bac diary

[bleep]

bac diary

Wow, that's hardly a blood pressure at all! I hear you on the emotional swings, although lately that seems to have leveled off, to a level higher than it used to be. A bit more empathy can't be a bad thing.

You are definitely in a happier place from your posts, and it's heartwarming to see!

Also, Bruun, good to see the dosage climbing up, keep it up!

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Hi everybody! I have so much to say to all of you, so many threads to comment on. I've been pretty sick all day, so I will respond to everyone tomorrow. Take care.:h

[Isolde]

bac diary

seeking_serenity;1054380 wrote:
I can take .25 mg doses of xanax to sleep. He assured me that it's safe, and that at low doses, I won't get addicted. He says that the bac will help counter any addictive pull the xanax would have on me.

With what you went through before with xanax, I completely understand why you'll do anything you can to avoid this route. However, thanks for posting this, as that's exactly what I'm doing (and had just pondered whether bac would help to nix xanax's addictive quality).

I hope you can find something that works for you! :l

By the way, sorry to hear you're sick, hope you are not catching what Karen has!!

[Bruunhilde]

bac diary

Thanks for the reminder on the BP Seeking, apparently I need constant reminders of all tips and info, because my brain is swiss cheese. I've been looking around the house for days for AAA batteries to make my cuff work and I keep getting distracted.

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Isolde;1055391 wrote: By the way, sorry to hear you're sick, hope you are not catching what Karen has!!

Thanks, Is! :h I didn't have the flu! I thought it was bac-related nausea, but then when I thought about it, it was likely a hangover. I drank 6 AL units on Saturday night, and that's at least 2 more than I usually drink. Bac + booze can cause really icky hangovers. All day I felt like yacking and sleeping. Not a good combo.

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Bruunhilde;1055982 wrote: Thanks for the reminder on the BP Seeking, apparently I need constant reminders of all tips and info, because my brain is swiss cheese. I've been looking around the house for days for AAA batteries to make my cuff work and I keep getting distracted.

Oh, I do know that feeling, dear Bruun! :H I spend a ridiculous amount of time each day trying to remember what I was supposed to do. It can get a little thorny sometimes! :l

[Ne/Neva Eva]

bac diary

It is so nice to catch up on such positive vibes! Thanks peeps.
Love the "OH" at the end of the molecule.
Love how well you're doing, sans booze anyway, Serenity. It's very inspiring!
And so, so much more. You all have made my night.
thx
K

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

neva eva;1056016 wrote: It is so nice to catch up on such positive vibes! Thanks peeps.
Love the "OH" at the end of the molecule.
Love how well you're doing, sans booze anyway, Serenity. It's very inspiring!
And so, so much more. You all have made my night.
thx
K

Thanks, NE! I sometimes feel like my posts are incredibly bipolar (hey! here's some good news! oops, sorry, a bit of bad news to Debby Downer-up my last post!) but when I look at the overall picture, I can see nothing but positive things. I think we sometimes get hung up on the SE's here on MWO and don't look at the big picture. Not pointing fingers at anyone, it's just an overall impression.

It really helps me to think of things as positive overall. So the fuck what if I have a day in which I feel a little shitty. I remember all too well how shitty I felt EVERY SINGLE DAY when I was drinking 8-24 beers a day. This has never compared in the least! And it helps me to keep things in perspective as I go up in dosage.

Thanks for the good thoughts! And my best thoughts all go back to you. :h

[gratitude]

bac diary

well said, seeking
I remember when I sunk so low that I would drink "ensure" because I hadn't eaten for three days and it was the only thing I could keep down that had vitamins in it. all the while drinking vodka rocks ( maybe a splash of water to make myself think it was a cocktail and not just straight vodka.)haha. wow. god, I wish everybody the best. this really is a killer disease.

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

Ha, gratitude, I used to drink "Pedialyte" when I hadn't eaten for days! Amazing how much we tried to compensate for the enormous damage we were doing to ourselves. What a horrible disease we have. "Killer" is right. I am truly shocked I'm still alive.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

bac diary

seeking_serenity;1056022 wrote: Thanks, NE! I sometimes feel like my posts are incredibly bipolar (hey! here's some good news! oops, sorry, a bit of bad news to Debby Downer-up my last post!) but when I look at the overall picture, I can see nothing but positive things.
My perceptions of my own posts are often completely erroneous. The only thing I am more often wrong about is what I read in someone else's posts when I think they are referring to me. (They're not. And if they are and it's mean, fuck 'em.) I have to be pretty much constantly reassured that what I write is of some use, or benefit, and not just mental masturbation or worse, spreading misinformation that may harm others. I have made some SERIOUS mistakes with my posts, especially about SEs, but I'll correct them for posterity...

seeking_serenity;1056022 wrote: I think we sometimes get hung up on the SE's here on MWO and don't look at the big picture. Not pointing fingers at anyone, it's just an overall impression.
Yep! No question about that. And it scares a lot of people off. Especially since the low doses SUCK for so many of us.

seeking_serenity;1056022 wrote: It really helps me to think of things as positive overall. So the fuck what if I have a day in which I feel a little shitty. I remember all too well how shitty I felt EVERY SINGLE DAY when I was drinking 8-24 beers a day. This has never compared in the least! And it helps me to keep things in perspective as I go up in dosage.

