bac diary

[bleep69]

bac diary

neva eva;1037091 wrote: [SIZE=2]
It's your own personal hell. I know I told you about how paranoid I was when I came here. (omg, it's still embarrassing. I honestly thought it was an elaborate scam to sell stuff.
xoxoxo

That's hilarious to me, I kept wondering the same thing! I try and work out how they could get so many posting styles together to create the forum! Nice to know I'm not alone. Then I read posts from some of the people here, and they are so individualistic and unique and I realise I'm being daft.

Maybe there's lots of individualistic and unique imposter's?

Seeking, cool to hear you think you are nearly there, I wish you luck!

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Thanks for all your good wishes, everyone!

I wish I could say I hit the switch, but a couple of things stopped me:

1) Due to my titrating upwards faster than was prescribed, I ran out of Bac sooner than prescribed. Imagine that! I had ordered some backup Bac from Goldpharma (it arrived Monday, from Germany) but before then I had to titrate down pretty quickly. Working my way back up!

2) Now that I'm getting back to my usual dosage, I am back to the 4 or so glasses of wine a day. Much better than the 8 AL units I was drinking as my "maintenance" amount, and far better than the 24 units/day I drank at my worst! Still, it's frustrating when I know the switch is so close. I plan on sticking with the 100-120/day that I'm currently using, & titrating up 20/week like the good doctor suggests. I certainly don't want any seizure-type activity, as it sounds like Neva Eva experienced!

Chomping at the bit to stop myself from going higher. We'll see if I can stick with it. I do love me my sleepytime.

[paulslice]

bac diary

Hey Folks

Just introducing myself. Susanna wrote in this post a few weeks back. I'm her brother. I feel so damn good today I can't believe it. I just came back from the gym - at 10 pm on a friday night!?! Would I have been doing that 6 months ago, before bac? Not a chance.

I can't believe it. I haven't even thought about beer or wine today. I haven't smoked either, and I'm thinking I may be able to kick that too. I'm down to 180/day from a switch at around 360. The SEs have been kicking my ass up to a short while ago - but my titration was a bizarre and freaky affair - I'll post that sometime, as a lesson in what not to do.

Anyways SS you're on your way. It truly is magic. I thought I was a dead man.

Cheers everyone!

[ignominous]

bac diary

Hey Paul

Welcome , I saw you over on a few threads and was going to answer on the tapering one but now we're here.

Your ordeal was quiet arduous and I for one would love to hear the story from your side.

There's a lot to be learnt on this site but I think it helps to be a bit obsessive about it or else it can become very disjointed.

Anyway, its great that you're here and look forward to hearing your point of view on things

[Ne/Neva Eva]

bac diary

seeking_serenity;1037530 wrote: I plan on sticking with the 100-120/day that I'm currently using, & titrating up 20/week like the good doctor suggests. I certainly don't want any seizure-type activity, as it sounds like Neva Eva experienced!

Chomping at the bit to stop myself from going higher. We'll see if I can stick with it. I do love me my sleepytime.

I don't know what I experienced. Doesn't really matter, though. It was very unpleasant and I can see how similar repeated experiences could derail the process. So slow and steady it is for me. Which is a constant struggle, to be honest. I'm tempted to take the whole 10mg an hour or something approach and just have at it. But I'll trust that the good doctor and OA have a little bit of experience and wisdom to share. And that they know more about this process than I.
20mg/week it is for me. sigh
Glad to hear about the shipment, and where you are. Do you feel good at 120?
And also, I've been meaning to ask you what the good doctor said about the study you mentioned in your first post. I can't remember and I'd like to know.
xo!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

bac diary

Paul, I don't know where you'll check in, but I'm really glad you're here and doing so well!

I would second ig's response, :welcome: and keep us posted, if you would! Success stories abound these days, but we really can't have enough of them. It helps us all stay focused on the goal!

