Progress thread for ne

[bleep69]

Progress thread for ne

No, you are right UK, people trying to reclaim their lives. I just disagree in the manner in which they were doing it. I don't think beating yourself up is the way forward, at all.

Neva, my book arrives next Saturday, I can't wait.

[Guest]

Progress thread for ne

Bleep I was never asked to beat myself up over getting sober in rehab either. I was taught to try and come to terms with things, let go and move on to a better life. Seems a lot better experience than yours.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

After considerable internal debate, and lots of angst I decided to finally go to the Unitarian church service this morning. I've been wanting to go for, oh, about 5 years or so.
I researched it, of course. The topic of the sermons this month is communication--particularly concerning respecting others as having feelings when so much of our communication is via phone and internet, and without cues or clues to intent or meaning. Perfect, right?
I am thrilled with myself when I arrive! It's very "V", very loving and inclusive, yadda yadda.
Then she digresses from the service. She wants us to sit quietly for a minute and reflect on a sacred place or something. And then share it with a stranger.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???
I can barely share here, relatively anonymously, without regret and remorse rendering me senseless.
WTF!?

I didn't find the guidance I'm seriously seeking in terms of dealing with recent MWO activity. I'm not going to call anyone to the table at this moment. But recent posts are on my mind and on my radar.
Know this, people: Your behavior and your posts, much less your 'advice' have long term consequences. What you do to yourselves is your business. Spreading bull shit misinformation based on bull shit experiences is NOT just your business.
I'm off to spend the afternoon volunteering

[Guest]

Progress thread for ne

If this is directed at me I'm only sharing my experiences, some of which have been extremely positive. Part of discussion is accepting all that everyone brings to the table. If a member can't post an honest contribution then the forum is useless.

[bleep69]

Progress thread for ne

I agree UK. ALL developments, experiences and thoughts need to be bought to the table, positive and negative, especially negative. Failure to report a negative SE or experience is worse than omitting a positive, people need to know what they are letting themselves in for. Incorrect thoughts will ideally be exposed and discarded.

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

NE how are you? You have been quiet lately! everything good? PM me if you need to !

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Where is our promised update??

[seeking_serenity]

Progress thread for ne

she did post her most recent update here:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...-10-46124.html

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I got drunk last night. [Needless to say, haven’t hit the switch. Sorry, bleep, if it was I you were thinking was the switch-ee. But I secretly hope it was, so let me down easy!]

The night before that I spoke with the good doctor. I was full of angst. Listed my SEs, hoping for some suggestions for blessed relief. His suggestion? Sit tight at 260 and call me in a couple of weeks. grrrrr. Not what a girl this close, whatever the hell that means, wants to hear.
The funk really settled in at that point. I went to bed, missed my pm dose, and woke in a panic—sweaty, ugh—at 3am. Took the pills and then sent a plaintive missive to both the doc and OA: “Help! I can’t do it!”
Seriously, what is it with me and the damn middle of the night missives? Have I not learned???
Addled mind at work, I decided to go down to 240 yesterday. Dose schedule was all messed up and I got home with the familiar ache and drank 5 beers. Maybe? I vaguely recall throwing out the fifth.
Then bleep’s revelation. (I’m still unclear about it, ftr, friend. Not that I begrudge you the success. It does sort of piss me off that you followed it up with a glass of wine, though! :b&d: But your goal and mine are different.)

I’ve been a ‘good’ girl up to now. Followed direction, felt better for it, noticeable changes with each bump, SEs somewhat manageable. But I’m fucking exhausted, people. In OA’s last cryptic message he mentioned that his patients find indifference in days, weeks at the most! Sheesh. And no follow up, I might add, despite my repeated attempts at getting clarification. The savior is busy, I get it. But it makes me feel like the rat on the wheel instead of the one making its way to the cheese at the end of the maze. Thank you, I’ll take Algernon.

All due respect to the general leading the army stateside, there is only so much room in my life for the cerebellum to catch up to the goal and start firing the correct neuro-transmitters. That sleeping giant needs to wake the fuck up and get with the program.

