bac diary

[beatle]

bac diary

bleep;1053171 wrote: It is beatle, but my handwriting is terrible.

Or your katakana typing.

[Isolde]

bac diary

bleep;1052742 wrote: [img][/IMG]
I don't like the hexagon. Looks like a tired, sad, can't be bothered sort of fellow. But maybe that's how we are before bac. And the O at the end being shot out of the cannon is how we feel once we kick the AL habit - elevated! :H

bleep;1053171 wrote:
I could never fully trust a tattoo in a foreign language, would always be a part of me thinking I was going around with something else less complimentary etched into my skin...

Agreed!
I remember hearing about something like this happening to Britney Spears and so I had to Google it. She's even dumber than I thought:
She was studying Kabbalah and got a tattoo on the back of her neck of the word "God" in Hebrew. Except the letters were reversed!! I mean, Hebrew isn't some sort of esoteric language, like the Chinese characters. She very easily could have used Google translator to get the right letters (in the right order!).
Ok, all of these cool emoticons and no eye-rolling guy?! He's my FAVORITE on Yahoo messenger! Oh well, I'll just do the symbol for him then 8-|

[Bruunhilde]

bac diary

With things like tats, it's helpful to remember that time changes the meanings of words and phrases, the cultural vernacular changes with generations and what sounds cool when you're 30 may sound tired and lame and oh so out if it when you're 50.

I'm sure there are smarter people here who could come up with some funny examples, but I'm just not up to snuff in the creativity dept today. Prolly at 3am I'll think of something insanely good then forget it immediately.

[bleep]

bac diary

I would put a smiling face in the hexagon, or something like that. I love the "OH" right at the end, says it all.

Bruun, I too feel a bit lacking today, write down your 3 in the morning idea!

Serenity, you need to reclaim your thread!

[Sunnyvalenting]

bac diary

Zolpidem can be highly addictive. I heard of someone taking dozens of pills/day. It is very difficult to get off of too. I know Xanax can also be addictive but I don't know the pros and cons. I would stay away from any of those generally myself. I don't sleep well but I just put up with it. the bac helps along with 6 mg of melatonin and occasionally I add benadryl. Every once in awhile i sleep well, otherwise it is a fitful 4-5 hours. But I do have energy during the day and can run circles around some of the young'ins!
sunny

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

bleep;1053297 wrote: Serenity, you need to reclaim your thread!

Nah, these distractions/thread-jacks are too entertaining. :H I should add that I LOVE the Bac molecule, and I may have to add that to my "new tattoo" list after I've hit my switch.

I've been feeling great. Amazing how much my mood has improved. I mentioned on my Bac & Emotions thread how much my mood is enhanced by the Bac, i.e. how good moods are better, and bad/nervous moods are enhanced. When I had job interviews last week, I would feel really sick and dysphoric. When I'm in a good mood, hoo boy! the bac does truly enhance it!

I said in an email to NE, "When things are good (on Bac), they are very, very good. But when they are bad, they are horrid."

I may have been exaggerating a bit there, because "horrid" doesn't mean "worse than before." Trying to get through ANYTHING while hungover from 12-24 beers is horrid. On bac, I just feel sick and...off. Dysphoric. Not quite myself. But not exactly "I'm going to puke or faint, and I truly hope they don't notice my shaking hands" horrid, either.

I've been flying high for the last few days. I LOVE my new job, and it is so exciting to have a job I feel qualified for, and one that actually lets me use my brain a little bit. For YEARS I have worked in what I can only call "shit jobs"--low paying, low-on-the-totem-pole jobs that sapped me of any self-worth I had left.

I've regained that, in spades! I've been buying new clothes (only a fellow female can understand how much new/fancier clothes can make us feel) and have been walking with a newfound bounce in my steps. I feel REALLY good. Everything is changing, everything!

Yay for Bac! I can't tell you how much this drug has changed me, and how much my life has changed since I first found out about it less than 3 months ago! I truly feel like I am a different person. And it will only get better! :h :l

[Bruunhilde]

bac diary

Seeking, that's an awesome update, congrats on lovin' the bac. I think I'm right behind you on dosing (?), so I look to you and some others here to see what my next week will hold.

And it's soooooo beautiful that you found a job that you can embrace so wholeheartedly. To spend most of your day doing something you feel is valued and valuable, is priceless. I am so happy for you!
:goodjob:
Bleep, I didn't have any 3am ideas, darn it, but I had a dream I was in London, maybe seeing some of you there! I did piss someone off with my sense of humor, and it was a misunderstanding by her of my silly joke, and I was saying to myself, "shake it off, don't let it ruin your day". And that's actually advice I have been saying alot to myself lately during the day!
So if any of you Brits are pissed off at me, and I haven't figured it out, I guess that was my notice. We are in each others minds and dreams. I offer a white flag~

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Thank you SO much, dear Bruun!:l I hope that you find the higher doses to be helpful. I just went to 170/day today, so we'll see how that goes.

That said, I just found out today that I've been doing something entirely stupid. Stupid. There's just no other word for it. I had a backup of Bac in my purse to take when I'm at work: a handful of 25 mg pills from an old Goldpharma shipment, and a handful of 10 mg pills from my current prescription. For some completely unfathomable reason, I had it in my mind that the larger pills were actually the 10mg ones. Don't even ask why I thought that! So for the last couple of weeks, I was taking 25 mg pills when I thought I was taking 10, and vice versa. So when I thought I was taking 30mgs, I was actually taking 75! What a dumb, dumb move. Anyway, I figured it out today, so I am *actually* taking 170 this week. I (now) know that in the past there have several days when I've taken 200+, and others where I took far less than I thought. Dumb.

