Progress thread for ne

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1115753 wrote: Bleep, I know you *might* be asleep, but I'm pretty sure you'll be up soon! Where's the bac-tat idea? What thread, do you remember? Sere's thread?

I was in bed, but not sleeping. Winter is coming, so getting out of a warm bed to sit in a chilly room in the middle of the night is not nearly so appealing!

For future reference, that molecule can be found on the baclofen page at wikipedia.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

OMG! I just lost a post it took 45 minutes to write. Ah, well, I suppose it wasn't that good anyway. New computers. pfffft

Hope it is, was or will be a good day for you all!

Much love
Ne

Wow, bleep. On the other side of the world AND the other hemisphere. That's cool. (I know that's trite and makes it seem as though I don't get out much. But I am still pretty amazed at the global-ness of this! And I don't get out much!)

There is a theme running through some of the correspondence I have with bac-ees not on MWO. (can you imagine? That's amazing to me, too. People who are doing this who don't have the support of MWO!)

The theme is this:

Fear and doubt.
If I were to get a tattoo that accurately reflected the great majority of my life it would be that, tattooed around my bicep.
fear doubt fear doubt fear doubt fear doubt fear doubt fear doubt
What a shitty brand that would be.

Still I have it. I'm nervous, very, about Ed titrating up. Full of whatifs and drastic scenarios about the whole process. Then I look at my life and in a moment of clarity I'll remember what it was like four or so months ago. When I was consumed with alcohol. The consumption of it, the need for it, the acquisition of it and not least, the recovery from it.

I am gloriously and rapturously free of that. So free of it that I forget what it's like until I read these boards. Even then, I'm removed from it. (though it pains me. jkttdp! It's a beautiful view from this side! )

I buy soda water/seltzer by the case now. The cheaper the better, as long as it's palatable! Much like I used to buy wine.


That's what I can recall off the top of my head... sorry for the brevity. gotta run!
xo
Ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

hmmm. Forgive the digression, but there is another theme that seems to be prevalent for me atm.

Judgement, or what might seem to be judgement.

In an effort to help, or be helpful, anyway, it's very easy for me to look at what I would do differently. in my own titration and in that of others. I'm not being judgmental though. But I am guessing that it might be easy to internalize those comments, and feel badly about not having done x, y or z.

I know I felt that way. After months on bac, with indifference still elusive, but tantalizing in it's very closeness, I kept hearing, publicly and privately, that I should just quit drinking! Really! From fellow bac-ers!

The point, I suppose, is this: It takes what it takes. There is life to manage, bills to pay, a whole host of things to negotiate. There is no rush, no hurry and no judgement. Anything anyone can do in order to keep the beast at bay, even if the bitch is just subdued, growling in her bac-made cage, is good enough for me.

Hang in, my friends. It works, of that you can be sure.
Love,
Ne

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

That's really counterintuitive for me - the fear and doubt. When I discovered baclofen I was awestruck and hopeful. For my whole life I had been told it was incurable, that jail, death or (there's a third one here I can't remember) were my choices. What shitty choices. That, or a lifetime of white-knuckling it. I was fucked. Talk about fear and doubt.

Tell them to let those be their watchwords for their titration, they'll probably enjoy it a bit more. Awestruck and hopeful.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

bleep;1116504 wrote: Awestruck and hopeful.

Amen, brother.

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1116495 wrote: h
After months on bac, with indifference still elusive, but tantalizing in it's very closeness, I kept hearing, publicly and privately, that I should just quit drinking! Really! From fellow bac-ers!

The point, I suppose, is this: It takes what it takes. There is life to manage, bills to pay, a whole host of things to negotiate. There is no rush, no hurry and no judgement. Anything anyone can do in order to keep the beast at bay, even if the bitch is just subdued, growling in her bac-made cage, is good enough for me.

Hang in, my friends. It works, of that you can be sure.
Love,
Ne

Thank you for that, Ne.

And Amen, to both of you.

You made my day.

Replace Fear and Doubt with Awestruck and Hopeful.

and it takes what it takes.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Morning, folks.

I woke up this morning with a belly-full of fear and doubt. It's really rather unpleasant. It's irrational, too. Then I opened my email the first one was entitled, "Bac SUX." :H



Ed's mood swings make me very nervous. I can't suss out what's bac, what's booze, what's lack of pot, what's what. I say this because we had a tiff yesterday, and he lost his temper. I don't know if that's the way we used to speak to one another, but it sure isn't how I want this to go down from here on out. sheesh. To the point, though, I don't know how to manage his anxiety and fear. I know that it will all be gone once he finds that bac works, but in the meantime he's having a really rough go of it. (Not bac SEs, though, which continues to amaze me!) And it's increasingly hard to watch him drink against his will and get drunk and look terrible and see him feel terrible about it. I don't know how sober spouses do it. It's annoying and terrifying and disgusting, frankly.

