i had a bac through.....

[taw]

i had a bac through.....

I am 5ft 8 in and 125 lbs.....I am the shortest fattest person in my family....I know I am not fat, but when you keep hearing it over and over and over.....And I am the only one who is doing anything about their alcoholism....everyone else is in denial...

One hurdle at a time, right? sorry, this is all coming out of somewhere I was not aware existed! Off the weight topic....

Not AF tonight, but drastically down!!

[seeking_serenity]

i had a bac through.....

taw;1040649 wrote: My stupid mom telling me my hips look big? or that my cheeks look full?

Oh dear Taw, that's heartbreaking! And yet I can relate so much. My father pretty much expects me to be thin, and he makes comments (not as bad as your mother's though) that let me know, without a doubt, that he thinks I'm too fat. I fucking hate it. I hate that I have to suffer from alcoholism and now this crap? I can totally understand your anger, and I feel it with you.

You'll be over this in no time. And then you won't have to worry. I've lost weight since starting Bac (weight I needed to lose--don't think you need to lose any yourself, my dear!), so don't believe the hype that Bac automatically makes you gain weight. You'll be fine. :h and :l

[bleep69]

i had a bac through.....

125lbs? If you were a boxer, you'd be a super bantamweight, which is pretty light! I hope for your sake it's not windy where you live!

I know it's not easy, but ignore people who tell you otherwise. Remember, it's their issue, not yours. We are dealing with bigger issues than fat anyway, so it doesn't matter what other people think.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

i had a bac through.....

bleep69;1040710 wrote: 125lbs? I hope for your sake it's not windy where you live!
We are dealing with bigger issues than fat anyway

:H bleep!
My first reaction was what one of my (overweight) friends used to say to me when we went to the beach together... "Girl, you need to eat a cheeseburger or six."
But I don't want to be callous. And I'm not.
taw, way more going on in your brain, chemical-wise, than "just" freedom from AL.

There is so much that has been 'removed' for me even though the AL isn't totally gone. Anxiety, angst, fear. poof! gone.
My mood swings are much less now, I attibute that to sticking to taking the meds regularly and titrating moderately.
Obsessive thoughts are still here, apparently. But they're not morose and miserable.
But I feel stronger than I've ever felt. EVER. Physically and emotionally and mentally. In part because I've stuck with the solution when it was REALLY hard to do it.
Take heart! Look to the "important" numbers (140, 240, 340) and the long haul... 6 short months, maybe, for a lifetime of freedom.
The rest of my soap box moment is on my thread.
xo. Hope it's a good day!

[bleep69]

i had a bac through.....

Off topic:

Isolde;1040372 wrote: I'm a Bill Hicks fan

What a genius the man was, such a pity he had to die.

[taw]

i had a bac through.....

Bleep, I live in the "Windy City"!!!

Thanks guys! Feeling much better this morning! That's just it...I am trying to deal with the drink, then will deal with the food...would she like me to keep drinking instead?

Anyway, she has her own issues....I am on the right path and tha is all that matters to me and my precious son at the moment!

[taw]

i had a bac through.....

First SE...icky taste in my mouth and nothing tastes right...kinda nauseating...but not unbearable!

[RudyB]

i had a bac through.....

wow, taw!
i just hafta add that people commenting on your weight deserve to be ignored if not force-fed lard! 5'8" at your weight? and fat?! they must be mad. but even if you're 195, how dare anyone criticize, especially as you're heading in such a positive direction. ignore the nonsense. stay strong. for you and the little guy.
xo rudy

[taw]

i had a bac through.....

Thanks Rudy....It is something that is ALWAYS at the back of my mind....no matter what I am doing to get sober I am the size that I am...I KNOW I am not fat but hard hearing it when I am dealing with something so much more deadly and no one sees that! My weight is not not an issue....my drinking is!!!
which is why I am here!!

[taw]

i had a bac through.....

There is not enough gum in the world to get rid of this taste! Ick!

I am going to try AF this weekend! My son will be had his dad's so any withdrawl, crabbiness, tiredness won't effect him.

I did have 2 glasses last nite, Road...guess I was testing my taste buds! BUT poured everything out before I went to bed...so I will be walking into an AF zone for the first time in a long time!!! Going to up to 40 mg on Sunday too!

[Rusty]

i had a bac through.....

Taw,

It's great to hear from you! I am soooo sorry your family is making comments about your weight. I am 5'3 and I used to weight 115-120 pounds for years....well, I put on 60 pounds!:upset: 40 of it from booze. I am always crushed when people comment on my weight gain...including friends. It doesn't help....it just makes me want to reach for a bottle of something.

You are very thin, my dear...but I will tell you this...if it makes you feel any better. My friend has been sober for 9 years. She is 4'9 and weighs 80 pounds. She was anorexic for many years before she became an alcoholic. But what bothers me is....her idea of what is thin is sooooo distorted. She is really f*cked up in that way. I love her because she's so loyal to me but she is downright cruel, behind their backs, to people who have a weight problem. Well, you know what? Weight gain can happen to ANYONE! She admits she has an addictive personality. Well, no shit! But she's judgmental and unkind, and I've told her so. If my athletic, Notre Dame football player father were still alive, he would be utterly disgusted with me.

PM me if you need to....I'm always here for you!:l

[Bruunhilde]

i had a bac through.....

Everybody and Taw,

I was one of those skinny kids that gained weight with puberty, and it's been a battle ever since. I got the weight off for three or so years when I was 29, but then I was starving myself and working out 2.5 hours daily, afraid to NOT go to the gym and sacrificed alot of my social life due to that. My boyfriend could eat in one day what I ate in a week, and lose weight. Horrible! But that was when I felt my family loved me most, and admired me. I had a super "hard body" and I replaced food with AL daily, and followed a low fat, hi carb diet. I remember a friend punching me in the stomach playfully and commenting in shock to his friends that my belly was hard as a rock.

When I lost control with the AL, I put on 60lbs. My family is always telling me they're worried about my weight, and then they are vicious behind other fat people's backs, judgemental and critical, and the person is less fat than me. They will run down someone twenty pounds overweight, in front of me. So I know what they say behind my back, by this constant diatribe about less fat people ... they think they're being subtle, I guess.

So I relate!! Unfortunately people have no inhibition when it comes to throwing us under the bus re our struggles, whether they be AL or weight. It's a problem here in the states, our society needs schooling on how to treat each other with love and kindness. I liked what Topsy Turvy Tracy said about how she filters herself: If it's not necessary, kind or helpful, don't say it.

[Lo0p]

i had a bac through.....

That's just downright horrible taw. I used to be 210 lbs at 5'9" (30+% bodyfat?) and my family never treated me like that. I was down enough on myself. I can't imagine what it would be like to have the people you love say things like that.

F them! You've got more important things to deal with right now! You are fixing the #1 problem in your life right now! And once you do that, the rest will seem like child's play.

[Grommet]

i had a bac through.....

Taw, I wish you the best this weekend. If your feeling crabby just login and lash out at us

[taw]

i had a bac through.....

Thanks everybody! Seems maybe depression and eating disorders are common among us!! You all really do understand! I have been brought to tears (in a good way) more than once by what I have seen posted here...on my threads and others...so much understanding and compassion...VERY new to me! So glad I found you all!

Second SE...TIRED!!! Holy cow! This is where drinking helps...I am one of those freakish people that get energy from drinking...maybe I will try going up to 40 tomorrow to get a couplde days in before work again!