OMG. yes. Every time I felt like giving up I just had to remember what brought me here. Keeps the equation very, very simple. I was headed for yet another rat-infested rehab, to be made to feel like shit and return to another 5 years of closet drinking. Health going down the tubes, everything else derailed and on the skids. Bac? Bac promised the chance of freedom from the evil fucking merry-go-round. The rest? I'd already done it. It sucked for me, much worse than 4 months of SEs and I have ALWAYS ended up right where I started.

doppelganger, I love you. Don't stop writing. Don't worry about posterity. That'll come when we're healed and can offer help based on our own experience and the wisdom we've learned from others on the boards right now, right here.

Gratitude, you used to confuse me. I get it now. Sorry, that I didn't understand why you haven't jumped on the bac-bus. I wouldn't want to derail ANY amount of sobriety, no matter what. I pm'd the guy on the other thread with Dr. L's info. I imagine that both he and OA hear from people with sobriety who are still suffering... Maybe he can help you? Keep on keeping on, brother. It's worked for you thus far. I'm so glad you're participating here regularly. You inspire me.
(not sorry for the hijack, Sere. I like those too. )
xo
Ne

seeking_serenity;1056022 wrote: Thanks for the good thoughts! And my best thoughts all go back to you. :h

yw. and right bac at you!

[seeking_serenity]

bac diary

neva eva;1056790 wrote: My perceptions of my own posts are often completely erroneous. The only thing I am more often wrong about is what I read in someone else's posts when I think they are referring to me. (They're not. And if they are and it's mean, fuck 'em.) I have to be pretty much constantly reassured that what I write is of some use, or benefit, and not just mental masturbation or worse, spreading misinformation that may harm others. I have made some SERIOUS mistakes with my posts, especially about SEs, but I'll correct them for posterity...
I hear you! I often worry that I'm just writing a bunch of boring, useless minutiae that no one will be interested in. And yet, I still get responses and reassurances, so I know people are reading them. I hope that my journey can inspire new members just a little bit. Anything that leads them towards bac is a good thing.

neva eva;1056790 wrote:
OMG. yes. Every time I felt like giving up I just had to remember what brought me here. Keeps the equation very, very simple. I was headed for yet another rat-infested rehab, to be made to feel like shit and return to another 5 years of closet drinking. Health going down the tubes, everything else derailed and on the skids. Bac? Bac promised the chance of freedom from the evil fucking merry-go-round. The rest? I'd already done it. It sucked for me, much worse than 4 months of SEs and I have ALWAYS ended up right where I started.

I never want to go back to that hell. Never. Even if I NEVER hit the switch (and I'm absolutely positive I will), I only drink about four beers a day, on average. I was not capable of "only" drinking four beers before bac.

neva eva;1056790 wrote:
doppelganger, I love you. Don't stop writing. Don't worry about posterity. That'll come when we're healed and can offer help based on our own experience and the wisdom we've learned from others on the boards right now, right here.

I love you bac, doppelganger! :l I do plan on sticking around after I join you on the other side. I owe it to all the new people just stumbling across MWO, and also to the people who were so generous about helping me in the beginning (yourself included!) BTW I've tried to reach Dabs via PM lately and haven't heard back. I'm sad.

This journey has been so amazing. I had such high hopes for bac, and it hasn't disappointed! I've had a pretty easy ride re: SEs as well. :h

[Bruunhilde]

bac diary

Posting Performance Anxiety - Shit, was that an earthquake? Dang.

Anyways, I have that too, and I used to stress on it for fear I'd be hated, or at least unloved, but then I decided it's all about "am I approval seeking" vs "is it kind, helpful, a little bit necessary". Then I post if it's the latter and try not to think about it again.

Sometimes I see a post that no one responded to, and I wonder why, but then I realize that we all have these, and it doesn't mean anything negative, in fact, probably there's alot of lurkers that don't post due to this PPA fear. Maybe viagra would help with the performance. Heheheh

[Grommet]

bac diary

PPA - now that's funny.

Serenity, I read all your posts, and just about everyone else's as well. I'd love to respond to every single one but I am a "hunt and peck" typer. I even took typing class in HS but we were paired up the entire semester and I was paired with a smokin' hot girl. Sooo, I hunt and peck...

Keep posting!