Indifference.

[Lo0p]

Indifference.

Sorry for being brief my appt. with Dr. L is in 27 minutes

gratitude;1060169 wrote: fuck loop that is intense. made me choke up a bit.
I was in a hotel room in the desert praying ( and I don't really believe in that) after I had thoughts of going head on with an 18 wheeler. I couldn't take it anymore. the - I can't drink anymore and I can't stop. so I pulled off the road and into a motel. of course I was drinking at the time. in the car. fuck. I feel ya brother. and I'm happy for you.
We all have stories like this. I want them all to end the way mine did. They don't :upset: Thank you.

taw;1060139 wrote: Wow! amazing! simply amazing! Thanks Lo0p...you have given me hope again!
Isolde;1060191 wrote: I don't know why I didn't know this. Probably because I'm a literal, word-loving person, and while the graph is pretty and impressive, I didn't get that info. out of it. Which is why I asked over in NE's thread just where the heck you're at with your bac dose now.
Maybe you do have the information (in words!) somewhere around here, but maybe you've been at/around the same dose for so long now that you don't feel the need to keep talking about it. Or maybe I just missed it somehow up until now, which is entirely possible as well.

In any case, glad you are jumping in now that the rest of us are just starting to figure it out. Where was this input as we were all talking about hitting the switch and dropping down to a maintenance dose or when we'd first gotten word that Dr. L was starting to say that the switch IS the maintenance dose? Love the exercise talk and (especially) the Tool talk, but don't forget keeping up with the bac talk - not everyone knows your story. :l

I am forever grateful whenever I can maybe help someone. I always want to but I've been hurt sometimes and I fear greatly that I might hurt someone else. There are things about my journey that I sometimes try keep private because I think they could be dangerous. edit: for now at least

bleep;1060205 wrote: Thanks Lo0p. Some insightful posts. Not always easy to post stuff like that. The light doesn't have to be bright, provided it's there. Which clearly it was...

The faintest lone star, on a never ending night so cold and dark that should have, could have and certainly wanted to be my last, was apparently all I needed. Now, I have this chance to be here, right now, in this body holding me.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Indifference.

Thank you lo0p. That was beautiful and very important.
And you're still paying it forward.
You have my gratitude and my respect.
Karen

[Murphyx]

Indifference.

Fuuuuuuuck Lo0p dude, you're a poet. :thanks:

Do you still get any SEs on that dose after all this time?

[Isolde]

Indifference.

Lo0p;1060222 wrote:
I am forever grateful whenever I can maybe help someone. I always want to but I've been hurt sometimes and I fear greatly that I might hurt someone else. There are things about my journey that I sometimes try keep private because I think they could be dangerous. edit: for now at least

I hear you on that, yours wasn't the easy/normal route to the switch. But you could skip over that part and say something like, "I hit my switch, titrated down and the cravings came back. I had to go back up to my switch dose and maintain it in order to stay AF. Your mileage may vary."

But if you have personal reasons for pulling back at times that you want to contribute, I understand. We don't have that many long term bac-ers that still post regularly on here though, especially any that are still on high doses (which I didn't even know about you). When it comes to information, I get greedy.
In any case, thanks for sharing what you did here.

[Lo0p]

Indifference.

Murphyx;1060263 wrote: Fuuuuuuuck Lo0p dude, you're a poet. :thanks:
Heh. :thanks: to you , but if you're talking about this line:

Lo0p;1060222 wrote: Now, I have this chance to be here, right now, in this body holding me.

I stole that one from my higher power, Maynard James Keenan.

Murphyx;1060263 wrote: Do you still get any SEs on that dose after all this time?

My dose is undergoing some changes right now. Yes I still have SE's but, nothing that bothers me. Can't really expound, well I could but...later maybe..sry.

[bleep]

Indifference.

Hmmmm. Drinking thoughts are fading. I've been on 360 for 3 days now, and plan on staying here for a bit. Reading on the French forum, Alcool, drogues et baclof?ne • drogues-et-baclofene.com (they seem to have more experience than us over here), and they say that the switch comes about after being at a level for a bit. Certainly seems true in my case. I have probably overshot the mark, so will spend the coming months very carefully going down to find my number.

