Indifference.

[redhead77]

Indifference.

Bleep,
I'm getting worried about you. You always tell us when you go away. What's up?

[ik1966]

Indifference.

:upset::upset::upset:

we miss you!!!!
heard alot about you!!!

[bleep]

Indifference.

Sorry gang - I went away on a business trip, and managed to find the world's last guest house with no internet. It was an extremely hectic trip, so couldn't find an internet cafe either.

Gym was delayed so I just had my first session today. I can barely lift my arms. What a truly horrible experience.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Indifference.

:H

Glad you're bac. As I said to you offline, DON'T EVER GO AWAY AGAIN. please.

HA! You just wait, brother. If you can't lift your arms now, tomorrow is going to be excruciating.

That said, I'm not a big fan of the no pain, no gain mantra, in general. (there is no gain without a little bit of uncomfortableness, say the same kind of thing you might feel when you're hiking up a mountain with your home on your bac. but the pain? overrated, imho.) Lo0p'll be along shortly, I'm sure, to set the record straight if i'm wrong.

I'm going bac to bed now that I can breath again.
xxoo
Ne

[RudyB]

Indifference.

ne, why couldn't you breathe?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Indifference.

Not literally, Rudy. I was worried about Bleep.

[redhead77]

Indifference.

I am so relieved to see you're alive Bleep. When I looked this moring and saw Ne's name as the last post, my heart kind of dropped. I thought, if he's still not here, something is REALLY wrong. My mind was going through all the terrible things that could have happened to you, in your remote part of the world. :upset: Wild animals, bandits, pirates (jk, I don't think you live on a coast). Or, I thought you may have done some new experiment on yourself, and you landed on life support in the ICU. I can breath now too. I second what Ne said. Don't ever go away again. If you do, tell us first. Sending you a rescue squad would be mighty difficult.

[bleep]

Indifference.

Thanks Red and Ne!

I think if anything does me in, it will be some ill conceived experiment. Yet again I thought I could get away with a sub 300mg dose, and so was lurking at 250mg's. I must say I felt great, no SE's at all, which is such a pleasant thing. 300mg's is a really painful dose for me for some reason. Anyway, I was doing super, but was celebrating last night, it being a Friday and all, and got hammered. I feel so bad today, it is just not funny. Baclofen has given me terrible hangovers, I used to be fine on that front

Mrs Bleep is pissed off - she was unaware I was below 300mg's, and doesn't understand why I keep trying to go lower, because every time I do, the results are boringly predictable. To be honest, I don't either. Well, I do - the SE's are grim. Also, at 300mg's I also see a return of the dreaded lack of fruition, a most upsetting SE. I suppose I will just have to put up with it until I get used to it. I've tried going up further than 300, but it doesn't really seem to be helping.

What is annoying is that at 250mg's, I felt pretty indifferent. There was however a good reason to celebrate, and I forced a couple of drinks down. Bang, and that was me. Once I had a few, it was the return of 69, and stopping never even occurred to me. This simply reinforces my abstinence theory and increased dose because because of moderation, and also makes me wonder, more and more, if it's worth it. I enjoy not drinking and feeling good. I hate this hungover feeling. I'm pretty sure I had a couple of cigarettes last night as well, more's the pity.

This whole cycle of taking too little baclofen and getting pissed is really starting to bore me. 300mg's it is.

[beatle]

Indifference.

Ne/Neva Eva;1125536 wrote: :...I'm not a big fan of the no pain, no gain mantra, in general. (there is no gain without a little bit of uncomfortableness, say the same kind of thing you might feel when you're hiking up a mountain with your home on your bac. but the pain? overrated, imho.) Lo0p'll be along shortly, I'm sure, to set the record straight if i'm wrong.

I agree. 'No pain no gain' is indeed a mantra, quite overused, with little merit for many, because it discourages many from exercising. Who wants to take on pain? Especially what alcoholic wants to take on (more) pain?

That said, there are ways to exercise without pain-- or maybe very shortlived pain?

Anyway, I use the superslow resistance training method. It means doing resistance training super slow. Or guess that was kind of obvious? .

It has been a deal breaker for me in terms of exercise.

Even if I continued to be the svelt 44kg emaciated alcoholic I once was, I could have done with some of this superslow stuff.

[Murphyx]

Indifference.

beatle;1126317 wrote: I agree. 'No pain no gain' is indeed a mantra, quite overused, with little merit for many, because it discourages many from exercising. Who wants to take on pain? Especially what alcoholic wants to take on (more) pain?A self-loathing one, who wants to punish themselves?

beatle;1126317 wrote: Even if I continued to be the svelt 44kg emaciated alcoholic I once was, I could have done with some of this superslow stuff.

Cripes, that's less than 7 stone. Assuming you aren't 3 foot tall, emaciated indeed. Why do so many alcoholics forego food, when I just overdid everything...except exercise.

[beatle]

Indifference.

Murphyx;1126414 wrote: A self-loathing one, who wants to punish themselves?


Cripes, that's less than 7 stone. Assuming you aren't 3 foot tall, emaciated indeed. Why do so many alcoholics forego food, when I just overdid everything...except exercise.

