Progress thread for ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Ne - have you ever used antabuse before? Just wanted to give you a warning in case you hadn't used it. I will have a reaction for sure if I drink the day after taking an antabuse. Please be careful. :hug:

I will, Nora. Thank you. I guess that means I'm not drinking today, even though I didn't take an antabuse this morning. That's cool.

Stevo, don't worry about it. Whenever you're ready, we'll be here. It's effin' hard! I absolutely definitely would have drank yesterday if I still had a choice about it. And that in spite of the fact that I took medication to help with the discomfort/withdrawal!

Lis, I love your long posts. I haven't picked up the Nal yet and it doesn't look good for today because it's frrrrreeezing out there. (19 degrees!) I have an appt with my pDoc tomorrow morning, though and will have to get dressed and leave the house. I'll pick it up then.

Stuck, so sorry. :hug: And congratulations! You are hot!

Dun, nice on day 2. I'm thinking about trying to sleep much of this day away, too. But I've got a whole bunch of stuff to do...Kathy Bates! I owe you one, too, then. Put it on my tab?

[dundrinkn]

Starting on Day 3. Feeling strong... sort of. Mostly I'm slightly freaked out cuz I think I was having auditory hallucinations last night. At first I thought it was a spiritual experience. Now I'm pretty sure it's alcohol withdrawal. So no drinking for me today... hopefully.

Will post more later and respond to some of what's up. Thinking of you Stuck...stuck in your bedroom. That just sounds really awful all the way around. But glad a student thinks you're hot. That kind of stuff IS important.

[time2quit]

DD your meds should handle any withdrawal. They've bothe been shown to alleviate withdrawal as good as benzos.

Medscape: Medscape Access

Baclofen in the treatment of alcohol withdrawal syndrome: a comparative study vs diazepam. - PubMed - NCBI

A DOUBLE BLIND TRIAL OF GABAPENTIN VS. LORAZEPAM IN THE TREATMENT OF ALCOHOL WITHDRAWAL

Anxious to Drink: Gabapentin Normalizes GABAergic Transmission in the Central Amygdala and Reduces Symptoms of Ethanol Dependence

I came of a 6 yr bender with no AWS using the "cocktail".

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Mostly I'm slightly freaked out cuz I think I was having auditory hallucinations last night. At first I thought it was a spiritual experience. Now I'm pretty sure it's alcohol withdrawal.

I've had auditory hallucinations from too much baclofen. When you increased your dose was it dramatic?

I kind of agree with Time2. Seems like you should be taking enough stuff that you aren't having the BIG withdrawal symptoms. Then again, you've been on 'em so long, maybe it works differently because of that. I suppose I should know what the hell I'm talking about relative to this, but I do not.

I much prefer the explanation of a spiritual experience. Were the hallucinations whispering happy thoughts?

[StuckinLA]

Yeah for real, why can't the hallucinations ever whisper HAPPY thoughts?

What I needed to do was pop an Ativan and get my life together. What I did do was start drinking again today. So, well, another day. Hang in there, everybody.

[kronkcarr]

Stuck, Ne, dun and Stevo hang tough. I'm holding you in good thoughts (You too Lis and anyone else I've left out.).

I was out running today and saw and felt so many things. I go out on a dirt road where there's a park, an orchid farm, good folks who've lived in the country for years right next to a Florida town that is explosively growing and changing into a wealthy place. I saw so many nice folks who waved or talked or just gave me space on the road to run. I saw a funeral procession that had at least 100 cars in it. I cried. I know at about 7 miles into a run I get so happy and energized. This was around 11 miles and I just ran past the cars and cried. I sure hope when I die that I've touched that many people with kindness, listening and caring. I saw a woman with young girls horseback riding. I saw tons of turkey vultures and egrets. What a lovely day (except for around mile 17-- heat, sore muscles and a want to end) and what a change from how I used to live. When I was drinking so much I just wanted to make it through each day. What a shitty way to live. You guys can do it. I'm sure of it.

[dundrinkn]

I threw my back out picking up dog shit. I think this has some major significance/meaning/something or other, but I'm not ready to go there yet. I am getting ready to drive to the mountains. I have to get past the liquor stores, then I think I'm good for the day. Jeez. What a pain in the ass this is.

I have found that each time (3 or 4 now) that I drop my dosage too low and start drinking again that I have more withdrawal symptoms. I can't remember the term for this, but there is one (kindling maybe?). That is why I said to you, Time2, that you should give it some time off the booze before you try to do any drinking. Because each time I've blown it up it's been harder to get off. This shit is stupid and I must stop it.

I loved your post Kronk. Thanks for sharing it. You sound like a pretty cool person. Wish you didn't live so far away. You and Ne (other cool folks on here too, but other than Stuck in LA whose location is obvious, you all really feel like you're floating out there in space). I feel like I've made up imaginary friends (online, but still). I need to get out more. I am so anti-social. Fuck. Ok. I'm going to pack and drive. Here I go.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Kronk, thanks so much for sharing your experience today. Your post is really something to be inspired by. It's not often that I read those here, or anywhere really. (That inspirational stuff on Facebook and elsewhere just makes me roll my eyes.) I look forward to experiencing those feelings, any real feelings, sometime relatively soon.

And congratulations on the long distance! I know your plan is to run ultra-long sometime soon, someplace really cool. Remind me?

