Progress thread for ne

[windycitylady]

Progress thread for ne

Yeah, Ne, I think we're getting ahead of ourselves. Reach out to him and get a better idea of what the situation is.
And you make a great point. If my cousin and her husband were in recovery via HDB, it probably would have been a very different situation for me. In a good way.

[GingerDust]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1314706 wrote:
And all social service systems suck. They're just better than no social service systems . . . And it doesn't take the place of family. Obviously...

Well stated. For all the hard choices of caring for family who are in a bad way, why do we bother breathing if not to be there for each other at times like that? If it turns out that you can't help him (he's not willing, he's not ready, whatever) then it is what it is. But you won't know until you at least talk to him.

I really admire your willingness to open up your life (and your home) like that. That takes guts, and shows love for someone that you don't even know. Are you shooting for sainthood or what?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

windycitylady;1314712 wrote: Yeah, Ne, I think we're getting ahead of ourselves. Reach out to him and get a better idea of what the situation is.
And you make a great point. If my cousin and her husband were in recovery via HDB, it probably would have been a very different situation for me. In a good way.
You know what? You made it. And they gave it to you, in a way. I really love them for that. Very, very cool.
When I think about similar experiences in my life it sort of brings me down. I've pretty much decided that that stuff can't be paid "back" so it's got to be paid "forward."

GingerDust;1314775 wrote: Well stated. For all the hard choices of caring for family who are in a bad way, why do we bother breathing if not to be there for each other at times like that? If it turns out that you can't help him (he's not willing, he's not ready, whatever) then it is what it is. But you won't know until you at least talk to him.

I really admire your willingness to open up your life (and your home) like that. That takes guts, and shows love for someone that you don't even know. Are you shooting for sainthood or what?

and lol. That is just feckin' funny. But thanks.

Thanks too for your thoughts on it, Ginger. And your point is well made. Very fortunately for me I have a balance system. When I told my therapist about it, as I was on my way out the door this week, her eyes got round as saucers and she said something to the effect of, "OH NOOOOOO!" Not really. She said, "let's talk about that next time. You'll want to find some balance..." or something similar. But her eyes gave her away. :H

And I haven't even told Ed yet, because he is going to say, "Don't even THINK about" ...whatever it is that I'm thinking about. But he's a pushover with a heart bigger than anyone I've met. Just don't tell him I said so.

Family IS family. And if not us, then who?
I'm looking forward to seeing him again. I hope it's not scary/heartbreaking. And I really hope he's not off the charts nutso. Doesn't sound like it though.

I'm going to bring this here, I think. You guys are one of my balancing weights. And much better in many ways than my therapist or family.
Thanks.

[gratitude]

Progress thread for ne

sunshiny is it? :h haha
my personal opinion ( and thats all it is - an opinion) is that you are such a saint that you will want to help. i'm sure you'll go in with eyes wide open and knowing how shitty we drunks can be. i think i would make it conditional upon them trying bac and dr. L.
do you have a guest house? could ed build you one, quickly? he sounds like that type of guy. seriously, could you park a trailer or something out back? just sayin'. grat

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

omg. Saint? seriously, this is clearly an anonymity thing. 'cause if you knew me...lord. (no pun intended.)
Guest house? THAT is really funny.
Having let my fear get the best of me, I feel as though I passed up the opportunity to move into that adorable, amazing house (the one that was perfect--minus the rotten eaves) and now we're back at square one with house hunting. The one we are sort-of interested in doesn't have enough room for an office for me. It does have a huge separate garage though. And I am now very excited at the prospect of turning a garage into an office. How much fun would that be?

I'm going to table my thoughts about my cousin. I find it horrifying and maddening. The whole scenario. But I gotta take one small step at a time...
(actually I don't believe that. In small steps, I mean. For myself, anyway. It's not my experience. But as I mentioned, I have some good counter-balances in my life.)

And the first thing I have to do is find a local psychiatrist. I've been bitching about not having one, without doing anything about it, for two years.

No more procrastinating, I'm going to start this week. Wish me luck. With that and with finding the perfect garage I can completely overhaul. (seriously. That sounds like so much fun, I can barely contain myself!)

xo my friends.

[spacebebe01]

Progress thread for ne

Do you want to try to help him stop drinking or just give him a place to stay. If its the later then its easier I suppose in that you wont be geting frustrated about him not doing stuff you know could work but hes just not ready for yet, but you will have to put up with any behaviour that comes with him, you invited him.

If you want to get him well then its a different thing altogether and is kind of like you wanting to provide him with a rehab of sorts and would that work?

Im also wondering about the responsibility you would be taking on, you dont know how bad his situation is right now and its a risk that by removing him from it he could end up in a worse situation. ie he comes to stay with you, it doesnt work then he ends up homeless in a strange town where he knows no- one.

Hmmm, if it were me I would probably go for asking him did he want to visit for a week or even just the weekend, depending on distances, and see how that works out.

How would he get to where you live, Im assuming there is some distance involved, there always seems to be in US no one lives less than a flight away from anyone else:H

[GingerDust]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1315538 wrote:
Having let my fear get the best of me, I feel as though I passed up the opportunity to move into that adorable, amazing house (the one that was perfect--minus the rotten eaves)

Rotten eaves would be enough to scare me away. Turning a huge garage into office space sounds like a lot more fun.

[GingerDust]

Progress thread for ne

Just saw the "already pinged" thing:

http://www.teltion.com/teltion/fluxbb/. . . (I don't want to complete it for fear someone will get linked)

Ne, did it turn out to be malware or a virus on your computer?

[spacebebe01]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1315072 wrote: so it's got to be paid "forward."

