I just wanted to inform those who have known me on this forum that I have been one year alcohol-free as of today. I decided to post this in the medication section, because it is really the only part of the forum I have used in the past, and is probably the only place anyone would know of me. Although I rarely post, I do read most things here and I have gained a lot of inspiration from other members.
For anyone wondering what I did, I underwent a fairly standard outpatient alcohol detox a year ago, after a steady consumption of 21 standard drinks every night (equivalent to 14 cans/schooners of Aussie beer, but usually in the form of cheap wine). Detox involved the usual diazepam (Valium) but some additional alprazolam (Xanax) which was my own idea, since I had found diazepam alone to be a bit insufficient during prior detoxes. I don't recommend anyone use benzodiazepines like this except under medical supervision, and many have found Xanax to be even more addictive than other benzos. From the very first day I also took disulfiram (Antabuse), one dose in the very early afternoon to stop me debating the idea of drinking in my mind as evening approached (my usual drinking time). I found Antabuse remarkably helpful once I had decided to take it every afternoon to keep my wandering mind in check. It stopped all inner debate about drinking for the rest of the day, and I also knew it would stop me drinking several days afterwards, but I still made sure I took it every day.
I also used baclofen, but only in low doses due to an intolerance of high doses, basically 12.5 to 25 mg each afternoon, which may have helped since my old drinking ritual was always at night and cravings only came in the afternoons and evenings. However I have also been using cannabis as a direct alcohol substitute, which is something I would again not recommend to others. It has various after-effects the next day, is of course illegal, and it means I can't say I am truly sober. Instead I say that I am alcohol-free but still seeking full sobriety. I only used cannabis because all my previous attempts at staying away from alcohol had ended in relapse, and I felt unable to do it with no substitute psychoactive substance, so basically I chose the one that I felt had the least severe problems and which I felt is less damaging than alcohol. I have always viewed this as a harm-reduction method, rather like methadone for heroin addiction, rather than total sobriety. I have also been taking 1 mg Xanax per day as prescribed by my doctor, for anxiety and sleep difficulty.
As for AA I have only attended a few meetings and that was only during the detox period. I have personally found AA difficult to fit in to, but I do acknowledge it helps many people stay sober and I could benefit from much of its philosophy (dealing with personal shortcomings for example). I am still thinking of going to meetings as a form of sober social contact too, but of course the group frowns upon the use of other substances. As for a Higher Power, I did say a few quiet prayers from the very start, despite not being a religious person in any normal way. I sort of said to a HP that I was upholding a personal agreement with that power to keep away from alcohol if I was able to be given a bit of extra strength to do so. Others may dismiss the whole thing but it seems to have helped me.
I had relapsed after numerous detoxes and abstinence periods (up to 2 months) in the past, and had not benefitted all that much from naltrexone (not sinclair method), Campral, antidepressants, counselling, or AA. I had always felt unable to continue with abstinence due to inner anxiety and depression (shyness, loneliness, etc aswell) hence the decision to use some cannabis. I still see a couple of my friends still drinking very heavily and admitting they are alcoholics, but I can't say or do anything to help them if they are not ready to quit. Other people found me frustrating to talk to in that way, when I still drank. I guess an alcoholic truly can't be helped until some part of them wants to help themselves. For me I think all the rotten negative effects from the alcohol, the knowledge that I couldn't have a life of any real type while still drinking, and the fact that alcohol was hardly having any desirable effects anymore (tolerance) were things that pushed me towards quitting instead of just keeping on drinking. I guess I also knew my physical health was suffering, but that had never been enough on its own to make me quit in the past.
My life is far from perfect now and I have a lot of work to still do on myself and my life, but it is now better than having the rotten post-drinking depression every day and the lying in bed until midday or later trying to sober up. I have to admit that alcohol was only giving me a slight buzz in the end, and that the brief hit each night could not obscure the fact that alcohol was not truly helping my depression, anxiety, social isolation, or sleep anymore.
