I am a trainwreck!

[taw]

I am so sick of waking up every morning hating myself for the night before! I am blacking out more often and with my son in the house! My order of BAC cannot get here quick enough! I am so disgusted with myself!

[Grommet]

I am a trainwreck!

Taw,

I fully understand the guilt and self-loathing. I think it was the number one thing that brought me to BAC.

Just hang in there and don't beat the crap out of yourself. You want to get rid of this thing and that alone makes you a great person.

Also, don't set your sights too high out of the gate. Yes, try your hardest to be AF. But if you are not, don't get all upset about it. Things started getting much better for me on the BAC when I quit the guilt thing and focused on whether I am better now than before I started. That was when the AF days started to increase for me.

Well wishes!

[Seethepony]

I am a trainwreck!

Taw, I know the feeling. It's time to move on from this screwed-up, self-annihilating way of life and "step up to the plate" of being a responsible parent. The good news is this isn't an impossible dream, it's actually pretty damn easy. I can't believe I'm saying that. At the beginning of August I was drinking two bottles of wine every night and wondering bleakly if I'd live long enough to see my daughters 10th birthday. It's a wretched state to be in but an ideal springboard for a serious effort once the baclofen arrives! Believe me, things will get better. Take it easy, and have a happy Christmas!

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

Thank you both! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and yet continue this insanity! I am waiting for the bac patiently and know that there is an end to this in sight! Merry Christmas to you all!!

[Brigitte Bardot]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi there Taw, I've never been on meds to quit drinking but I do understand how difficult it is to quit and being a parent of a small child as well. I just want to wish you all the best to get through Christmas, and I hope the Bac gets there soon and works for you.

[Sunnyvalenting]

I am a trainwreck!

You are in the right place. Do what you can to assure you and your child are safe! Taking care of this now is well worth it. Hang in there. Addiction is a huge problem but can be addressed effectively nowadays. Is there a reason you cannot ask your doc for a temporary script of bac before your supply comes in. In many cases there is a good deal of almost immediate relief.
Good Luck
Sunny

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I am a trainwreck!

taw, How many more days to the shipment arrival?
And how are you?

[seeking_serenity]

I am a trainwreck!

Taw, your post really touched me. I hope you get your Bac soon, and that you are hanging in there. This disease is really awful. You're almost at the end of it. Take care.

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

I got an email from Goldpharma on 12/17 that my meds shipped...I think with the holidays it is taking a bit longer....as I am aslo waiting on my prozac from Canada for over a month!! I am feeling a bit better...over imbided (secretly of course as no one knows I am back drinking) but am seeing a future with AL!!!!

You are all amazing and so supportive! I wish I had internet at home...I could have used you this weekend!

[Brigitte Bardot]

I am a trainwreck!

Taw, that's great news that it's on it's way. The postal service is bogged down right now with Christmas and New Years.. but it will make it there.

Have you thought about where your plan on action is going to take you? Are you looking at moderating or completely removing AL from your life?

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

So far moderating has never worked so I am hoping to completely remove AL...I want to be free!

[Brigitte Bardot]

I am a trainwreck!

taw;1029166 wrote: So far moderating has never worked so I am hoping to completely remove AL...I want to be free!

It's never worked for me either, after many years of failed attempts and deluding myself that I could moderate.. I've given it up completely. There is a great section in Monthly Abs if you want to check it out. It's helped me in a big way to stay the course.

All the best to you Taw,

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I am a trainwreck!

taw, I agree with Brigette's thoughts. Not having had a plan when I started this process really created some self-induced, avoidable unpleasantness.
I don't know if you checked, but there is no contraindication for combining bac and prozac on the website the good doctor suggested. But take that easy, too, will you?
Phillip Thomas might be a good contact for you, in terms of advice on that. (heretical to say so, I know. I regret my participation in that whole drama. Don't worry about it, taw. I write that for others...)

Lastly, there is some good info on beatle's thread re. supplements and healing the brain from alcoholism. Specifically in regards your blackouts: "If you ever blacked out due to drinking, you have a tryptophan deficiency." It suggests that supplementing with L-trytophan or 5-HTP which has been mentioned on the holistic boards repeatedly. I have not researched this at all, but perhaps beatle will offer some guidance?
Can't wait to hear that you've got it!

[Full English]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi Taw, I just wanted to drop you a note and wish you all the best too.
I know only too well about the self hate. I hope you get hold of some BAC soon. It has worked for me. It took 3 months and I am just over 5 weeks sober now. So I hope it works for you too.
I am not too up-to-date on supplements. I know the thread NE is pointing you to has some good recommendations though.
Good Luck.
Full English

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

Thanks! I printed that thread out about the supps to read tonight! I see so much success here with bac...I just home I am one of the happy endings too!