bac diary

[reneesmiles]

bac diary

seeking_serenity;1028540 wrote: Day 11: something is definitely going on in my brain! Something very positive.

First off: while drinking my usual amount of AL last night, I thought (several times, in fact): "Why am I drinking this? I don't even want it." It felt like I was forcing the last two drinks down. I was nauseous, & almost puked. I should have just thrown them out. The addict in my brain was insisting that I drink them, whether they made me sick or not. However, I'm also feeling like that addict is hitting its tipping point. Something has changed.

For some reason I do this too. I FORCE myself to drink even though, when I do, I feel sick to my stomach and just want the feeling to pass!

I'm on 50mg of Baclofen and a Vivitrol shot. The first 2 weeks after the Vivitrol shot I can't look at alcohol without wanting to vomit. But the Bac alone works for me.

Why do we torture ourselves so? Or are we experimenting? I haven't quite figured out my motivation for drinking when I don't want to drink yet.

[Isolde]

bac diary

For me, it was really just habit. You get used to doing something over and over (especially when it is tied to certain activities, or certain times of day) and it is hard to break that habit! Even though you might not have the same level of craving for AL, it takes awhile for your brain to catch up. It took me making a conscious decision to go AF (which wasn't hard, because I wasn't really wanting AL any more anyway) for my brain to get the message. It was at this time that I hit my switch, and I had also recently titrated up. Doesn't mean you have to go AF to hit your switch, but if you find that you're forcing yourself to drink, it might be a good time to decide on some AF time and see where that puts you.

[taw]

bac diary

I think I am reading too many of these posts and freaking myself out...I just need to get the bac and try it...I want to be as educated as possible but I think it is very obvious it works differently for everyone...so my way might not be exactly someone's elses correct??

[Isolde]

bac diary

Correct! Stop worrying and just do it! What you should be getting out of these posts, with all of our various SEs and what not, is that despite it all, sticking with the bac is WORTH IT! Everyone's experience is different.

[taw]

bac diary

You are right! Slight freak out moment! I cannot wait to get home and check my mail box to see if they are here yet!!

[Full English]

bac diary

Hello SS, I just wanted to wish you well.
Good to hear you are seeing some good results and feeling differently towards the Al.
I remember the last time I drank, i literally had to force it down. It tasted disgusting. 5 weeks later the 1/2 bottle I didn't drink is still in the fridge untouched.
So may the signs continue for you.
Full English

[Ne/Neva Eva]

bac diary

taw, don't freak out. I doubted (and still do, sigh) every step of the way.

FE, I'm guessing that bottle really won't taste good the next time around! Maybe you can cook with it? :H

[Arbat1991]

bac diary

I am going to Canada. Not willing to start BAc while I am there. Terrified of drinking there, but more concerned about unkown SE. So BAc comes in 2011

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

I dreamt once that Arnold Schwarzennager was leaning over me demanding my bac!

Last night I woke up at around 2 a.m. from a dream that had something to do with my having to give up my Bac at gunpoint! I wish I could remember the rest of the dream...I lost track of the rest of it. Still funny, though. Most of my dreams now focus on rehab/detox/Bac...think it may have something to do with this whole experience? haha.

I'm close to the switch, I think. Not quite there yet, but close. Last night my wine tasted HORRIBLE. And it still tastes horrible today, though I've still managed to put down 3 glasses. I can see one more glass, tops, before I quit for the day. That's a bit of progress, my friends!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

bac diary

FTR the SEs are pretty well documented. over and over and over and over again. :H I wish and hope the best for you, Arbat. MWO will be here if and when you decide to try bac.

Serenity, WOOHOO! but please keep in mind that it's not a short term solution, okay?
The pill(s!) aren't magical, though the medicine may be a miracle.
:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

bac diary

Huuulllloooooo!
Just sayin'

[taw]

bac diary

yeah, what NE said!! where you been?

[Arbat1991]

bac diary

Started BAC on Monday . 5 mg a day . No SE until today .
Today - heavy head, dizzy . About until 1 pm. Now better.
Actually awaiting for AL regular intake with impatience.

[Isolde]

bac diary

Arbat, I know that you're new around here, so I just want to give you a little tip. If you want to post about your progress, or ask questions, it would be best to start a new thread (click the New Thread button on the upper left of the main page of this forum), rather than piggy backing on other people's threads which may be about a different topic completely. This will ensure that your posts are seen, not hidden within a longer thread that someone else started. You'll get more/faster answers this way too!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

bac diary

ssssshhhhh. quiet as a library in here.
bac-DG, (I say that because there's another DG-Doggygirl.) I get it, I really, really do. But there ain't no-one, no-where looking here.
It's your own personal hell. I know I told you about how paranoid I was when I came here. (omg, it's still embarrassing. I honestly thought it was an elaborate scam to sell stuff. And the lengths I went to to cover my tracks and 'protect myself' are so ridiculous it's funny... now.) It never crossed my mind that others might look and find. Still causes me a great deal of consternation, to tell the truth. If I were any of them, I think I would've cared enough to look... But I'm glad they haven't or if they do, that they'll keep it a secret. Keep posting. It gets easier.
xoxoxo