Indifference.

[bleep]

Indifference.

I am doing a LOT of thinking about booze, for someone who claims indifference, but to me, it's normal. Mostly to do with differentiating between what is habit, and what is a desire to drink. It seems to be habit. Could someone with experience chime in here, were you the same?

Thanks.

[bleep]

Indifference.

Isolde;1048471 wrote:
...
Funny how you would think something called "the switch" would be more of a definitive moment, but for most of us, it's a slow realization.
...

Thanks Is, for me it was an "aha" moment, perhaps because I was in the middle of a glass of wine at the time.

Can't quite believe I celebrated with a cup of tea, really not my style! Or even that stylish, some to think of it! Hadn't really thought to have a bottle of champagne laid out for the moment!

[bleep]

Indifference.

In light of recent developments, Mrs Bleep has cancelled her planned holiday. Second best news I have had in a while!

[seeking_serenity]

Indifference.

Ryan, I am so happy for you, I could just cry! What a wonderful thing to happen for you! I do agree that you should stay at your current dose for a while and even keep going up a little bit to make sure you've hit it. Don't feel the need to titrate down for a while. Still, I just find it a fucking BLESSING and a goddamned miracle! I am so glad to know you've hit it!

bleep;1048500 wrote: I still have no idea how to post multiple people (seeking, I have seen you do this, please let us in on the secret)!

I open the thread into a new tab, so I have the same one open in two distinct tabs. I post my replies on the "old" tab while grabbing quotes from the new one, copying and pasting them as I go. Does that make sense?

:l and :h and :goodjob: to you!

[bleep]

Indifference.

Thanks seeking. I cried, give it a whirl, for any reason! A happy cry though. Cry because it's not Monday anymore.

How was that?

Thanks for the multiple quote thing, I feel a bit stupid now, it's quite obvious now.

[seeking_serenity]

Indifference.

bleep;1048564 wrote: Thanks seeking. I cried, give it a whirl, for any reason! A happy cry though. Cry because it's not Monday anymore.

How was that?

Thanks for the multiple quote thing, I feel a bit stupid now, it's quite obvious now.

That was fantastic! And there are plenty of reasons for the happy tears. I was so worried about you for a while there. Most of us were worried about you. I just feel so happy and proud that you've hit it! :h

[Toro]

Indifference.

bleep;1048508 wrote: I am doing a LOT of thinking about booze, for someone who claims indifference, but to me, it's normal. Mostly to do with differentiating between what is habit, and what is a desire to drink. It seems to be habit. Could someone with experience chime in here, were you the same?.

I'd still think about it alot, simply because it was such a big part of my life, but I could do so rationally and see that a bit of temporary pleasure from booze was worth absolutely nothing to me when compared to how I valued my family and health. Now I replace that time with weights, walks, family time, movies and food and feel brilliant, the weightlifting also gives me an easy excuse in public and with friends to say no to a drink.

I'm still an alcoholic, just one who has been given back his freedom of choice, personally I wouldn't risk giving alcohol any chance to sneak its way back in by thinking I'm capable of just being a 'social' drinker.

[37degrees]

Indifference.

I think the overwhelming evidence is that moderation for an alcoholic is an unstable condition - it settles into either abstinence or return to heavy drinking. (I don't mean just drinking one glass of champagne during your daughter's wedding - unless you have 10 daughters all getting married soon.)

[tiptronic_ct]

Indifference.

Excellent stuff, Ryan!

You raise a question about people still thinking about AL after the switch: yes, it happens. Even now, after almost a year and a 1/2. For me, it was the social aspect and the feeling of fitting in without social anxiety etc. You also mention saying goodbye to a very good friend: absolutely spot-on!

Given enough time, our thought patterns do start adjusting. Mr. G (Guitarista) expresses it very well: gratitude thinking rather than deprivation thinking. AL loses it's grip (the one it has over and above physical addiction).

[beatle]

Indifference.

aw bleep... you left me out hanging here. I thought we were supposed to be buddies :no:

Just kidding, now you can be yet another mentor to me (the more the better).

I am so happy for you. And your new life. And your wife and son. Your life has just begun.
:banana:

[bleep]

Indifference.

beatle, I am busy composing an email to you at the moment, but I'd already sent several PM's and an email with no response! What's happening, please let me know?

Thank you!

[beatle]

Indifference.

I have written to you, bleep, but I guess my messages aren't getting through

[bleep]

Indifference.

Sorted beatle, sorry for the mix-up

[bleep]

Indifference.

I have been asked a couple of questions about my switch, so will respond here.

I have hesitated to post this, because I can hear people saying "look at him, says he has hit his switch, yet carries on drinking!" I've never moderated my posts though, and this is no time to start, so here goes.

For me the switch was a moment, but I think that's because I happened to be drinking a glass of wine at the time, so it was obvious. I suddenly thought "hey, a cup of tea would be nicer." Of course, I've thought that before, but I've never acted on it. One more glass and the urge to drink tea passes, normally.

I had a bad situation today in the office, and was (justifiably) shouting at an employee we have been trying to fire for some time. I was shaking with anger, and driving home, decided to get pissed. Fuck the switch, I thought. I was disappointed, but what is, is. Anyway, I got home, poured a glass, and over the next hour (normal pace is about 15 minutes) I drank it. Poured another. I ran out of steam half way through it and made a cup of tea. Just couldn't be bothered to finish it and get on with getting drunk. Despite wanting to. I'm on my 5th cup of tea so far. It's real, the switch. Thankfully. I don't quite believe it.

Yesterday, Mrs Bleep and I went out for dinner, and I ordered a glass of wine. It tasted really good, and I thought "fuck, I've declared too soon." Same story. By the end of the first glass I was bored and didn't order another, despite Mrs Bleep tucking them away next to me. I had water, because it tasted nicer.

I'm finding it hard to differentiate between drinking thoughts, and thinking about drinking, if that makes sense. My drinking thoughts are thoughts I used to have, whereas thinking about drinking is something I think is normal, and is occupying a lot of time. Understandably so, it occupied a lot of my time previously.

I hesitated to post about the switch because I wasn't sure, but over the next couple of days, the feeling just solidified in my head, of freedom and calmness. That prick of an employee ruined my zen a bit today, but I'll get over it. I think the drinking triggers are always there, and certainly initially it's easy to surrender. I'm so certain of my switch that I don't care about surrendering to them, because there's no follow through.

Moderation was and is my goal, so this behavior doesn't seem alarming to me, am I being unreasonable here?

Sorry if this post rambles a bit, it's a response to a couple of PM's.

[Bruunhilde]

Indifference.

Congrats Bleep, I think you're doing amazingly, thank you for sharing.

And LOL regarding "Mrs Bleep" hahahahaha, I loved that.