pigs in this, and in my darkest moments I wonder if people on this site are real. (Not literally, I haven't lost my marbles yet. Speaking of which, psychosis and being generally unattached to reality for a moment sounds absolutely, completely terrifying. What does one do if that happens?)
It makes me so sad and a little mad that my loved ones (and yours!) would be completely devastated to find that in our desperation for a way out we've come to this. (Drama, I know, but it's true.)
thanks for any insight and for continuing reassurance...It works, right?
k

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...0-a-42866.html
June 19, 2010

HA! That was when I was still "research" before I'd decided on the very annoying "neva eva." The responses were so amazing, (craving, tip, sunnyv, cinders, redthread, phoenixrising, thank you.)but I still couldn't hear them at that point, and was so self-conscious about that post that it took me a good long while to follow up...
Now you can't shut me up!
I'm off to the gym, or a nap.
:ls
One final thought. (I swear.) Anyone following the HPV vaccine debate? So ludicrous... F*ing pharmaceutical companies. And screw the even more despicable politicians in the back pocket of said companies. grrrr.

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

Bruunhilde;1045211 wrote:
Are you saying I should go up regardless of my inability to tolerate the 50mg? I see conflicting recommendations on the board ("listen to your body" "wait til the SE's reduce then up your dose" "move up regardless, you have to push through to get to the better levels" etc.).

I will echo what others have already said - go up! One odd thing about bac that I have found is that sometimes when you've been at a dose for awhile, and your SEs are really bad, titrating up actually improves things. I gave that same advice to Ig when he was having a hard time at a dose that he'd been at for awhile and he was hesitant to titrate up. He went for it though, and reported back that the SEs were much improved.

[bleep69]

Progress thread for ne

I will echo Isolde's echo - go up! If it's too bad, drop back down.

[Grommet]

Progress thread for ne

I echo Bleep's echo of Is's echo. The worst SE's for me were in that 50 mg to 80 mg range. Up, up and away!

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

It was a joke, guys

beatle;1045426 wrote: Nothing good is free (I've been told).

Maybe I should have put a smiley after it?

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

Well, I took 25mg yesterday convinced that I need a rest from all the SE's, because I was really at the end of my rope, having been on bac for two months and horrible SE's.

I wake to find all the recommendations below, to dose UP. Thank you all for the advice. Maybe today I'll go back to 50 since I was only on 25 one day, and then up again over the weekend, and see how it is. I am very nervous about having to drive a ton next week, and to do presentations with my boss and a bunch of corporate types given the SE's.

You have given me encouragement much needed.

[bleep69]

Progress thread for ne

Bruun, I had one of the biggest meetings of my life, flat bang in the middle of the biggest parry I have ever had. Tip gave some excellent advice. To paraphrase, just don't dose at all for 8 hours before a meeting, and you'll be fine.

[Lowcountryman]

Progress thread for ne

Bruun,

I'd suggest, stay on the 50's for the whole week. When you know that in a few hours you have got to something you'd better not mess up, you skip a dose, or take half.

I alway felt exactly when the Bac was kicking in at his/her hardest. That would often be about two hours after I took a dose and it lasted about 15-20 minutes. A little high, dazed, stoned, numb, something. Didn't matter at what dosage.
One of my first times on Bac and performing onstage (I'm a singer in pubs), I promptly forgot my lyrics for about 15 minutes or so. So I had to fool around with the frequencies and dosage to not let that happen to me again. I made sure that while performing there wouldn't be a hard kicking of the Bac. I did that by sometimes just skip a dose and eventually I took half the dose.

By the way: I take 3x50 a day now and I never feel the Bac kicking in anymore. So I guess your body will get used to it anyway.

Low

[ignominious]

Progress thread for ne

I think that in some ways we become sensitised to the SEs. We know what to be on the look out for and find it everywhere. Plus the extra perception that we are gaining from the Bac can make the SEs that more intense.

I also believe that its when esperiencing the SEs (or not as in Low's case, but he realised on the way down that he had been having them) that Bac is doing its finest work!

The ideal place to be therefore would be at a dose where Bac is clearly working but it doesn't stop you from working. Titrate up but take it easy. If the SEs are really geting to be too much then stick at that level for as as it takes for them to stabilise and you to get used to them. Then titrate up again. But titrate up you must do. Despite the god effects that Bac can have on your drinking at the lower doses there is definitely a switch point waiting to hapen.

Is mentioned I was srtuck at a level for some time and when I moved up I was ale to function better. I think we can get boged down in our thinking paths and reenforce them whether god or bad. Keep your eye on the prize and go for it. Its a very safe drug.

