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    Bac and emotions

    Hi all. I will post more details about this in my Bac Diary thread, but I thought the topic was important enough to give it its own thread. If I'm the only one who experiences this, I apologize!

    ** note to any new people and/or lurkers: PLEASE do not let this thread discourage you. Even with my emotions feeling so embarrassingly raw and exposed, I would not consider quitting Bac. I have yet to personally experience a Bac SE that even comes close to the misery I've experienced as a chronic alcoholic. If anything, I've become much more tolerable to those around me. :l

    Anyway, I wanted to discuss an effect of Bac use (I hesitate to call it a SE) that has become unmistakably evident to me during the last two days.

    A little bac story (I'll post the tl;dr part in my bac diary thread): I had something happen yesterday that hit me VERY hard, emotionally. I burst out crying in front of a roomful of people, a couple of whom left the room in obvious embarrassment. I should add that I had a very good reason to cry, and it wasn't just some random side effect of the Bac.

    What IS an effect of the Bac, I'm pretty sure, is that I haven't been able to stop crying after two days, even though the upsetting situation appears to be resolved. This exact same thing happened during the holidays, when a family-stress situation left me crying for two straight days. I just couldn't let it go.

    This has led to a lot of introspection, and I've come to the conclusion that Bac heightens my emotions, good AND bad. For example:

    - I'm dreading going to work (which is pretty much every day, as I dislike my job)? On Bac I feel nauseous, exhausted, crabby.

    - Something upsets me? Bac doesn't mask it, nor does it lessen the effect. If anything, I find it harder to let go of the emotional reaction.

    - I am meeting with someone who makes me anxious? Bac makes me feel loopy, trippy, a little disconnected. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words.

    - I have a day off, and/or I'm going to see people who make me happy? Or I hear music I love, or experience something else I find beautiful? HOLY SHIT THE WORLD IS GLORIOUS! It's like the greatest antidepressant in the world. The Bac doesn't cause euphoria in and of itself, but it does allow me to feel euphoric
    about the world around me. Does that make any sense?

    Bac when I used to take Xanax, I used to pop a couple extra when I felt overwhelmingly emotional, like yesterday. It would do the trick of numbing me to the point of blocking my emotional responses. Or I'd, you know, drink 12 beers...or 14...or 16. The Bac doesn't do that for me. I don't think I would have stopped crying had I popped a few extra Bac. My point is that whatever I'm already feeling, the Bac makes me feel it even more. It's a bit unnerving to have my emotions underscored and exposed so strongly, but it's also somewhat freeing, in a way. I've always been extraordinarily shy/reserved, and I tended to drink away (or Xanax away) any bad feelings.

    So it's not an altogether "bad" thing. I think it's the inherent nature of Bac to do this, and not something that can be chalked up to a SE.

    Has anyone else experienced this? Let me know your stories! It's been such a consistent theme for my Bac experience that I can't imagine I'm the only one it's happened to. :h and :l , all!

    **FINAL NOTE: While I was writing this post, the tears stopped. And just before I hit "send," I got a call from a friend who is trying to hire me for a position that I really, REALLY want, and one that I'm perfectly qualified for. I am the only person being considered for this position right now. This call came completely out of the blue...I hadn't even applied for this position! I feel as though the sky is opening up and an uncharacteristic light is shining into my life. Everything is changing for me. Everything. :h

    #2
    Bac and emotions

    Seeking, I'm glad you posted this, and so eloquently. My nerves are rubbed raw from baclofen. I'm not sure if I am experiencing things more than normal, or if I am experiencing things normally, but I have cried more in the last week than in the last 10 years put together, mostly for goos reasons. I'm supposed to go on a laughter workshop soon, and am pretty sure I will end up bawling, so don't know if I will go...

    I don't have much to add, but you aren' alone in this, thats for sure.
    Having hit the switch, I now post under the username "bleep". Look forward to seeing you on the other side...

    Comment


      #3
      Bac and emotions

      I think it has more to do with the process of becoming sober, dealing with all your past shit, finding out what it is you would actually like to live for, appreciating your surroundings, getting re-acquainted to those close to you who you have pushed away, etc etc etc etc... Most people who become sober (or are steadfastly on the path to sobriety) go through a whole gamut of emotions.

      I don't think it has anything do with bac specifically.
      I'll do whatever it takes
      AF 21/08/2009

      Comment


        #4
        Bac and emotions

        I agree with tip, getting sober, reducing alcohol intake does result in emotions coming to the fore. For many years alcohol has supressed those emotions, we aren't used to having them so they come as a complete surprise.

