Progress thread for ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Ne I have drank more than I have in years in the last week,it is spinning me out.I had a very late night where I drank nearly a carton of beer to myself a couple of nights ago.
I made a shitload of phone calls that I shouldn't have,text as well as internet messages.

I am fully with you and understand,I hope that you are feeling a bit better today.

Cheers Stevo.

Stevo! We cross-posted. You're the perfect example of having someone on here all the time! I'm sorry that you're suffering, and it sucks that you're in the same boat, but it's so great to hear from someone in the middle of my night when I'm at my wit's end.

Sucks too, about the phone calls and the messages. I am actually grateful I gave my therapist notice...Still the whole experience sucked.

Hope today is a better day for you, mate, (do girls call boys mate down under?) and that we can meet together tomorrow night (my time, but much earlier) and give hugs.

:hug:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Just out of curiosity, do you guys (Stevo and Dun and anyone else in the middle of drinking when it sucks), do you want to do it together?

No deadlines. No making each other feel shame or regret or remorse...

It would just be nice if I was on the same road with other people. ESPECIALLY if it means no judgment...just sharing.

Cheers.

[kronkcarr]

I know that feeling of drinking too much and hating the episode and wondering what happened. It is horrible. I don't have much to say but it's good to see many of you here and I'm quietly supporting you.

[StuckinLA]

I remember those days, when someone would be on and around here 24/7. Those were "good" times for me.

[bleep]

Just out of curiosity, do you guys (Stevo and Dun and anyone else in the middle of drinking when it sucks), do you want to do it together?

No deadlines. No making each other feel shame or regret or remorse...

It would just be nice if I was on the same road with other people. ESPECIALLY if it means no judgment...just sharing.

Cheers.

We are all on the same road whether we like it or not. That's half the problem!

Popped in to see what was up only to discover woe and gloom (which seems to have passed with minimal interference!). Fear not, you know the answer, not being there yet is irrelevant if you have the destination in mind. kktjdp or whatever the hell it was! keep kicking the cat, or something like that. I've tried it, it's great. Cat hated it though.

On a more serious note, lacking a thread of my own to call home, a brief update for interested parties - I stopped baclofen 5,6 or 7ish months ago, and have been expecting a return of the drunk passenger. So far so good, which is a lot longer than the previous honeymoon's have lasted. I'm also more aware this time around of habits and proclivities, and while I watch out for them sneaking in, things seem to be ok. I drink, seldom in the week, but most weekends, and probably more than is healthy, but not at a level that damages my health, and not at a level that I've blacked out, which used to be a midweek fixture for me back in the day. So long may this continue. I still have about 700 grams of powdered baclofen, thanks to L0op and Bill, in reserve in the cupboard (700 000mg's) for a rainy day, and it's a wonderful fucking feeling, swimming in a choppy sea with a helium balloon on standby.

Keep going Ne. I know you take things personally, but what you did was not so bad. What you are doing is what counts, and that is fucking brilliant. Behind you 100% on the forum, despite my somewhat sporadic replies!

[dundrinkn]

OK. So today is the day. Or rather today is NOT the day that I will stop by the liquor store on the way home. Fucking vodka! I am tired, really tired. And have done some things this week to stack the deck for quitting. Exercised a few times. Had some bodywork done. Now I just need to make it to the end of my work day so I can go home and sleep. I feel like the last two weeks I ramped up my drinking quite a bit, knowing this was where it was headed. Now I feel relieved that the day is here. Now come Sunday or Monday, I will be singing a different tune. But for today, I am all good with not drinking. Sounds gross. Need chocolate.

[Lostinspace]

Ne - I’m so sorry about the recent drinking binge. We’ve all been there. God knows I have. I know that remorse all too well. I'm glad to hear it’s spurring you forward to take the Nal, though. Be extra kind to yourself in the coming days. I’m excited to hear how the Nal works with bac.

dun - I’m keeping my fingers crossed and sending you many positive thoughts and wishes for your detox. I hope it turns out to be peaceful for you to get away next week. Good luck with day one today! And you’re so right about the mind-fuck thing, despite not having any cravings. Except for me since reaching indifference, when I get that urge to get out of my head, I smoke copious amounts of weed instead, which has been happening pretty much daily for the last month at least, probably longer. If I weren’t smoking, I’m sure I would have turned to booze by now. I just don’t know how to deal with that anxiety and need to escape. The smoking is not as harmful for me, but it wrecks my entire evening, and among other things, makes me feel useless here because even on nights when I’m not afraid to post for other reasons, I can’t do it because I can’t put a coherent thought together. It sucks. Anyway, sorry to ramble on. If you figure out a way to deal with the mind fucks let me know and I’ll do the same, ok? I hope today goes as smoothly as can be expected.

Stevo - I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling, too. Have you considered going up on bac, at least in the short term? Especially if you're still struggling with depression, a higher dose might help for now. Hang in there.

Stuck - So good to hear from you I’m sorry the classes this semester aren’t that great. Trying to teach students to write who were never given certain fundamentals must be frustrating. On another note, why don’t you try Nal? I saw you talking about having never tried it on the topa thread. You can’t take bac because of the nerve pain, so it’s worth a shot.

