I am a trainwreck!

[Bruunhilde]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi Taw,
Glad you wrote, I'm sorta where you are (again), glad Red can be there to help. You both being moms has to help alot. Hang in there, I'm fighting along with you!

[Rusty]

I am a trainwreck!

Taw,:l

I sent you a PM earlier today. I'm in Barcelona working right now but I'll home late Friday night. I live about an hour away from you and could come see you this weekend.

How well I know that feeling of shame when you show up for a family function and they can smell the booze on your breath. :upset: I used to think my family couldn't tell I had been drinking because I wasn't slurring my words....my eyes weren't glassy, etc., but they sure could despite brushing my teeth like a maniac....eating a half a tin of Cinnamon Altoids (yeah, now there's an original thought:H ) Do you know that was my start to quitting drinking because my mom busted me one day. She said she could smell the vodka...and I thought, WOW...I can't even smell it....how can she????

Just remember you have a son who loves you with all his heart and he can't love you the way he wants when you're drinking. Let me know how I can help.

[Doggygirl]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi Taw. Late catching up with you here, but I just wanted to say that I am rooting for you. I'm so glad you have friends who can come give you some support in person.

DG

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi All!

Sorry for no updates...was home the last two days with a sick son! But starting day 3 AF! I am going to talk to my mom after work tomorrow. I know she won't believe me that I have not had a drink, but all I can do is tell her the truth about bac, my commitment to being sober and keeping my son. I gave her the book several months ago to read and she has not read it yet. Maybe this will prompt her to read it.

I gotta tell you tho, I am scared shitless to talk to her, at least my dad is out of town....and scared to be sober!

[Rusty]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi Taw,

Great to hear from you...I am so proud and happy for you that you are 3 days AF!:goodjob: As far as your mom not believing you that you have quit drinking...it will take some time for her to have confidence in you that you are serious. I had to do the same thing with my family. I would just tell her that this was a real wake-up call for you and you are sorry and ashamed....and then I would make sure that from now on, you show up at family functions on time and sober. For me, my plunge into the abyss of drinking was fast and furious....I didn't even realize that my family was scared to death for me when I was 45 minutes late for dinner, and when I did show up, my face was flushed, eyes glassy, etc. Your mom confronted you because she loves you and your son and she is frightened for you.

Keep up the good work...I am in your corner.:l

[spacebebe01]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi TAW how great that you have 3 days or is it 4 now, well done! good luck on seeing you mum, it will take time to get trust of your family, i know mine are always scared when I just dont answer the phone they think im drinking, or dead, so I try to keep in close contact, I talk to my mum 2 times a day usually both so she dosent worry and because she lost her daughter for so long and had so much upset and worry about me it is good for me to be able to give her some company and oeace of mind now. keep it up, your doing great xx

[redhead77]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi Taw,

I see you tried to PM me from my email. I've cleaned it up, so you can write me there again. I won't be able to write back until tonight, however. I'm at work today and can only use my phone. You're always welcome to text me if you need to, as well. I work even closer to you than where I live.

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

Start of day 4 AF!!!! Freaking out about talking to my mom tonight...BUT, at least I can look her in the eye and be completely honest that I have not had a drink since Monday! Hoping she won't put me over the edge after our talk tho!

Maybe this is the kick in the butt I needed to go at this full force!!

[Rusty]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi Taw,:l

Good luck with your mom tonight.....I'm pulling for you! Spacebebe's post made me think of a way you could prove to your mother that you're serious.....WITHOUT telling her. If there is a regular time of day when you would normally speak to her when you were drunk or completely wasted....then call her at that time when you're sober. This will also give you the incentive not to pick up that first drink, because then if she calls you at that same time....she will hear a sober voice instead of a wasted one. There were so many times when my mom, sister, or SIL would call me after 3:00 p.m. on a weekend, and I would be trashed and I would stupidly answer the phone. :hitme: I really didn't realize how bad I sounded.

One thing my sister said to me really hit home with me....and it was the start of me actually jumping in to battle this beast, instead of caving in all the time. Our mother is 84 and at the time when my drinking was at its rock-bottom worst (2008), my mom was undergoing chemo for colon cancer. She said, 'Rusty, I can't count on you to help me with mom when you're drinking. I really need you." I love my mom and my sister more than anything in this world, and I let my sister and her family down A LOT when I was drinking....and acting like a complete nutcase. It was then I gave myself a kick in the ass and I said, "Things have to change."

You can do this, Taw. We're all here for you and let us know how it goes.

xoxox
Rusty

[RudyB]

I am a trainwreck!

good luck, taw. i bet you're with your mother now-ish. sending you good vibes...

xo rudy

[spacebebe01]

I am a trainwreck!

I think you will have seen you mum by now, I hope things went well, but even if they didnt go the way you wanted it doesnt matter, just dont let yourself get wound up, I wi9ll check back here later to see how you are

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

she was brutal....as she she should be...BUT I realize I have many angels looking over me....the real test will be Tues when my dad gets back....hopefully he will listen to my mom....and know that I am serious about this!

[spacebebe01]

I am a trainwreck!

Taw, dont forget that you are doing this for yourself and although it would be lovely to have support from others family included and to have them be proud of you that is not what matter here, you are

[redhead77]

I am a trainwreck!

Good luck with your dad, Taw. I'm glad you have family members that care about you and your son enough to intervene. As painful as this all is for you, it's actually very special. I'm rooting for you, Taw. In more ways than one. :l

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

Back to Day 1....I am so disgusted with myself!