I’m undecided at this point. Go up? No holds barred? Stick to 260, or 240 or something, and be happy with a couple of drinks? Wait for Godot? Abstain at all costs and see if the miracle happens?
The good doctor was unclear when I asked him point blank about whether or not being AF affected the dose at which indifference was reached.
I didn’t take many notes this time, too agitated. I hate to try and figure it out at this point, anyway. Was he protecting my feelings? Worried I’d quit? (I did receive a really sweet email from him last night, responding to mine. He recommended, among other things, I titrate down slowly if I was going to stop. Seriously. omg, WTF??? )

Many on here have reached the switch, or something approximating it, at low doses when they abstained. That ship has sailed long since, I’m afraid.
Many, many more have reached it regardless, when they pushed the envelope. And the doctor did say that most people had to go higher than they thought they would. (Well, duh, we all think we’re going to be the exception.)

I’m not giving up, not by any stretch. I’ve got a long weekend starting the , and have a follow up with my PCP and a gynecologist between now and then to clear up some things unrelated to my disfunctional brain chemistry.
I have to figure out what to do with my free time in the meantime. Drinking two or three beers is sort of a moot point. And undermines the goal, neo-cortex or not, even I know that.
It’s going to be hard not to go up this weekend, but I have a very demanding Monday and Tuesday. Also, the ALkie rats on bac reached indifference to AL at 3mg/kg. To other substances at up to 5mg/kg. I’m smoking like a chimney and still drinking. At 4.33mg/kg. Draw your own conclusions. I know what my conclusions are.
:boohoo:
xo
HUGE EDIT: There is irony in this post. My life is immeasurably better on bac, even at this ridiculous level, than it was before. Friends/husband/work have all noticed a positive difference in me. And I'm far from high/happy/jovial. ha.
I'd rather stay on bac in the 200s, than give it up. I just really, really want the switch. And may have missed it? :upset:
I'm really, really tired. All will be much rosier in a few short hours, after I sleep for just a few short hours. ha. sort of.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Hey neva,

Why did you drop down to 240 if the doctor had just recommended staying at 260. Personally, I'd go up if the sides permit, but he is working on a much bigger sample size, and is still claiming a 100% success for those who stay the course. Listen to him, perhaps?

I think a couple of day AF would be brilliant (he says). Do it, as you say, no matter what.

There is probably some legal requirement that says he must point out the dangers of stopping altogether if a patient suggests it, I wouldn't read anything into it.

If anyone has the balls to carry this thing through it's you. I think of you often, and missed you during your last break!

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

Alright I'll say it, but only this once, and only because it's tucked away in this small corner of the MWO site where it'll hopefully stay (for now). I think that these SE's are being manufactured just because people are titrating so slowly. You know I could be long winded and eloquent about it and pull examples and quotes and maybe even a graph or two. But honestly I don't even have the time to back it up with anything right now. It's what I think and have thought for a long time now. Any questions about why I think that'll probably go unanswered in the short term.

And NE you know I love you baby but we both know how to make it all better for you.

Say what you said to us in your last post to your hubby like this:

NE to hubby:

neva eva wrote: What you just said
hubby:

neva's luvmuffin wrote: "Oh baby...what can I do to..."

NE: neva eva wrote: And the pool is dirty dammit!!

Problem solved.

[Grommet]

Progress thread for ne

Neva,

I am a "hunt and peck" typer so I can't respond the way I would like to your post. Thank you for sharing this. There are so many parallels as to what I am going through - and I am sure many others.

I don't know where I'm headed either. Last week I was going to wait for Godot. This week I was going for the switch. Now I''m just going to "keep my head down and focus on the goal" (thank you for digging that quote up, by the way). Tomorrow it may be something different.

Your HUGE EDIT it what brings it all home. I first got drunk when I was 15, and I'm 46 now. Kept it together for some time, and other times not so much. Was sober for a while in between and those were the best years of my life. Been on Bac for 2 1/2 months and it's the best thing I could have done.

We are trying to kill a best that has consumed us for most of our adult lives. Its not going to be easy. Hang in there Neva, and please keep typing!

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Wow, Neva. I am more than sorry to hear about your experiences with the god-doctors! This is hitting me every bit as hard as you, considering we are pretty much in the same situation. (Except your couple drinks are 5 or 6 for me:upset

I think I'm going to take Lo0p's advice. How much worse can the SEs be? Maybe they actually do improve with more rapid titration? It seems that a number of people are saying this. Maybe Dr. O is onto something that Dr. L. hasn't got wind of yet?

Thanks Lo0p. I'm going from 200 to 240 today.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Way to go beatle. I'm fully with Lo0p on this one. Let us know how you go.

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

Whoa...Hold on there... Yours sounded kind of like a special case to me, no? I mean, I've hallucinated on bac before but some of the stuff you were describing to me...well. :egad:

We all know no one is giving advice here.