I am a trainwreck!

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

What a day!!! My mother is Evil...my sister is the best...how can my mom be so out of touch with her kids? my father even more so....what world are they living in? How can I overcome this with my son?

Grommet, thank you! looking for that email!!! Everyone thank you for being here!

[RudyB]

I am a trainwreck!

second time today i've written somethign out and it doesn't show up. what i said before, taw, but it got lost, was that i'm sorry about the dammnd river (pharm), and i'm sorry about your crawling skin. now i'm also sorry about your mom. yep, most of us have at least one pretty messed up relative, but it's especially tough when it's your mother, i think. you sound like you're keeping your chin well above water, though, so keep that up. soon i suspect it won't feel so much like stretching your neck to do so. as you know, a bunch of us are rooting for you.

xo rudy

[RudyB]

I am a trainwreck!

what do you mean 'how can i overcome this with my son?' do you mean protect him from her evil? shit, that's a toughie, but my strong inclination would be to stay away from her as much as possible. i think many people feel a primal obligation to their parents, like they owe them something, but i think it's bs. if they're not cool, you don't need to hang with them. you're a grown woman now. (of course, that's easy for me to say, not knowing much about your dynamics/possible interdependence with your progenitor. but my instinct continues to scream the same thing at high volume: stay away!) good luck with that, taw.

[spacebebe01]

I am a trainwreck!

Hi Taw Im not sure whats going on with your mum, wasnt she reading a book you gave her, what came of that, whats going on for you anyway Im trying to look back but cant work it out, have you got your meds, have you tried the other online pharmacies UK I use 4nrx which ship from Hong Kong they have a US version called 4nrx.com I think maybe youll get some from there, I hope things start working out for you soon, you are doing great. Regarding your son all you can do there is try and be a good mum to him, which is hard enough

[Bruunhilde]

I am a trainwreck!

Hey Taw, are you hanging in there? How's the booze monster?

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

I am ok....made it 12....caved Saturday...but back to 2! And I will be calling Dr. L! On the plus side, my parents will be leaving the state for about 3 weeks next week! Plenty of time for me to get in some good sober time and be able to maybe tolerate them a bit more. My mom stopped reading the book because it was too frustrating that he kept going to rehab and just did not do what he was supposed to...like me!

The comment about my son was how can I do this...being cranky, craving and tired...BUT in hindsight, no worse than a hangover...and how can I be not such a distant parent...be there for him...and have him know I am there!

[Bruunhilde]

I am a trainwreck!

Good point, its no worse than a hangover. Make sure he gets lots of assurance, cuddles and playtime with you and you'll be just fine. Good on the AF days, I'm glad for you!! Are you still vomiting?

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

Only from the drinking....I stopped the antabuse for a few days not knowing when my next shipment would arrive, and dropped down on the bac...so no, Bruun, the vomiting is much more under control...I usually only go up to 150 of bac a day...And I think that when I was higher on the bac, and drinking LOTS, that was what caused the tummy troubles!

How are your insides lately, Bruun?? Any better?

[LadyLush]

I am a trainwreck!

Taw,

Hey girl, sorry I've been away from your thread. I have your PM. We are in this together. My mom finds every way to put me down. She acts like it is 'innocent' but the knife turns.
She is not well so I have learned to let it slide. I think it aggravates her for me to talk over whatever she just said :-) I just don't have time for the pain anymore.
Anyway, I sent you a PM on where I get my Antabuse and Bac; I have never had a problem as of yet. I will place another order today to get more, even though I am stocked!
The Antabuse is tricky. I have done exactly as you and worked my way around it.
I was sober Thanksgiving which was a wonderful goal for me.
My Antabuse is effervescent so I drink it after lunch when I am still in the "I am not going to drink tonight" mode.
I have an 11 year old daughter still at home and I have to get this right.
We'll get through this. Lean on me and PM me if you get low. Don't let it feel like a crutch. I thought that way too but a sober day IS a sober day!

Love ya,
LL:l

[spacebebe01]

I am a trainwreck!

Lots of hugs cuddles and reasurance telling him you love him, I also think doing the mum things cooking meals and I have also baked some cakes over the past weeks. try not to worry about the craniness or anything else its definately no worse then drinking. Well done on the sober days and on stopping again, its lovely to see you on here so often.

[redhead77]

I am a trainwreck!

You've got a new plan, Taw. That's what counts. You did 12 days, so you know you can do it. The bac from Dr L will help, and if you can find a way to get Antabuse through Luscious, this will be good too. It looks like you had a lot of triggers that day. Your mom and lack of being able to get your meds which is scary. Keep on keeping on!

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

So for the heck of it I just checked my account on River Pharmacy and it said my shipment shipped...never got an email like Grommett that it shipped...so not sure when it shipped...

But at least they are on the way...still going to call Dr. L....huge sigh of relief though!!

[taw]

I am a trainwreck!

Another lost weekend! What is wrong with me?? The cravings were out of control! I white knuckled it as long as I could then just gave up and in!

And I also realized that I need to keep track of taking my antabuse like I do my bac....guess I had forgotten to take it for a couple days! I am so sick of me!

I am definitley calling Dr. L. tonight I after my son goes to sleep! This needs to end! And soon!

[Bruunhilde]

I am a trainwreck!

taw;1221047 wrote: Only from the drinking....I stopped the antabuse for a few days not knowing when my next shipment would arrive, and dropped down on the bac...so no, Bruun, the vomiting is much more under control...I usually only go up to 150 of bac a day...And I think that when I was higher on the bac, and drinking LOTS, that was what caused the tummy troubles!

How are your insides lately, Bruun?? Any better?

Hi Taw, my insides are doing better, I have been mostly AF for the past week except for last night. Last night I had a bottle of wine, and after drinking it felt like I do when I eat really crap junk food. And I didn't feel at all like I'd had any wine, it was a total waste of calories and money. Plus it put the rumble in the tummers so I was having bad dreams all night because my guts were hurting.

So no more wine, its not worth it. I just can't do it right now and I'm hoping this feeling STICKS to me forever.

I hope you get this feeling too Taw. SOON. I'm just sorry it took til I was 49 to get it. And like I said, I hope it stays with me and protects me.

Love you Taw, you'll find a way, you're looking hard. I joined MWO a few years ago looking, rejoined this time last year, and have had lots of ups and downs. One thing I can say and I think you can too, is you've HAD AF DAYS for the first time in years. That's the right direction to head in Keep it up, You can do it!

[RudyB]

I am a trainwreck!

i remember well the feeling of being 'sick of me', taw, and i'm sorry to hear that you're having it today. bruun is right, remember that you have had af days -in a row- for the first time in years, so that is progress. get back on that kicking horse and tell it to heel! (tee hee)