        Many of the SE bac takers write about are either due to the combination of alcohol with bac, or reducing overall alcohol intake. Not due to the bac directly.

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          #5
          Bac and emotions

          While I haven't really experienced anything quite like what you have mentioned, I can definitely agree that bac has the ability to wreak havoc with your emotions. Though I think the way in which it does this is most likely wildly different depending on the person.

          It is kind of hard to say if any of my recent emotional experiences (upheavals!) have been magnified by bac. I went through a HUGE change in my life at the beginning of December, and during that time, I cried A LOT. But I certainly had reason to, and I don't think I cried any more than I would have normally. But when things got a bit more normal after a few days, I actually ended up crying a lot less (actually, not at all), than I thought I would. Nothing about that situation might have had anything to do with bac, but it's hard to say. I was also at my highest bac dose during this time and barely sleeping. So I guess bac influenced the situation in that way! It was right after I'd hit my switch!

          However, I did recently go through a very depressed few days, after flying high and feeling GREAT for a few weeks straight. And I did cry for no reason (not unheard of when I'm depressed, by any matter of means), but it was very short lived. But when I then increased my bac dose, the depression lifted. I have heard about others who have experienced bac-induced depression.

          If anything, I would say that bac has had the opposite effect for me overall. I feel that I am more in control of my emotions. I can think things through more clearly (most of the time) and see the undrlying issue behind what I'm feeling. I do have times of bac increasing my joy, be it listening to music or appreciating a flock of birds flying or working out. I don't feel it makes the lows worse, although I think it can cause them all by itself!
          Better Living Through Chemistry

          Switched at 180mgs of Baclofen on 1/31/11, and again on 10/8/11 at 200mgs.

          Could've been a swan on a glassy lake, could've been a gull in a clipper's wake. Could've been a ladybug on a windchime, but she was born a dragonfly.
          ~Clutch

          Comment


            #6
            Bac and emotions

            While I agree with what you say Tip, the thing is I haven't reduced by much my intake.

            The change in my thought process that has been wrought by baclofen enables me to step back from my issues, and at the same time get more involved. I hope that makes sense/
            Having hit the switch, I now post under the username "bleep". Look forward to seeing you on the other side...

            Comment


              #7
              Bac and emotions

              While I agree with what you say Tip, the thing is I haven't reduced by much my intake.

              The change in my thought process that has been wrought by baclofen enables me to step back from my issues, and at the same time get more involved. I hope that makes sense/
              Having hit the switch, I now post under the username "bleep". Look forward to seeing you on the other side...

              Comment


                #8
                Bac and emotions

                Seeking, I first file a disclaimer, the highest dose I've been on is 50mg, so it may be that I have yet to experience that effect.

                Tip & UK, I agree with you, being emotionally raw and unhappy was what drove me to drink, maybe because I didn't have any good coping mechanisms, and I've read that's common with AL dependency. It also gave me a high that made me happier than anything else I've experienced, in spite of my extreme efforts to produce endorphins. When you feel better after a couple drinks than you have all day, it's almost like pain relief from your life.

                I think that's one reason it's so hard to give it up. A lesson to those of you who are still young, do what you love, if you can, or at least what you like. Being unhappy in your work is a recipe for something to break down, like AL's insidious creeping in and taking your life over. My first ten years of working after college, I remember thinking, "this can't be all there is, this SUCKS". Then I numbed out.

                So it makes sense, and I've seen posts here that reinforce this, that coping is also difficult on the road to sobriety, just like it was in the descent to AL-ism. If you weren't given tools as a youngster, if you're genetically predisposed, then AL is an escape like nothing else. Whether it's intimacy issues, rage, pain, etc., AL helps numb you like Xanax does, only it also produces in the initial states, euphoria which then turns into something more sinister as it progresses as a disease process.

                AL is also an escape from boredom, or the feeling of meaningless in my existence. It was the one thing I looked forward to after 10 hours of working and three hours of commuting, and 2 hours of gym. That's not much light in a long day, so no wonder AL was so important all those years. All these years, I should say, since I'm not free yet. Once you eliminate AL, it makes sense all this stuff would come back and be challenging to say the least.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Bac and emotions

                  Bac made me a happier person.