Anyway. I forgot that I took some pictures for you peeps when I was at my parent's house last weekend. One is specifically for you Murph, so I hope you're not going anywhere until my Friday afternoon, because it may take me two more days to learn how to put them up, especially on the new mac. I've gone cold-turkey on the pc, which is rather onerous, but the only way I'm going to learn how to use this thing before school starts. (In FIVE DAYS! omg. What am I thinking??? and :H)

I'm outtie 5000. (Where the hell is that one from? Alicia Silverstone starred in it, I think?)
:l and

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

oops. This mouse pad is a source of wonder and amusement, but I keep messing with things when I don't mean to!

so...
:l and :h
Ne

Shout out to gratitude. Nice to see you, what's news?
And for Reggie and Guitarista:
Yesterday I was fairly entranced by The Pretenders Have a Little Faith in Me. Thought of you! (It's fairly easy to be fairly entranced by Chrissy, though!)
(I'd post a link, but that might take me an hour... I'll leave it to you, if you are reading down here and inspired to listen!)

[Sprat]

Progress thread for ne

Good job with the Alicia Silverstone recall. Its from Clueless, which was good campy fun.

Reading about watching a spouse get drunk, look terrible and be disgusted makes me cringe about how my wife has dealt with it. She doesn't drink and is the permanent dd... until the near future (i hope). Best wishes for Ed to get sorted.

I also see you quoted the Pretenders. I hadn't seen music mentioned much here, but I quoted some VH yesterday. Coincidence?? :H

S.

ps. my first post on someone else's thread! thanks for the inspiration Ne.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

If the pic is of you scantily clad, then I'll delay leaving, but if it's anything else I'll be mightily disappointed.

It's of a sheep isn't it?

[gratitude]

Progress thread for ne

ne,
what's up sista from anotha mista? just a quick hello. off to bed. write more later. grat

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Morning!
So there I am sitting at the bar in rural Maryland a couple of weeks ago, sipping my seltzer and chatting up the alkie next to me, waiting for carry out food.
And what do I spy with my wandering eye?





So there it is, Murph. In the middle of nowhere a can of your favorite stuff. (If it comes in a can... Is it like a sweet version of Spam? :H) Edit: Tucked in between the bottles of booze, right there on the shelf behind the bar. Go figure!

This is what it looks like at sunrise at my parent's country house:




The Goose is a beauty, isn't she?
Just to clarify a little bit for our overseas friends: Pets are not animals. Anyone who thinks a pet is an animal simply doesn't get it. There's no explaining it to you, I'm afraid. I've tried with friends who lived in places that don't have pets the way we have pets...It's no use.
Suffice it to say that Goose is as much a part of my family as Ed is, and frankly, I couldn't/wouldn't leave her ever...:H

(Look, bleep! I posted piccies without having to have you walk me through it! Cheers to Stirly-Girly who posted instructions on the testbed!)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Hiya Grat and Sprat!
Grat, great to see you're hanging around. Are you taking bac? How's it going?

Sprat, congratulations! It's hard to venture out, I'm glad you did! Thanks. Oh, yeah, love me some VH. Even I Can't Drive 55! Apparently the anti-anxiety aspects have helped other people chill out when they're behind someone in the left lane who is actually obeying the speed limit. I can't say it has had that affect on me. It still annoys and confounds me that not everyone is late and in a hurry when they're going from point A to point B. Fortunately it's a good time to catch up on phone calls! :H (Hey, I'm hands free and at least I'm not emailing!)

beatle, that last post was for you and for taw, among others!

Now. Ed has reached a happy place at 140mg. whew. I'm so relieved about it, as you might imagine. Newbies, I think there is something to that whole 120-140mg thing! Dr. L first mentioned it to me in the fall that he felt that 140mg, 240mg and even 340mg were "important" numbers. Lowcountryman, who is Dutch, confirmed that his pdoc (shrink) said that many of his patients stopped at 140mg, satisfied with a reduction in drinking and the anti-anxiety aspects. Maybe you can shoot for that as an initial goal? Just a thought-out-loud!

More tomorrow! I've got to take several more video classes on how to use the new mac. Speaking of which, I will post a pic of Ne's mac on here as soon as I label it. I know noone else cares, but it's the first computer I've ever owned that is new out of the box. It would've been unthinkable to find the money and make the purchase without a great deal of angst before I got sober and relatively relaxed...Before Bac. (BB? )

Life is good. (edit: And not because of the things I own. But because I can make sound decisions now. Even financial ones!)

Peace! Love! Happiness!
:l
Ne

[Rusty]

Progress thread for ne

Great pics, NE! I love Maryland...beautiful state, and Goose is beautiful.

On another note, I am sending you a PM as I type this.

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

I think Murph is going to be much more interested in the "Cock Flavoured" thing above it. Where I come from, we call it chicken flavouring.

When I said pets are animals, I meant in the sense that they don't need babysitting, like a small human would. Oh, and also in the sense that yes, they are animals. Of course they are! Why is that even a contentious thing to say?