Progress thread for ne

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

wow, the wire. that's my only association w baltimore, and via a friend who photographed for time mag there, of teens in coffins and stuff. so, there's another side to baltimore? oh, what the media does to our perception...

ne, i'm so curious about this going down on bac (no sexual innuendo intended there). i haven't even switched yet, yet i wonder if i'll ever be able to go down enough to get rid of the somnolence se. i hope so! i'm only able to keep my head up -not crash into sleep- if i'm moving around.

i'm sure your 10 pg paper for the prof is just great. is that for a creative writing class? if i were in your shoes, i'd be trembling, too. you have my sympathy on this one especially, if so. but, you've done great, i'm sure. finish it up, turn it in, and keep your head high. if it's for an expository wrtg class, i'd be less afraid. but fear won't do you any good in either case. stay strong, woman. you are strong. that'll stand you in good stead for any paper; isn't presentation half of anything?

loving you.
ruby dee

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Yeah I see no problem with trying to see how low you can go while still keeping in control. Interestingly, I'm on my way down v v slowly, and just the move from 250 to 225 has made quite a difference. Nowhere near as foggy-headed, which was worrying me for a while.

Rudy, a small drop (after you switch) may make all the difference, somnolence wise.

Ne, so you're from Baltimore then? And what exactly is your position in the drugs trade?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Murphyx;1133047 wrote:
And what exactly is your position in the drugs trade?

So far? baclofen. Haven't crossed any international lines. Yet. (sorry.)

Did you read the article about the guy in FL who got busted with bac? That's a high the peeps didn't see coming. (FTR, in case anyone else is reading this, he had a bunch of actual recreational drugs on him. Poor guy was probably looking for a way out. anyhooo.)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

It's 3am. Lots of realizations for me this very early morning. I realized that I did the assignment completely backward. Really. My inability to follow direction is well documented, beginning with my very first post on this thread. (It's a theme, too, but unfortunately--or not--those posts are gone.) Now I've got to write another story. Now.

I also realized a couple of things about bac:

I thought the fact that I was grinding my teeth (again) was a function of my dosage. (180mg as of yesterday.) The dentist has been telling me for years that I grind my teeth. i never believed her because I never felt it. Of course, I was 'going to sleep' in a blackout every night, so I'm not sure what I expected to feel. Light bulb! Perhaps I grind my teeth, and the bac gave me a brief respite from that when I was titrating up. hmmm.

I get tired in the late morning and the late afternoon. Doesn't everyone? They write books about how to handle this. It's a common theme in self-help stuff. 3pm (15:00) sucks for everyone. I'm sleeping 6 (or fewer) hours a night. And wake up with bells on, ready to start the day. But I'm so tired by early nighttime I can't keep my eyes open. I wonder if there's a correlation between how much (little) I'm sleeping and my somnolence?

I'm not suggesting there aren't SEs, not by any stretch. (You all know me too well for that.) I am suggesting that I've been looking at bac, again, when I should be looking at the simple explanation.

And for that reason, I think I'll not work on the writing assignments right now, in the middle of the night, after a paltry 4 hours of sleep. I think I'll go bac to bed and get some sleep. Because one thing I am really sure of: sleep reigns supreme in managing SEs and managing life. I need to guard mine more carefully.

LadyLush;1132615 wrote:
After I stopped drinking (like a fish) I realized all the foods I had forgotten that were SOOOO good! I would "fool" myself by compensating wine for scrumptious calories.

I cannot believe how much junk I've been eating recently. No longer satisfied with the occasional bag of chips, I now think of MnM's as a meal. aaaargh. I wish I could blame the fact that I'm completely blocked up on the bac, but when I was eating vegetarian last weekend, I was very...regular.

Murphyx;1133047 wrote: Yeah I see no problem with trying to see how low you can go

I don't know that I'll test the waters again, exactly. I'm beginning to wonder if I don't consistently overshoot the mark with my dosing. Probably not, though. Maybe my brain is actually starting to function on it's own, or will eventually? With that in mind, I think I'll stick to 180mg for the remainder of the month and then go down a bit again. (I was late for a dose yesterday and almost took a sip of hubby's beer. So come to think of it... well, I dunno. Priority number one? Eliminate the enticement of the booze... I don't mind using tools, but I also know the medicine is rewiring my brain so that I don't need them. so...) Who knows? I need to go bac to bed.

Nighty-night!
Ne

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

hi ne!

i hope you got back to sleep.

sorry about your assignment. argh! i, too, have the direction-following problem. in 6th grade the teacher went bald pulling her hair out at my inability to follow directions. she was mean. just now, i learned that i was supposed to turn in my students' final exams. i had given them back to the students. you are not alone in this challenge. sorry you have to re-do the assignment. good luck with that, and godspeed!

i know you've probably already explained this, but are you thinking of titrating down because of the se's? the somnolence? sleep challenges?

i've been reading the warrior diet and it seems like a good idea: snack on fresh veggies and fruit and a little protein during the day, but eat your main meal at night. i know, you don't need another thing to look into, but i've been doing this kind of accidentally, and it seems to be working. just food for thought.

i'm thinking of you. wishing you well, and good, long sleeps.

xoxo ruby d

[RudyB]

Progress thread for ne

oh, re: the above post: i meant that the 'warrior' way of eating seems to give me more energy throughout the day. but it's all new yet.

