bac diary

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Ukblonde;1051618 wrote: Hope you had a great day.

I'll get back to all the rest of you soon--promise! But after reading the threads today, I want to give a shout-out to UKB (or Sylvia Plath, as I tend to picture you :h)--

I've read all the threads, and you've really had a rough day today. Whether you brought on any of the negative attention is really not up to me to decide. All I want to say is, thank you for your kind thoughts, and keep on posting here. I really, sincerely wish you the best. :l

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Bruunhilde;1051891 wrote: Congrats on the fabulous new job and the HEALTH INSURANCE! Manna from heaven, all at once. You must be doing things right in your life, girl.

Thanks, Bruun! :l I won't repeat here why I can't take xanax, but I'm glad it works for you!

Thank you all SO MUCH for your supportive replies! They really do help

--------------------------

One thing that's been a bit of a "concern" lately re: the bac is my new-found flattened affect. I'm sure that's why a lot of people are concerned about looking/acting "stoned" all the time. I used to be known for my ebullient, over-the-top giddy reactions to things. I would act guarded towards people I distrusted, but anyone who knew me got the over-the-top bubbly treatment. I think it was part of my charm bac then, to be honest.

A friend asked me recently whether I'd found any personality changes with the bac. I speak slower, and I've pretty much dropped the giddy/overexuberant side. I hope my friend doesn't get too put off by it. The lady who hired me told me today that she was "so glad" that I was there (yay!) but that she was worried that I wasn't very thrilled about the job because I sounded so unimpressed when she called to let me know I was hired. (She may be hyper-sensitive; she was also worried that I was frowning when she was explaining things to me. I explained that I was just concentrating on what she was saying...concentration being very important due to the bac!)

I hope that I don't come off as being too "stoned" to function as I go up in dosage to 170 this week. I plan on ordering some Piracetam as a backup. I definitely want to go bac down to the 120-ish level once I hit my switch. And "hit my switch" I haven't done yet. I couldn't drive my larger car today because of a snowstorm (and severe wind chills). Did that stop me from driving? No, I have a smaller car that drives fine in the snow. (Don't ask why I have 2 cars; one of them is being retired within a month!) So I went out and spent about 15 minutes clearing snow off the small car and another 10 minutes getting out of a drift so I could buy my 4 allotted beers for the evening..

That said, I did go to a bar with friends on Friday. And I was completely uninterested in my friend's beer. I wasn't tempted at all...in fact, seeing all the alcoholics hunched over their beers made me a little sad. I used to find out-of-the-way bars to be incredibly difficult. I wanted to drink so badly. I LOVED dive bars because of their cozy acceptance of my disease. I worked in one for about 7 years as a bartender and holy shit! did I love that bar!

Also, my friend and I got matching tattoos during a trip to Guatemala 10 years ago. She wants us to go get another matching tattoo (the Koru, which is a symbol in Hawaiian and other cultures' mythology for "new beginnings"). I will be getting my new tattoo on Saturday! How cool is that? :h

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

neva eva;1051525 wrote:
Congratulations on starting your new job today! We hope it went really, really well!


I happen to know that the purpose of the new job is to help others. You are an inspiration in that and many other ways.

Thank you SO much, Neva! :h I really enjoy the new job. And when this post showed up when I got home, I was so touched. I may have cried a little bit. :l

Ukblonde;1051618 wrote: Hope you had a great day.

By the way I was prescribed Amytriptyline by a rehab(yeah I know), in order to help me sleep as well as also perhaps enhancing my mood. I never had any fuzziness at all with it, nor side effects and would recommend.
Thanks, UK/Sylvia Plath! I did have a good day. I really enjoy the new job, especially since I hated my last one (and the one before that, and the one before that, etc.)