Dun, geez, man. Sorry about the back and it's adding insult to injury the way it happened. I wouldn't read too much into it, though. Plenty of shit in life to deal with, without finding the crap in something that just sort of happens. Ya' know?

Hopefully you're on your way and it will be a lovely drive. By yourself? Are you spending the week alone?

Yes, it's kindling. I'm not sure how much I buy into kindling, honestly, but whatever. Drinking and withdrawal suck. There just isn't any easier, softer, pretend-it-doesn't-suck way about it.

I'm in Norfolk, VA. I'm sitting on a brown velvet-y couch. (Or whatever the hell this is called? It's just regular couch material, but not microfiber I don't think? I dunno. Anyway. But I LOVE this couch and got it for a steal on Craigslist. It's super comfy and very hip and stylish, if I do say so myself.) The room is mustard yellow. I love the color, though it is an acquired taste. Three windows and one of the back doors that leads out onto the patio and the backyard. I don't love my space yet, but I guarantee you that one of the first things I'm going to do when I get well is finish this room so that it's MINE. It's very close.

Do you guys have a Room of One's Own? It's a must in my life. Ed is a neatnik and I like stuff...All my stuff is in here. What's more, it's sealed off from the rest of the house, so I can smoke to my heart's content. Which other people may think is kind of gross, but hey. I can smoke and I'm comfortable so who asked you?

At the moment I'm burning lavender and orange essential oils. Lavender because I love it. Orange because my pDoc told me it was effective against depression.

What else is important?
I have my kindergarten diploma (from when we lived in Turkey) on the wall. It makes me smile. In fact, this whole room, which has a bunch of shelves in it, makes me smile. I'm gonna smile even more when I can get rid of all the ugly books from nursing school and fill the shelves with the books that really matter to me. (They're in the guest room at the moment. We had to put an extra bookcase in there, and it doesn't match and doesn't look very good. Very excited to get rid of it when all my books are in my room.)

Boy. That's more than enough and probably boring as hell. Sorry peeps. I'd delete it, but I've just spent 20 minutes typing it so I'm posting it dammit.

[time2quit]

This wasn't my first detox. Ive done the medical and too many cold turkeys. I know i would have been in the hospital this last time if not for the meds. I was way gone. tapering to 8 made my eyes water uncontrollably all the time and i can't even find that listed on any aws symptom lists. Maybe its because you do it when you've already been taking meds. If that were the case I would just take an extra pill to alleviate the systems. But hey thats just how I roll! Oh and make sure your hydrating your electrolyte levels are prolly fecked and get yourself some big dose thiamine supplements. Alive super B complex has a great dose. http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/nat...230918-product

[Ne/Neva Eva]

By the way, I've decided that online friends totally count as "real" friends. I've known some of you people for longer than I've known many of my 3D friends and acquaintances.

And you know what? When the shit really hits the fan, especially if it has to do with this disease (which it usually does if everything is going really bad) I reach out to the people I've met on here whose numbers and emails I have. And I post on MWO and lots of people come to make me feel better.

So it totally counts to have "virtual" friends. just sayin'

[Ne/Neva Eva]

This wasn't my first detox. Ive done the medical and too many cold turkeys. I know i would have been in the hospital this last time if not for the meds. I was way gone. tapering to 8 made my eyes water uncontrollably all the time and i can't even find that listed on any aws symptom lists. Maybe its because you do it when you've already been taking meds. If that were the case I would just take an extra pill to alleviate the systems. But hey thats just how I roll!

We cross posted, Time2.

Glad you didn't go cold turkey. That's really not a good idea for lots of reasons. Including that people are much more likely to quit and stay quit if they use meds when they stop using AL.

[time2quit]

We cross posted, Time2.

Glad you didn't go cold turkey. That's really not a good idea for lots of reasons. Including that people are much more likely to quit and stay quit if they use meds when they stop using AL.

Like said this isn't my first rodeo. First time i tried to taper and self medicate tho and guess what so far its been the best. I hate the fact that nobody talks about bac and gabby. They'll give you campral tho. What a joke that stuff is from what I've read. Oh and GP's throwing SSRI's at people like candy but only a few years ago. Epic Fail!

[StuckinLA]

So I did get out of bed, and did put on clothes. For what, other than to walk down the hill and buy liquor and walk back up the hill. And then collapse into bed, out of breath, sweating, and reeking of old spice body spray because I used that in lieu of a shower.

I'm sad and alone, but at least tonight I don't have to worry about the middle of the night. At least for tonight, there's a bottle of Jamison on the nightstand.

Tomorrow will be another day and there will be other decisions to make. I hope all of you have a great one out there.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

So I did get out of bed, and did put on clothes. For what, other than to walk down the hill and buy liquor and walk back up the hill. And then collapse into bed, out of breath, sweating, and reeking of old spice body spray because I used that in lieu of a shower.

I'm sad and alone, but at least tonight I don't have to worry about the middle of the night. At least for tonight, there's a bottle of Jamison on the nightstand.

Tomorrow will be another day and there will be other decisions to make. I hope all of you have a great one out there.

Aaaargh. You're killing me.

[StuckinLA]

Having a difficult text conversation with the gf. And trying to watch a movie - Everything Must Go. You know it? Will Farrell and it's based on the Raymond carver short story.

Anyway whatever. [edited: I still have life goals]

Yep, we all have goals and that's what keeps us going. Love you all, even you Spirit. Seems like you need an extra big hug, buddy.