I wish everyone else here all the best. I am definitely NOT looking for pats on the back and definitely do not think I am better in any way than those still drinking. I know I could easily have been still drinking now myself.
For anyone wondering what I did, I underwent a fairly standard outpatient alcohol detox a year ago, after a steady consumption of 21 standard drinks every night (equivalent to 14 cans/schooners of Aussie beer, but usually in the form of cheap wine). Detox involved the usual diazepam (Valium) but some additional alprazolam (Xanax) which was my own idea, since I had found diazepam alone to be a bit insufficient during prior detoxes. I don't recommend anyone use benzodiazepines like this except under medical supervision, and many have found Xanax to be even more addictive than other benzos. From the very first day I also took disulfiram (Antabuse), one dose in the very early afternoon to stop me debating the idea of drinking in my mind as evening approached (my usual drinking time). I found Antabuse remarkably helpful once I had decided to take it every afternoon to keep my wandering mind in check. It stopped all inner debate about drinking for the rest of the day, and I also knew it would stop me drinking several days afterwards, but I still made sure I took it every day.
I also used baclofen, but only in low doses due to an intolerance of high doses, basically 12.5 to 25 mg each afternoon, which may have helped since my old drinking ritual was always at night and cravings only came in the afternoons and evenings. However I have also been using cannabis as a direct alcohol substitute, which is something I would again not recommend to others. It has various after-effects the next day, is of course illegal, and it means I can't say I am truly sober. Instead I say that I am alcohol-free but still seeking full sobriety. I only used cannabis because all my previous attempts at staying away from alcohol had ended in relapse, and I felt unable to do it with no substitute psychoactive substance, so basically I chose the one that I felt had the least severe problems and which I felt is less damaging than alcohol. I have always viewed this as a harm-reduction method, rather like methadone for heroin addiction, rather than total sobriety. I have also been taking 1 mg Xanax per day as prescribed by my doctor, for anxiety and sleep difficulty.
As for AA I have only attended a few meetings and that was only during the detox period. I have personally found AA difficult to fit in to, but I do acknowledge it helps many people stay sober and I could benefit from much of its philosophy (dealing with personal shortcomings for example). I am still thinking of going to meetings as a form of sober social contact too, but of course the group frowns upon the use of other substances. As for a Higher Power, I did say a few quiet prayers from the very start, despite not being a religious person in any normal way. I sort of said to a HP that I was upholding a personal agreement with that power to keep away from alcohol if I was able to be given a bit of extra strength to do so. Others may dismiss the whole thing but it seems to have helped me.
I had relapsed after numerous detoxes and abstinence periods (up to 2 months) in the past, and had not benefitted all that much from naltrexone (not sinclair method), Campral, antidepressants, counselling, or AA. I had always felt unable to continue with abstinence due to inner anxiety and depression (shyness, loneliness, etc aswell) hence the decision to use some cannabis. I still see a couple of my friends still drinking very heavily and admitting they are alcoholics, but I can't say or do anything to help them if they are not ready to quit. Other people found me frustrating to talk to in that way, when I still drank. I guess an alcoholic truly can't be helped until some part of them wants to help themselves. For me I think all the rotten negative effects from the alcohol, the knowledge that I couldn't have a life of any real type while still drinking, and the fact that alcohol was hardly having any desirable effects anymore (tolerance) were things that pushed me towards quitting instead of just keeping on drinking. I guess I also knew my physical health was suffering, but that had never been enough on its own to make me quit in the past.
My life is far from perfect now and I have a lot of work to still do on myself and my life, but it is now better than having the rotten post-drinking depression every day and the lying in bed until midday or later trying to sober up. I have to admit that alcohol was only giving me a slight buzz in the end, and that the brief hit each night could not obscure the fact that alcohol was not truly helping my depression, anxiety, social isolation, or sleep anymore.
I wish everyone else here all the best. I am definitely NOT looking for pats on the back and definitely do not think I am better in any way than those still drinking. I know I could easily have been still drinking now myself.
wl:
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