[Baclofenman]

OK. So today is the day. Or rather today is NOT the day that I will stop by the liquor store on the way home. Fucking vodka! I am tired, really tired. And have done some things this week to stack the deck for quitting. Exercised a few times. Had some bodywork done. Now I just need to make it to the end of my work day so I can go home and sleep. I feel like the last two weeks I ramped up my drinking quite a bit, knowing this was where it was headed. Now I feel relieved that the day is here. Now come Sunday or Monday, I will be singing a different tune. But for today, I am all good with not drinking. Sounds gross. Need chocolate.

Hi DD

Well done on day 1 - Every journey starts with a day 1 (obsv) - Plonk yourself on the nest roll call - It really encouraged me - Even inspired me to keep an eye on my and others Journeys - Hitch yourself onto someone with a similar start date to you - Its a great feeling and the guys over there will encourage you greatly - My encouragement was Idef - She and I were always neck and neck until her wheels fell off (poor Idef xx) - I am still in contact with her and we will be friends on our journeys together

I am new here so I am not familiar with your story (sorry) - Are you taking anything to help you - Excersise is very good - I find a passtime a great help as well as making a list of aims for the day and getting them all done keeps me occupied - As well as gets a lot of shit done too....

Good luck with day 2 mate

Regards


Bacman

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Hi y'all. I'm not going to respond to everyone individually because there are too many posts to respond to! (When was the last time that happened? Woohoo!)

I had another mini-bender last night. Slept until noon. Totally hungover. Didn't get anything done today. Sucks, man. Big time.

So today was going to be my day 1, too, Dun. But I need a couple of beers just to feel better. So tomorrow it is. I think I'm going to take antabuse in the morning. I think I don't care if it makes me crawl out of my skin. I am so fucking tired of drinking. (I haven't taken the Nal because I haven't left the house to pick it up. Until today, but then I forgot until I was already in pajamas again. Lame. Anyway.)

Today I got my hair done. Step 1 of my grand plan to get out of the house. (Only the chicks, and only some of them, are going to understand this...) I have a fabulous stylist. And he makes me feel glamorous. Plus, my gray-shot roots were about an inch long and mortifying. So now I feel like I look...decent.

I asked my dad for money so I can join either a yoga studio or a gym and hire a personal trainer. We can't afford it at the moment and I'm not too proud to take a hand out. (Yes. I'm 46 years old and spoiled by my father who will deny me nothing.) I haven't decided which I want to do, yet. That's step 2. Or actually, I guess it's step 3, because step 1 is actually picking up the nal and (possibly) taking an antabuse. (The antabuse scares me, I don't mind telling you. My liver is fine, it's the finality of it that freaks me out...)

There you have it. I've written it down, so now I can be held accountable. And I've done it in front of the whole wide world. So there, Booze! Fuck you!

Lis, I have no idea how to get over the mind-fuck, either. But I know that the one thing that I did differently the first time I got sober with bac (when I was so effin' happy it was nauseating) was exercise. A lot. I'm counting on that to keep the bad at bay. Are you still exercising?

Much love to you all. Thanks again for posting.

[Stevo]

G'day to all,

It is a good thing that there has been so much activity and I guess that being on different sides of the earth can help us to connect at unexpected times.I usually wake up and log in to find a heap of posts but no one around.

I have upped my dose and as of today am going to go AF.

Thanks for the kind words everyone and I will see how I go.

I am on prepaid wifi at the moment so can't be online like I used to.

Peace to everyone and hoping to read more posts soon.

Cheers Stevo.

[StuckinLA]

I would totally have a stylist if I could get away - or afford - it. I love getting haircuts. I love being pampered for a minute. Especially the shampoo/head massage. But I'm broke so I end up with an 8 dollar haircut but the Mexicans one of these days. One of these days.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Ed is pissed that I went to the salon today. And that I asked my dad for money. Really pissed.

Whatever, dude. I HAVE to do something to get out of this damn house and that's what I decided to do. Pamper and pay for exercise. Pathetic, maybe. But if it works, then he won't regret it and with all the money I save on booze, I'll pay my dad back. Or buy a new pair of shoes. ha. (Not.)

Sorry you can't afford the pampering. (Obviously we can't really either. Or at least shouldn't. Whatever.) But someday!

Booze is mother effin' expensive beyond belief, Stuck. You will not BELIEVE how much money you have when you quit drinking. (See that optimism! )

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Plus Ed sees the same guy, too. So he can double-shut-up. AND he uses fancy salon products and even dries his hair now! He's practically a girl. (kidding.)

[lex]

It is great that a few of you are all going to give AF a try at roughly the same time, and I wish you all the luck in the world with it! Maybe do a 30-day kind of thing at least for starters? Just an idea. It's what worked for me. I'd quit for 30 days each year (usually being January). Then eventually it sort of stuck without me thinking too much about it (except for every now and then). Anyway, good luck to all!

[Spiritfree]

NE - your stubbornness and hard headiness is going to end up causing you to stop drinking -thank goodness.
You deserve to be free and happy (and still dislike me). 46 can be the year that you start your new life.
--sf--