Progress thread for ne

[mikeone]

Progress thread for ne

Ubuntu Linux

I've switched to Ubuntu Linux. No more paying Windows or Mac taxes! (Off topic, I know, but this a followup on dying computers).

Mike

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

taw;1055860 wrote: Hope you are both, NE and Bruun, are both feeling better!! Very familiar with the vomiting lately!

I feel like I am missing stuff....I spend so much time reading, I don't have time to respond, but I feel like you guys are my friends and I want to check up on you all!! So, if I am not responding, it does not mean I am not reading!!

Thanks Taw, and that's exactly how I feel about you guys. I figure you'll PM me if I'm not participating and I need to be, and that we all know we're struggling to be supportive in the face of life' challenges, bac SEs and AL binging. I've been thinking about you keeping your flame lit through dark days of vomiting, and I applaud you. Such perserverence. I hope I can be that stalwart.

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

Bruunhilde;1055820 wrote:
I know what you mean about so many posts and so little ability to respond (time or inability to type or think, etc). I find that I miss big chunks of stuff I feel I should be participating in. This board is very busy....
taw;1055860 wrote:
I feel like I am missing stuff....I spend so much time reading, I don't have time to respond, but I feel like you guys are my friends and I want to check up on you all!! So, if I am not responding, it does not mean I am not reading!!

Couldn't agree more with you both! Nowadays I could spend half a day just on the meds forum of MWO and STILL not be caught up, much less have responded to everything I wanted to respond to AND post updates!!

Taw and Bruun, so sorry you guys are so sick lately!! :l I hope it lets up soon! I had the opposite problem (though it worked to my advantage) with bac - it made the AL hit me hard and fast and I couldn't drink as much as I'd been capable of before bac due to that.
Bruun, maybe the hellacious hangovers will provide enough negative reinforcement to make you want to drink less going forward. I know that after just one bad bac + AL experience, it was a lot easier for me to stop sooner the next time. I think it's actually worse for those who have no hangover (I know it doesn't feel that way right now!), because there's no "incentive" to drink less or to stop, only incentive to keep drinking. Regardless, hope you feel better soon!
(I apologize in advance if that whole paragraph came off wrong, my bac-tardedness is kicking in and I can't re-read it and edit it anymore! I hope the meaning comes through though.)

Karen, glad you don't have the flu!! And you too, UKB, even if ordering tamiflu and not needing it was embarassing, it's still way better than actually having the flu!

Karen, been thinking about ya a lot this weekend. Mostly because I've been feeling incredibly manic, my mood swings are INTENSE, and unfortunately the pendulum is swinging way too slowly for my liking. 3-4 days of euprhoria... followed by the same amount of feeling incredibly anxious and full of dark despair and needing to do anything to get out of my damn head. I know you've been there and done that, except you seem to bounce back faster! Any advice for getting through it? I can only say, "I just made you up to hurt myself" so many times before I tell myself to go f*ck off. Ugh!

Today feels like a Suicide Tuesday w/out the benefit of Saturday having been mind-blowingly fun.

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

Oh Is...so sorry you are so down! I know the feeling all too well! been on AD's for years! wish I had some magic words for you but all I can come up with is this too shall pass! Hang in there! We are here for you!!! I can't wait for the manic to set in!!!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Isolde;1055913 wrote: I've been feeling incredibly manic, my mood swings are INTENSE, and unfortunately the pendulum is swinging way too slowly for my liking. 3-4 days of euprhoria... followed by the same amount of feeling incredibly anxious and full of dark despair and needing to do anything to get out of my damn head. I know you've been there and done that, except you seem to bounce back faster! Any advice for getting through it? I can only say, "I just made you up to hurt myself" so many times before I tell myself to go f*ck off. Ugh!
I have no advice, exactly. I will tell you that in my last middle of the night freak out (brought on by, ironically, way too little bac in the blood) I decided I was not going to have any bad dreams. I thought of Redthread's dream about Hugh Hefner et al and decided that mine would be about the cast of Ocean's 11. Not all of them mind you. The geeky ones and the neurotic ones with a hottie or two thrown in. Didn't work, sadly. I fell into a nice dreamless slumber and woke up feeling lousy but better.
And bleep running makes me laugh.

