Progress thread for ne

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Wow, I thought the whole world had heard of Enid Blyton! Tell me you've heard of Noddy?

Enid Blyton - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I can't see you getting into it at this point in your life, but you missed out.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Why have elephants got big ears?
'Cos Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

Come on Ne, you must have heard of the Famous Five?

[RudyB]

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once-drunk now-sober writer: pete hammil. good nyc history in his stuff, too.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I am fairly freaking out. So I'm bringing it here.

This is the single first only thing I've had to do post indifference that I've found so completely daunting that I want to quit.

And I really, really, really want to get out of my head, because I know it's kerfuffle and I'm making it up. Doesn't make it any better.

Still not craving alcohol. Couldn't care less about booze. Not anxious, so don't need a pill for that. Just ... want to quit. Don't wanna do it. I want to be off of bac and drinking to get drunk so I don't have to think about it for another second longer. And that ship has long since sailed! :H It'd be a month or two for that to happen...No turning bac now... Should I continue with the cliches? That makes me feel like a hack too.

I HAVE eaten an unbelievable amount of chocolate. And ice cream. Hot tea. Seltzer water. Sunflower seeds. More than a packasmokes and it's 4pm.

Feckity feck.

Thanks peeps. I suppose I'll go for a run or something in this 100degree heat. If you don't hear from me again, it'll be because my head exploded from all the words
pffffft. I can't even be dramatic. Woe, woe, woe. pffffft.

I'm out.
Gonna take a nap.
zzzzzzz

[Ne/Neva Eva]

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xxoo

[Lo0p]

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Move to Queens and vote for me!! Instant fix for all that ails you! Get out of that 100 degree heat and I'll buy you a beer!

[RudyB]

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aww, ne. so sorry to hear it! a nap or a run... either will help, i am sure. i'm here thinking of you.
xo ruby dee

[LadyLush]

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Neva,

After I stopped drinking (like a fish) I realized all the foods I had forgotten that were SOOOO good! I would "fool" myself by compensating wine for scrumptious calories.
If you are OK we are OK

Love ya
LL:l


Loop, Please, really run. Give us a laugh and a boost! Can you run in New York from California? Can a Texan vote for you? :l

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Ne, 2 things.

Firstly, you're trying too hard. Relax, walk away from it. Remember it for what it is. You control it, not the other way round. If you force it, it won't cum...err I mean come - performance anxiety occurs in many situations

Secondly, move home. What a ridiculously hot place to live. The "100 degrees", I assume refers to Fahrenheit. Why on earth the Americans insist on sticking to such a strange and outdated system of measurement baffles me. Perhaps you're all a bit too much like Grandpa Simpson "The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it." Dagnabbit!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I am trying to move home, Murph. Baltimore is a few degrees cooler in both celsius and in fahrenheit, which bums me out. I like it hot. I like humidity too. If I were meant to live in a cold climate I'd have A LOT more hair on my body. I like my body rather hair-less. Shaving is less onerous. I don't think I'll develop a hair-growing-syndrome from moving a couple of hundred miles. But how people live in Buffalo, or Bedfordshire, without sprouting a pelt, is beyond me. Especially if they don't wear pelts, and I'm pretty sure you don't...

I went down for a nap. As I was drifting off into restless sleep, I heard this horrible fingernails-on-chalkboard sound. I was grinding my teeth. Then I realized that I was ruminating on ALL of the things I'd done wrong, starting in 2nd grade. Then I realized that the refrain in my head went something like: "You suck. You'll never finish anything. You quit everything." There was another little voice in my head, very quietly repeating, "Nope, you got this. Just ... do it. Write. Or whatever. To give up now is to whither away and wilt. No worries, mate." (Sometimes the voice is British.)

Thinking to quell the big-ugly voice, I took a xanax. Which, as proven time and time again, knocked me out. I slept for 3+ hours. I should've gone for a run. And then a nap, maybe. Probably a run and then more writing.

Point is this: I got up and wrote again. It's lame, but it's well on it's way to submittable to a professor who really doesn't care about whether or not I'm Dylan Thomas, et al. She just wants 10 pages to slog through.
I didn't quit, because I don't quit anymore. I just forget that. Help me remember that, will you?
(That said, I reserve the right to drop the class if it's going to really screw up my GPA. Maybe. Sounds a lot like fear and insecurity to me. So I'm going to focus on getting an A-...)

I'm going to revive this old tome again, because I need you people. And I would like the outlet. And it's relevant to bac, especially for those of us post-indifference, and for those looking to get there.

We have some fairly universal concerns, methinks.

• Money. (egad, lawdamighty. that is so stress-inducing it's unreal.)
• Dealing with lingering SEs and deciding when, how and how much to go down.Dealing with life, sober. (egad, doubletime. life is still life. which is a pun, and funny. think about it. still-life.)Managing drinking thoughts, the habit, the craving, and whether or not to drink.

(yep, I like the bullet points. a lot. And the numbers, too.)

The last is the only one I have a bit of resolution for. At 200mg after going up, down, up again, and down a tad, I am wildly indifferent. But I also made a commitment to not drink for the month of June. That helped somehow, not in the moment, but in general. It's very easy, after all, to grab a beer, even knowing that I wasn't going to finish it.

