Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

[ignominous]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Wow, your mom had an interesting point of view that she didn't mind sharing. Must have gone to a different school from mine! My mom used to say "if it doesn't hurt and isn't difficult then its an evil thing to have or even want" (words are mine, but sentiment hers)!

Think I get your point, starry eyed Harry Krishna or mellow aging hippy, they are both happy. Must be a middle path and maybe some well thought out medication is it.

[seeking_serenity]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Hi Serenity. Sounds like you're doing well............ anything for me on the drugs front?

Hey, dude! I'm SO glad to hear that you're still doing well! I haven't been as active on this forum due to a bit of paranoia (PM me if you want to know the scoop).

I've been doing well. Still drinking a bottle of wine a day, but that is still less than I was drinking when I started (@8 AL units a day, which was definitely better than the 24 at my worst!).

I have had some freaking CRAZY dreams. Some of which I've had a hard time differentiating from reality. I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I thought was "real life" and it made me panic. It took a lot of real-life research to conclude that it wasn't real! Freaked me out, though.

Other than that (and "that" was decidedly minor), I haven't had any SE's to report that are worth noting. Yes, I get a little sleepy, and I have a sour taste in my mouth, and I snore more. Big freaking deal! None of that--NONE!--can compare with what it's like to go through a day with a bad hangover.

I think that when we talk about SE's, we should mention how little they affect our day-to-day lives. Unless, of course, they actually DO affect them. Just a thought...

[Lowcountryman]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Lol! Ig. Now both their beloved sons are posting on MWO shouting/advicing both: just take the damn pills!

[ignominous]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Ha! Yes: the old adage, "everything in moderation".

Love to show this to the ole lady sometime but she would freak and I would be ousted from the family fold............personal exposure to strangers, dirty laundry in public etc. In retrospect, already ousted but it might rock her world more than she could handle!

Serenity I do envy people who remember their dreams. I can only assume that mine either do a remarkable job at expunging thoughts from my psyche or are like the weather report from last Wednesday after Oprah, entirely forgetful.

[ignominous]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Hi feet, this is in response to your question about being depressed that you posted over on the 'delirium' thread.

I'll not use the 1st part of your name, you might find it too ironic to tolerate agter a while!

I'm in a similar situation, having found the holy grail after a lifetime's quest I find that its empty. Since age 18 years I started generating amusing anecdotes of my drunken exploits. I would go with the flow and laugh along with the crowd.

I was fairly confident and resilient at that age, secure in the knowledge that it was just a passing phase. So although my antics were how I was being defined I knew it wasn't me. I experimented at university with drugs and alternative lifestyles as did every one, however it now seems as if I was the only one who was always there if there was experimenting to do. I was moved out of my campus digs for being a disrupting influence and at the end scraped a pass degree which I believe was given out of sympathy.

Thereon I have had a problem with authority of any kind, often getting into fights that I couldn't win with bouncers, police, grumpy pub landlords anyone who tried to impose their will over mine. All of the above I might add just to be crystal clear, while I was drunk or well into my binge style of drinking.

I had some respite when I discovered self employment, thankfully then one doesn't have a boss to answer to. However it still helps if you are able to relate to the needs of your customers and converse at a mature level. Countless times I have shot myself in my foot by not being up to this. The mere fact that the 'buyer' had some control over my wellfare was enough for me to sabotage my own efforts.

Since then I have removed myself further from authority and very rarely am seen selling my wares. I use brokers and middle men with the subsequent loss on the bottom line. In the present economic climate when streamlining is essential this is proving to be a problem.

The point I set out to make is that, I have well and truly fucked up my life and fall pitifully short of the expectations I had for myself or for that matter anyone else had for me. I still have trouble fully internalising that alcoholism is a disease and that I really had very little choice. But Baclofen has truly got rid of the alcoholic in me and I can see clearly what is left.

Its frankly rather pathetic what I see, if I was still drinking I would probably give myself a smack in the face for being a wanker. Its been just over 30 years since I have been able to look at myself in this light and it hurts to see all the mistakes I've made. I'm not a suicidal type, if I ever get to that point I'll either make a daring do or die bank heist or become a monk first. Already been a buddhist monk for 10 days so I guess it's "your money or my life".