                  At 120 mg/d I told my psychiatrist that Bac should be the standard for people with mild/latent depressions. Or people with a constant feeling of unhappiness. Which I think I was born with, 'cos I've known this since the day I could think. I'm really convinced that it has nothing to do with being sober. If I were just sober I would be who I was before starting drinking. But that just isn't the case. There's some 'high' in this bac and reminds me of the second day I took an anti-depressant. Couldn't stop smiling when I looked in the mirror. LOL IRL. Well, that was gone the day after...regretfully..

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Bac and emotions

                    I was alcohol-free on baclofen for a few weeks back in July, but a round of major depression sent me back to the bottle (or beer can, as it was.) As Tip and UKB mentioned, quitting or slowing down alcohol intake can really mess with your mind, since your ability to regulate feeling and emotion has been supplanted by alcohol for so long. Like you, serenity, I was crippled by deep and dark sadness which was not proportional to the events at the time, but I did not experience the opposite euphoric effect, other than in the first few weeks of my bac treatment (the "honeymoon.") Anti-depressants were the only thing that helped for me.

                    I find it incredibly interesting to hear how different people react to baclofen, and how they perceive the world as their situation changes. Alcoholism is such an insidious condition, and so deeply intertwined with physical and psychological aspects, it is a difficult maze to escape from, even with baclofen's help.

                    I am so glad things are looking up for you!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Bac and emotions

                      I don't have a lot of time, but you're on to something Serenity. Look to the bac studies related to autism. something about increased empathy, compassion, connection there.
                      Related to emtional connection, etc...
                      Otter posted it, and I think it was in the one I posted too. (maybe?)
                      Good night everyone!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Bac and emotions

                        Effects of bac such as increased empathy, compassion, and connection would certainly be beneficial to me too, as I seem to have a distinct lack of emotions compared to earlier in my life (not just caused by drugs I am currently taking). I would definitely say I have constant dysphoria or mild depression when not actually seriously depressed....bac is of interest to me again just for this effect alone. However, going on the initial post here, it may be a dosage balancing act for many people wanting to experience these benefits without having emotions that are too strong, so maybe the benefits could be best found after someone has reached their switch dose and is able to go down again. This is just logical speculation however since I am not personally a high-dose baclofen user.

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                          #13
                          Bac and emotions

                          I am reading ALL of your posts with awe (I am SO IMPRESSED by your collective intelligence, truly!) :h

                          I will have a better answer to all your posts tomorrow! :l and :h to all of you. I really mean that. You are the only people I open up to. And it means so much to me when I get responses.:h

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Bac and emotions

                            Here's a link to an article that first connected emotions/anxiety and baclofen for me:
                            Thanks, Otter!
                            New Version of an Old Drug Could Treat Autism (and Addiction Too) – TIME Healthland
                            Referred to by the good doc about bac/emotion:

                            Ventral Tegmental Area BDNF Induces an Opiate-Dependent–Like Reward State in Naïve Rats | Science/AAAS

                            And I found this, which is disturbing, and very, very relevant to some of the discussions on other threads re. bac and depression/suicide.

                            Brain-derived neurotrophic factor and suicidal behavior — QJM

                            (Look, Ian, I've learned to copy shortcuts and post just the abstract!)

                            For all that it bores me to tears to read them, I think these two studies are extremely relevant to our pursuit for abstinence and life-long contentedness. Thanks so much for bringing this up serenity. Chrs!
                            K

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                              #15
                              Bac and emotions

                              I recant what I said about this earlier. Bac absolutely does intensify my emotions, just not in the same way that it was with yours, serenity.
                              I saw Black Swan today. Wow, what an intense movie!! It created a hell of a lot of anxiety in me. I chewed a nice line of a welt on the inside of my bottom lip without realizing I was doing it. I was a little bit "off" for awhile afterwards, like I needed to go watch a Disney movie or something to take the edge off!
                              I can't STAND violent things on tv lately. It feels like I internalize all of this stuff and it creates an anxiety-fueled maelstrom inside of me.
                              I guess for me, being bac'd out really is like being stoned! Both situations make me very sensitive to anything even remotely intense or violent.
                              Better Living Through Chemistry

                              Switched at 180mgs of Baclofen on 1/31/11, and again on 10/8/11 at 200mgs.

                              Could've been a swan on a glassy lake, could've been a gull in a clipper's wake. Could've been a ladybug on a windchime, but she was born a dragonfly.
                              ~Clutch

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