I've researched Amytriptyline and I think I'm going to use that as a sleeping pill for the rest of the time I'm on the bac. I checked the prices online and it's RIDICULOUSLY cheap. I haven't had a full-on miserable night for over a week now, but I do wake up at 2:30, 4:30, etc. like clockwork, and I'm ready to bolt out of bed every time. I got up at 4:30 this morning, which led me to have to nap in the afternoon. I'd rather get a full 8-9 hours and function normally during the day.

taw;1051648 wrote:

Hope you had a great first day! Let us know how it went!!!!!!

Thank you so much, dear Taw! I did have a good day. I hope that you can get over your horrible SEs soon. Doesn't sound like much fun to me! Hang in there, little one!

beatle;1051677 wrote:

Hope you had a great first day at your new job!

Just to follow up on the trazadone thing... what I didn't say is that Dr. L. did mention zanax. He said that was better than zolpidem (which I take more and more now for the sleep problem -- after quitting trazadone, which really did help with the sleeping). I can't find my notes right now, but I'm sure he said it reacted less with the baclofen, or something along that line.

I know some people have had negative reactions to zanax, so I'm not sure where to go on that.

Thanks beatle; I did have a good day!

I won't be seeking out trazadone after what you've said. I can't do xanax for sleep. I used it back in 2006 when I was sober for 10 months, and I found myself becoming wildly dependent on it. If I ran out of my xanax I wouldn't sleep, sometimes for 2-3 days. The anxiety became so severe that it felt like my nerves had somehow been placed on the outside of my skin. It was the worst anxiety I've ever known...far worse than I was prescribed for. Xanax has terrible rebound anxiety, and the last thing I need is to be addicted to something else after my long battle with AL. Plus, I've found that with certain meds like trazadone & Seroquel, I could fall asleep just as fast, without the horrible rebound anxiety. As I mentioned above, I've decided to buy a supply of Amitryptiline, as it is cheap and it sounds like a good match.

Isolde;1051732 wrote:
I've tried just about everything over the counter, including all of the natural ones that I always recommended to people in the past. Bottom line is that nothing has given me such a peaceful, restful night's sleep as xanax.

And also, serenity, congrats on the first day of your new job!!!! Hope it was wonderful! :l

Thanks, dear Isolde! See my above reply to beatle as to why I can't take xanax again. It took me FOREVER to wean myself off it, too--xanax withdrawals can go on for months! Sounds like, for you, you don't take it often enough to warrant concern. I'm scared to take Ambien for the same reason--no benzos or addictive substances for me! :h

Bruunhilde;1051891 wrote: Congrats on the fabulous new job and the HEALTH INSURANCE! Manna from heaven, all at once. You must be doing things right in your life, girl.

Thanks, Bruun! :l I won't repeat here why I can't take xanax, but I'm glad it works for you!

Thank you all SO MUCH for your supportive replies! They really do help.

--------------------------

One thing that's been a bit of a "concern" lately re: the bac is my new-found flattened affect. I'm sure that's why a lot of people are concerned about looking/acting "stoned" all the time. I used to be known for my ebullient, over-the-top giddy reactions to things. I would act guarded towards people I distrusted, but anyone who knew me got the over-the-top bubbly treatment. I think it was part of my charm bac then, to be honest.

A friend asked me recently whether I'd found any personality changes with the bac. I speak slower, and I've pretty much dropped the giddy/overexuberant side. I hope my friend doesn't get too put off by it. The lady who hired me told me today that she was "so glad" that I was there (yay!) but that she was worried that I wasn't very thrilled about the job because I sounded so unimpressed when she called to let me know I was hired. (She may be hyper-sensitive; she was also worried that I was frowning when she was explaining things to me. I explained that I was just concentrating on what she was saying...concentration being very important due to the bac!)

I hope that I don't come off as being too "stoned" to function as I go up in dosage to 170 this week. I plan on ordering some Piracetam as a backup. I definitely want to go bac down to the 120-ish level once I hit my switch. And "hit my switch" I haven't done yet. I couldn't drive my larger car today because of a snowstorm (and severe wind chills). Did that stop me from driving? No, I have a smaller car that drives fine in the snow. (Don't ask why I have 2 cars; one of them is being retired within a month!) So I went out and spent about 15 minutes clearing snow off the small car and another 10 minutes getting out of a drift so I could buy my 4 allotted beers for the evening..