I am lucky enough to have 3 young children who give me a reason to want to carry on and sometimes reason to want to end it! The thing is, I've lived through 30 years of shame and despair that I think I should give sobriety a fair shot. A couple of people have told me that it takes 6 months before you realise that life is getting better.

Hope this helps somewhat. Its the longest thing I've written since uni, so I'll take that as a plus. I feel your pain, as I'm sure, do many others. Advice, I don't have much. Fake it til you make it?

[startingover]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Amazing Iggy Pop.
Insightful and very honest.
If that isnt a step in the right direction, I dont know what is.

[ignominous]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

I'm so happy that someone replied and positively. It feels good. And felt good writing it. Still haven't read it. Thanks.

Glad you're doing something about it Reggie, do those stores sell miniature scaffolding by any chance. Music is on my list to purchase when I reach civilization, which will be tomorrow.

If my mentor approves that's a double wammy. I'm still hearing about Bac for nicotine, someone posted a link to a radio interview with OA and he mentioned it again there. Give me the inside track Starts or maybe I'll just tit' up on Bac 'til I hit the Nic switch. I'm a believer now, should be easier.

[startingover]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Nicotine replacement therapy was my key to success Iggy.
Gum and patches....if you go this route, make sure you use enough to banish cravings.
Advice on the packs is usually a bit misleading but I would advise a heavy smoker to use two methods of NRT.
Once the physical cravings are in control you can then work on the habitual stuff. You are doing that now with the booze so you know the score.
There are also drugs such as Champix and Zyban. But not sure if you would want to or could take them with your Bac.

[happyfeet]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Hi Ig,

I posted a reply on the Sever(sic) Debilitating thread, so as not to hijack this or others - https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ml#post1038644

[ignominious]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Hello everybody
I'm in Bangkok for the first time AF. Whoa, what a boring city! No, maybe too strong but I shocked about how much I equate Bangkok with getting blind drunk! Hmm, felt similar when I arrived at the beach. EPIPHANY- Everywhere is an excuse to get blind drunk!

Before I forget and one of the main reasons I found this rat infested internet cafe (I'm not in a touristy area - unfortunately) to log on to MWO is that I dont want Reggie to miscontrue my comment about scaffolding. I was implying that I need it to prop up my wilted erm..........ego! And on that point and being in sin city I am reminded that I had been afflicted with the opposite of brewers droop. My emotions were allowed more creativety whilst I was drunk. Well enough of that, I might even start embarassing myself!

I titrated down to 90mg today having been at 100 for 4 days. At this dose I seem to be taking a lot more interest in Al but its possibly the enviroment I'm in. The thoughts are more frequent but still easily dismissable. I dont feel like I could fall off the wagon and if I were to have a few drinks I dont think it would be such a disaster. I would like too know more about how the Baclofen is afecting me as it seems I shall be taking it for sometime. Experimenting with the dose is the only way to find a happy medium.

Rather strangely I have some SEs returning, most noticebly is the tingly, buzzy, balloon head. I get this when I am sitting quitely contemplating life or where to buy the cheapest flight to England! Its not unpleasent or disruptive but a little surprising to be reoccurning at this low dosage.

Starting, may well try the NRT again. At least its worth another look. All the previous times I've given up have ended with just that single cig to go with my 20th whiskey! Maybe hope there!

Happy, see you posting and hope you're feeling in a better place atm.

Forgot my password when I left home so couldn't log in yesterday. Now I'm under a new user name. Well sort of. Gave me a chance to get away from the spelling mistake of my first one (NB Serenity)!

[Isolde]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

ignominious;1040338 wrote:
Forgot my password when I left home so couldn't log in yesterday. Now I'm under a new user name. Well sort of. Gave me a chance to get away from the spelling mistake of my first one (NB Serenity)!