But this afternoon I was full of despair again. All was wrong with the world, I can do no right...blah, blah and boohoo. 4am and 4pm it seems I have to relive every regret/resentment I've ever had. It's lousy. And what's up with that? My days are fairly unbelievable (good) atm. I'm not sure how to get out of my head. But I know it'll make or break whether or not I'm content, and I choose contentment.

Isolde;1055913 wrote: Today feels like a Suicide Tuesday w/out the benefit of Saturday having been mind-blowingly fun.

:H Ah, yes. I live that twice a day. Can't even blame it on hormones or food atm.

mikeone;1055876 wrote: I've switched to Ubuntu Linux. No more paying Windows or Mac taxes! (Off topic, I know, but this a followup on dying computers).

Mike

Even after googling it Mike, I'm still not sure what that is. Sorry. Sadly, they're going to mend my old ancient laptop, I've got a hand-me-down in the works and I'm able to use this one in the meantime. I've decided that I'm going to actually figure out how to use these things, and what I want to use them for, before I go spending $$$ on new technology I use like a, well, chat room. More info would be welcome, however.

taw and bruun, it helped me that I knew that others had been there, moved through it and found the goal. Hang in, power through, and remember what the alternatives are.
I'm out for the night. Back early I imagine!
xo
K

[seeking_serenity]

Progress thread for ne

neva eva;1056011 wrote: I have no advice, exactly. I will tell you that in my last middle of the night freak out (brought on by, ironically, way too little bac in the blood) I decided I was not going to have any bad dreams. I thought of Redthread's dream about Hugh Hefner et al and decided that mine would be about the cast of Ocean's 11. Not all of them mind you. The geeky ones and the neurotic ones with a hottie or two thrown in. Didn't work, sadly. I fell into a nice dreamless slumber and woke up feeling lousy but better.
And bleep running makes me laugh.

But this afternoon I was full of despair again. All was wrong with the world, I can do no right...blah, blah and boohoo. 4am and 4pm it seems I have to relive every regret/resentment I've ever had. It's lousy. And what's up with that? My days are fairly unbelievable (good) atm. I'm not sure how to get out of my head. But I know it'll make or break whether or not I'm content, and I choose contentment.

Glad to hear that you got some good sleep (although you still felt lousy afterwards, that sucks). And bleep running makes ME laugh as well! haha :H

Sorry that your moods are so up and down. I can definitely relate. I was fixated on some bad resentments yesterday and worked myself up into a manic righteousness. I actually lost my temper yesterday afternoon after thinking too much, and considered going out and buying a 6 pack (which would have been dumb, as part of my sickness yesterday I can largely attribute to a hangover). I ended up having about 3 beers. I calmed down remarkably once I stopped thinking about my resentments.

"...make it or break it whether or not I'm content, and I choose contentment." I really like those words. Wise way of seeing things. :h

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

I can relate to the regrets, bitterness, despair. Being bac-ed out helps me to space out those thoughts, to stop them in midair and since I can't really think in general, I find I can just stop thinking. I deliberately go to something like an ex-boyfriend's unit and it's pro's and con's, or something equally distracting. Sometimes that leads me into another regret/despair path, and I just space again, and change it up. SagFace has me despairing and so I keep refocusing on the goal, and how much better I'll look after down dosing after my switch, it will be like a facelift!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Ha. bruun, I find I look soooo much more pretty on bac. Especially without my glasses on. When squinting. From about 3 feet from the mirror. Try it! Makes the eyeliner a challenge, but beauty comes with a price!

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Hey all. It's good to see you happier. Have you managed to stabilise your dose yet, and if so, what did you stabilise it on?

Bleep running makes me cry. Luckily a badly cracked heel (wimp, I know!) has led me to hang my running shoes up for the time being! I had managed 4 whole runs, slightly, very slightly longer, each time before being struck down. No sign of any endorphins, rushing, ambling, or even stopping by for a cup of tea. I can easily believe I have lazy endorphins!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

indifference!

I reached indifference last Friday. (edit: Almost 4 months to the day after I started this bac journey. 11 months after I found OA's book. Less than a year, not bad in the scheme of things!)
I got home from work, was on the phone, did the usual. It was a couple of hours later that I realized I hadn't thought about having a cold beer. There were plenty in the fridge. And it was a REALLY lousy week. Still, it never crossed my mind.
Got a call from a MWO friend at 900pm just as I was about to run the vacuum cleaner. Spent an hour on the phone, then another hour on the phone with a local friend. Didn't want a drink.
It's been years since I've been able to talk on the phone after 8pm.