Thanks for making me think about that today Ne, I have been to my mums and then called in on my uncle on the way home, it would have been so easy not to bother and just come home saying I will go another day, but it was actually easier to bother and just call in and visit., it is difficult, how do I know what to say to someone who has been told they are dying, especially since I had my sons with me and I didnt want a big emotional scene today, that can come another day. Since he was told by the doctor what was happening he seems to have given up, it may well have been better if he hadnt been told, things he could do before that meeting are now impossible for him, he didnt mention the pain before, or even seem to be that bothered by it but now he is talking about it constantly, he said its in his mind the whole time and he has tried doing things to get his mind off it but he cant, its just there. He will go for one treatment of radiotherapy on his back to help with the pain but then apart from morphine thats all he can have. He must be in such a terrible place, he has looked after my auntie for years now and I know he will be worried sick about who will care for her and dont know if it has been discussed at all. I will go on my own soon and have to ask him myself, I think it is so difficult to talk about that things that matter to him might get missed because everyone is too scared to mention it.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

spacebebe01;1315664 wrote:
... I think it is so difficult to talk about that things that matter to him might get missed because everyone is too scared to mention it.

I've got no answers and no suggestions and lots of...thoughts out to you about that whole situation. It is really...tough.
Thing is, I know that what you said is often too true. And something for me to keep in mind too, in general. Difficult things are often difficult simply because no one wants to talk about them. It's hard to be brave in that kind of way.

And no, I didn't really figure it out. Techie said it was a...something bad. I'm not sure what that means or could be, but I'm just ignoring it for now. Administration here didn't have any idea. I guess I need to add getting the computer to the shop. If you are on a PC he recommended running Windows Defender or something. I'll find the thread and paste the link. You should probably do that. (I have a mac, so I am not sure it works that way.)

Thanks, Ginger, for the comment about the eaves. I have been stewing about that house. My dad gave it the once over and completely dismissed it. Then sort of blasted me about it. (I was trying to make a point, we were not listening to one another...blah, blah, blah. That's a very old carousel that is very hard to get off of.) I just found out they have a contract and for more than we were going to get it for...
But rotten eaves? On a hundred year old house? My dad was right. Again. Dammit.


I am following...I just don't know what to say. You guys are incredibly strong.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

hmmm. I hadn't read his follow up before. Guess I'll get the computer in tomorrow!

oops. forgot the link!
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ean-62374.html

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

alright. I checked and my 'puter is clean. Thank goodness. I think I'd freak out. And I don't really freak out any more! :H

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I am freaking out a little bit.

I'm moving. I'm packing up my home. This is the place where it all happened. It's my safe haven. I turned this place...It was a wreck. It was broken when we moved in, and we painted and fixed the walls and put up shelves and cleaned out the backyard (26 bags of debris!!!) and planted and made gardens.

The gardens didn't grow much. And the walls were pretty but the place was a wreck still. Just like me. And us.
Then last spring happened. My world was rocked and this became my home and then we fell in love and it was and is so beautiful.

I haven't had a moment, really, since then. I've been trying on over-achiever to see if it fits. (It does, a bit. I like it.) But I've got moments again, alone, with my ipod full of Lauryn Hill and the like. (Thanks to my MWO buddy who turned me back on to this music. :l)

And now I'm freaking out. It feels like I'm leaving my safe place and moving into actual grown-up-life. Holy shit. I do NOT want to leave my safe place.

I think I'm scared.

[spacebebe01]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1315871 wrote: I am freaking out a little bit.

.
Then last spring happened. My world was rocked and this became my home and then we fell in love and it was and is so beautiful.



:

I just love that line:h


When did this happen with the new house, which one is it, it is a new opportunity for you, yes of course you will be scared but thts what happens with the things that are worth doing

:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

We're moving into an apartment temporarily. It is an incredible stroke of "luck" that will save us a lot of money, is close to where I need to go to classes, is close to my grandmother, is close to where Ed works...It is such an incredible gift, I feel like a heel because I just. don't. want. to!
Thanks, Space. It is scary, of course. And more so because we are not moving into a home of our own yet. But! I have decided to take the opportunity to live very, very simply. (This was a unilateral decision. I don't know how Ed's going to feel about it! :H)
In other words, no "stuff". It will all go into storage, along with everything else, and we'll try on some sort of monastic living for a while. By monastic I mean the kind of monk that would have a couple of computers, an iPod or two, smart phones, a coffee maker, lots of makeup, etc...

I woke up with the certainty that I needed to finally follow up on some pretty volatile posts that were posted here and on the Anxiety thread created by Cassander. This is related to baclofen efficacy, baclo-fiendishness, and whether or not we who take HDB are both wrong and pushers of a drug to the exclusion of all else.

Part of the reason I feel as though I need to follow up is that some time ago I received a PM asking why I hadn't. And then recently I received a PM from a new person who was very confused by it.

I really don't want to, because I have no interest in creating kerfuffle, much less becoming involved in a brawl. I realize, though, that the lack of response may be misconstrued as acceptance. Or worse, the perception that the original posts were true and correct. This is not the case at all. And in point of fact, there was explicit agreement among some of us--off of the public forum--that we not respond in order to avoid the ensuing drama. We also agreed that the person who posted the information was very new in sobriety, and that responding aggressively might jeopardize that or hurt someone's feelings badly enough that the person would not find support here.
One of our members disagreed with this so vehemently that he left and hasn't been back since. He felt that lack of support for him was evident. But he's not an alcoholic, and while I care for him, this is a til-death-do-us-part-struggle for so many of us...I didn't think it was the wrong decision.

It's really a quandary for me.