Progress thread for ne

[susiesmum]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1122122 wrote: A very humble thank you for all of your thoughts. Seriously. If you haven't figured it out by now, MWO and my friends here have helped me immeasurably. It's unbelievable and I will forever be grateful. It's not just about bac. It's about the fact that I can pick up the phone and call someone to talk further about nursing.
And the books and recommendations and collected knowledge and HUMOR/humour that we have at our fingertips with a search engine. (albeit a poorly functioning one.)
I owe you all more than I can repay, so I'll pay it forward!
Love,
Karen

Karen and all, this is an opportunity for me to thank you for paying it forward to my daughter. I print off a variety of posts which she loves reading. She loves the HUMOUR!!!....thinks you're all great and feels part of the community, even though she doesn't visit or post. (Topics which talk about SE's have helped her to know she's not alone or crazy.) Keep up the good humoured banter! You never know who you're making laugh after maybe years of sorrow. (even 'fundamentalist' Christians )

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

cool news susiesmom! i love hearing that people are laughing. the humor here is priceless.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

susiesmum;1122345 wrote: Karen and all, this is an opportunity for me to thank you for paying it forward to my daughter. I print off a variety of posts which she loves reading. She loves the HUMOUR!!!....thinks you're all great and feels part of the community, even though she doesn't visit or post. (Topics which talk about SE's have helped her to know she's not alone or crazy.) Keep up the good humoured banter! You never know who you're making laugh after maybe years of sorrow. (even 'fundamentalist' Christians )

Morning, bac-ers and others.

Meet susiesmum. She's pretty amazing. Found out about bac on her own, introduced her daughter to it. They've both been through hell and bac because her daughter is like me/us. Wracked by the demon. Haunted and hunted. Some of you know the place. Not that many around here, though. Susie's got it bad.
Susie is also really, really funny. But that's another story.
Susiesmum is a pretty amazing woman. Helps people for a living. Is really a pinnacle of society, is my guess. Also will do ANYTHING to help Susie, in a healthy way. Really. We all wish for a mum like that. She's also a devout fundamentalist Christian and the fact that we are friends has more to do with her than with me. Especially given my liberal use of expletives and my absolute bigotry when it comes to religion.
Thanks mum. I'm honored. Glad she's doing well. :l
(I'll get to work on SEs.)
They found a shrink who is also a pinnacle of society. He's my hero actually.

So. I thought I might want to get drunk last night. Convergence of events and it seemed like a good idea. It would've been fun.
I had already invited some friends over, bought some wine, was looking forward to a night on the porch, glass of wine in hand. (I had to dig out my wine glasses! They were way in the bac of the cabinet. One was cracked. The others were pretty dusty. woop woop!)

But the thing is, I'm really busy. I don't have time to spend an evening in front of the tv or entertaining people. I definitely don't have time to deal with not feeling well for an entire day.
The wine was too good, and frankly, I started to feel like this wasn't a choice, that the beast was driving the decision, whip in hand. (what a terrible image that conjures. me, yoked, a beast of burden, being whipped by an unholy demon-bitch. But that's EXACTLY where I was. There is NO FUCKING WAY I'm going to be ... that. ever again.)

Dinner on the table, literally, and I couldn't sit in my skin, so I went for my first run in ages. (after I made a decision to go for a run instead of drinking a bottle of wine in front of the tv or on the phone everything went wrong. sort of. A broken shoe lace. iPod dead. Many reasons to just stay home and drink. It wasn't a white hot need, but it started to feel a lot like it was going to be drinking against my will. Did I awaken the beast???)
I took more bac. Went for a hard walk, since I couldn't muster a real run.
Came home. Ate. Finished the glass of wine I had poured before I went for a run. It wasn't very good. The siren call had been silenced. The beast is still caged.
I am so damn grateful that I didn't drink against my will. Frankly, I'm not sure I could have. Recent experience tells me that I would've had a glass of wine and been done. But what if I ended up rat-arsed?
No thank you. The beast is not allowed out of her cage. And I don't know how strong it is, yet.
Nursing? We'll see. What I want to learn are the basics, bleep. I couldn't begin to delude myself that I'll understand all of the mechanisms in play in our brains on bac.
And I need a profession. More to the point, I need some intellectually challenging pursuits. Those of us that are really successful are really busy and very driven. It's CW (conventional wisdom) that this would contribute to long term success. (habit breaking!)