Ig, when I looked up your username to see what it meant (great word, btw), I noticed the spelling mistake. You were still Ig1 at that time though, and I didn't want to bring it up! :H

Anyway, I'm glad that you are still mostly finding indifference at such a lowered dose. I wish I could say the same. I agree that experimenting with the dose is the only way to figure out where you should stay. It seems that I will be staying closer to my switch than I really wanted to for awhile!

[ThirdMan]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Ig, about quitting smoking... I smoked almost two packs a day for over 13 years and I tried wellbutrin (zyban), gum, and cold turkey to quit. I finally quit a year ago by reading "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking," and I've been recommending that book to everyone since. HOWEVER, I was also taking Bac at the same time, and at the time I didn't realize what an important role this might have played. So now that its been a full year I can definitely recommend reading the book while taking Bac. Worked for me! And then I have just made a policy of NEVER SMOKING AGAIN. I quit cold turkey once and decided I could have just one cigarette three months down the road and sure enough I was buying a pack by the end of the weekend. The other thing that helped is that I made sure not to drink at all for three months after quitting. I was just modding with drinking at the time, but without bac I surely couldn't have gone the three months AF either.

[ignominious]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Is thanks for that, I thought either no one bothered with the chosen names or that folks were just being nice. Its good to have the later supposition confirmed and again I'm humbled by the magnaminity and generosity of spirit shown by people on this site.

Today is the third day at 90mg and without doubt I am feeling out of sorts. I hesitate to call it depressed or social anxiety as I am yet undecided. However at this reduced dose my dysphoria is definitely returning but now I am able to look at it for the first time clearly without alcohol blurring my vision.

For the first time since becoming AF I am in a different country away from family and friends. My financial situation is dire and there seem to be few prospects of it improving. Bangkok for me is a city, in which, I usually conduct some business and play hard. Business is a non starter with bad news coming from all sides and playing hard has yet to be redefined without the inclusion of alcohol. Under these circumstances I would have to be the Dali Lama of drugged up not to be feeling a tad put out. The wondrous thing is, that despite being in sin city and having every opportunity to drink as well as numerous triggers, I so far have managed to avoid alcohol and rather easily.

Baclofen for me was a means to an end. I had to stop drinking. It has done that for me. However much I enjoy the positive benefits to my psyche I am not ready to give it responsibility for making me happy. I am encouraged by Road who no longer takes any Baclofen since titrating down from the switch. I still intend to reduce my dosage until cravings return or I am more at ease with the idea of chemical medication.

At the moment there is still a profound change that has taken place in the way I perceive alcohol, I basically still have the choice about whether I should imbibe or not. I told an acquaintance here that I had stopped drinking and he asked how many days so far. He nearly fell of his chair when I told him 7 weeks. Another friend informed his wife that I wouldn't join him for a drink because I was abstinent and she told him that she would have bet on the sun rising in the West rather than that.

Third thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately I already had some personal sessions with Alan Carr which sort of back fired. I would enjoy a few cigarette free days and then resume smoking with a vengeance. I mentioned on another thread that I might sue him for the increased consumption I experienced but was informed he had died, God rest his soul. I suspect it was my aversion to authority that was my undoing. Couldn't abide that angel telling me all day long that I was enjoying being fit, healthy and nicotine free! Glad it worked for you and for many others.

[bleep69]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Ig, thanks for replying to the prn question. Your posts are very insightful and thoughtful. Glad to hear you are still AF, I hope you find your golden dosage soon.

I'm with you on Allen Carr. the message I got from it was that cigarettes are not as nice as you think they are. Since I think they are fucking disgusting to start with, it wasn't much help Saying that, I know of 2 people who found success and phlegm free lungs using the method. Three, if I count the somewhat ironically named Thirdman.

[ignominious]

Sobriety. From one who knows. A sober point of view.

Thanks for your kind reply Bleep.

For all my moaning about smoking I haven't given will power a chance post Bac yet. Maybe should have tried when I was on a higher dose but better late than never.
For all I know I may be smoking out of habit and actually not get cravings anymore!

OK. Last drag ever. Wasn't so great; in retrospect. And the last time I need to stub out a butt. Finished. Free from that dirty habit. YIPEE!