I had a sip of champagne when I hosted a going-away-dinner for a dear friend two days ago. It tasted so awful, I couldn't believe the others were still drinking it. But they were drinking so slowly, that I assumed they thought it was *yuck* too. After what I deemed a polite amount of time, so as not to offend the person that brought it, I offered to get everyone a yummy cocktail/mocktail. (A watermelon/basil concoction that I ROCK. Add a little vodka for those who like the booze, or not for Nes, and everyone enjoys it...) Everyone opted to finish their champagne! :H I guess speed is relative. As is taste in beverage.

What was VERY cool about this is that when they were done with the sparkly, I poured the red wine, one of my faves. And not for a moment did I think, "I want some." Not even for a second. No triggers there, for me, though there might have been a month or two ago. Even though I reached indifference in February.

I've got some more writing to do. It was nice to get out of my head, or rather get it out of my head here, for a moment.
As always, thanks for weighing in. It means more than you know!
L, Ne
Going down to 180mg/day today, from 200, where I've been for a couple of weeks or more. Nervous about it.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1132761 wrote: I am trying to move home, Murph. Baltimore is a few degrees cooler in both celsius and in fahrenheit, which bums me out. Blimey, I've seen The Wire. Is Baltimore a good idea?:H

Ne/Neva Eva;1132761 wrote: No worries, mate." (Sometimes the voice is British.)Actually that sounds Australian to me. And BTW, there are about a hundred different accents within these isles and they vary enormously. I have an uncle from the Scottish Highlands who, when he speaks, I can only understand maybe 1 or 2 words in every 10. There is no one British Accent. Just ftr.


Ne/Neva Eva;1132761 wrote: We have some fairly universal concerns, methinks.

• Money. (egad, lawdamighty. that is so stress-inducing it's unreal.)
• Dealing with lingering SEs and deciding when, how and how much to go down.Dealing with life, sober. (egad, doubletime. life is still life. which is a pun, and funny. think about it. still-life.)Managing drinking thoughts, the habit, the craving, and whether or not to drink.

(yep, I like the bullet points. a lot. And the numbers, too.)

1&2 yep, totally.
3 becoming less of an issue.
4 Hardly an issue any more. Time, dose and changing habits help with that.

Ne/Neva Eva;1132761 wrote: Going down to 180mg/day today, from 200, where I've been for a couple of weeks or more. Nervous about it.

Whoa there girly! 10mg every week is the recommendation. 20 is a leap imo.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Dammit Reggie, you deleted again!

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

Ne!!! Wow! I am so glad to hear that you have bad days too! and that you need us as much as we need you. Not that I am glad you are having a bad day but that you are still figuring it out!

This is coming out all wrong! You have always been so supportive to everyone here myself included! I hope I can return the love!

We are here for you! I am not as eloquent as most others here, especially you, but I will do whatever I can!

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

I missed this thread for a little while, and it seems a lot happened. Ne, methinks youthinks too much. You are doing brilliantly, you write brilliantly, all is good. Isn't it?

I don't understand why you would drop to 180mg's? What's your reasoning, if I may ask? It sounds like you are doing great where you are?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Murphyx;1132875 wrote: Dammit Reggie, you deleted again!
Dammit! He did? I didn't see it!!! grrrr. Reg. My email is krileyd at gmail. Would you just send it to me directly so I don't miss it??? Please. Then I'll put it here so everyone else can enjoy it, too. I'll call you the little... what's appropriate? Kiwi? naw, that's too obvious. Plus I think those things don't even fly. Love the fruit, though...mmm. You tell me.

taw;1132881 wrote: Ne!!! Wow! I am so glad to hear that you have bad days too! and that you need us as much as we need you.

You don't know how much! Thanks.

bleep;1132884 wrote: I missed this thread for a little while, and it seems a lot happened. Ne, methinks youthinks too much. You are doing brilliantly, you write brilliantly, all is good. Isn't it?

I don't understand why you would drop to 180mg's? What's your reasoning, if I may ask? It sounds like you are doing great where you are?

Of course I think too much. It's what a Ne does. And yes, my dear friend, it really is good.

I want to go down because I think bac affects me still. Somnolence. Sometimes other weird random things. I couldn't tell you what because I don't pay attention any more. It's just, "Oh. That's weird. Gotta get off the bac." kind of thing. Don't you?

Plus, shouldn't we? Now I'm not so sure... But really, I heard from someone via pm this morning that went from 200 to 80 because of other things, and is doing fine, though having thoughts...

Then again, I'm not depressed. I'm pretty darn normal and happy and content and ... Well, maybe I shouldn't? Why would I?

Because it's what we do... Right? Go up, then down (and in Murph's case and mine, up and down again...In yours it's up, down, up, down, a little sideways, and then all the way around again. :H)

I'm going to go down, just a tad. And see what the view is like. Will report bac.

(update your own thread, will you?)

:l everybody.
Ne
(The Wire is an accurate description of a Baltimore I don't recognize, ya' know? Sort of how the sheep see Wales or something. Just a very different perspective... A sad one. Not like the sheep. I'm sure they're happy if you'd just leave 'em alone...)