[RedThread12]

Progress thread for ne

Anyone notice that Tip kind of slyly slid in the fact that he started taking Ritalin when he was at high-dosing and having serious "somnolence" side-effects. On another thread some time ago I saw this mentioned, and was immediately and somewhat condescendingly shot down by a sr. member. I use it "occasionally." Like during these weeks when my life has looked like something between a science fiction horror film and "Miracle on 34th Street." With.Not.One.Minute. that was not fully demanding. I haven't asked my PC for it yet, although she might if I ask. I know where to get it online. I know - totally illegal and you can turn me in if it bothers you. PM me if you want to know, too. I'll try to find Tip's post where he mentions it - it was in the recent remarks about his "two year." A tool is a tool is a tool. If we can't get addicted to xanax on high-dose baclofen I'm pretty sure the same principal applies to Ritalin.

I'm also still a huge fan of massive quantities of l-glutamine, All-One Rice Base, and a slew of additional neurotransmitters that promote contentment. I'll see if I can post that list on my own "Too Much Bac" thread before I head out of the country.

But I'll be here, too!! Incredible the way one can travel the world and not miss a single email or message these days. Love-hate thing for me.

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

RedThread12;1133526 wrote:
I'm also still a huge fan of massive quantities of l-glutamine, All-One Rice Base, and a slew of additional neurotransmitters that promote contentment. I'll see if I can post that list on my own "Too Much Bac" thread before I head out of the country.

That would be great if you could. I would certainly be interested.

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

How are you feeling today, NE? I will remember to log in at 4 am when I cannot sleep to see if you are on!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Ha! I'll be here right about then, taw. Or working, which is what I should be doing tomorrow at 4am.

It's on her thread, Murph, and a couple of others besides. I'm tired, but I'm still sorry for not linking. Just look for her in advanced.

Bac soon!
:h

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1133695 wrote: Ha! I'll be here right about then, taw. Or working, which is what I should be doing tomorrow at 4am.

It's on her thread, Murph, and a couple of others besides. I'm tired, but I'm still sorry for not linking. Just look for her in advanced.

Bac soon!
:h

I don't even know what I'm searching for. So, hurry up with all that wasteful sleeping nonsense and link me up.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I had one of those horrible sober-alcoholic days yesterday. The one filled with, "Why ME???"
I drove up to spend the day with family, including my brother and 2 of his kids, who are visiting from the other coast.

My brother has a beautiful family. He is uber-successful. Neither of these is an exaggeration.

The rub is, of course, that we had the same opportunities. We have the same background, went to the same schools, (actually, mine were better) and started off on the same trajectory. He's amassing the kind of wealth that means his children will choose to work when they're adults. I just quit a job waiting tables and I'm sorely regretting it.

'nuff said. The pity party is almost over. Sometimes it just sucks to be me. Sometimes it is very, very hard to remember that this is something in my brain, and not a matter of laziness, immorality, lack of ethics. (Trust me when I tell you that these things are not things my brother contemplates often. If it's legal-ish, then it's both moral and ethical. period.)



I went down to 180mg, as planned, and wanted a beer last night when I got home from the trip. First time in weeks and weeks that a beer looked good. (really good.) Not sure that going down, yet, is such a good idea. I'll see what today brings, still on 180mg, and reevaluate tomorrow.

Rubyd, you asked me about my SEs? They're NOTHING compared to what you're going through. If they exist at all. For instance, I sleep really well. But I like sleeping as little as possible. (4 to 6 hours) I still get tired in the late morning and the late afternoon. Not sure if it's the bac, the circadian rhythm, or lack of sleep.
I'm going down because it makes sense to me to find out at what level my brain fully functions, without taking more than what I need. That said, it is my opinion that going down too far instigates or exacerbates depression, among other things.
I have also had the experience of taking more than what I need and feeling fairly omniscient and all-powerful. Not manic, exactly, but definitely finding everything very glow-y and believing it "will all just work out." (lol. It will, it just takes a lot of hard work and focus to make it "just work out." Right?)

On that note, I'm going to get bac to that focus and start doing some work...

Hope it's a good Monday, all!
Ne
Taw, I was late! Got up at 230am and went bac to bed promptly. Didn't wake until 5am. Sorry!

Murphy, It's here:
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...fen-48777.html
page 3

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

I'm sorry Ne, but you know that is ridiculous thinking. I am 100% positive it is from going down in your dose. I think you have to stay at your maintenance dose for longer... maybe the SEs will abate, as they so often seem to for everyone at any given dose. And then the craving. Please, just stop that ridiuclous thinking. I am used to you having insight and telling me what to do, but I can't really see how you can't see this?

And "sometimes it sucks to be me" PUH-LEEZE! It is great to be you and you know it. You are pursuing your dreams. You have a vision, you are going to fulfill it, in some form or another. Who could want a better life. Your poor brother, is all I can think. Poor poor him. If he is considered successful because of how much money he makes...

While you will pursue your dreams, change your life, help other people, change other people's lives, develop and grow as a person.

How can it suck to be you?

When I visited you, all I could think was how much I wished I was you. Or more like you. And I don't want a life that sucks, that's for sure.

Take more baclofen and stop berating yourself. You said yourself it is chemical. You say all the time jkttgdp!

Do it and love yourself, because your life does not suck! And you know it.

It WILL all just work out, and you WILL make it.

Nuff said.

[ik1966]

Progress thread for ne

beatle is right don't do it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
your not long enough sober cravings will come back i am sober for 2 years now and i can tell you that they come back so why don't take a few more pills...............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


hugs irini:h:h:h

[ik1966]

Progress thread for ne

your brother triggers you...................
he's the trigger to be drinking again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!