Also, I spoke with Dr. L today, and what he told me was very interesting:

I told him I'd like some help in the sleep department. I mentioned Amitryptiline (sp?), and he looked it up and said no, it is contraindicated for use with bac because of its central nervous system depressant qualities! WTF, I thought it was OK! :what?: I also told him that I didn't want to take xanax or Ambien because they were addictive, and I felt that I'd been addicted to xanax in the past. Here's what he told me:

I can take .25 mg doses of xanax to sleep. He assured me that it's safe, and that at low doses, I won't get addicted. He says that the bac will help counter any addictive pull the xanax would have on me.

Not sure where to go with that advice. I really *don't* want to take xanax...I really loved that drug TOO much when I've taken it in the past. I guess I'll sleep on it. I will talk to him again next Friday, so I guess if I decide to go the xanax route, I can ask him to prescribe it next week...? Still bummed about the amitryptiline. sigh.

[Grommet]

bac diary

seeking_serenity;1054380 wrote:
That said, I just found out today that I've been doing something entirely stupid. Stupid. There's just no other word for it. .
Serenity, easy. No harm, no foul. The good news is it seems like you can handle 200+ without drooling on your keyboard!


seeking_serenity;1054380 wrote:
I really loved that drug TOO much when I've taken it in the past. I guess I'll sleep on it. I will talk to him again next Friday, so I guess if I decide to go the xanax route, I can ask him to prescribe it next week...? Still bummed about the amitryptiline. sigh.

Yes, SLEEP on it. If its the right thing you'll know.

:h

EDIT: By the way, congrats on your new job!!!! I noticed a bounce in your step as well!

[redhead77]

bac diary

Wow, I am really confused now. He mentioned Elavil when he was running through antidepressants with me. Maybe, he just was naming them off and wanted me to stop him. He was like have you ever taken trazodone, prozac, paxil, norpramine, ect, ect. Maybe he was expoloring and still had to research it, in his computer. Who knows? I really want to meet him in person, and can't wait.

[bleep]

bac diary

A great update, then a confusing one! Very strange about the amitryptiline, I suppose he must be right. Maybe ask him to confirm it in the next call, to be sure.

I would regard the dosage mix-up as a positive step. If there were no significant SE's, I would stay at your higher dose, and even go up! Why not? That's the mission here, after all...

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

I know! I'm still confused. I do cheat and use melatonin, and a part of me wants to keep cheating and use the amitriptyline anyway. :/ It only had a "moderate" warning level, not a "red level" danger. Or perhaps I should wait and see if I start having sleepless nights again! I've actually been sleeping OK the last few nights. I don't think I'm going to start taking xanax again. Too much of a slippery slope for me.

[Bruunhilde]

bac diary

Seeking, the xanax is only dangerous for me in that I build tolerance and it sounds like it's the same for you, for most of us. My solution is to stop taking it and suffer (sleeplessness) for a few days if I can't sleep on the current amount. That resets me. And considering I have fewer sleepless nights with this programme, than off it, I count it successful.

Ageed with Bleep, and don't knock yourself over the head for the mistake; another thing repeated here again and again is the slip-ups with dosing, which is perhaps a SE (foggy thinking) which is helping me as I see those tendencies in myself. I'm much more careful due to reading these types of posts, so you're helping the team! Thanks!

PS at 85 today, going up about 5mg every few days lately. Want to hurry this train up - slowly. Yes, I know I need to be consistent and slow, but remember I was on 50mg for more than a MONTH so maybe my blood is resistant to adding the bac molecule... Ever the rebellious child.

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Bruunhilde;1054848 wrote:
Ageed with Bleep, and don't knock yourself over the head for the mistake; another thing repeated here again and again is the slip-ups with dosing, which is perhaps a SE (foggy thinking) which is helping me as I see those tendencies in myself. I'm much more careful due to reading these types of posts, so you're helping the team! Thanks!
Thanks, dear Bruun! Part of the reason I post on here is to document everything, for better or worse, that happens to me. When I've read over my thread it sounds like a crazy rollercoaster. In fact, it has been a pretty steady progression. Since about mid-January, I've felt like a different person. I can't even remember how I was back in November or so, before I started the bac treatment! The chronic anxiety is completely gone! How cool is that? :h The weird SE's come and go. One day I'm completely empathetic and loving, the next day I have the weird flatness of affect. One day I feel great, the next day I feel like shit. But by "feel like shit" I cannot forget how awful it was to wake up, on the floor, sweating and shaking because I haven't eaten in 3 days and have been drinking 24 beers a day, and am in severe insulin shock. It's all relative. Today's "feel like shit" doesn't even begin to compare.

Bruunhilde;1054848 wrote:
PS at 85 today, going up about 5mg every few days lately. Want to hurry this train up - slowly. Yes, I know I need to be consistent and slow, but remember I was on 50mg for more than a MONTH so maybe my blood is resistant to adding the bac molecule... Ever the rebellious child.

Just be careful per your BP issues. I've never had a problem in that regard; mine has always been laughably (sometimes dangerously) low. It averages 90/50. I remember when I was in rehab a few years ago that my BP was 68/38 one morning (they made newbies stay in a "clinic" where they took our BP every morning).

Still, I think you'll find the 120 level to be very helpful. I know I'm not the only one on here who's experienced the "120 mg high." :h :l

Oh, and I got my new tattoo this afternoon!

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Grommet;1054381 wrote:
EDIT: By the way, congrats on your new job!!!! I noticed a bounce in your step as well!

Also, Grommet, thank you very much! :h :l Dr. L also mentioned that I sounded a lot better. My good attitude must show in my voice! I know it shows in just about everything else. Everyone who knows me seems to comment on it. :h