That said, I did go to a bar with friends on Friday. And I was completely uninterested in my friend's beer. I wasn't tempted at all...in fact, seeing all the alcoholics hunched over their beers made me a little sad. I used to find out-of-the-way bars to be incredibly difficult. I wanted to drink so badly. I LOVED dive bars because of their cozy acceptance of my disease. I worked in one for about 7 years as a bartender and holy shit! did I love that bar!

Also, my friend and I got matching tattoos during a trip to Guatemala 10 years ago. She wants us to go get another matching tattoo (the Koru, which is a symbol in Hawaiian and other cultures' mythology for "new beginnings"). I will be getting my new tattoo on Saturday! How cool is that? :h

[bleep]

bac diary

seeking, I also noticed a flattening out of emotions. I found it to be just a particular phase, that has disappeared and reappeared with various dosages. I'm sure it will go away permanently once the whole baclofen ride is over, and you settle down at a regular, smaller dose.

I've also noticed the opposite effect, the crying-at-sunsets phase, where emotions are extremely heightened. Both are just stages, both are trying to live through, both will return to normal I hope, once the ride levels out.

A tattoo is an excellent idea for this whole thing. What does "BACLOFEN RULES" look like in Japanese, I wonder?

[bleep]

bac diary

バクロフェンルール

According to a website. Not such a catchy looking tat'. Might be okay across the forehead though. I'll keep looking.

[gratitude]

bac diary

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...clofen.svg.png

[gratitude]

bac diary

dammit. that last post was supposed to be a pic of the chemical makeup of BAC. thought that would make a good tat, seeking. damn iPad. I can't figure it out. gratitude

[bleep]

bac diary

Not the worst looking molecule I've ever seen. More of a shoulder type, I think.

[bleep]

bac diary

[img][/IMG]

[gratitude]

bac diary

awesome bleep, thanks. great tat.

[beatle]

bac diary

bleep;1052688 wrote: バクロフェンルール

According to a website. Not such a catchy looking tat'. Might be okay across the forehead though. I'll keep looking.

バクロフエンルールズ

I thought Japanese was your language, bleep.

[Isolde]

bac diary

seeking_serenity;1052596 wrote:
Also, my friend and I got matching tattoos during a trip to Guatemala 10 years ago. She wants us to go get another matching tattoo (the Koru, which is a symbol in Hawaiian and other cultures' mythology for "new beginnings"). I will be getting my new tattoo on Saturday! How cool is that? :h

That's strange. I commented on your post last night, before I went to bed. I really thought I hit Submit Reply, but maybe I was too tired to realize that I hadn't! :H

I said that I thought the tattoo was a really awesome idea, and that I LOVE the concept of the "new beginnings" meaning. I'm going to be getting my first tattoo soon and I'm very excited. The tattoo artist is in the process of drawing it up (it was only in my head before!). I think it is a good way to mark my new beginning as well.

I know I had commented on more of your post last night, but can't think of it now for the life of me. But it's that time of day that my brain just quits on me...

[Isolde]

bac diary

bleep;1052688 wrote: バクロフェンルール

According to a website. Not such a catchy looking tat'. Might be okay across the forehead though. I'll keep looking.

I think Chinese characters are a bit cooler. Here you go:

巴氯芬規則

[bleep]

bac diary

beatle;1052784 wrote: バクロフエンルールズ

I thought Japanese was your language, bleep.

It is beatle, but my handwriting is terrible.

Is, you're right, that's almost the beginning of a decent design there. I could never fully trust a tattoo in a foreign language, would always be a part of me thinking I was going around with something else less complimentary etched into my skin...

[beatle]

bac diary

or your katakana typing.