It's a good forum, btw, and worth a look, even if the nuances are lost through Google translate.

I'm glad this little experiment took place, not everyone gets to switch twice!

[Isolde]

Indifference.

bleep;1061711 wrote:
I'm glad this little experiment took place, not everyone gets to switch twice!

You and me, buddy. Alike in more ways than one!

[Grommet]

Indifference.

Very interesting, Bleep. You may have overshot, but it sounds like you will find the right range soon. Drinking thoughts are fading, 'nuff said!

At first I thought you were fluent in French as well as Japanese . Then the Google translate thing...

[beatle]

Indifference.

Lo0p, thank you for all that. Very deep and inspiring. I've been following you (and not as a lurker) for a loong time, but I don't remember your ever sharing much about your life before bac.

You should have had your own thread... but at the time, I guess that was not the happening thing. Somehow the personal blogs started taking off in recent months, but way back when, when we started our journeys, I don't think anyone was doing that.

In retrospect, I wish I'd done one myself -- if nothing else, to keep my own journal.

And unfortunately I didn't do that privately either, so I have no written record of my ups and downs and specific experiences with bac -- or my alcoholic journey, for that matter(except my various posts scattered around other threads).

Also, unfortunately, since my memory is shot thanks to alcohol and bac, I don't remember any of it (or most of it). Sometimes I go back and read my old posts, and not only do I not remember posting them, but sometimes I don't even remember experiencing them.

Another major deterrant was that I figured I'd reach the switch pretty quickly and then come on MWO and start helping others. Little did I know.:upset:

Anyway, I have now shamelessly (or shamefully) hijacked this thread and made it all about me (like Grommit's cat).

Back to you bleep.

I just wanted to mention that your blip was not even a blip on my radar screen.

It just seemed (from the undramatic tone of your post) like an experience that taught you something that was helpful (and helpful to others), and that you were already moving on. Of course, I'm sure it was much more than that... I apologize for not recognizing it as such, but thank you for doing it uch: and sharing it. Same goes for Neva, and many others (Otter's wife is another example).

It shows that while we are getting more and more information on reaching the switch, specifics and experiences about post-switch are scarcer and sorely needed. Like the maintenance dose, which has just become a major topic lately. Even for us pre-switchers, this is of extreme interest.

Maybe a "maintenance dose" thread should be started (or maybe one already has, and I can't remember:hitme? This could be invaluable for those sharing the experiences as well as for others later down the road.

Unfortunately, I am not in a position to start that thread.:upset:

[Bruunhilde]

Indifference.

Hey bleep, watching out for you friend, I know that someday I'll be on that same road and you'll be my advisor here. I'm sorry I can't do more than support you through the hard times. Everyone hiccups, I think testing the process is part of learning to trust the bac process.

Is, agree with all you said back there, and Lo0p, thanks for sharing, I'm like Is, the graphs are interesting and pretty and impressive but they don't tell me the story like your words do. We all put ourselves out here and feel shot down at times, I know I am careful of what I post because looking back, I see what I write (in emails to workmates, friends, etc) do not appear in retrospect the way they felt writing them. They seem much harder, much less intelligent, so now I question myself before I post "is it kind, is it true, and is it necessary". The latter isn't always crucial but the first two are.

Everyone contributed to bleep's thread here to make it a very rich conversation. Bleep, thanks for the link, when I have some energy I'll check it out.

Beatle, I feel the same way, exactly.

[beatle]

Indifference.

(Sorry, I mistakenly deleted this post. It came above Bruunhilde's last post, and she was referring to this post in her last sentence.)

Lo0p, thank you for all that. Very deep and inspiring. I've been following you (and not as a lurker) for a loong time, but I don't remember your ever sharing much about your life before bac.

You should have had your own thread... but at the time, I guess that was not the happening thing. Somehow the personal blogs started taking off in recent months, but way back when, when we started our journeys, I don't think anyone was doing that.

