Sunny?s Story:
Now that I have over a year of abstinence (Jan 13th) I feel confident that some of you may find encouragement in my story. Some here requested that I post it as a separate thread so here, in brief, goes.
I am a 58 year old professional woman. Divorced (alcohol) mother of 2 grown sons. My first drink was at about age 15 and I knew immediately that I had a problem. Since alcohol abuse ran in my family for at least 3 generations on both sides it was not difficult to tell that I ?had? it as well. I binge drank through the rest of my teen and college years and younger adult years, all the while trying to pretend that I was a social drinker. I tried and to some extent succeeded in drinking around my otherwise fairly successful life. Whenever alcohol was about I wanted it all and felt like a fraud. I felt ashamed. I drank in secret and lied about it to my family. I hid it so well that it took my husband 15 years to ask if I had a problem. Of course I lied again about it then.
In my early 40s my husband had an affair and all the cards of my life came tumbling down. I became seriously depressed and started drinking even more to calm myself down. It worked at first but fairly quickly became much worse. I now was living around my drinking rather than drinking around my life. Over the ensuing 15 years I became more careless and irresponsible. My marriage dissolved, my parents died, my brother died, all of which contributed to a sense of hopelessness.
Along the way I attempted honestly and sincerely to stop. Almost every morning I would steel myself and vow ?Never again?. But often by that afternoon and toward the end even in the mornings I was on the hunt for a quart or more of cheep vodka, visiting several different stores in our area and buying unnecessary groceries so I could get my daily ?fix?. I would often awaken at 3 or 4 in the morning and have to wait a few hours until I could buy my supply for that day. I would play sudoku or do crosswords just trying to make it until 6AM. I knew that if I bought more than a quart I would poison myself but sometimes it wasn?t enough so I drove (under the influence I am sure) for more. I looked and felt awful. I gained about 60 pounds over those 15 years and was on my way to diabetes, I am sure.
I tried an intensive outpatient treatment, AA, RA (the course). I was ready to do almost anything except a long term residential program when I literally stumbled on a clinic in Atlanta where they had a medical outpatient model with intensive therapy, diet, exercise and MEDICINE: Baclofen and Naltrexone.
I took a 2 week leave from my job (which I was about to loose as they knew I was drinking), paid out of pocket and arranged to fly to Atlanta from the west coast. In order to fly and rent a car I had to sober up for a few days prior to the trip. That was a very lucky thing because the day I arrived they put me on baclofen and naltrexone and I haven?t had a drink since the 13th of January 2010. At first I didn?t ?trust? it. I feared it would wear off in time. I followed all the instructions they gave me. They talked with me one on one about 5-6 hours/day for 2 weeks. I stayed at a residential/business motel in the area. They had weird ideas about vitamins and diet but I tried to follow it while I was there. The baclofen made me very sleepy at first and the naltrexone and vitamins made me very nauseated. (I stopped both of those at about a month, they didn?t seem to be helping-the baclofen was the deal for me)
To my surprise they told me that I would remain indifferent to alcohol as long as I kept on the baclofen. To my surprise and delight they were right. I could go to the grocery store, etc and not even consider buying a bottle. It was such a change for me, as even in the past when I had been able to withstand temptation it had never been without a significant internal dialogue and tension.
This drug, for me, was the answer to my situation. I had become alcohol dependent and it provided the relief of craving well enough for me to do what I had been trying to do all my adult life. It has allowed me to be my real self. I am now a trusted mother, friend, and employee. I have been able to start a realistic diet and exercise plan and execute it so well that I have lost 54 pounds since mid June.and went from below average to very good fitness on the treadmill test. I plan to have a celebratory run on my 59th birthday at my goal weight at the end of March.. I have learned so much. I don?t pine for alcohol at all. After tapering up to about 110 mg/day over a few months I stayed thereabouts and then have tapered down to 0-20 at bedtime as much to help me sleep as anything. I guess my brain is no longer alcohol dependent, but whatever my baseline is I am sure that if I drank I would quickly become so again. This is, IMO an actual CURE. If the definition of alcohol dependence is craving then I am cured. I am so grateful and want to share this information with anyone who is having trouble quitting the drink like I had. I got on MWO last spring after being kicked off of the AA online site for talking about baclofen. I am glad I found all of you and wish you all well. My advice. Quit drinking as soon as you can and forget about moderation. I don?t see anyone doing it very successfully and it only increases the chances of a full fledged binge.
Hope this wasn?t too long winded. I will stick around a few more weeks for comments and will happily respond to PMs. Thanks to all who have helped me along the way.