Ed had a pretty awful night. The breathing thing. His snoring was so loud and so strange that at one point I thought he was laughing out loud. Nope. Dead asleep. He tossed and turned all night. I'm glad that I've been there, so I didn't have to be too alarmed.
You're right, bleep, as usual. Eyes on the goal would mean that he go up. It's a rather dicey time, but hell, when isn't?
He'll stay at 160mg today and tomorrow and go up to 180mg on Wednesday. He's drinking and smoking again. And oh my goodness, he's smoking more cigs than I can believe! He's a smoker when he drinks, only. He smoked with coffee yesterday! And didn't want to give me his pack when he left for work! (I know, he's very selfish sometimes. :H)

Today's just a single zoom, thank goodness. I need a break. I'm going to paint another room, I think. Poor walls. Taking the brunt of new found sobriety. I only have two rooms left after this. I need to find the next big project to fill the time.

When you all come to visit, you'll find lots of pretty colors!
Peace out! and xo
Ne

[susiesmum]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1122753 wrote: Morning, bac-ers and others.


Susiesmum is a pretty amazing woman. Helps people for a living. Is really a pinnacle of society, is my guess. Also will do ANYTHING to help Susie, in a healthy way. Really. We all wish for a mum like that. She's also a devout fundamentalist Christian and the fact that we are friends has more to do with her than with me. Especially given my liberal use of expletives and my absolute bigotry when it comes to religion.
Thanks mum. I'm honored. Glad she's doing well. :l
(I'll get to work on SEs.)
Ne

Oh, so 'devout fundamentalist' Christians don't swear or hang out with bigots!!! Gosh, I am not one of those then. That crowd wouldn't want me. :damn: Actually, 'fundamentalist" has so many connotations, particularly in USA. Don't think it's a good fit for me. I don't want to boast, but I do drop a few f***s, myself. I am quite comfortable hanging out here at MWO, even if I'm just sitting in the corner sipping a cup of tea! I just leave the room when it gets too risque for a 'mature' woman: but I come back!
It is so hard to express, but as much as I hate being around drunk/high people (my dad was an alcoholic, so it pushes my buttons), I LOVE seeing on MWO the real people behind the behaviour. People with hopes, fears, anxieties, humour, ups, downs, beliefs, doubts, struggles, families, love, hate.....just like me. And some like me, who also have Jesus. Better run. Kettle's boiling.

[Lo0p]

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I'm glad susie's doing better, but I'm still a little hurt she never called me... :upset:

[susiesmum]

Progress thread for ne

She will! Her Hotmail is down. Then again, maybe it's because you are 'taken'??? be assured that her just knowing you connected is HUGE!

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

susiesmum;1123126 wrote: Then again, maybe it's because you are 'taken'???

If she calls anytime next week she can talk to both of us!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

hmmmm.

I have two very dear friends who are devoutly religious Christians. I would never call them fundamentalists to their faces.

I also have a good a good friend who is a rabbi. I don't think of him as a fundamentalist. Then again, he's a Reform Jew. I hardly think of them as particularly religious. :H (Not true. He's an incredibly sage man. That said, he's not particularly spiritual...And he swears. lol)

I apologize Susiesmum. Better than that, I'm going to work on my bigotry. (doesn't mean I'm going to give up raging against the machine, ftr. ) But I don't want to be prejudiced. About anything or anyone. Maybe I'm jealous. Seriously.

YAY Lo0p and Isolde! :l You'll both be amused to know (maybe?) that I gave up on the magnesium last night and took a xanax. It helped. And yes, folks, the jaw pain and teeth grinding are that painful. My neck and ear area hurt. In my case it's a bac SE. I know this because in all of my years of teeth grinding, which came to a halt about 6 or 8 months ago, I've only ever had this much pain when taking bac.

It is also a reflection of how much I have going on in my life, *maybe* I'm juggling a lot. It's super-fun. Really. Not stressful at all, in fact. I'm not biting my nails, a sure-fire sign that I'm stressed. BUT! There's a lot that's falling by the wayside that's important to me. Like my personal correspondence. (sorry!)

And the fact that I'm on Chapter 1 in biology and I actually need to study! (but honestly, have you had to actually memorize the definition of things you already know? Fun, but time consuming.)

I'm going to take a break from my beloved thread for a little while. Everyone who is expecting an email/call/pm will actually get one in the next 24 hours!

Ed's doing well. Had a restful day at home and looks good this morning. He's going up to 180mg today.

I'm going up to 220mg today, and 240mg this weekend. I'm going to commit to some non-drinking, no-matter-what, time. AGAIN! pffft. and I've got something to prove to myself. And I haven't done it yet!

