Sever Debilitating Depression

[Bruunhilde]

Sever Debilitating Depression

I think the secret is to give of yourself, there's nothing to make me feel better than helping others. If you're religious, you'll find instructions for doing so in the Bible, Quran, or other religious text. If not, you'll find it by doing or by reading secular texts which say the same thing, ie, the more you give, the more you get. I see that in most "how to be a success/get rich" self-help books. To feed your soul, feed others anyway you can. You'll start to feel like you're worth something because you'll see the positive effect you can have on others.

Also, it helps me to look at my life through someone else's eyes, instead of my own shit-colored glasses. To others, I have a fairly successful life, if lonely and isolated.

Being sober means you have too much time to introspect, so it's normal to feel empty for alot of us, which is one reason it's easy to relapse, to me. I'm also emotionally and physically AL dependent. So kudos for you, you're way ahead of many of us struggling here.

[gratitude]

Sever Debilitating Depression

bruunhilde,
great suggestion. helping others works. for those of us not inclined to religious ways of thinking(like me) it's just getting outside of one's ego. working with others seems to do that.

[beatle]

Sever Debilitating Depression

What a great discussion yesterday. I must say that my experience and feelings are identical to happyfeet's.

Despair, regret, feeling that there's no hope and there's no future because I ruined everything and now it's too late. Constant, constant rehashing of all the things I did wrong, from overwhelming life-altering things that span decades to tiny details like a specific conversation I had or something I did (or did not do). And constant thrashing of myself, guilt, shame, feeling no self-worth, feeling no hope.

Pretty suicidal stuff, but I have kids. I've read up on what a parent's suicide does to kids, and I'm not going to do that to them. It would be my final, devastating act of selfishness.

I'm also intrigued by the discussion about giving to others -- as a sort of therapy and a help for self-worth. In addition, I think that it would be a good way to get out of isolation (which is a big impediment to my recovery) and interact with other people.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sever Debilitating Depression

happyfeet;1041728 wrote: I still feel empty at the thought that having this whole experience 15 years ago (the first time I decided enough was enough and tried to quit) would have resulted in a truly successful life in all aspects. I think that what is happening here is more than just biological/drug induced depression, mid life crisis and/or "closing a chapter on my life" blues - I think the Baclofen has removed a film of confusion regarding consequences that I think I have had all my life. I have always been rationally aware of the negative consequences of my behaviour re: long term health/near term social/career destruction, but that has never been enough to stop me before.

I have hesitated to weigh in here because of my first (rather flippant?) post. But I reread your posts regularly because I can relate to so much of what you are expressing.
I had a moment yesterday when all was right with the world. Then I saw a woman half my age, click-clacking down the aisle in expensive shoes, talking on her iphone, with her bright future ahead... And I was sucked right into the vortex of despair, about missed opportunities, a bleak future of repairing and making amends, of living in regret and shame for time out of mind. And I thought of you. (in a good way!)
I wanted you to know that I really appreciate your insight, and the fact that you've made the struggle 'public.'
So maybe the helping others thing? I think each of us is doing that (for better or worse in my case) by posting here.
Forgive the descent into cuteness, but :l

[Bruunhilde]

Sever Debilitating Depression

Good point, NE. We have to remember that even posting here is helping others, because others don't have the words yet to express these feelings, or they're not comfortable posting. I have to admit, it took me a while to post actively.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sever Debilitating Depression

I don't want to be redundant, but I thought you might find this article interesting, Happy.

Brain-derived neurotrophic factor and suicidal behavior — QJM

Hope all is stabilizing for you.
Take good care.
K

[Full English]

Sever Debilitating Depression

Hi Happyfeet and Haningonin,
I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing severe depression.
I too have been experiencing depression, but not to the level that you both are experiencing it. I know depression is incredibly difficult, and I hope you both pull through it OK.
(I don't want this to be a deterent to those thinking of trying BAC) I think that for some people (not everyone), there is a link between BAC and depression. For me, I think BAC was one factor, and also because I drank to mask depression, and now the drink has gone, I have nothing quite as effective as alcohol to mask the depression.
I have been visiting my doctor this year to talk about depression and possible use of anti-depressants. So far I am yet to go on anything. I would prefer not to if I can.
I have noticed that as I have titrated down on BAC, this has helped. I am now on 80MG a day, and I now (in my head) feel a lot more positive and overall better. I am not sure where you are both at with BAC, but titrating down a bit may help.
That is my two bobs worth anyway.
I hope you are both OK, and the depression soon passes.
Full English

[Bruunhilde]

Sever Debilitating Depression

By the way, Happy, per Otter's suggestion of "Have you read Seven Weeks to Sobriety? You can read about it at Health Recovery Center"

I would add, that in that book and the author's other book _Depression Free Naturally_, she recommends supplements, with a great bit of detail and a schedule of when and how much you should take, which alleviate anxiety and depression which are chemically wired for alot of us and the reason (or one of the reasons) we escaped into drink in the first place.

Really recommend it for calming your anxiety and depression naturally. You can get it real cheap on Amazon used. I don't know where you live, but maybe you can get it locally cheaper. Here's the Amazon used price list. Amazon.com: Used and New: Depression-Free, Naturally: 7 Weeks to Eliminating Anxiety, Despair, Fatigue, and Anger from Your Life

[Bruunhilde]

Sever Debilitating Depression

Happy, where are you?

Wanted to tell you about gabapentin, have you tried it? Will you see this post? Let me know on both counts, will you?

:l