The order has been placed...

[Grommet]

The order has been placed...

Bruun - I understood the joke - very clever! :H

[Bruunhilde]

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Good, wanted to make sure I wasn't making you jealous re the nice weather or anything unfun.

[bleep69]

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Careful UK, that was suspiciously humorous!

Well, I can report that the golden period has edged into its bronze period, in spectacular fashion. I came home from a dinner last night, 7 out of 10 on the drunk scale, and my wise wouldn't let me in. I've just watched the series 24, and I thought "Well, what would Jack do" so I punched the window in. I'm not an aggressive drunk, at all, so this was very unlike me. Not surprisingly, my wife screamed, and ran off to her mom, which is were she is now. I have hand-picked the floor clean.

I can't believe I did that. It's a fuck up on so many levels. I have broken a level of trust. I also can't quit get over how dispassionetly I am reporting it, I'm not conveying how much I hate it.

I am going to ask a good friend if I can stay with him. I'm sure he'll agree, for a bit. When that runs out, I will go camp somewhere, since I can't afford a hotel stay. I no longer trust myself around my family, which is a soul-crushing thing to say.

On a positive note, I am able to stay practical about this whole affair, which is not something I could have done in the past. I hope she will accept my compromise, I have fucked up, big time.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

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Bleep, that sucks. an understatement, I know.
I hope you can hold it together. The crazy part of the journey is coming to a close, I promise.
It seems like your solution may be a good one, but I would humbly suggest that the booze is the common denominator in your erratic behavior. (I know, I know... just sayin')
You'll be a better man, husband, father in a few short weeks.
Hope that's not trite. It is true.
:l
Karen
ps, might find a better role model to channel when you're crazed. Try a little more MacGyver, a little less Jack? ha. sort of.

[bleep69]

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neva eva;1045644 wrote: ...

ps, might find a better role model to channel when you're crazed. Try a little more MacGyver, a little less Jack? ha. sort of.

Haha, truer words were never spoken! I'm going to watch my sons CareBear collection, hopefully BraveHeart comes through next time this happens!

The next morning, she wasn't even that cross, she just saw it as another drunken fuck-up. All my arguments about why she shouldn't divorce me were unneeded, thank god/allah/steve/whoever, so I have shelved my plan to camp in a field. I'm on thin ice though, I cannot afford to let something like this happen again. Go BraveHeart go! Still need to fix the window, and my hand/arm though!

A session definitely increases the unpleasant SE's of baclofen, for me. Today has been very grim indeed. Getting better now, the wine helps...

I have decided to ramp my dosage up. I have a feeling that aggressive titration is the way forward, so will try and be at 300 by Sunday and assess the SE's. If they are tolerable, and I can work effectively, I will keep going up in the manner in which I began. Will try cut the drinking back as well to let it work, I think that that is key. I am basing this on the scientific principle known as a feeling. Also Lo0p's posts in this regard, I think the man has a point.

[bleep69]

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Booze is definitely the common denominator you are right. It always is. I am so ashamed that my wife sees such erratic behavior as "normal". I have screwed with her perceptions. It's so easy to get into the "poor me" mode of thought and forget what it's like for our loved ones. I must be a horrible person to live with, and to have pinned your hopes on for a life.

[Grommet]

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Bleep,

I am sorry you had a bad night. It doesn't sound like you hurt yourself when you were "getting even" with that window - I hope that's the case.

Don't get too down on yourself. We are all trying to slay a beast that has consumed us for most of our lives. It's not going to happen overnight and its not going to be easy. Reducing AL consumption with Bac is not a nice, linear, downward slope (sheesh, just look at Lo0p's graph :H).

You are courageous to be on this path. Sometimes it just seems so much easier to go back to the belly of the beast. Hang in there and stay the course. What you will accomplish will be the greatest gift to yourself, your wife and your family. As my mom used to say "You should be proud of yourself!"

Grom

[Grommet]

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And by the way, I was run over by an AL cravings truck last night as well. Fortunately, there were not any windows in the house that had pissed me off recently . I have decided to crank up the titration as well - 150 mg to 180 mg today, then another 30 mg Monday if all is well.

[bleep69]

The order has been placed...

Grommet, thanks man, that's a nice post. Just a couple of small cuts, nothing too serious at all. Lucky in fact.

It's a bit like taw was saying earlier, I want this now. But you are right, it's not an overnight process.

Thanks.

[bleep69]

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Fridays are dangerous beasts! Good luck with your jump!

[Grommet]

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Ahh, yes - its Friday. To make matters worse, my wife and daughter are leaving this afternoon for a 3 day swim meet. It will just be me and the little guy. The usual protocol with a mostly empty house would be to get him to bed early and wind up watching Paladia or SNL reruns 'til 2 in the morning with a bottle of wine and a six pack. However, I have to get up at 5:15 am Sat to take him to a hockey game so I am determined to beat that b**ch back tonight! (Hence the 180 mg :H)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

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bleep69;1045661 wrote: Getting better now, the wine helps...

I have decided to ramp my dosage up. I have a feeling that aggressive titration is the way forward, so will try and be at 300 by Sunday and assess the SE's. If they are tolerable, and I can work effectively, I will keep going up in the manner in which I began. Will try cut the drinking back as well to let it work, I think that that is key. I am basing this on the scientific principle known as a feeling. Also Lo0p's posts in this regard, I think the man has a point.

Okay, I'll refrain from any more input here. Except to say this: That's the lesson you've walked away with after losing your mind several times this week? Dude, that's f*ing nuts. said with affection and concern.

Hopefully lo0p will weigh in here, probably tell me to hush, hopefully in some nice enough way.
I'm off to work.
Take good care of yourselves.
:l

[Lo0p]

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bleep69;1045454 wrote: Well, I can report that the golden period has edged into its bronze period, in spectacular fashion. I came home from a dinner last night, 7 out of 10 on the drunk scale, and my wise wouldn't let me in. I've just watched the series 24, and I thought "Well, what would Jack do" so I punched the window in. I'm not an aggressive drunk, at all, so this was very unlike me. Not surprisingly, my wife screamed, and ran off to her mom, which is were she is now. I have hand-picked the floor clean.

I was going to suggest that you go up another 50mgs, until I saw this. Now I don't know what to say.

[bleep69]

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I'm going to do it. I'll increase by 30, just an extra pill every other dose, so it should be manageable. Try and cut down on the drinking. Feeling quite stoned, but good. Fingers crossed.

Neva, I know it sounds mad. I feel it's the right thing to do. Maybe I've already gone mad. I told my wife, and she's happy with it, and with my reasoning.

[bleep69]

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I didn't want to have to make this post

Things are not ok in the Bleep household. I am moving out tomorrow. Hopefully staying with a friend, otherwise its camping in a field somewhere.


Sigh sigh sigh.