Don't expect it to be completely painless and don't be too timid. You might get lucky and have a hassle free ride. The destination is the same.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I can't get drunk. Most annoying SE so far. < 3 beers last night. I really, really wanted to get drunk. It's too much effort. (I wonder if the bac just wears us out so much that we hit the switch because we're too tired to do anything else? ha.)
My right arm hurts, from shoulder to index finger, and my back hurts on the right side. (omg! is it my liver? a kidney???) I'm pretty sure these SEs are related to long periods of time sitting in the same position at the computer. :H
The late afternoon fatigue and ensuing despair are very disconcerting, but fleeting. (The somnolence is not to be dismissed, though. It's overwhelming.)
I sleep so soundly that I wake with aches and pains because I stay in the same position that I was in when I put my head on the pillow.
The other SEs are mostly gone. I'm sleeping at least 5 hours a night. No weird dream disturbances. No mania or crazy mood swings, notwithstanding the afternoon despair.
Positive SEs:
I can't get drunk.
I'm clear and present when I'm with other people, even when I don't feel like I am. My friends are crawling out of the woodwork looking for my attention. I'm getting compliments on the way I look, and on my behavior. ("You seem like you're in such a good place, what do you think I should do about xyz?" "You look really well today, are you sleeping again?" husband: "You're hot!" :H)
I had a really, really lovely Friday evening. Had a HUGE dinner (guess I'm making up for the lost calories.) Then we watched a really stupid movie (Year One) that normally would've had me running for any distraction. I laughed until I was literally crying. (at the poop/fart/adolescent-boy-sex-jokes ftr.) If bac/sobriety helps me find my long lost sense of humor, it'll be a big plus.
(btw, beatle, HA! yay for you! and yes, a wink or a giggle would help the humor challenged like me. )
My blood pressure has normalized--100/60. The incessant libido is also normalizing, thank .
Slow and steady...eyes on the goal, those things are my mantra. I appreciate not caring enough to bother with drinking to excess, but I will achieve indifference.
OA describes it in a very moving way in this passage on p. 169:
"Sweeping my eyes around the room, I dared to look at the bar with its gleaming bottles. They no longer called to me, as they had for so long. I saw people drinking various things...No alcohol thoughts came to mind; no craving for alcohol troubled me.
I thought, 'I am in a fairy tale or a dream. In a moment the spell will break, and I will wake up to the horror of needing a drink.'
I didn't."
Hallelujah
Thanks again to the courageous doctor. For all my doubts/frustrations I turn again and again to the comfort found in that book. And the sage advice of the ones who have reached the goal. Thanks Ig, and Low for your thoughts on the other thread.
:h
PS I look forward to a paperback edition with an index, don't you all? Edit, again: of course it's available in paperback. and of course it has an index.

[bleep69]

Progress thread for ne

Neva, you sound like you are in a good place. 10 points. I should be getting my copy of OA's book, soon, can't wait to read it!

[seeking_serenity]

Progress thread for ne

neva eva;1046297 wrote: I can't get drunk. Most annoying SE so far. < 3 beers last night. I really, really wanted to get drunk. It's too much effort.

This is the best progress I've heard of so far! You are SO close!

[bleep69]

Progress thread for ne

What beatle said.

Imagine what a gas rehab would be, sit around drinking beer and watching DVD's, waiting for the switch! Instead of its current gloomy state.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

260mg/day for two full days now. 4.33mg/kg. Side effects are manageable. I was very sleepy in the afternoon, but nothing out of the ordinary for a cold, gray Saturday afternoon on bac. Met my friend for a walk and lunch, had a glass of wine (bought a bottle.) Came home, had < 3 beers over the next 10 hours. Pretty sure I could quit, though it's still singing the song. (lame, lame, lame, when I think I know the answer--sobriety=switch at lower doses.)

I went to buy OA's book yesterday and found 4 reviews on Amazon. All of them from non-drinkers. (no reviews on Barnes and Noble) GRRRR. Last winter/spring when I decided to find a way out I bought several books, but only the ones that had reviews from ALkies who testified. Thank god OA's book was in the library.
If you haven't read it, read it. ($9.99 new. $1.99 +shipping used.) If you have read it, and it helped you, leave a review.
I'm trying very hard not to blast away on MWO this morning, but it's difficult. I'm going to take the poor old dog for a walk in the pre-dawn cold and think about it.
Keep on keeping on, friends.

[Guest]

Progress thread for ne

I actually enjoyed rehab, it was full of people who wanted to get their lives back. People wh0 understood what it was like. There were those who were in denial too, made you recognise that issue you in yourself, as well as lots of reassurance and care from staff.

Perhaps the rehabs I went to were different to yours Bleep?