I hope it's a content-filled day, full of contentment, for you all!
:l and :h
Ne
(lo0pster, did you see my shout out about our friend?)
(sssshhhhhh. don't tell anyone, but susiesmum says f*! I have it in writing! mwahahaha! You're a really cool chick. Do you know that?)

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1123331 wrote:
(lo0pster, did you see my shout out about our friend?)

No...

[susiesmum]

Progress thread for ne

No need to apologise, Karen. No offence at all taken!
Take a look at my favourite advertisement. Unfortunately I dont know how to embed You Tube here, but the link is
http://youtu.be/TKY_OysWu3k[/video]]YouTube - ‪Toyota Hilux Bugger advert from New Zealand‬‏
Or type in Toyota Hilux Bugger Advertisement New Zealand.

Forget f***; b***** is a more useful word when the sh** is hitting the fan, as it has rather often these last few years! Look at the ad and you'll see what I mean.
(Specially dedicated to Murphy!)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

:H
Thanks for the clarification, mum to Suz. I'm going to use it at least twice today.

Lo0pster, it was embedded in a ridiculously long inane post. I wouldn't've read it either! :H

Ne/Neva Eva;1122119 wrote:

I've had confirmation that another person has found indifference, someone who is not on MWO. Lo0p introduced her to bac and to me. She followed Dr. L's titration, to the tee. Dealt with some pretty serious SEs, with some pretty serious consequences, plowed through, and found freedom. Cue the chorus, folks. There is another saved among us! (And stay the course! jkttdp!!!)

Congrats, Lo0p. First me. Now her. You, my dear friend, have earned a very special place in the universe. :l (not to mention the other chick whose world you have rocked! I seriously hope you'll name a pet after Ne. Or at least a favorite plant.) (and we still don't agree, ftr, on most things bac-related! :H doesn't seem to matter, just so long as people keep taking the pills!)
Ne

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

WTF?!? When did she tell you this? I fuckin' drove her some baclofen this morning because she was at work and she forgot hers. She hasn't told me. :upset:

Last time we talked (a few days ago) I could tell she was close and I told her so. She also said you two hadn't talked and that she had missed a voice mail of yours...

I'll see her in an hour or so dammit.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

someone;1124199 wrote:
I hope I will not have too much of SE. I will try not to drink for a while. I sometimes do
water fast on zero calories. I like it because it cleans out your body from toxins. My longest fast was 16 days on water and diet coke last year. I want to try another one this week. I know some people think it is crazy, but it actually feels very good.
After the 3rd day you are not hungry anymore, because your body starts burning fat instead of sugar. I hope that it will also help me to cope with SE if I will have any.

If only hopes and dreams were enough to make things a reality... We'd all be sober without much effort.

Look. I brought this over here because I don't want to be too tactless by posting it on the original thread.

We're alcoholics. Our bodies are under extreme stress as it is. Not only do we not absorb nutrients very well because our intestinal system is compromised, we usually don't eat enough period. We are already on a sugar/carb liquid fast. There were times when I had absolutely no appetite. Food made me throw up. Got in the way of my drinking, for sure. So I didn't eat much for days on end. If you don't have that experience, you're not there yet or you're not a drunk like me. Folks, I am a DRUNK. No-holds-barred, no limitations, the only reason I didn't end up in dire straights is because of my family.

If you're a drunk like me, then you NEED baclofen to work. Right?

Baclofen is a medication that affects every major (and minor) system in your body. It all begins and ends with the amygdala, in combination with some other major brain parts.
Baclofen can affect all five senses. (nystagmus, tinnitus, tactile sensations, sense of smell enhanced, tastes change) Memory, heightened or lessened, both have been the case for me. Coordination. Motor skills and motor memory. These are the secondary ones.

The primary ones are the libido and the "flight or fight" reaction. (bold for Rudy) These two keep us alive and making more of ourselves, folks. Fundamental to who and what we are. Starts in the amygdala.

So. Our physical bodies are under duress by the very nature of our disease. The cure for the disease is a medicine that attacks it at the core, and affects our brain chemistry rather profoundly. And some of us have to take a lot of it.

Add to that that we are (many of us) profoundly addicted to something (alcohol) that also affects us systemically. There is, understandably, withdrawal from this (alcohol). Baclofen lessens that withdrawal, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Bottom line? All other things in moderation.
That's all, folks. Have at it.
:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I forgot cognition/comprehension and sleep disturbances. Those have to be mentioned.

[LittleLessBoozin']

Progress thread for ne

what a terrible image that conjures. me, yoked, a beast of burden, being whipped by an unholy demon-bitch

Terrible? Sounds kinda hot to me...



[getting my coat!]