Well, I was normally 48kg for most of my adult life, which was fairly normal for my sleight build (I'm 165 cm -- about 5'4" -- ftr, and not a midget by any means -- oops, that was probably very un-PC).

So I was always a lightweight, minus the brain part of my body, lol. :H

[Murphyx]

Indifference.

5'4" and 105lbs sounds positively wispy to me. I expect the only thing stopping you being carried away by a light breeze is your enormous brain.

[bleep]

Indifference.

I have realised why I keep trying my luck with titrating down all the time - 300mg's fucks with my head at the moment. On the way up, 300, 400 even 500mg’s made me feel great - weird at times, but generally cool. Biggest head fuck of my life, and while I wouldn't do it again, I'm glad to have done it once. This time around, every day by sunset I feel fucked, I'm tired, I want to go to bed but when I do I sleep for only two hours, blah blah cry me a river. It sucks though, and it's no way to live. I've thought about coming off baclofen entirely, but then I see what happens on merely a low dose... I'd forgotten what a crap way to live it is. I could never return to the way I was before, especially knowing that an alternative exists.

I know 100% though, that if someone came to the forums whining like this, I'd tell him to go up, or relax until he adjusted. But it doesn't seem to be working. The worst SE I have is a complete dead feeling in the groin, I haven't had a decent shag in weeks, and that makes me want to cry and cry. It’s not sag knob in the classic sense, more just a can’t-be-bothered knob, which is even worse. Nah, that’s not right either – maybe 10%-feeling-knob. Not a very catchy name, but probably the most accurate. Perhaps TMI, sorry about that.

Discussions with other people have led me to believe that it may be due to my cavalier attitude to dosing that has led me to here. In my quest for the perfect dose for me, I have sometimes altered my dose by as much as 150mg’s from day to day. While this hasn’t made me feel odd at the time, it may be affecting a long-term stability, so my goal now is to sit as steady as possible on 300mg’s taken in small, regular doses all through the day, for at least 2 weeks, and see how that makes me feel. If there are still grim SE’s after that, then I’ll reassess.

One thing that is a little grim about being on a 300mg maintenance dose is the cost here in Zimbabwe. I managed to purchase a whole month’s supply of baclofen today, an unheard of luxury for me. It cost a whopping $530, none of which is claimable on medical aid. There is a real rant there, but I’ll save it for another time.

[Murphyx]

Indifference.

Bleepster, I'm with you on all the above. I'm sticking around on 250 for about another week and then I'm going to follow the French forum protocol and drop 10mgs (or 12.5 in my case because I use 25mg tabs) every week. Slow and steady. Softly, softly catchee monkey.

That price is a nightmare, man. At first I wondered what you were whining about with the $530 but then I remembered you guys use USD now and not the Zim dollars which had an exchange rate of exactly Z$3.82 gazillion to 1 penny :H. I thought I had it bad having to pay US$200 equivalent. You've got to try to sort something out. Have you looked into the idea of bringing in a suitcase full of bac from an appropriate country? Or better still, pay some poor slob to bring it in for you, just in case.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Indifference.

Yeah, I'm sort of with you two, too. i can't relate to some of it, for obvious reasons, but 220mg is not my friend. I mean, it's the only thing that matters, but it makes me very uncomfortable. And is not very conducive to my goals, frankly, because, for instance, i was painting my kitchen and realized that I could not keep my eyes open for another minute. Not. Another. Minute. you know the feeling.

So I laid down for a quickie bac-nap. You know the kind, 20 minutes restores you to previous energy levels, and I woke two hours later to dry paint and a ruined paint brush. grrrrr.

I've got headaches again, and some other stuff, too. It's just not really sustainable. So another day or two for me at 220mg and then down by 20mg for a while. I'm going to "listen to my body," and add the mind into the mix. If the mind wants a beer, I'll have to use my newfound executive decision maker, the one that Sunnyvalenting kept reminding us that we have lo those many months ago, and just. not. drink. And maybe go bac up? :H

Anyway. I feel your pain, above the waist at least.

But bleepster, why stay some place that punishes you for two whole weeks? It's my impression, correct me if I'm wrong, that you've jumped around quite a bit. Maybe 290mg or 280mg will be more comfortable and as effective? I dunno. Just askin.

Then again, as we all know well, sometimes being on high-dose-bac is just plain hard. But worth every minute, in the long run. That's why we do it. It's analogous (synonymous? :H nope.) to chemotherapy for the cancer patient, right?

And come to think of it, I haven't eaten anything since my lentils for breakfast (damn vegetarians) except a Snickers and some High Fructose Corn Syrup in a soda can. It was a VERY busy day and a rather tumultuous last 24 hours. I think I'm just exhausted. I'd love to just walk away from the kitchen, order a pizza and watch some tv. (I have about 7000 hours of my favorite show recorded) and zone out.

But that's not how my sobriety works, these days. Maybe I'm scared the old Me will show up and I'll forget the Ne. But whatever.

zooom zzooooooo
m
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Love,
Ne