On Thursday night, after reading Reggie's post-switch post, and watching the video Otter reposted, I decided to go AF. I thought it would be a struggle the way it was the last time. Ha! Not even close. I simply forgot about booze.
Saturday was a little different. I definitely craved AL around the witching hour, but as it turns out, I was probably 80mg short of the goal of 320mg/day. (I'll never be sure.) But I'd put the beer in the house in the trunk of my car which is about 30feet away, and I couldn't be bothered to go get it. :H
Sunday I was bac on track, with a healthy 280mg in my system and feeling much better by the end of the day. Very little urge to drink, though husband was throwing back some very good beer and wine in order to celebrate the superbowl. My friend came over and we chatted for a while. He went home. I went to bed.
Monday (yesterday) 300mg ingested, it was simple again.
Four nights sober, and over a weekend! Four mornings without the slightest hint of a hangover or remorse for ingesting even one drop of AL. It's pretty unreal, people. But it's true, and achievable.

The week previous to the switch I drank maybe a dozen beers. Maybe. Over the course of a week! And still felt badly about it, worried that I would never hit the switch, find indifference, not care anymore. But here it is!

I'm looking forward to calling the Good Doctor (the only one I know, ftr, who has earned that title). I hope that he'll prescribe some xanax, even though I'm still nervous about taking ANYTHING other than baclofen. Much less something addictive. Still, I need more sleep and I trust him more than anyone other than a couple of people around here.

For all the angst I share on here, my 'real' life does not reflect that. I've been incredibly productive. Cleaning up literally and figuratively. Financial stuff that has weighed heavily on me for months and months. Taken care of in an afternoon. I'm looking for laundry to do at this point. I figure that the next time my home is messy and someone pops by I won't be ashamed of it. It'll be messy because I just didn't have the time/inclination to do anything about it. Not because I'm a hopeless drunk. And people can stop by now! Not that I'm the best conversationalist. Still pretty bac'd out and I'm having trouble following my own train of thought to fruition, as it were.
Even bac'd out I'm a better friend/person/etc... than I was even a month ago.
I'm worried about weighing in on other threads, atm. So I'll stick to this one.
I'm probably going to have to edit the heck out of this as it is. :H

:ls and :h and :new:

oh. and woohoooo!
ps. I don't know that my eyes are glistening yet, Low. But I'm well on the way to having eyes that light up a room! (in true hyperbolic American fashion.) This is AWEsome! :H xo

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

100 points neva. They were correctly awarded then, it seems!

Really, really happy for you, you deserve this. Well done.

:l

(Will have time for a longer post later!)

[seeking_serenity]

Progress thread for ne

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!

This is cause for a HUGE celebration! :bday3: :yougo: :disco:

Seriously. You have FINALLY done it. You put in the effort (despite doubts and SEs that would stop many others), just kept taking the damn pills, and LOOK AT WHERE YOU ARE!

WELCOME TO THE OTHER SIDE!

I can't wait to join you over there! CONGRATS! :rockband:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Thanks, friends!
I'm very curious about this:

Otter;1053170 wrote:
The problem with drinking on baclofen is if you relapse it is more difficult to get sober again. I don't know why. Also there is something called kindling which is drinking on bac which can lead to relapse. So I suggest you contact Lo0p before you start drinking on bac.

I don't have any intention of drinking again, but the more weapons in the arsenal, the better. Does anyone know what this refers to?

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

FAN_FRICKING-TASTIC!!! :happy:

[Guest]

Progress thread for ne

neva eva;1056223 wrote: Thanks, friends!
I'm very curious about this:


I don't have any intention of drinking again, but the more weapons in the arsenal, the better. Does anyone know what this refers to?

I think this refers to becoming addicted again, I suppose very much like overriding the good you've done. I've actually heard that even normal people with zero genetics, fantastic background can 'make' themselves addicts by simply drinking enough. This will sound like a load of rubbish, but perhaps you can undo the good you've done with the bac by re-establishing the addiction pathways or sheer physical dependency.

This is all just an idea I have from stuff I've gathered over the years so I don't have any links I'm afraid.

It's also why I've been concerned for another member here, who has been moderating since right after the switch. I have just had a quick scan via google but can't find any useful info. Perhaps a question for the DR?