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

neva eva;1037704 wrote: I don't know what I experienced. Doesn't really matter, though. It was very unpleasant and I can see how similar repeated experiences could derail the process. So slow and steady it is for me. Which is a constant struggle, to be honest. I'm tempted to take the whole 10mg an hour or something approach and just have at it. But I'll trust that the good doctor and OA have a little bit of experience and wisdom to share. And that they know more about this process than I.
20mg/week it is for me. sigh
Glad to hear about the shipment, and where you are. Do you feel good at 120?
And also, I've been meaning to ask you what the good doctor said about the study you mentioned in your first post. I can't remember and I'd like to know.
xo!

Hey there! I feel GREAT at 100-120. And AL is less and less appetizing at this level. A few SEs still, but nothing really worth noting. I feel a little "buzzed" during the day. Hard to describe. Slightly trippy, but nothing that keeps me from functioning normally. It just feels like my brain is buzzing. Does that make sense? haha.

Here's what the good dr. told me about the June 2009 Science article, as I wrote it down (so I may not have this exactly right). He said that Bac interferes with the chemistry that causes addiction. He said that when the brain-derived neurotrophic factors (BDNFs) interact with the GABA receptors, you end up with addiction. The study showed, apparently, that Bac keeps BDNFs and GABA from forming bonds.

Paul--:welcome: And congrats on such WONDERFUL news! It sounds like you've got a wonderful and supportive family, which is such a blessing. I'd be really curious to read your story--background + the Bac experience! When you have a chance, start a thread and tell us, if you're feeling up to it. I'd love to read it, and I'm sure others would as well. :heart:

[Lowcountryman]

bac diary

SSE,
There is 'something' with this 100-120's. Seems like a lot of people feel the same at that point. My psychiatrist's other clients with the same problem (oh no: It's a disease!!, sorry NE) felt so good at that dose that they decided to stay there. Don't know anything about their backgrounds. For me, at 100-120's Bac was a (1)antidepressant-(2)anti-alcohol-(3)sleeping-pill.
Low

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

(Sorry, posted this in the wrong thread. Reposting to make it a part of the correct thread!)

Update: I bought a bottle of wine tonight after much thought as to whether I could go without it. In retrospect, I could definitely have gone without it. I've been on my first glass for over an hour and it tastes gross, almost poisonous. I should add that the very smell of red wine was always a huge trigger for me. That smell was absolutely intoxicating to me, and it used to throw me into paroxysms of uncontrollable craving. Right now, the smell of the wine is seriously turning me off. I almost want to toss the rest of the bottle.

Tomorrow night, barring some crazy stress, I will try to go AF for the first time in about 9 months. I'm so close to the switch, I can smell it (literally)!

[taw]

bac diary

SS...so happy to hear that! I think I would be less tempted if I got rid of all the AL in my house but it is like a security blanket...I just feel better knowing it is here...

I hope you hit your switch soon! It is close!! Good job!

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Taw, it is SO close! I will surely keep you all updated! And DO keep us updated re: your progress! You are very close to the end as well.

And Low, the 100-120 mg dosage is surely the best IMO. It seems to be an antidepressant, an anti-anxiety drug, and an anti-craving drug all in one! I should add that it's also very stimulating for the libido, but of course you already knew that. hahaha.

[Lowcountryman]

bac diary

"I almost want to toss the rest of the bottle"

Hi SSE,

How's the rest of the bottle doing these days?

Low

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

...I am still drinking. Sad to say...

Just apologized to my dogs and my cat. I feel so badly that I keep drinking. They need me SO much.

But the fact is that I am STILL drinking. I talked to the good dr. today, and he reassured me that the switch will happen. He is so delightful to talk to! But, I ask myself every single day, WHEN will this happen? I hope that it happens soon. I HATE the fact that it hasn't happened sooner than this. And yet, I'm mad at myself that I'm even judging myself for this. I know that this disease isn't my fault...

[Lo0p]

bac diary

seeking_serenity;1040697 wrote: Just apologized to my dogs and my cat. I feel so badly that I keep drinking. They need me SO much.

You know they still love you! :h:l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

bac diary

So do we.
Hang in DG.