All the best,
Sunny
Now that I have over a year of abstinence (Jan 13th) I feel confident that some of you may find encouragement in my story. Some here requested that I post it as a separate thread so here, in brief, goes.
I am a 58 year old professional woman. Divorced (alcohol) mother of 2 grown sons. My first drink was at about age 15 and I knew immediately that I had a problem. Since alcohol abuse ran in my family for at least 3 generations on both sides it was not difficult to tell that I ?had? it as well. I binge drank through the rest of my teen and college years and younger adult years, all the while trying to pretend that I was a social drinker. I tried and to some extent succeeded in drinking around my otherwise fairly successful life. Whenever alcohol was about I wanted it all and felt like a fraud. I felt ashamed. I drank in secret and lied about it to my family. I hid it so well that it took my husband 15 years to ask if I had a problem. Of course I lied again about it then.
In my early 40s my husband had an affair and all the cards of my life came tumbling down. I became seriously depressed and started drinking even more to calm myself down. It worked at first but fairly quickly became much worse. I now was living around my drinking rather than drinking around my life. Over the ensuing 15 years I became more careless and irresponsible. My marriage dissolved, my parents died, my brother died, all of which contributed to a sense of hopelessness.
Along the way I attempted honestly and sincerely to stop. Almost every morning I would steel myself and vow ?Never again?. But often by that afternoon and toward the end even in the mornings I was on the hunt for a quart or more of cheep vodka, visiting several different stores in our area and buying unnecessary groceries so I could get my daily ?fix?. I would often awaken at 3 or 4 in the morning and have to wait a few hours until I could buy my supply for that day. I would play sudoku or do crosswords just trying to make it until 6AM. I knew that if I bought more than a quart I would poison myself but sometimes it wasn?t enough so I drove (under the influence I am sure) for more. I looked and felt awful. I gained about 60 pounds over those 15 years and was on my way to diabetes, I am sure.
I tried an intensive outpatient treatment, AA, RA (the course). I was ready to do almost anything except a long term residential program when I literally stumbled on a clinic in Atlanta where they had a medical outpatient model with intensive therapy, diet, exercise and MEDICINE: Baclofen and Naltrexone.
I took a 2 week leave from my job (which I was about to loose as they knew I was drinking), paid out of pocket and arranged to fly to Atlanta from the west coast. In order to fly and rent a car I had to sober up for a few days prior to the trip. That was a very lucky thing because the day I arrived they put me on baclofen and naltrexone and I haven?t had a drink since the 13th of January 2010. At first I didn?t ?trust? it. I feared it would wear off in time. I followed all the instructions they gave me. They talked with me one on one about 5-6 hours/day for 2 weeks. I stayed at a residential/business motel in the area. They had weird ideas about vitamins and diet but I tried to follow it while I was there. The baclofen made me very sleepy at first and the naltrexone and vitamins made me very nauseated. (I stopped both of those at about a month, they didn?t seem to be helping-the baclofen was the deal for me)
To my surprise they told me that I would remain indifferent to alcohol as long as I kept on the baclofen. To my surprise and delight they were right. I could go to the grocery store, etc and not even consider buying a bottle. It was such a change for me, as even in the past when I had been able to withstand temptation it had never been without a significant internal dialogue and tension.
This drug, for me, was the answer to my situation. I had become alcohol dependent and it provided the relief of craving well enough for me to do what I had been trying to do all my adult life. It has allowed me to be my real self. I am now a trusted mother, friend, and employee. I have been able to start a realistic diet and exercise plan and execute it so well that I have lost 54 pounds since mid June.and went from below average to very good fitness on the treadmill test. I plan to have a celebratory run on my 59th birthday at my goal weight at the end of March.. I have learned so much. I don?t pine for alcohol at all. After tapering up to about 110 mg/day over a few months I stayed thereabouts and then have tapered down to 0-20 at bedtime as much to help me sleep as anything. I guess my brain is no longer alcohol dependent, but whatever my baseline is I am sure that if I drank I would quickly become so again. This is, IMO an actual CURE. If the definition of alcohol dependence is craving then I am cured. I am so grateful and want to share this information with anyone who is having trouble quitting the drink like I had. I got on MWO last spring after being kicked off of the AA online site for talking about baclofen. I am glad I found all of you and wish you all well. My advice. Quit drinking as soon as you can and forget about moderation. I don?t see anyone doing it very successfully and it only increases the chances of a full fledged binge.
Hope this wasn?t too long winded. I will stick around a few more weeks for comments and will happily respond to PMs. Thanks to all who have helped me along the way.
All the best,
Sunny
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