In retrospect, I wish I'd done one myself -- if nothing else, to keep my own journal.

And unfortunately I didn't do that privately either, so I have no written record of my ups and downs and specific experiences with bac (or anything really) -- (except my various posts scattered around other threads).

Also, unfortunately, since my memory is shot thanks to alcohol and bac, I don't remember any of it (or most of it). Sometimes I go back and read my old posts, and not only do I not remember posting them, but sometimes I don't even remember experiencing them.

Another major deterrant was that I figured I'd reach the switch pretty quickly and then come on MWO and start helping others. Little did I know.:upset:

Anyway, I have now shamelessly (or shamefully) hijacked this thread and made it all about me (like Grommit's cat ME ME ME).

Back to you bleep. I just wanted to mention that your blip was not even a blip on my radar screen.

It just seemed (from the undramatic tone of your post) like an experience that taught you something that was helpful (and helpful to others), and that you were already moving on. Of course, I'm sure it was much more than that... I apologize for not recognizing it as such, but thank you for doing ituch: and sharing it. Same goes for Neva, and many others (Otter's wife is another example).

It shows that while we are getting more and more information on reaching the switch, specifics and experiences about post-switch are scarcer and sorely needed. Like the maintenance dose, which has just become a major topic lately. Even for us pre-switchers, this is of extreme interest.

Maybe a "maintenance dose" thread should be started (or maybe one already has, and I can't remember:hitme? This could be invaluable for others later down the road.

Unfortunately, I am not in a position to start that thread.:upset:

[bleep]

Indifference.

You're right beatle, there isn't much post-switch information out there. A lot of that is caused by people disappearing once they are cured, and I'm sure a lot of people don't want to post about boozing after they have posted about hitting the switch. I know I didn't!

When are you going to start your thread? You're making a mountain out of a molehill! Just start it and see where it goes...

[bleep]

Indifference.

Well, indifference is back! Yay. I went up to 450mg's, knowing it's overshooting the mark, but I prefer to hunt for my switch dose from this side of the equation. 450mg's is too much for this man. Somnolence in the evening was oppressive, and when I got my 2 hour sleep in, I didn't change position once, which has severely damaged my shoulder for some reason.

I'll start very cautiously dropping down, 10 mg's a week or so, and see if I can't find my number.

I'm prepared for this number to be a slightly moving number, depending on a variety of factors - weekends, parties, the right bunch of people, etc... I'm sure over time I will gain experience with dosage to counter these sort of situations.

[Guest]

Indifference.

bleep;1063620 wrote: Well, indifference is back! Yay. I went up to 450mg's, knowing it's overshooting the mark, but I prefer to hunt for my switch dose from this side of the equation. 450mg's is too much for this man. Somnolence in the evening was oppressive, and when I got my 2 hour sleep in, I didn't change position once, which has severely damaged my shoulder for some reason.

I'll start very cautiously dropping down, 10 mg's a week or so, and see if I can't find my number.

I'm prepared for this number to be a slightly moving number, depending on a variety of factors - weekends, parties, the right bunch of people, etc... I'm sure over time I will gain experience with dosage to counter these sort of situations.

This is another side effect I've found even at relatively low doses. When I sleep I don't move, and almost every night am waking up with completely unresponsive limbs. Usually hands or whole arms. Something that has only ever happened very rarely in the past even when drinking, maybe once in 5 years!

[bleep]

Indifference.

Ya, it's really horrible UK. Luckily for me, it only happens at 450, and I've tapered off that thankfully.

A really positive piece of news: based on what I've told my shrink about baclofen, he prescribed it to one of his patients who is a chronic pot-head. At 60mg's, the guy reported a positive benefit, and was able to slightly lay off the pipe. At 90mg's he started uncontrollable vomiting, so has had to back off, but I can see my shrink is really getting into this.

Our sessions are spent with me advising him on titration schedules (probably not the best guy in the world to be doing that!) and the like. I'm hoping he finds a piss-head to work on soon! He really believes in the baclofen miracle. Luckily, we had a few sessions before I was cured, so he was able to witness the change.